


Stories from East Portlemouth Prep - Year Four

by aforgetfulgirl, hangonsilvergirl



Series: The Order of Weed [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Activism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Consensual Underage Sex, Death Eaters, Explicit Sexual Content, MWPP Era, Marauders, Multi, Swearing, Teacher-Student Relationship, Teen Pregnancy, Underage Drinking, Vandalism, no magic, smoking weed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-08
Updated: 2014-07-09
Packaged: 2018-02-07 23:12:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 112,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1917615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aforgetfulgirl/pseuds/aforgetfulgirl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/hangonsilvergirl/pseuds/hangonsilvergirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A magic-less AU featuring the Marauders as prep school students in the modern day, involved in an underground activist organization that fights against the megalomaniac Tom Riddle, a fashion designer with questionable business practices.</p><p>If it sounds ridiculous, it's because it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Decisions, Decisions (September 4th, 2005)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Lucius' hidden depths remain hidden, and Narcissa is a sneaky little actress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI: This story was originally posted on a Livejournal between 2005 & 2008\. I am posting it here mostly so that it doesn't get eaten. I am copying it word for word, no edits. It is not particularly accurate for Briticisms and etc., and is nonsensical in some cases, but we loved it to pieces. Please don't take it seriously, it's honestly a gaff that got out of hand. For three years. :D

Lucius sat in his personal rooms, at his desk, staring into space. It was a moment of realization, a moment of decision, and (to anyone who had any inkling as to what would be happening in said room within the following 20 minutes) something rather profound.

"I," he said to no one, "am insane."

This statement, however, was not his realization. It had been _exactly_ two years, to the day, that his affair with Narcissa Black had began. Two years of sin, two years of pedophilia, two years of rape. It wasn't a matter of it being consensual or not, but everything that went up had to come down, and when it did... if it did, Lucius would be doomed.

It was during this realization that Lucius made a decision. While willpower did not exist within the confines of East Portlemouth Prep, beyond it Lucius could be free of such labels. A free man.

He sighed. The only thing standing in the way, was love. As he did love her, more than anything he had loved in his life.

But it just couldn't go on.

In a different wing of the school, Narcissa was having very different thoughts indeed. She hummed to herself as she slicked on some shimmering pink lip gloss, smoothing invisible wrinkles out of her skirt. Her long, fine, white blonde hair was loose and free as Lucius liked it and she knew she looked good. She always looked good for him. She dropped her lip gloss into her purse and left her room, making her way to his private rooms. She was glad his rooms were a little offset from the other professors; it made it less likely for her to get caught. Reaching her destination, she cast a quick look around before letting herself in and closing the door softly behind her. She saw him sitting at his desk with his back to her and she approached him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

"Every time I see you lately it just reminds me how much I missed you over the summer," she breathed, biting his earlobe gently.

Lucius jumped slightly even though he had heard the door open and close. He did not respond immediately, merely indulged his senses, taking in the scent of her cherry shampoo, and the lingering femininity of her perfume. She always smelled this way and it was always wonderful.

He didn't want to do this. He really, _really_ didn't.

Unwillingly, he sighed. "Cissa," he began quietly, "we need to talk."

"About what, Lucius? I didn't get the impression that you wanted me to come here so we could talk," Narcissa purred, snaking one hand down his chest, leaning so she could reach his lap and brazenly dropping her hand there.

"But if you want to talk, by all means," she added, lowering her other hand to his crotch as well and beginning to undo his belt. After popping open the button and easing one hand inside, flush against his skin, she pressed her mouth once more to his ear. "What did you want to talk about?"

Lucius shivered. Narcissa's hands were cool in contrast to the heat in his trousers, and his cocked lurched into her hand. No, he didn't want to talk. Yes, he would much rather that Cissa's hand stay where it was and continue what it was beginning to do while he was trying to register his thoughts.

Swallowing, and using all the willpower he could muster, he drew her hand from his trousers and stood, re-buttoning them. "We need to talk about this," he said, turning to face her. "This affair."

"This is more than an affair," Narcissa said, taking a step towards him and wrapping her arms around his neck. "We love each other."

Lucius sighed sadly. "I know," he said. "But it's been two years Cissa. And so far we've been lucky. I've been lucky. If we were to be caught it would be detrimental to my career." He pulled her arms down and turned away, walking toward the window.

"At the end of this year, when you graduate, this will have to end. You must understand."

"Do you really want to teach here for the rest of your life?" Narcissa asked sharply. "You could teach somewhere else, and then we could be together."

She took a tentative step toward him, resting a hand gently on his lower back, her voice softening. "You still love me, don't you? We're good together, we're happy. Don't ruin that."

"Narcissa, love... love does not conquer all. Sometimes we must do what is needed, not what is wanted. I _need_ this job. I _need_ this security. In order to maintain that I _need_ the respect of my peers, and I will not have this if, as soon as you are finished school, we 'begin' a relationship. I am 10 years your senior!"

Lucius was exasperated with sadness. While the words coming from his mouth were logic, he didn't believe them at all. He hated himself for saying them and wanted nothing more than to take them back.

Narcissa felt stung and cold. She withdrew her hand and took a step away from him. "You don't even want to try? You don't think I'm worth even that much after two years? You don't just throw away love, Lucius."

Lucius wanted to hold her. Lucius wanted to kiss her. Lucius wanted to do... to say anything but what was about to come out of his mouth.

"Sometimes, you have no choice."

"You always have a choice," she said softly, feeling as though he was tearing out her heart. And then, she considered her own words. She had a choice too. She could choose to let him go, or she could choose to do something about it.

Narcissa chose to do something about it.

"I've got to go to the loo, I'll be right back," she said shortly and quickly let herself in to his private bath. She locked the door behind her and took a couple of very deep breaths.

As she left, suddenly, Lucius raised an eyebrow. Women were, always had been, and always would be unpredictable and confusing. Narcissa more so most of the time.

Thinking that perhaps she did not need to, well, you know, Lucius knocked tentatively on the door. "Cissa? Are you quite all right?"

"I'm fine, Lucius. I just need a moment," she replied, intentionally making her voice shake, hoping he'd assume she was crying and feel guilty. He should feel guilty. If Narcissa were the type, she would have been really upset by his attempt to break up with her.

Instead, she turned on the tap and set her purse on the counter, opening it and unzipping the smallest, most inconspicuous compartment it had. She pulled out a small package labelled Alesse and systematically popped each small pill into the toilet. Stuffing the empty package back into the zippered compartment of her purse, Narcissa fiddled with her hair for a moment and dabbed at her eyes just enough to make them look a little bit red before smiling wickedly at herself in the mirror.

She turned off the water and opened the door, looking up into the waiting face of Lucius, seeming for all purposes and appearances quite sad indeed.

Lucius' fake, glazed exterior blanched at the sight of Narcissa, uncharacteristically wet at the eyes and looking as though life had lost all meaning. Narcissa never cried. _Never_.

Lucius knew nothing before his arms had wrapped themselves around her and pulled her close to his body. "Please don't cry Cissa. Please." He didn't know what else to say.

"It's okay, I understand. I would never want to cause problems for you. Just... let me have this year? Once I graduate, I won't bother you again, I promise," she whispered, pressing herself against him just the right way.

Lucius felt nauseated when the words came out of her mouth. That was it. This was it.

This would be it.

He kissed the top of her head. "Of course Cissa. I want to hold onto you for as long as I can."

She wrapped her arms around him, one hand sliding up to tangle in his hair. "Then let's make it count," she said breathily, kissing him passionately on the mouth.

Where the smell of her was intoxicating, the taste of her was overwhelming, and Lucius was not a man to refuse such a request. He slid a hand into her hair, devouring her lips with a hunger that had taken him over. They stumbled, kiss never breaking, toward the nearest clear space of wall, which he pushed her against.

Narcissa arched her back, tightening her grip around his shoulders as she lifted her legs to wrap them around his waist. She could never get enough of him, never. Every time felt like that first, delicious time two long years ago. The excitement never went away. She shared his hunger and soon enough, kissing wasn't enough.

She began to undo the buttons of his shirt, gasping insatiably, "I want you inside of me. I want to feel you inside of me."

Lucius wanted to be inside her, so much that he was almost desperate. His lips returned to hers as he stumbled toward his bed. He lowered himself onto it slowly, not wanting to lose his balance, and once sitting, slid eager hands under her shirt, breaking the kiss to pull it off.

Narcissa pushed his undone shirt off of his shoulders and reached to unfasten his trousers, pushing them down his thighs along with his boxers. She leaned up to meet his mouth again with hers, crashing together halfway between in a heady mix of pain and pleasure. She felt him undo her bra and drop it to the floor. She hooked her arms around his neck and leaned back, letting him look at her.

Narcissa, Lucius felt, was the most perfectly curved woman in existence. He bent his head and sucked each nipple, kneading the opposite breast.

Narcissa moaned a little, but then quickly pulled away. She got off of his lap and stood in front of him, ghosting delicate fingers over her own nipples as she watched him. She ran her hands over her body and dropped them to her skirt, unzipping it and shimmying out. She had lost her shoes a while ago, probably while her legs were wrapped around him, but still had her socks on. She planted a foot squarely on his thigh, wiggling her toes against his naked erection as she rolled the knee-high sock down and pulled it off, shifting to do the same to the other leg. Then she stood in front of him, close but not close enough to touch, and stuck her hand inside her underwear, feeling herself with one hand and raising the other to her mouth, sucking on her little finger.

Lucius breathing had gotten heavy, and his erection was twitching. Not being able to stand the teasing anymore, he reached for her, pulling her toward him so that she was standing with her crotch to his face. He could smell her tangy sweetness and stroked her through her panties.

Narcissa gently pushed his hands away. "Lie down in the middle of the bed," she breathed, slowly stepping out of her underwear. He did as she asked, and she quickly moved to climb on top of him. She straddled his waist, leaning down for a hungry kiss before sitting and positioning them, sliding fast onto him. "Finally," she breathed, feeling complete.

There were many different incarnations of their love, and right now it was very, very sexual. Narcissa was smart, she knew that today would not be the day, but next time, or the time after. She was doing this for love; he would realize that in the end.

Lucius half gasped when she pushed herself onto him, indulging in the familiar feeling of her surrounding his cock. He rested a hand on either side of her waist, holding her firmly, lifting her as she rode him.

"You are beautiful, Cissa," he told her passionately.

She smiled down at him. "I know," she breathed. "So are you."

She rolled her hips in circles as she slid up and down on him. They were in love and they would always be in love. So of course they would always be together. She knew he wanted it too. She threw her head back and moaned.

Narcissa was captivating. Lucius couldn't take his eyes off of her form, moaning himself. She did that to him. She took him over. He belonged to her.

He didn't know if, when the time came, he would be able to get away.

Lucius bucked his hips, pushing into her. Familiar sensations were emerging and he knew he wouldn't last much longer.

Narcissa tensed her muscles around him, rolling her hips more quickly. "Lucius," she sang, tilting her head to smile down at him. "Lucius, my love..."

She felt the muscles in her stomach and thighs coil then, and she struggled to keep moving. She knew it wouldn't be long, this orgasm would hit fast and hard and it would be desperate and victorious.

Lucius groaned, trying to restrain himself from coming until Narcissa had. "Come for me Cissa," he begged, "please, come for me."

His smooth voice washed over her and she leaned forward, placing a hand square in the centre of his chest, digging her fingernails in. "Anything for you, Lucius," she breathed, swivelling her hips once more before crying out her pleasure, feeling it deep into her bones.

As she tightened around him, Lucius allowed himself to come, his orgasm hitting him in waves as he spilled inside of her. Breathing heavily, sweating slightly, he gradually became aware of a slight stinging on his chest where her fingernails were resting.

"I do love you," he said.

She collapsed on top of him, pressing a small kiss to his jaw. They seemed to fit together nicely, even though he was quite a bit taller than her. She felt his arm curl around her and she smiled.

"I know. I love you too. I will love you forever," she breathed in response.

Forever. The word almost didn't register in Lucius' mind. But now, now he didn't care. Now it didn't matter. Now the only thing that mattered was the feeling of her in his arms, the comfort he gained from her love, and the love he had for her.

Forever, he decided, tightening his hold of her slightly, was not today.


	2. House Sitting (October 22nd, 2005)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Gideon and Blondie do not agree, Sirius insists that he did not sign on for babies, and Remus makes a mental note to wash Fabian's sheets.

"When! I met you in the restaurant," Fabian sang. "You! Could tell I was no debutant. You asked me what's my pleasure, a movie or a measure. I'll have a cup of tea and tell you I like dreaming. Dreaming is free. Dreaming, dreaming is free."

Fabian and Gideon were waiting for the ferry to come in and spit Sirius and Remus off of it, and since it was Fabian's turn to pick a CD, he'd put in Blondie and turned it up extra loud, singing at the top of his lungs with all the windows down. It was a surprisingly balmy day for October, and Fabian was in a fantastic mood (he just _loved_ London and all it's pretty, sparkly gay clubs for dancing in), though with the music--and Fabian--being so loud, he wasn't sure Gideon was quite so happy.

"I! Don't want to live on charity--"

"For fucks' sake!" Gideon said loudly, reaching for the volume. "Play it if you _must_ but for the sake of my sanity stop _singing_ it!"

"A little stressed, Gid?" Fabian asked mock-seriously, unable to stop smiling for long. "What's got your knickers in such terrible twists?"

"Blondie!" Gideon replied. "Blondie and little brothers who imitate divas from 1984!"

Fabian just laughed and switched it to The Tide is High. "I'm not imitating. I'm just singing. Relax, will you? We've got a weekend away, and we should have fun. Oh look! The foot passengers are starting to get off."

His arm slung around Remus' shoulder in what he hoped was chummy way, Sirius waved at Gideon and Fabian as the two approached the van, grinning. He and Remus had (similarly to their agreement at the end of the summer, before Sirius had been a prat and smacked Remus on the bum one morning at breakfast) agreed to keep their relationship mum until they'd gauged a few reactions. Gideon and Fabian having a problem with it was laughable, but they didn't know how much Gideon and Fabian would approve of the two of them using their basement as a "romantic" getaway.

"Hello," Remus said with a smile, raising his voice to speak over the music coming from the infamous Prewett Brothers Van. He shifted his weekend bag a little higher on his shoulder and purposefully brushed his fingers against Sirius' side before putting a little more space between them. He and Sirius both knew that Gideon and Fabian would likely just roll their eyes and say something like "About bloody time!" if they knew Remus and Sirius had gotten together, but all the same, Remus liked the idea of coming out _slowly_. It was less of a system shock, and everyone really close to them knew already anyway.

eaching to turn it down a little more, Fabian answered, "Hey mates. Hop on in. We've got to get on the road, so we'll just drop you off at the house and leave you with the keys. If you have any questions, you can ask them on the way."

The two climbed in, Sirius shimmying purposefully behind the drivers’ seat so he could irritate Gideon as they drove. "First off," he said, punching at the back of the seat, lightly at first, then harder as Remus slid the door shut and Gideon started to pull out of the car park, "What's for eats?"

"Fuck off, Sirius, or we'll make you walk," Gideon said testily.

"Now, now, boys," Fabian chastised, turning around in the passenger seat to share a smile with Remus. "You can eat anything that's in our part of the house, but if you use anything up, you're to write it down on a list and leave it on the fridge so we know to buy it. Oh, and Molly's left baked goods upstairs for you. They're all wrapped up nice so they'll stay fresh and there's a note tacked to the top what likely tells you all the other food she's left for you. She's always thought you were both too skinny, and when I told her you'd be staying too, Remus, she went and looked up all sorts of diabetes friendly recipes, the coot."

Blushing, Remus mumbled, "Oh, ah. I'll be sure to leave a thank you note."

Sirius grinned. "She's a wonder, you know, Molly. I've yet to fathom how she manages those hoards of nappy-covered babies, her husband and you two. And imagine, looking out to us as well! I'll have to send her a fruit basket. Or... a box of formula or something. Doesn't she have a newborn?"

"Two of them, actually. They ended up with twins. And she's already got another one started! I don't know how she does it. Mum loves all the grandchildren, of course, but it's got to be hard on Molly to be pregnant all the bloody time," Fabian said, and despite his casual mannerisms, there was an underlying sort of worry there. A worry that Molly had many times assured him was completely baseless but one that nonetheless remained.

"Wow," Remus said, awed. "So she's got five now, and another one the way? That's... amazing."

"That's insanity," Sirius added. "I don't think I'd be able to have five in a span of ten years, let alone _five_. She really hasn't stopped. There must be an underlying goal, or something."

Gid and Fay smiled at each other and answered simultaneously, "A girl."

"That's why they're pumping out so many?" Sirius questioned incredulously. "Insanity," he repeated.

"Agreed!" Fabian said brightly. "And you don't really understand _how_ completely insane Mols and Arthur are until you sit in a room with _all of their children_. However, we're almost home and have gotten very off topic. Any other questions?"

"They haven't accidentally left one behind, have they? Because that wasn't part of the agreement," Sirius said.

Remus laughed as Fabian just turned around in his seat again to wiggle his eyebrows in response. "You don't have any fish we need to feed or anything, do you? Or... garbage we need to take out on a specific day? There aren't garbage days on weekends, are there? Oh, and have you got any contact information in case something happens and we need to get in touch?"

"Remus, Remus, Remus. I'm so glad there'll be _someone_ sensible in the house," Fabian said, chuckling.

Sirius pouted. "Hey! I'm sensible! I'm just more selective about my sensibilities!"

Gideon smirked. "In that you use them... never?"

"Well. He uses them sometimes. He brought me along, didn't he?" Remus said, smiling a secret sort of smile in Sirius' direction.

Sirius bit his lip and winked, and the lack of verbal response caused Gideon to ask, "What's wrong, Sirius? No proper adjectives to use against what Remus just said?"

Sirius just shrugged. "When he's right, he's right. And besides, I can't cook, and he makes sandwiches and tea at an hourly rate. How is that possibly _un_ -sensible on my part?"

"So you're using the man for your own selfish gain, I see how it is," Fabian quipped as they pulled up to the house. "And to answer your questions, Remus, no pets, no garbage day, and there should be a print out of our hotel reservations somewhere downstairs. Likely by the computer. If not, you know our cell phone numbers. Try not to call, though, as roaming fees are totally ridiculous."

"Of course. I just meant in case of an emergency," Remus said as he and Sirius climbed out of the van.

"Keys!" Fabian said through the open window and tossed them in Sirius' direction. "The one with the duct tape on it is for our entrance. It'll also unlock the inside door to the upstairs. The other one is for the main door into Molly's part of the house. Be good, kids!"

"Orgy it is then!" Sirius announced, and waved them off. As soon as they were down the street, and he and Remus were at the side door, Sirius shoved him roughly against it and waggled his eyebrows.

Remus laughed and sounded only a little nervous as he joked, "Can't even wait until we're inside, Sirius? I'm flattered to know you're so overcome with thoughts of me."

"Overcome?" Sirius quipped. "You underestimate me, Moony old fellow. You _are_ my thoughts."

 _Perhaps nervous wasn't the right thing to be feeling at the moment_ , Remus thought idly as he leaned in and kissed Sirius. There were far better things to feel than nervous. "I think you should unlock the door now, Sirius."

Sirius did so reluctantly, stepping inside and heading down the stairs to Gideon and Fabian's basement suite. They'd both been here a million times over the last few years, and nothing was unfamiliar. Sirius flicked on a light. "So," he said absently, heading over the computer desk where, indeed, sat the Prewett's hotel information. "What do you want to do today?"

"I don't know," Remus said, shrugging as he settled himself in his favourite chair (a huge yellow squishy thing that was absolutely hideous, but very, very comfortable). "They did say we were welcome to their weed."

"We're alone in the Prewett's place, and you want to smoke weed?" Sirius raised his eyebrows. "I expected better from you Remus Lupin, even if you are known in most circles as 'Mr. Studious.' Not that weed is studious, but I'm sure you know what I'm getting at."

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I was under the impression that you _liked_ smoking weed," Remus said. Smiling cheekily, he added, "Let me try again. We can smoke weed and then make out?"

"Make out!" Sirius exclaimed. "Making out is all well and good, but now's the time to take off our trousers! Do a naughty dance! Skip straight to part two!"

Remus rolled his eyes and reached out, grabbing Sirius by his front trouser pockets and tugging until he had a lapful of Sirius. Resting his hands on Sirius' thighs, Remus said softly, "You talk too much, Padfoot."

"I have to make up for your lack of never talking about the things we've already talked about, like when we started this whole friends become friends who mack on each other and then... then it all follows a trail of questionable actions and BIG IMPORTANT DECISIONS, and we all know how those conversations go with you, Moony, because you've always got to sit back and analyze it, right?"

Sirius had slept with many people. Sex, to Sirius, was not a big deal in the slightest. In fact, sex was meaningless in most respects, primarily for pleasure and often for something to do. But being with Remus that way? It became something completely different. Something outrageously intimidating.

Something _important_.

And that's why his nerves were all over the place, as was his mind and, consequently, his mouth.

"You're scared," Remus said suddenly, shocked. Sirius was scared. Suddenly being nervous felt like a very good idea again. "Of... of what might happen. Aren't you?"

Sirius felt his cheeks go red. "And what if I am?"

"Then we don't, um. I mean, we don't have to do anything. It's okay. I just... I thought you..."

Remus felt like an idiot. Why had he just assumed Sirius wanted to sleep with him? Just because Sirius had invited him to come didn't mean anything. Didn't mean he wanted Remus like _that_ , right here, right now. Remus felt completely and utterly ridiculous.

"Sorry. Sorry, just... ignore me," Remus mumbled, looking down at where he was picking at his fingernails.

"Ignore..." Sirius blanched. "Wait, what? What am I ignoring, exactly?"

"Nothing," Remus said quickly. "Never mind. I'm just being stupid."

"Well, I'm confused. Enlighten me. And I highly doubt you're being stupid, because you're Remus, and the stupidest thing you've ever done in my recollection is let me kiss you." He frowned. "Now spit it out."

"Why do you think that was stupid? Letting you kiss me?" Remus asked, ignoring Sirius' demand completely in his surprise. "I don't think it was stupid at all."

Sirius sighed with exasperation. "Because now you're saddled with a completely moronic, lovesick fool. And I imagine I'm trying on your patience, what with the incessant childlike behaviour. NOW. Answer my question!"

Remus sighed and resigned himself to his fate. It wasn't as though he could deny Sirius anything anyway, and Sirius _was_ sitting on him, so it wasn't as though he could hide until Sirius forgot.

"I just... it's stupid," Remus said. "I just sort of assumed you invited me here so, I don't know. So we could... so we could sleep together. But if you don't want to, that's fine. I shouldn't have assumed you _did_ want to, and I told you it was stupid."

Sirius' eyes went wide. "You thought I was trying to seduce you with weed and cable television?" he asked. "I thought about it," he added, "But the last time we talked about sex as a 'we' you turned 50 shades of red before hitting purple and declaring with a mumble that you weren't ready. That was only a week ago!"

"Well, I don't know," Remus said, embarrassed and trying to sink down in the chair. "And it was more than a week ago. It was nine days. And since then, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. It's unbearable. I want you _all the time_ , and if you laugh at me I'll hit you. I had no idea being in love would be this completely humiliating."

"Completely humiliating because you think about having sex with me?" Sirius questioned, shifting a little in Remus' lap.

"Completely humiliating because you make me tell you about it and I have this annoying inability to say no to you about anything," Remus replied absently, more concerned with digging his fingers into Sirius' hips to stop him moving. Movement like that was certainly not a good thing when they were sitting here talking about how they weren't going to, well.

"Ow," Sirius said. "Don't poke me there, Lupin, your thighs are hard as rocks. Makes for difficult sitting."

"Don't squirm then," Remus said, brushing his hands over Sirius' hips in what he hoped was a soothing manner. He hadn't meant to hurt Sirius.

Sirius took a deep breath. "Well. Then. Um," he started, acutely aware of every detail of Remus' eyes, nose, the twitch of his mouth, the strand of hair that dangled in front of his ear, and that was probably bothering him because Moony compulsively tucked every square inch of that hair back for safe keeping. "Maybe. Maybe it's time to talk about it again."

"Maybe," Remus tentatively agreed, though Remus wasn't sure what there was to talk about. He'd pretty much made his mind up when he'd accepted the offer to join Sirius for the weekend, not that Sirius needed to know that. After tucking his hair back behind his ear, Remus licked his lips and added nervously, "Or maybe it's time to do other things besides talking."

"If you say 'smoke weed' then so help me I--"

"Sirius!" Remus interrupted, smiling now. "I wasn't going to say that. There are better things to do when we're alone in the Prewett's place, don't you think?"

"Such as?" Sirius inquired. "Eat, you mean? Dance to Footloose? Braid one another's hair, perhaps?"

"What a fantastic idea. I think we should make some food. Mind getting off of me, Sirius?" Remus replied, raising his eyebrows at his boyfriend.

Sirius stuck out his tongue. "You're a jerk, has anyone told you?" he said, and most certainly didn't move. "Stop being so damn cryptic. I might know what you're talking about, but that doesn't mean I don't like you to actually say it."

"I don't know _why_. I just turn all red and stammer and end up sounding ridiculous," Remus said, turning pink just thinking of which words he might use.

"Exactly," Sirius said. "Now say it or I really will go make lunch, and force feed it to you, which will be tragic as whatever it is will probably be burnt."

"Oh, right, I see. You _enjoy_ seeing me make a fool of myself so long as it's on your account, don't you?" Remus said, sliding a hand up Sirius' side underneath his shirt, moving slowly over his ribs until he was high enough that he could run his fingertips over Sirius' pierced nipple.

Sirius bit his lip. "You can't distract me from this," he said. "Just say it and get it over with."

Taking a deep breath, Remus leaned in and nuzzled Sirius' neck, more to distract himself than anything. "Sirius, I want to have sex with you."

Sirius smiled broadly. "Ok," he replied, and brought Remus' lips up to his, and kissed him.

Remus' heart was racing and he curled his arms around Sirius, pulling him in closer. It hadn't really been all that difficult to just come out and say it, but it was thinking about what came next that had Remus holding Sirius so tightly.

"We should," Sirius said, sliding a hand into Remus' hair and biting on his bottom lip, "use Fabian's room. He's probably more, uh," Sirius laughed. " _Equipped_ for these sorts of situations."

"Oh," Remus said, grinning in a silly sort of way up at Sirius. "Um. Okay. But you're going to have to get off of me then."

Sirius didn't need to be told twice. He climbed out of Remus' lap, and then pulled the other boy to his feet, holding his hand tightly. He smiled, all nerves and excitement, and tugged him in the direction of Fabian's bedroom.

Remus followed him, and hoped that Fabian never found out. Or hoped that if he did, he wouldn't mind. (Remus vowed to wash the sheets before they left.) Never having been in Fabian's room before, Remus blinked as soon as Sirius pushed the door open. It was very... colourful. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised, really, but it was all dark blues and bright reds and even some wines and plums and Remus couldn't help but think Fabian probably had a lot of sex in it, because it seemed to be perfect for that.

The thought made him blush, but the bed was made and so at the very least Remus hoped there were clean sheets on it.

He closed the door behind him and stepped back into Sirius' embrace, kissing him gently.

"I don't know why we're both so awkward," Sirius commented, sliding his fingers tentatively under Remus' shirt. "We've been 'Remus and Sirius' for almost two months now," he said. "And friends for longer than that."

"Yeah. We have. But this is still something new," Remus answered, leaning into the feel of Sirius' warm hands on him. Sirius was tracing Remus' scar with one hand, and Remus shivered a little, feeling self-conscious. It was a great, hideous, twisted scar all along his side, stretching from his hipbone all the way up over his ribs and Remus hated it. He hated dogs. But Sirius' touch was nice. Skin on skin was nice.

He reached forward and pulled Sirius' shirt right off, smiling and saying in explanation, "If we just decide not to be awkward, it'll be less awkward."

Sirius laughed. "Well if that's what we're doing," he said, and pulled off Remus' shirt as well, bending to kiss his neck, grabbing hold of the waist of his trousers and walking them backward toward the bed.

Remus stumbled along with him, laughing and clinging to Sirius, falling with him onto the bed. Sliding off of to settle in at Sirius' side, Remus began to undo Sirius' trousers, pushing them down over slim hips to reveal skin. Remus' breath hitched and he pulled his eyes away from Sirius lap.

"I'll never get used to that, I don't think," Remus breathed.

"They like it better when they hang free," Sirius said. "I've told you a million times." He reached for Remus' belt, undoing the buckle before nimbly undoing the top button and sliding the zipper down.

"Yeah," Remus agreed breathlessly, his mind slowing down as it always did any time Sirius had his hands down in the general vicinity of Remus' fly.

Sirius tugged Remus' trousers down as much as he could at the angle, and then began sucking hard at his neck, no doubt leaving marks. "Fuck, I love you," he murmured against Remus' skin. "You make me crazy, d'you know that?"

Remus made a desperate noise in the back of his throat and squeezed Sirius' arm. "I, yeah. Yes. Of course I know. I feel the same way about you," he murmured, arching into Sirius' body, not even caring if Sirius was giving him huge, terrible hickies all over his neck because all that mattered was that they were in love and _this_ was happening right now.

Remus somehow managed to kick his trousers and pants off before shifting half on top of Sirius, getting one leg between his and rubbing.

Sirius groaned impatiently, his erection pressing against Remus'. His kisses moved from Remus' neck to his jaw line, then up to his earlobe where Sirius sucked deeply on the sensitive spot there that always seem to make Remus go weak in the knees.

"We should... um," Remus said, losing his trail of thought entirely for a moment. (That spot always did it to him.) "We should check. I mean, check if Fabian has... whatever."

Reluctant to create any space between them, Sirius stretched an arm back blindly toward the nightstand behind them, groping for the drawer handle and managing to pull it open. "Aha!" Sirius exclaimed successfully pulling a bottle out at the tips of his fingers.

Well. It is the most convenient place to keep lubricant, Remus supposed. It made sense. "Who's, um. Who... Which one of us is..." Remus tried, and half of his incoherency was from still being so close to Sirius, half from nerves. "You know."

"Whatever you'd rather," Sirius said. "I'm fine either way."

"I think you should, um. You should top," Remus said, blushing fantastically. "I don't know if I could."

"Okay," Sirius replied softly. "I don't pretend to be an expert, but, er. I have to get you. You know. Ready."

"Right. Yeah," Remus said awkwardly. He'd read about it; preparation was key, the internet had said, but it was all really weird to him. Remus didn't think he'd feel quite so uncomfortable if Sirius didn't seem so nervous about it. He was used to Sirius initiating, taking the lead, pushing the limits, and encouraging Remus to push his. But now, neither of them knew what they were doing.

He still wanted to do it, though.

"Okay. Um. One step at a time, perhaps. Let's get more on the middle of the bed," Remus said quietly, sliding off of Sirius and shifting up the bed. The cool material felt shocking against his warm skin and he stilled, waiting for Sirius to follow.

Sirius did, quickly, feeling as though something was hanging in the air above them, making them both tense. "So, er. I mean, do you want to be traditional like, or... or do you want to face one another? I mean..."

"I'd like to face you, if I could," Remus said, his head spinning with all sorts of thoughts. "I just, I want to be able to see you and kiss you and touch you while you're in me." Laughing a little, and feeling _a little_ of the tension ease, Remus added, "I think that's about the closest I've ever come to talking dirty to you, Sirius."

Sirius smiled back. "Ooh, you naughty minx, Mr. Lupin." Sirius sat up, the heels of his feet digging into his arse cheeks as he opened the bottle of lube gingerly and began to coat his fingers. "So, um," he started, the awkward feeling settling in again, "this is going to feel really weird, and intrusive, but all you have to do to make it comfortable is relax, okay?"

"Okay," Remus breathed and leaned back onto the bed, no longer propping himself up on his elbows to look at Sirius. Remus shifted so he had a leg on either side of Sirius, and then braced himself, trying not to tense as he felt the brush of Sirius' slick hand against his thigh.

Sirius traced Remus' cleft lightly at first, and then slowly slid a finger inside. He tried to gauge Remus' expression and let the finger sit for a moment to allow the other boy to adjust to the new invasive feeling.

If this was what a finger felt like, Remus wasn't sure he wanted to do it anymore.

Relax. Sirius had told him all he had to do was relax. Shifting a little at the sensation he wasn't quite sure he liked, Remus took some deep breaths and bit his lip before managing to grunt, "Um. It's okay. You can, you know."

Sirius moved his finger slightly, sliding it slowing back and forth and putting pressure where he knew Remus might appreciate it.

"Oh!" Remus gasped, his eyes flying open. Whatever that just was certainly expelled any doubts from his mind. He looked at Sirius, eyes still wide and shocked, and then managed a smile. "That felt good."

"I'm going to try another finger, okay?" Sirius said, and after receiving a short nod, cautiously slid a second finger inside of Remus, once again pausing to allow him to adjust.

The second one wasn't as shocking as the first, but it certainly did feel odd. Remus arched his back a little as Sirius moved his fingers around, and squeezed his eyes shut again. _Relax, relax, relax, relax_...

After a minute, Remus stilled and whispered, "Okay."

Sirius licked his lips. Watching Remus squirm made his cock twinge painfully, and he cleared his throat before asking, "Another finger, or," he scissored the two inside of Remus, "Are you ready?"

"I don't... I don't know," Remus panted. "I think... um. I think I'm ready."

Sirius took a deep breath and slid his fingers out, reaching for the bottle of lube again, his fingers trembling. He hadn't been this nervous his first time. In fact, he couldn't remember a single moment in his life involving sex that felt so intimate, and intoxicating. He coated himself thickly, not really sure what was too much or not enough, and then tossed the bottle aside and positioned himself in front of Remus' entrance, afraid to go any farther.

"Sirius," Remus said, the name coming out like a plea. He reached up and grasped Sirius' arm, pulling him down for a kiss and hoping Sirius will get the point. Preparation and waiting and thinking about it was just making Remus more nervous. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Sirius managed, and then very, _very_ slowly began pushing his way inside.

Remus dug his fingers into Sirius' arm, lifting his legs a little higher and wrapping them around Sirius' waist. It hurt already and Sirius wasn't even inside of him yet. As Sirius pushed in further, Remus sucked in a deep breath, holding it until his head began to spin.

Sirius frowned, not like that something that felt so warm and tight and nothing short of fucking _fantastic_ to him could hurt Remus so much. "I'm sorry," he murmured, all the way in now, and slid a hand in-between them, wrapping it around Remus' cock. "Just tell me when it's okay to move."

"God, don't be sorry," Remus said and kissed him, his hips automatically thrusting into Sirius' hand, even though that created all sorts of uncomfortable sensations elsewhere. Just relax. "It's fine, I'll be fine. Just... go slow."

Sirius did. He moved his hand in rhythm with his thrusts, watching Remus carefully, wincing himself at the other boy's obvious discomfort.

"It just hurts a little. Stop frowning. I'm not going to break," Remus teased, his voice hitching with every movement. "It's starting to feel better now. Especially when you--oh! When you do that. With your hips."

Sirius did it again and grinned at Remus' reaction. "Like that?" he asked, and ran his thumb over the head of Remus' cock.

"Yes," Remus said, expelling all of his air in a whoosh and throwing his head back. He knew he probably looked incredible wanton and debauched, but he didn't care. Everything was starting to feel good instead of like he was about to burst, and he couldn't help but tighten his legs around Sirius' waist.

"Is it better now? Can I go a little faster?" Sirius asked.

" _Oh_ yes," Remus replied, grinning up at Sirius and then kissing him again, sinking his teeth firmly into Sirius' bottom lip.

Sirius quickened his pace (both his hips and his hand) and slowly began losing control of coherent thought. If there had been any blood left it his brain it was gone now, for certain, and he was left to make the occasional grunting noise, and murmur Remus' name repeatedly against his lips.

With each deeper, quicker pump of Sirius' hips and hand, Remus gasped. He wasn't sure why they'd waited so long. Wasn't sure why he'd been nervous. Couldn't think of a reason they ever had to stop and get off of this bed.

And then, biting down on Remus' lip and muttering "Oh, fuck," Sirius came--a hard, head-whirling, star-seeing orgasm--spilling into Remus, _into Remus_ , his hips buckling roughly.

It felt warm and yeah, a little weird, but it was Sirius and Remus was so close to the edge. Thrusting his hips into Sirius' hand, Remus moaned, "Don't stop..."

Still recoiling, Sirius managed to keep his fist pumping, jittery and without much regularity. He was shaking. He was sweating. He was all over the place. He just hoped that a little would be enough to send Remus over the edge because he was having a great deal of trouble concentrating.

It was enough. It was more than enough, and Remus cried out as he came into Sirius' hand, on their stomachs, between them. His whole body throbbed, mostly pleasantly but a little painfully too, and Remus' breathing was as fast and irregular as Sirius'.

"Wow," Remus sighed after a few moments of collecting himself.

Sirius slid out gently and rolled on his back, sticky and sweaty and covered in a fiesta of liquids. "Oh, wow," Sirius agreed.

"Do you realize I'm going to think about it even _more_ often now?" Remus said, feeling too good to really get fussed about it. Smiling brightly, he lazily turned his head to look at Sirius. "It's going to be unbearable."

"Shagging in the school closets, 'bathroom breaks', skiving classes, locking James out of the room and then being unnecessarily loud just to irritate..." Sirius smiled wryly. "Absolutely _dreadful_."

"Mm. Indeed," Remus said, shifting and pressing a lazy kiss to Sirius' shoulder. "So. The hickey. How long is it going to last, do you think? It's huge, isn't it? You're such a brat."

"It's shaped like Australia, and about as large," Sirius said as he surveyed it, grinning cheekily. "Beautiful war wound."

"If that's war, than Fabian has got entirely the wrong idea about pacifism," Remus murmured. "Have I told you lately that I love you? Because I do."

"Yes, and it's a mutual sort of thing," Sirius said. "Speaking of Fabian, we'll have to remind ourselves to remove any unsightly stains. And send him a thank you card, or something. Think he'd get suspicious if we used all his lube?"

"Who cares? It's for a good cause," Remus said mischievously. "And it's definitely, definitely worth it."

Grinning lopsidedly, Sirius said, "Glad you think so." After a few moments, Sirius added, "It's still early. We could get a few more good shags in before dinner, you know." He nudged Remus in the side. "Practice makes perfect, or so I've been told."

"Sirius, I am _so_ sore," Remus complained. After a thoughtful pause, however, Remus grinned and added, "Well, all right. But this time you're on the bottom."


	3. Closet Escapades (November 15th, 2005)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where James and Lily enjoy a 'party', Filch opens a door, and Dumbledore is most amused.

Breathing heavily and tugging at clothes as they went, James Potter and Lily Evans tumbled through the third floor janitor's closet and shut the door behind them. In the jumble of positioning around a vacuum cleaner, several brooms and a rather worn looking mop, the chain light above them was pulled on, and a bottle of floor wax hit the ground, spilling into their shoes.

Lily was pressed against the wall, one leg up on the vacuum and fumbling frantically with James' trousers. They had been fooling around like this since May, neither having told anyone other than their closest mates about their little meetings.

So far, they hadn't been caught.

James hurried to undo the buttons of Lily's shirt, but his lust-frenzied fingers were too clumsy to get it done. Instead, he just stuck one hand inside her shirt, squeezing, and moved the other to hike her skirt up. After quite a few clandestine meetings, Lily still sent James round the bend.

"Oh God," he moaned, tugging at her underwear.

Lily managed to shimmy out of her panties and undid James' trousers, pulling them to his ankles with her feet. He was hard against her thigh and she moaned as she kissed him again.

James pushed his shorts down his thighs, shifting to wrap both arms around Lily, letting out nothing more than a grunt in acknowledgement of his falling backwards into the doorframe. He was infinitely glad that Lily was on birth control. He doubted he'd ever be able to clear his mind well enough to put on a condom. Lily just did that to him.

"Okay?" he breathed. "Can I?" James always asked permission, every time.

"James, you don't have to ask," Lily said, but smiled, and nibbled on his ear.

"Please," James murmured into her neck, pausing to nip at the soft skin before kissing it gently. "I just, I want to hear you say it's okay."

"It's okay," she whispered.

With a moan, James got them into position, turning around and easing Lily against the door. James took a deep breath and kissed Lily hungrily before thrusting into her.

Lily moaned, happily. She loved that feeling, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist.

James felt the same wholesome, content feeling he always felt when he was with Lily, even if they were doing something considered a sin. Everything just felt so right to James; every thrust felt like it brought him closer to perfection. To Lily.

Smiling, Lily leaned forward and kissed James roughly, biting his bottom lip, then diving into his mouth again. Her fingernails drove into the back of his neck, and she began rocking her hips to meet his thrusts.

James gasped a little; he found Lily's rougher side incredibly arousing and hoped she didn't mind if he didn't reciprocate; he just couldn't bring himself to cause her any pain. He began moving more quickly, pushing harder against her. He could feel the familiar sensation starting to creep up on him and it became a bit bigger of a task for him to keep them both upright.

Lily mumbled incoherently into James' mouth, and hooked her feet together. She was losing feeling in her legs. As James' thrusting became harder, Lily couldn't help but let a few moans escape her. They had to be quiet, in case someone walked by, but it was just so hard when there were so many good feelings occurring below her waist.

James felt the words bubble up inside of him before he said them, he heard a small, distant voice in his head telling him desperately _not to say anything_. He ignored it.

"I love you," he gasped, his voice thick with longing and desire. "Lily, I love you."

Lily looked at him shocked and was about to say something when her orgasm over-took her and she convulsed, leaning forward into James, driving her nails into his neck.

James came then, right after Lily, and they both curled into each other instinctively, hands grasping at sweaty bodies and breath gasping loud in the post-coital silence. James relaxed a little, still leaning against Lily, pressing a hand against the flat hardness of the door behind her.

"What..." Lily asked breathlessly, looking upward, "What did you say?"

James spoke into her shoulder. "I love you," he repeated, trying not to sound worried. "That's, um, that's what I said. I want," he paused, collecting his thoughts before pressing bravely forwards. "I want to tell people. I want to hold hands in the hallway. I want to brag about you. In a completely respectful way, of course, because I'd never..."

Lily took a deep breath. "You can't love me James. And we... I... I don't know if we should tell people."

"I can. I do. And why?" James asked. "Why not tell people? Why shouldn't everyone know?"

It was at this precise moment, as if tempted by fate, the door fell open behind them and they tumbled, half naked and still sweaty, into the hallway. Filch sneered down at them and there was a small gathering of students.

"I was alerted of a strange noise. What have you two got to say for yourselves?"

Lily's face was crimson as she struggled to maintain some dignity in such an awkward and horribly embarrassing situation by sliding out from under James and tugging her skirt down at the same time. Without a word, or even a second glance at Filch or James, she started walking down the hallway toward the stairwell.

She would deal with the consequences later. Laughter followed her up the hallway, but she held her head high.

James dove back into the closet, flashing the entire hallway his bare ass in the process. He slammed the door, pulled up his boxers and his trousers, then dashed back out into the hallway.

"James Potter, find me later for punishment if you must!" he called, sprinting after Lily even as he struggled to do up his fly. "Hey, Lily, wait up! Hey! Well, ha, I guess they all know now, huh? There's nothing to be done now, relax," he said, panting as he finally caught up with her.

Lily was crying. She had no idea why. It wasn't the embarrassment, it wasn't the possibility of punishment, it wasn't even that she smelled of floor wax. It was... it was... she just didn't know. James caught up with her just as she had pushed the door to the stairwell open, blubbering (she felt) like an idiot.

"Oh shh, Lily, it's all right," James said, gathering Lily into his arms. It was only a little awkward and he was quite proud of that. "Look, I've done loads of things much more embarrassing than this, people won't even remember in a couple days. And anyway, it's a great story to tell. You're going to be all right."

"It's...it's not that," Lily sniffed, hugging into James tightly. "I just, well. I don't know how to say this James."

James felt nervous and squishy and warm and a lot of things all at once, including surprised that Filch hadn't appeared yet, wrecking everything.

"Say what?" James asked carefully, petting her hair idly. He didn't even notice how natural it felt to hold her in his arms in a public place.

Lily pulled back and look at James' face, her own glistening with tears. "I think," she said, then bit her lip and looked downward. "I think I love you as well."

James laughed. "That's a good thing, you know," he said gently, fighting the urge to pick her up and twirl her around like a great girly poofter. "That's a great thing. That's a _fantastic_ thing."

Lily laughed and smiled, hugging into James again. "I think it was always more than just shagging you know. Do you think that Filch will strangle us?"

James snorted. "Yeah. Oh yeah. Definitely."

He backed up a bit and kissed her before saying, "But you know, I think it will have been worth it."

"I don't mean to interrupt, but might I have a moment of your time?" Professor Dumbledore was standing beside them, a quizzical smirk on his face, and Filch was behind him sporting an evil grin.

Lily looked at James, and then at Dumbledore with worry. "Er, yes sir?"

"Mr. Filch has informed me that you two had just had, er, well... a 'party' in his storage closet. Could I have a word with you both in my office?"

James took Lily's hand and stood up tall. "Of course, Headmaster," James said with all the courage he could muster.

Standing there, holding Lily's hand, it was quite a lot, James thought. Enough to face almost anything.


	4. Potting & Plotting (November 25th, 2005)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Fabian is nauseated, Lily does not wish to dress like a cow, and Dumbledore is pronounced the hippie Buddha.

It was late, just barely past curfew, and all the possibilities of a weekend lurked in the shadows. Four quiet students tiptoed down the hallways to the least used side door and crept outside. Hushed murmurs and breathy giggles followed James, Lily, Sirius, and Remus as they sprinted for the trees, weaving their way up until they were at the wall. The freeing chug-a-lug of an old engine could be heard just beyond their last barrier.

James hoisted himself up using a low branch from a nearby tree as leverage and manoeuvred himself onto the wide stone wall, waving to the occupants of the van before turning and reaching a hand down for Lily. "Hand up, love?" he asked her, grinning ecstatically.

Lily reached and allowed herself to be aided upward onto the wall. She too sent a small wave in the direction of the van, followed by an uneasy look back up at the school, and then jumped onto the grass on the other side.

Sirius was up the tree before James had even grabbed a hold of Lily's hand. He jumped off the wall, landing with a thump and threw open the ratty van door. "Evening Mssrs Prewett," he said jovially, seating himself amidst the stew of pillows. "Surprised your sister let you out tonight," he added.

Remus followed quickly, albeit a little more awkwardly, and dropped down onto the other side after James. He followed Sirius into the back of the van and smiled politely at the two older boys, feeling almost a little drunk on deviation.

"Gideon, Fabian. Hope you're well," he said politely, sitting next to Sirius so their thighs brushed and shoulders touched.

"Well as can be, considering the horrors we'll be discussing tonight," Fabian said glibly.

"Molly's gone for a vacation with the Weasleys. Won't be back until the Sunday after next," Gideon said to Sirius as Lily and James climbed in and shut the door. Gideon laughed as James pulled Lily into his arms. "He finally convinced you, did he?"

Lily smirked. "It had to be something big you know, after all this time, and I supposed that landing half naked in the middle of crowded corridor was rather that." She slid her hand into James' and squeezed it lightly.

"Well, however embarrassing that may have been, I'm glad it happened. You two are wonderful together," Remus said.

"You're just a romantic now that you're in love," James teased. "Sappy boffin."

Gideon looked at Fabian and raised an eyebrow. He turned to look at Remus with an incredulous expression on his face. "Love, Remus? Since when and with whom?"

"With me," Sirius interjected with a grin.

Remus blushed and smiled helplessly. "He's very persuasive."

"Well I'll be," Fabian snorted. "I suppose, come to think of it, it was inevitable, wasn't it?"

"I thought so," Lily said, and smiled knowingly at Remus. It had been inevitable since last Christmas. Probably before that.

"Right-o," Sirius said cheerfully, grin still plastered on his face. "So, onward to your basement then? We're interested to hear about whatever it is you've heard through the grapevine."

Fabian and Gideon exchanged a dark look. "You won't be happy," Fabian said quietly.

The drive to their small farmhouse, empty with Molly gone on holidays, was short and it wasn't long before the six of them paraded down into the comfortable, if a little psychedelic, basement. James collapsed onto the couch, leaving room for Lily next to him, and watched intently as Gideon and Fabian took their favourite chairs, pulling a baggy of green leaves and a glass pipe out of the drawer of the coffee table.

"We have heard of something terrible. It is beyond disgusting. Despicable. New lows!" Fabian wailed. "Worse even than the attempted tree massacre. Kudos, Sirius and Remus. Nature will always appreciate you."

Sirius nodded. "What goes beyond that then? I mean, Riddle's off his rocker, but some things you just _don't_ do, eh?"

Gideon shook his head solemnly and sighed. "There is, it seems, no end to the insanity that is Ronald McRiddle. You see, there will be a fashion show taking place in London tomorrow entitled 'Jungle Lust'."

Lily screwed up her face. "That's a stupid title. What, is he using animals on the runway or something? That would be rather horrid."

"It is more than rather horrid. It's really, disgustingly, terribly, horrifyingly..." Fabian moaned.

"Fabian," Gideon interrupted, placing a calming hand on Fabian's arm and keeping quiet while he packed a bowl and held out a hand in Fabian. Still looking traumatized, Fabian groped blindly along a nearby shelf and handed a lighter over to Gideon. The older boy took the first drag and then passed it on to Fabian. "The clothing line is called The Endangered Collection. All fur. Even _cheetah_."

Sirius' jaw hit the floor. "You can't be serious. Is that even allowed?"

Gideon shook his head. "You know Riddle. If there's a loophole, he'll find it. And apparently there are loopholes to killing endangered wildlife. Honestly," he shook his head with exasperation. "It's no wonder people are dropping bombs all over the place."

Fabian desperately sucked in some smoke. "Cheetahs. I heard a rumour about a collar made from the mane of a lion. And giraffe boots. I think I might puke. And cry. Cry while I'm puking," he said, taking another drag before passing the pipe to Sirius who was closest to them on the loveseat.

Remus stared at Gideon, mouth open. "No. He can't. He didn't. No, no, no."

Sirius took the pipe and inhaled as though his life depended on it. He, like Fabian, was nauseated by the thought of animals being skinned for the likes of bat-wing earrings or whatever the hell else there was. He handed the pipe to Remus, who was sitting next to him. "What do we do about it then? The animals are already dead."

"Doesn't mean we let him enjoy that fact," Lily replied thoughtfully. "We need to make a statement of some sort. Even a cliché one." She racked her brain but came out empty handed aside from the memory of the previous July when they had protested outside of a restaurant in Kingsbridge against their selling of veal. "I'm not dressing in a cow suit again," she said.

Remus took the pipe from Sirius and inhaled some, letting it out as he spoke. "If you want cliché, let's dump red paint on them when they come out after," Remus said. "But it isn't enough. Cheetahs!"

Remus passed the pipe on to James. "We could sneak in. Dump it during the show," James said. "Sabotage the whole thing. Change the music, wreck the clothes, all of it."

"That'd be an undertaking," Lily considered. "But if we leave early enough tomorrow we could manage it. We'll be skinned alive by the Headmaster once we get back, but we could do it."

"He wouldn't skin us," Sirius said with a grin. "He's like the Buddha of hippies. He'd probably celebrate it with us with special brownies or something."

"Good man, Dumbledore," Gideon said fondly, staring into the abyss. "Gave Fab and I a killer recipe for those things."

Remus leaned into Sirius a little. "Focus. Not brownies. Red paint," he said.

"Right," Gideon said. "We know a guy."

"For the way in. He works for a vegan catering company. Riddle only hired them because it's in style to be vegan. Or maybe he thinks it's fucking funny. Anyway, that's how we found out about the show. I'll ask him to leave a back door open or something," Fabian said.

James nodded, passing the pipe on to Lily. "I'm in."

Lily drew in and spoke through the smoke. "Me too," she said, and took another draw before handing the pipe back to Gideon.

Gideon grinned. "Lovely. Sirius? Remus?"

"Of course," Sirius said instantly. "I wouldn't miss an opportunity to fuck that bastard over if my life were hanging in the balance."

"Do you even have to ask?" Remus said, aiming a smile at Sirius.

"Wonderful," Gideon said, a slow, evil smile spreading over his face.

Fabian rubbed his hands together. "We. Will. Destroy him."


	5. Paint It Red (November 26th, 2005)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Bellatrix is Vol De Mort's biggest fan, the models are simply not anorexic enough, and all T.M. wants is a piña colada.

Bellatrix Lestrange stood next to Tom Riddle at the exit to the stage, hissing instructions and insults at the models about to go on.

"Don't you know how big of a show this is? You couldn't have puked up a couple more meals so the leather hung a little nicer? Get on stage, go," she whispered. "Tommy, these clothes are amazing. You're so _brilliant_. Don't touch your face, cunt. You smudge the makeup and you don't get paid. Go," she snapped at the next model who looked taken aback but set her face and strutted onto stage nonetheless. "Oh, look at these clothes, Tommy. You're so amazing."

T.M. Riddle's expression as he viewed his latest creations walk the line was one of indifference. He stood staunch and impeccably dressed in a pinstriped suit, his frosted, flat-ironed hair coiffed to be practically immoveable. "I know," was the only reply he had to Bellatrix, and made mental notes of which models to fire when the show had finished. _Honestly_ , he thought with exasperation he did not show, _do these new ones have no concept of anorexia? They're positively huge_!

The audience clapped politely, oohing and ahhing in all the right places. His line, as per usual, was a hit. He smirked and crossed his arms. He was a genius of course. His ideas never failed, and 'Jungle Lust' was one of his personal favourites.

"The zebra skin bikini and giraffe skin boots ensemble is particularly fabulous. Shame the model has cellulite on her ass. Oh, or is it liposuction scars? I don't want an answer, just start walking," she said, a couple girls down the line.

She cast a look back at Tommy. He was amazing. She worshipped him and everything about him. These women, she knew, weren't worthy of him, of his clothing. But she was. Bellatrix was. She felt a familiar stirring inside her at the thoughts. She was his, her life was his. The show, of course, went off without a hitch and soon it was time for him to go on stage to take a bow with those ridiculous idiots who didn’t know how privileged they were to be his models.

Finally, the models lined along the stage amid the roar of applause and standing ovation. T.M. saw this as his cue and walked, head held high, a rather forced, practised and placid smile on his face.

He waved in a rather queen-like way to the audience as he sauntered down the runway. Seconds before he reached the microphone (where he would recite perfectly a speech written by someone else, probably Bella; though he could never be sure) something absolutely _horrid_ happened. A wave of red paint was flying from the front of the audience, hitting each and every single model with calculate precision. T.M. stopped in his tracks, taking in the situation. He growled when he spotted familiar faces in the front row, grinning like idiots, the lot of them.

"Activists," he muttered angrily. The Salcombe brats to make the best of it. Then, as though to add insult to a ruined collection of clothing made of endangered animals, one tiny drop of blood red paint landed on the breast of T.M.'s blazer.

The entire room was deathly quiet.

Bellatrix had crept to the edge of the stage to watch Tommy read the speech she'd written for him. As soon as the paint splashed and the silence fell, she strode to his side, an angry sort of hate on her face and she scraped the paint off of his blazer with one sharp fingernail. There was a flurry of movement as the ones responsible began to flee, and a great screech rose from the models as they all ran offstage. Some of them, she noticed, looked vindictively pleased and so she kicked out a pointed boot and tripped one of them.

"I'll get the ones who did it," she hissed in Tommy's ear, striding away with a purpose.

She knew it was futile, however, and after only a few minutes, she saw a brightly coloured van rumble out of the back parking lot. She approached a panting security guard, one who had presumably been chasing the little shits.

"You!" she snapped. "Get me the license plate number or the name of the owner of that van. And then find out who let them in. Ask every fucking person working here if you have to, just do it and don't argue with me." She slapped her business card to his chest and stormed back inside to find Tommy.

T.M. had not moved. He was rooted to the ground, frozen with a numb rage that was coursing through his body like blood. The audience stared at him, gradually filing out of the building. Photographers were snapping pictures like mad. Some obnoxious _idiots_ even had the _nerve_ to laugh.

T.M. roared, screaming, still immobile. Those horrid, little bastards had had the gall to ruin his show! As though there were something wrong with his clothing! His designs were impeccable! Now; now they were ruined.

And there had been _paint_ , red ruddy pain, on his 400 pound designer suit.

They would _pay_. "BELLATRIX!"

Bellatrix rushed to his side, and took his arm, leading him backstage. As they passed a group of photographers, one in the front snapped a picture, the flash going off right in their faces. Bella stopped and grabbed his camera, twisting the strap so it was tight around his neck before she popped open the back of the camera and pulled out the role of black film, exposing it all. She let him go, pushing him away and into the others viciously before turning back to Tommy and gesturing to the stage entrance, hoping they'd at least get away from the press before he started yelling. If they heard and it made it into the paper, he would have a lot more problems.

T.M.'s fists were clenched tightly and his head was pounding from the camera's and paint fumes combined. He wanted a piña colada. He wanted a nap. He wanted to burn down the Conservation Office. He wanted the wankers who had ruined his perfectly nice evening to be strung up a flagpole by their testicles and hit with broomsticks like piñatas.

T.M. growled again as he and Bellatrix crossed behind the curtain and she hurried him toward his dressing room. "Bellatrix. Bellatrix, this cannot, no, _will_ not..." he blanched. "I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS TREATMENT!" He had begun screaming in full tantrum force. "I AM T.M. RIDDLE! T.M. RIDDLE IS NOT A MAN WHO IS RIDICULED!"

"I know, Tommy. I know. We'll find them and we'll make them pay. They won't get away with this," she murmured, rubbing his shoulders consolingly.

"It's not fair Bellatrix," T.M. said, hanging his head and scuffing his feet like a child. "I just want to the world to be more fashionable. Is that such a horrible crime?"

"No. It's noble and people should realize this and respect you," she replied, surprised at how quickly his first bout of anger had left. He was a passionate man, she was fairly certain he'd get a second or third wind, and he had every right. Thousands of dollars worth of his original clothing had just been ruined. Bellatrix looked at him and clucked. "Tommy my love, we will destroy them, I promise. I will personally see to it," she assured him, pulling him into a hug.

"Bellatrix," he muttered. "You always know what to say. And if they don't pay, you will. That will be your incentive." He patted her gingerly on the back, and moved to his personal bar to mix himself a much-needed fruity cocktail.

"Of course," she said, reverence in her voice. She knew he did not like to hurt her; it was only his faith in her that made him say such things. He knew she could do it. "Do you need anything, Tommy?"

"No Bellatrix darling, just vengeance and this charming drink. You are dismissed. And make sure that Rodolphus does not get his pay check this week. Security was obviously not informed of how things work when T.M. Riddle is concerned."

"Yes, Tommy," she replied and left the room. There were things to accomplish, people to hurt. Her husband included, but Tommy was right.

Tommy was always right.


	6. Cyber Sex (Or Something Like It) (November 28th, 2005)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Sirius wants it NOW PLEASE, Remus is caught in the most mortifying of ways, and Professor McGonagall insists on protection, regardless.

Sitting down next to his computer, Sirius ran a hand through the matted hair perched ever so precariously on top of his head. James had buggered off somewhere (probably to shag Lily in a closet, or similar), and Remus was nowhere to be found.

Peter had been ambling about, but was busy building a volcano, giggling as he mixed vinegar and baking soda together. Childish as Sirius was, he was in no mood to find this amusing.

He was horny as fuck.

His cock was hard; he'd had a boner for the last 15 minutes, completely unable to get rid of it. The want and need and OH MY GOD NOW PLEASE was beginning to drive Sirius off his nut.

He needed porn or something. To tie him over. Or a decent picture of Remus. There had to be one on his computer somewhere.

Logging onto AIM, Sirius was surprised to see that Remus was online. He grinned.

To hell with the porn. This would be more fun, and hopefully more satisfying.

***

  
  
**paddycakes: Hey sexypants. Whatcha' doin'?**

**loonylupin: Hi Sirius.**

****loonylupin: I'm just taking a bit of a break to check my email.** **

******paddycakes** : Break from what?** **

******paddycakes** : Anything special/important/HOT?** **

******loonylupin: No, not really. Just looking up some local bylaws. I have a theory that we can get you know who fined. Wouldn't be much, of course, but it'd probably drive him a little mad, at the very least.** ** **

********loonylupin: What are you doing?** ** ** **

**********paddycakes** : Sounds boring.** ** ** **

**********paddycakes** : I'm horny.** ** ** **

**********paddycakes** : And I've a big boner.** ** ** **

**********loonylupin: Oh. Well. That's... great, Sirius.** ** ** ** **

************paddycakes** : Wanna help me out with my 'problem' Remus?** ** ** ** **

************loonylupin: I'm in the library!** ** ** ** ** **

**************loonylupin: And that's a NO, just in case you didn't catch it.** ** ** ** ** ** **

****************paddycakes** : But REMUS. C'mon. Just tell me how you'd like to touch it.** ** ** ** ** ** **

****************loonylupin: SIRIUS! Madame Pince is sitting not ten feet away. I'm not going to, you know.** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

******************loonylupin: Say that.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

********************paddycakes** : But you want to. Tell me Remus. Tell me all the _naughty_ things you'd like to do to my cock.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

********************loonylupin: Stop it! Someone's going to see.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**********************paddycakes** : I want you to suck it Remus. And lick my bollocks.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**********************paddycakes** : You have a very skilled tongue, you know.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**********************loonylupin: I don't even say things like that out loud, let alone in public where anyone could look over my shoulder and see. Please, Sirius.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

************************paddycakes** : I want you to fuck me Remus.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

************************paddycakes** : Sliding in and out of me.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

************************loonylupin: Sirius!** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************************paddycakes** : It feels so good when you fuck me.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************************paddycakes** : Your big hard cock in and out of my tight hole.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************************paddycakes** : God.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************************loonylupin: I'm going to close this window!** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

****************************paddycakes** : Fuck, Remus. You're so hot. And you make me feel _so_ good.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

****************************paddycakes** : Don't you like fucking me, Moony?** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

****************************loonylupin: Oh, for goodness sakes.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

******************************loonylupin: You know I do, but this is completely inappropriate. I could get suspended if someone caught me, you know.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

********************************paddycakes** : Just be careful.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

********************************paddycakes** : C'mon, Rem. Talk dirty.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

********************************loonylupin: No! Sirius, what part of "I'm in the library" didn't get through to you?** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**********************************paddycakes** : My cock is getting harder and harder just thinking about your ass. I want to fuck you so hard you see stars.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**********************************loonylupin: Um. Okay.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

************************************loonylupin: ...** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************************************loonylupin: Sirius, I can't, it's too unsettling.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

****************************************paddycakes** : _Remus_ , come ON. I'm about to explode I'm so fucking horny. Either get up here and take care of my manly needs (ie, FUCK ME REMUS LUPIN) or start typing.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

****************************************paddycakes** : Else I'll be forced to call you my bitch.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

****************************************loonylupin: Oh, honestly! I wouldn't even know what to say, Sirius.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

******************************************loonylupin: And, um, I don't think standing up is... all that bright of an idea just now.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

********************************************paddycakes** : Ooh. Are you HARD Remus Lupin? Is it UNCOMFORTABLE? Do you DEMAND SATISFACTION?** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

********************************************loonylupin: _No_.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**********************************************loonylupin: I shouldn't have said anything.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

************************************************loonylupin: Never mind.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************************************************paddycakes** : I want to fuck you.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************************************************paddycakes** : I want to shove it in your ass.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************************************************loonylupin: Do you have to be so vulgar?** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

****************************************************loonylupin: I mean, if you must say it, can't you at least be a bit romantic about it?** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

******************************************************paddycakes** : ...** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

******************************************************paddycakes** : Romantic?** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

******************************************************paddycakes** : Oh Remusina, how I'dst lovest to puteth my cocketh in your bum.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

******************************************************paddycakes** : Eth.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

******************************************************loonylupin: Oh, shut up. That isn't romantic at all.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

********************************************************paddycakes** : Well. What would you have me say then?** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

********************************************************loonylupin: I don't know.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**********************************************************loonylupin: It's not just tab A into slot B. It's like...** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

************************************************************loonylupin: Oh, I don't know. You're going to laugh at me.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************************************************************paddycakes** : No I won't.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************************************************************loonylupin: Well I mean, it's like...** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

****************************************************************loonylupin: I want to run my hands over your naked chest and trace that little trail of hairs down to the waistband of your trousers.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

******************************************************************loonylupin: And I want to suck on that spot behind your ear in that way that makes you gasp.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

********************************************************************loonylupin: And I want to touch you everywhere, so lightly you get goose bumps and so much that you don't remember what it was like when I wasn't touching you.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**********************************************************************paddycakes** : I want to slide my hands into your hair, grasping at the roots, nibbling on your ear lobe.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**********************************************************************loonylupin: I want to feel your hips pressed against mine, feel all your boyish angles and grown-up confidence and melt into you.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

************************************************************************paddycakes** : I want to grab your arse cheeks and suck on the crevice between your shoulder blades.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

************************************************************************loonylupin: I want to move against you until both our skins are clammy with sweat and slide together so smoothly that it's easier to be together than it is to be apart.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************************************************************************paddycakes** : Rawr.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************************************************************************paddycakes** : I want to wrap my hand around your cock, stroking it slowly.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************************************************************************loonylupin has signed off at 1:07:15 PM.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

***

Remus pushed open the door to Sirius' room without even bothering to knock. His cheeks were burning with embarrassment and he slammed the door shut behind him, glaring at Sirius. He had never been so absolutely mortified in his entire life. He was never going to be able to look Professor McGonagall in the eye again. Ever.

"I have a whole week of detention, Sirius," Remus said, his voice sharp.

"Is _that_ why you signed off then?" Sirius asked, twirling around in his computer chair. "What happened?"

"Professor McGonagall saw it. It was mortifying!" Remus moaned, sitting down on the end of Sirius' bed. He was being a little more dramatic than he was generally inclined to be, but he thought it was quite justified. "She informed me that even when there was no chance of _pregnancy_ , it was still a good idea to use protection. How am I going to sit through biology with her? Honestly. You owe me."

Sirius snorted. "I'm not exactly a condom fan, sorry," he said with a laugh. "And owe you? Well. Whatever shall I do for you then, _master_ , hmm?"

Remus stared, shocked for a moment that Sirius would think he'd be up for fooling around after going through something like _that_. Suddenly he laughed and tugged Sirius onto the bed, falling onto his back and pulling Sirius with him.

"You don't even care, do you? That I got in trouble because of you?" he asked, brushing Sirius' hair out of his face with a gentle hand.

"Well I do, but in moderation," Sirius replied with a grin.

"What did you think of it?" Remus asked, his face creasing with self-consciousness. "What I wrote, I mean. Before I got caught."

"If you'd have came about five minutes sooner, you could've asked my cock for yourself," Sirius teased, waggling his eyebrows.

Remus laughed and leaned in to kiss his boyfriend. "You're lucky you're worth it," he said, smiling. "Else I'd have to be angry for much longer."

"Shame. You look adorable when you're all fired up. Not that you don't look such the better part of the time, of course," Sirius acknowledged with a wink.

"You don't have to flirt with me, Sirius," Remus reminded him. "I'm already yours."  



	7. A Soap Opera Interlude (December 16th, 2005)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Lily should be worrying more about her blood pressure, not weed, Alice and Frank have obviously gotten busy at some point, and James offers to be vomited on, the gentleman.

Lily could smell death.

Well. No. It was more like a combination of pee and chicken, but from the tight, shadow-y corner where she sat, it could be constituted as death, given the mold. The chicken was three feet away, behind the kitchen doors, and the pee. Well, again. The pee was lingering on her fingers, disgusting as it may sound, from the complete and utter demolition of a positive pregnancy test.

"Fuck," she muttered, thickly, tears streaming down her red, puffy face. "Fuck, fuck and double fuck," she added, and wiped her eyes with the back of the pee-free hand.

She was pregnant.

Two very different girls--a blonde in a cheerleading outfit and a brunette in tight, torn jeans and a jersey--laughed with each other as they made their way down the rarely used hallway. Students rarely frequented this part of the school. There wasn't much there besides the kitchens, and unless they had detention duty helping out, they weren't allowed inside. Hestia Jones, however, had an _understanding_ with one of the head cooks and he'd allow her to root around for some extra food every so often; she and Alice Svenski intended to take advantage of this understanding to get some extra dessert.

The girls were so distracted by their easy conversation that they were nearly past the half-hidden person in the corner. It was only because Alice happened to toss her hair over her shoulder that they noticed her at all.

Shooting a confused look at Hestia, Alice changed direction and approached Lily, whose red hair gave her away instantly. "Lily, why are you sitting down here?"

Lily looked upward, but didn't reply. She wrapped her arms tightly around her knees and sniffed back before fresh tears began falling down her and she began howling miserably.

Hestia was beyond startled, but swallowed her momentary confusion, bending down to the floor and motioning for Alice to do the same. Whatever was the matter with Lily was obviously something horrible (given Hestia had never seen Lily cry like this before despite years of knowing the girl), and the best mode of action was to get her back to their floor, into her room, and to calm her down. Effective calming could not take place in musty, dusty corridors from which dinner would soon been leaving.

"Lils, love, lets go upstairs, all right? To talk?" she offered calmly.

Lily couldn't respond, and her anxiety was slowly mutating into a panic attack.

Alice crouched down at Lily's side, smoothing her hair away from her face. Her and Lily were roommates and friends, had been for years. She hated to see Lily so upset. "Come on, Lily. Let's go to our room," Alice said softly, gently urging her to her feet by grabbing hold of her hands and standing up. "We can talk there."

Lily sniffed, still bawling, but managed to say, "Okay," somehow, and allowed Hestia and Alice to pull her to her feet, and toward the stairs.

Alice and Hestia exchanged worried looks over Lily's head as they led the sobbing and incoherent girl up to her room, avoiding as many people as they could. As soon as they reached the door, Alice left Lily in Hestia's care to search for her keys. She carried everything in her purse and it was often quite helpful (especially since she could pass Lily back some tissue), but it always meant that finding specific things took much longer.

"What's going on?" came a soft voice from up the hall. Emmeline had her head sticking out of her doorway, frowning with concern at the sight before her and pushing her glasses up with charcoal stained fingers.

"Lily's upset," Alice said unnecessarily, "and I can't quite find my... got them. Keys."

Emmeline quickly shut her door and followed the three girls inside. "What happened?" she asked softly.

Hestia led Lily to her bed and sat her down, shrugging her shoulders in Emmeline's direction. "We've no idea. We found her crying by the kitchens, and the only coherent thing we've gotten out of her so far is 'okay'."

Lily sobbed loudly and fell onto her side, curling into the fetal position.

"Perhaps someone should go get James?" Emmeline suggested. Alice nodded her vigorous approval, but sat down at Lily's side and began rubbing her back soothingly.

"I'd like to stay with her. Could one of you two go?" Alice said, looking beseechingly at her friends.

"I will," Hestia replied, getting to her feet, shooting a nervous glance back at Lily. "Be back in a jiffy." She turned out the door and headed toward the stairwell again.

Emmeline closed the door behind her.

"Lily, sweetheart, please tell us what's the matter?" she asked softly.

"You're worrying us, Lily. We can't help you unless we know what's wrong," Alice added. "Please."

Lily's breathing was jagged as she tried her best to calm herself down. Each word was followed by a sob as she said, "I'm pregnant," before immediately returning to her wails.

"Oh my. Are you sure?" Emmeline asked incredulously. Alice shot her a sharp sort of look before leaning closer to Lily, putting a hand on her shoulder and turning her a little so she could look into her face.

"Lily? Lily, listen to me. It isn't the end of the world, all right? It's not," Alice said firmly. "Lily, please calm down and just listen. You have lots of options, okay? It'll be all right. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise. Just trust me, it'll be all right. I know what I'm talking about."

Lily looked confusedly at Alice, blinking waterfalls of tears out of her eyes. "How -hic- do you -hic- know?" she asked with a snort.

Alice smiled and put her hand idly on her stomach. "I know, all right? Just trust me."

Lily gasped, and then hiccupped. "Alice. You're -hic- not. Too?"

Alice looked into Emmeline's shocked face for a moment before nodding at Lily. "For four and a half weeks now," she confirmed.

"I-I -hic- I. Oh my," Lily said, tears subsiding slightly as she looked at Alice with wide-eyes.

"Yes. Well, I've been meaning to tell you all for a while. Frank and I are okay with it, maybe James will be too. And at least now, we can do it together," Alice said, smiling tentatively, not even considering the possibility that Lily would want an abortion.

Just then, the door burst open and a panting James entered the room. He jogged quickly to Lily's side, gasping for breath as he asked, "Are you all right? What's going on? You aren't hurt, are you?"

Lily glanced from Alice to Emmeline, apprehension evident on her face, and swallowed as a panting Hestia appeared in the doorway. "I -hic- can you girls leave for a moment? I -hic-I need to speak to James. Alone."

Alice nodded and got to her feet, moving quickly to steer Emmeline out of the room, shooing Hestia out before them. Alice called softly over her shoulder, "We're going to wait next door. Knock if you need anything at all."

The door latched shut just then and James, whose breathing was now quite nearly back to normal, cupped Lily's face in his hands, wiping her still wet cheeks with his thumbs. "Hey. What's going on?" he asked gently, his voice little more than a whisper.

"James -hic-," Lily began sadly, looking into his eyes, feeling as though she was lost in the woods. "I don't know how to tell you this."

A hundred horrible thoughts, each worse than the last flitted through James' head. _She's going to a new school, she's leaving the country, she's been promised as a wife to an old man along with a dowry of sheep, she's sick, oh lord, she's terminally ill, she's dying, what on earth will I do if she's_ dying?

"Please, Lily, you can tell me anything. I just, I... are you okay? You're okay, right?" James asked, his voice a little frantic.

"I well. Yes. I suppose, aside from the slight mental breakdown I've just had, of course. But, oh James," Lily said, almost pleadingly. "James, I'm... I'm pregnant."

James stared at her blankly for a moment and then pulled her into a tight hug, burying his face in her hair. "Oh _thank_ God. I thought I was going to have to call Dad about getting sheep and dowries or maybe you had bought a parka to move to _Canada_ ," he muttered, kissing her neck. Suddenly he leaned back a little and looked her in the eye. "Pregnant? That means... I mean I thought Madame Pomfrey was giving you pills? I don't know how... I don't understand..."

"Canada? I... what?" Lily shook her head. "She was. She did! I was taking them. I don't know. I guess maybe they weren't as effective anymore, you know? Not strong enough. That happens." She sighed and bit her lip. "What am I going to do James?"

James ran a hand through his hair and began bouncing one of his legs quickly. "I don't really know. But, I mean, whatever it is, whatever you do, I'll be there. It's a we. Whatever _we_ do. What do you want to do?" he asked her, seeing just how red her eyes were and wishing he could make it all better.

"I don't know, James. We made a baby. Our baby is inside of me _right now_. I can't get... I won't get rid of it. Will I?" Lily asked, searching for an answer. She didn't want to have to make these sorts of decisions. She was only 17!

"No. No you won't," James said quickly. "Look, I mean, we could... I could, we... it's ours. Our baby. We could, you know. Take care of it. Together. You know?"

"Be parents, you mean?" Lily questioned dubiously. "Could we actually do that?"

"Yeah, we could. We could do that, if you wanted. I want to. I mean, oh God," James said. He closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them, clearing his throat. "Marry me, Lily? We could have a little family. Maybe one day a big family. We could - we could be happy together. Marry me?"

"Marry you? James? Are you... quite..." Lily gulped and laughed a little hysterically. "Are you serious?"

James nodded nervously. "Don't - don't laugh. I'm serious, I am. I mean it. I love you."

"I'm not laughing, I'm going insane. There's a difference," Lily exclaimed, frantically. "I just... Married? We're still in school. School! Oh God. I'll be kicked out."

"Married. Yeah," James said. "When are you, I mean, how long... uh... when is it coming? The baby? Maybe you can graduate first."

"Erm, I don't know. I just did the... you know. Pee. Stick. I haven't seen a doctor. But I'm a few weeks I guess. I don't know. August?" Lily was rambling now, running her hands through her hair absently. Her eyes suddenly went wide, and she looked at James in a panic. "James, James, oh my fucking God, James. I smoked _weed_ while I was pregnant. _Weed_! We're going to have a baby with a handicap!"

"No, not, um, not necessarily. It was early on. It might not, it'll probably be fine, you know? Calm down," James said quickly, his voice a bit strangled. "Lily, are we? Are we going to do this together? You said _we_ were going to have a baby. Before, you didn't, you never said, you didn't answer before. I mean, if you, if you don't want to I don't want to pressure you, I just, I just thought..."

New tears began easing their way down Lily's face. "I don't know. It's a baby. I mean. It seems like so much. To get married now. What if we don't like each other this time next year? Or, or what if having a baby is too much for us to handle? What'll the school say? The teachers? Our _parents_?"

"Don't cry. Please, don't cry. It'll be all right," James begged, kissing her chastely before pressing his lips to her cheek, just below her eye, and speaking softly, his mouth moving against her skin. "Lily, I love you. I _love_ you. I can't imagine not being with you, not helping you through this and taking care of you and being just as much a part of the baby's life as you will be. We never know what's going to happen in the future, I can't promise things will go well, but I can promise to be there with you if they don't. I know it's going to be hard, but it's a _baby_ , Lily. Our baby. I know that I sound like... like I'm right off one of my mum's daytime soaps, but I mean it."

Lily wrapped her arms around James and hugged into him tightly. "Then... I," she sobbed into his shoulder. "I love you too. And... and I'll marry you."

James laughed into her shoulder and felt tears come to his own eyes. "It is a bit much, isn't it? Fucking hell, I'm going to be a father and a husband. August. You know, we could wait until after graduation and have a summer wedding before the baby is born. That'd be nice, don't you think? And it, uh, the baby, would still be legitimate."

"I think a white dress would be a bit ironic," Lily replied, and laughed into James' shirt.

James pulled out of the embrace just enough to lean his forehead against hers. "Whatever you want. Really, anything." James pulled a face and added, "Can you imagine what Sirius is going to say?"

Lily laughed again. "Likely say you did it on purpose to prove you were sleeping with me."

James snorted. "You're right. And you're perfect, do you know that?" he asked, pressing another soft kiss to her lips.

"No, actually, I'm outrageously flawed. And pregnant. And horribly nauseous," Lily said.

"Then I guess that just means you're perfect for me," James answered easily, grinning widely at her. "Oh, and you'll have to vomit on me, then, because I'm not letting you go just now."

Lily quirked an eyebrow. "Then I hope you don't like that sweater," she said, and threw up a little, swallowed, and burped. "Oh. Well. I guess you're lucky then."

James nodded. "You know, you're right. _Very_ lucky. I've got you, haven’t I?"

"You're cheesier than a hallmark card," Lily managed, before plying herself out of his arms and tearing off toward the bathroom.

James got up and followed her. "Maybe, but Hallmark cards won't hold your hair back and they aren't half as good in the sack!"


	8. Oh, Baby (January 4th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Narcissa gives Lucius a belated Christmas present, and Draco kicks them both.

The holidays had been fairly average for Narcissa. Her mother had started her on a diet in order to help her lose the unseemly layer of fat she thought her daughter was getting. Narcissa didn't even consider correcting her. She hadn't thought of her parents when she'd made the decision to stop taking birth control. Not that she regretted it, but it wouldn't do to have them find out now. They might do something ridiculous like pull her out of school, and it would make the situation with Lucius all the more difficult. She snuck as much extra food as she could, but she didn't have to do that for long. Only a few days into the holiday, the maid walked in on her changing. She'd quickly put two and two together. Narcissa made her swear not to say anything to her parents and she wasn't worried. Maciel had been sympathetic, and though her eyes had gotten kinder when Narcissa had threatened her, she'd promised to start smuggling extra food into Narcissa's bedroom for her. 

As the end of the holiday neared, Narcissa's belly rounded more and more. It would be difficult to hide it much longer and it would be best to go to Lucius as soon as school started. So that's how she came to be standing outside his room on the very first evening back, her stomach hidden as best as it could be by a fashionable wrap-around shawl she'd ordered from a French catalogue. 

The door was locked and Narcissa knocked softly. She wasn't worried. Whatever happened tonight, he couldn't leave her anymore. 

Lucius had been sitting at his desk, reading the day's newspaper when the knock came at the door. He looked up, surprised, and then glanced at his watch, wondering who would be calling on him at such an hour. If it were Narcissa (as it normally was) she would've just barged straight in as usual. 

He stood, removed his glasses and laid them on the desk. Pressing out the wrinkles in his blazer with the palms of his hands he strode to the door, put on his best demeaning facial expression, and pulled it open slowly. 

"Narcissa?" He blanched at the sight of the girl in the hallway. "Why in heaven's name are you knocking?" 

"It was locked," she answered shortly, leaning onto her tiptoes and pressing a fleeting kiss to his lips before walking past him into the room. "How was your Christmas, Luce?" she asked as she dropped her purse onto the floor and sat on his bed, toeing her shoes off. 

"As well as can be expected," Lucius replied, shutting the door and moving to sit beside her on the bed. Usually by now most of their clothing had already been removed. Unless there was to be talking involved. "Rather bland with my parents, but I've come to expect nothing more. Your own holidays?" 

Narcissa smiled and moved to stand in front of him, placing her hands on either side of his face before leaning down and kissing him once more. "It was fine. I have a present for you. Will you close your eyes?" she said while she pressed fluttering kisses around the edges of his lips. 

"A present for me? Well, certainly," Lucius replied, smiling slightly. He was always much more relaxed with Narcissa and less... well. Rude and unpleasant. She made him happy, she made him a softer man. At least in her presence, anyhow. Closing his eyes, his smile grew wider. "Will I like it?" he asked. 

"I hope so," she said, stepping away from him. She slowly pulled off her bulky shawl and tugged her tank top up over her head, standing before him in nothing but a lacy skirt and a bra. "Keep your eyes shut," she whispered as she took both of his hands, placing them on her stomach, resting her own hands on top of his. "Okay. Open your eyes." 

Lucius' lips had come together at the placement of his hands, as he tried with difficulty to deduce what exactly he was feeling. Her breasts? There was a slight curve, his fingers told him, and it was certainly skin. 

He opened his eyes, surveying Narcissa's stomach and the place where his hands sat. "Cissa, you're... you're..." his face went white and his eyebrows rose in alarm. 

"Pregnant," she answered, smiling warmly at him. "For nearly four months now. What do you think?" 

Lucius' mouth had gone dry. His face was now practically translucent and he removed his hands as though he were touching hot coals. "Who's..." he began, his voice cracking with nerves. "Who's... I mean, it's not..." he swallowed. "Is it mine?" 

"Of _course_ it is. I've never been with anyone else. You know that," she answered, moving her hands to run her fingernails gently over the backs of his hands. "I'm due in the end of June, just after graduation." 

He had been staring with almost sick fascination at her stomach, and now Lucius looked upward into Narcissa's eyes. She looked positively happy, while he felt as though everything around him was exploding. His life was ruined! "A child? A CHILD, CISSA? How on earth... you told me you were on birth control!" 

"Well," she said calmly, "I was, Luce. Until you tried to break up with me. I would've just died, you know. I love you too much, and I know you love me too, don't you dare try and tell me you don't. So we should be together. I had to take matters into my own hands. I had to make sure you wouldn't leave me because I just couldn't bear it," Narcissa continued, but now her voice was quickly becoming thick with emotion. She stepped closer to Lucius, reaching up and sadly tucking his long blond hair behind his ears. "I love you too much to let you go. You understand, don't you?" 

Lucius looked at her incredulously. "Are you bloody well insane? You got yourself pregnant _on purpose_ to tie me into this relationship?" He pushed her hands away furiously. "You are nothing, Cissa, but a selfish first-class _bitch_."

Narcissa closed her eyes against his angry words, flinching at his unkindness. She stumbled backwards a few steps, staring at her hands in shock for a moment before dropping them to gently cradle her stomach. He'd never pushed her away before, not once. 

"I did it for _us_ ," she insisted, lifting her head to look at him with desperation in her eyes. "You would have been as miserable without me as I would have been without you, and you know that. It's for the best, Luce. And you're going to have a child with me, you're going to be a _father_."

"Unwillingly and forcibly so," Lucius countered, face contorted with justifiable anger. "I'd never doubt for a moment that I've loved you," he said vindictively, "but this is despicable. This is you bringing a _child_ into the world, into _our lives_ and justifying it with love, of all bloody things." He put his head in his hands, staring at the floor in exasperation. "Lovely present, really. It's the _thought_ that counts, right?" 

"Lucius," Narcissa said plaintively, moving towards him and dropping to her knees in font of him, placing a hand on each of his knees and looking up at him. "We can start a family. Don't you want to start a family with me? We can get married and move in together and it will be perfect." 

"Perfect? Surely you're joking. Nothing is _perfect_ , _Cissa_. Nothing. This is work. This is the rest of our lives. You're 17 for God's sake Narcissa... what on earth have you told your parents? 'I've been shagging my history professor for the last three years and I've gotten myself knocked up to reel him in. Buy me a pony?' _Honestly_."

Don't. Don't talk to me like I'm stupid, Lucius," Narcissa hissed, her eyes narrowing and her breath catching in her throat. What if he still said they couldn't be together? What if all of this was for nothing and she'd just made everything a thousand times worse? "Compared to not being with you, this will be perfect. As perfect as it can be. And I know perfectly well how old I am, but that's never bothered you before, has it? Don't you get it, Lucius? This isn't about my _age_ or my _parents_ or your _image_ or your _career_. This is about us, forever. I meant forever. What do you want? Do you want me to raise the child on my own then? Leave you alone forever so you can teach history at a boarding school for the rest of your life? It's too late to get an abortion, you know." 

Lucius' head returned to his hands. Anger had been replaced with remorse and confusion, eyes peering at his young, pregnant... well. Narcissa. A child. Dear, sweet, Jesus, a child. He was going to be a father whether he wanted to be or not. His son or daughter was growing inside of her. 

He sighed. _Their son or daughter_ , he mentally corrected himself. 

"I'm going to lose my job," he croaked quietly. 

"There are other jobs," Narcissa said, sagging with relief until her head rested in his lap. "There's only one me."

He shook his head, lost. "I... I suppose," he said, giving in to the inevitability. It was going to happen, he did love her, and she was right. There was only one Narcissa... only one girl, nay, _woman_ for him. 

"Do you... know what it is?" He asked. 

Narcissa drew lines alone the seams of his trousers with her fingernails, smiling into the fabric covering his thigh. After a moment she lifted her head to turn her smile to him. "No. I thought I'd wait to get an ultrasound until we could go together. And I haven't had anyone to take me to the doctor anyway," she answered. 

"You haven't?" he asked in alarm. "Is that quite healthy?" 

"Probably not, but I've been very careful. I've been eating all the right things and taking vitamins," she assured him. She climbed to her feet and moved to lay down on the bed running her hand up and down the curve of her belly from the waistband of her skirt to the under wire of her bra. "Isn't it amazing, Luce? Come feel." 

Lucius laid back and placed a tentative hand on Narcissa's stomach. After a moment of wide-eyed wonder, he said, "It's intimidating." 

Narcissa shifted closer to him, pressing a kiss to his lips and entwining her fingers with his as she stared into his eyes. "It's ours," she breathed. 

"Yes," Lucius agreed, a smile creeping across his lips again. "But why I'm suddenly pleased about it I can't explain." 

Narcissa giggled happily and teased, "I'm not sure either. It's already done quite a number on my figure and it's only going to get worse." She could joke now. She could relax. Everything was going to be fine. 

"Cissa, this is absolutely surreal," Lucius said, shifting slightly, his hand still resting on her stomach. "I never, not in my wildest dreams, thought I would ever be a father." 

Before Narcissa could think of a reply, she gasped. "Did you feel that?" she asked breathlessly, moving his hand to a different spot on her stomach. "The baby kicked. I'm sure it did. Did you feel it?" 

Lucius furrowed his eyebrows. "No. Where?" 

Narcissa pressed his hand down just a little. "Right - oh! There! Did you feel it?" 

Lucius smiled excitedly. "I did!" he said. He had felt it; their child. It was so real and so... so... just, wow. Lucius could barely believe that this was happening. 20 minutes ago he was considering nothing beyond what sort of breakfast he might have the following morning. Now, well. 

"I'll speak to the headmaster tomorrow," he said. 

The first time. It felt like fate to Narcissa, who was usually such a sensible girl. Love had been the first thing she'd ever believed in that she couldn't see or touch or prove, and now here she was considering fate. But it had to mean something, the first time she'd ever felt the baby move, the very first time, and Lucius had been here to experience it with her. She pressed her face into his shoulder to hide the completely irrational and uncharacteristic tears filling her eyes. It must just be the hormones. Narcissa rarely cried unless it was to get something she wanted. 

"What are you going to say?" she asked him, hoping his shoulder muffled her emotion-thickened voice enough so he wouldn't notice. 

"Just... everything as it is. The truth. I believe I owe the man that much, even if he is off his nut." Lucius paused, noticing the tremble in Narcissa's voice, and feeling a slight dampness at his shoulder. "Are you all right?" he asked. 

"Oh, yes," she said quickly, letting out a short laugh. "Fine. Really. It's just, I'm so very, very happy. And a little overwhelmed. That was the first time the baby has ever moved, Luce. Ever. I'm just; I'm glad you were here. I'm glad you _are_ here." 

Lucius blinked, the most confused he had been since the evening began. "Cissa, I mean, well." He hesitated. "Since when do you cry? About anything? You've done it once previously in my presence, though, considering what resulted from _that_ conversation," he gestured to her stomach, "I'm not entirely sure you actually were doing so." 

"No, I wasn't crying then. It's just, you know. I blame my hormones. They're all over the place right now," she said lightly, wiping the tears from her face and taking a few deep breaths, feeling quite ridiculous indeed. 

Lucius sighed contentedly and wrapped his arm around Narcissa's shoulders, pulling her tightly to his side. "You know," he said thoughtfully, tracing his fingers along her cheek, "I would've likely given it up for you... without the baby." 

"You say that now, now that you don't have a choice. You were the one who said it had to end after this year, if you don't recall," Narcissa said evenly and without rancour. She wasn't angry about it anymore, not since she'd gotten her way. 

"Yes, well, I don't really suppose it matters anymore now," Lucius replied indifferently. "I will marry you Narcissa Black." 

Narcissa felt a swell of happiness, but propped herself up on one elbow and schooled her face into a stern expression. The severity of it was quite lessened by the redness still left over from the tears she shed, and her wispy blonde hair felt about her face, softening her appearance even more. "You're absolutely wrong if you think that just because I'm pregnant you don't have to propose properly." 

Lucius rolled his eyes. "Really, Cissa," he said irritably, but obliged, pulling himself to his knees and taking her hand. "Narcissa Cassandra Black, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

Narcissa smiled teasingly. "Not until there's a ring on this finger," she chirped, holding up her left hand and wiggling her ring finger. "I'm very old fashioned, you know," she said seriously. "Now get back down here and make love to me, Lucius." 

Lucius rolled his eyes again. "You're impossible, you know," he said, but moved back to her, crashing their lips together. "I love you," he mumbled, nuzzling his face against hers. 

"I love you too," Narcissa gasped. "Forever." 

"Forever," he agreed. And he meant it.


	9. Extra Credit (January 8th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Severus is emo sad, Lily has a problem with variables, and East Portlemouth Prep is slowly becoming the tale of three pregnancies.

Severus stared in awed silence as Lily dotted the period onto the last sentence, setting down the pen and looking at him. He had cleaned up all of their equipment and chemicals as she'd finished their eleventh and last lab summary. He cleared his throat and pulled his gloves off.

"It appears that we are finished," Severus said into the silence, staring down at the thick booklet of information they'd compiled. _AP Chemistry Extra-Credit Labs, by Lily Evans and Severus Snape_ , the title read. It had taken them the better part of the whole weekend, but they were finally finished.

"Thankfully," Lily lamented with exhaustion. She was still experiencing bouts of morning sickness, and it had taken every inch of her to will the baby to hold back on the nausea for the last few days. It would've made the project rather difficult to complete, not to mention that Severus would surely figure out what was going on. Dumbledore knew, and had permitted her to stay (along with Alice and Narcissa Black), under the condition that they keep their pregnancies hidden for as long as possible. Thus far, since the staff had been informed, they had each received a thwap on the nose from Madam Pomfrey, and a lecture on teenage parenting from Professor McGonagall. Dumbledore had _laughed_ at them, of all bloody things.

The father's had received far different 'punishments,' as such; James and Frank had been forced, last minute into the second semester's Home Economics class, purely for the child care section. McGonagall had warned that if there was so much as a stray hair on their eggs, she would see that they were both put in juvenile detention for the rest of their lives. Lucius Malfoy hadn't fared so well. Narcissa was as big as a house now, and once the school discovered who was the father, well. Professor Malfoy had been fired that previous Wednesday, and was still topic for discussion, though Alice's little bump was slowly showing up on everyone's radar.

"What now, Severus?" Lily asked distractedly, packing up her pencils, notebook and text.

Severus shrugged and watched Lily's graceful hands pack up her supplies, cursing himself as his eyes followed the smooth movement she made to tuck her hair behind her ear. Severus snapped his book shut with more force than was strictly necessary and turned his back to shove his things into his bag as well. _It wouldn't do to get caught staring at James Potter's girl_ , he thought bitterly. Nor would it do to offend one of the only students who'd treated him with any semblance of respect or equality.

"Now, I suppose we hand it in and go about our business," Severus answered. "Unless you'd like you'd like me to explain the equation from the third lab again."

Lily scrunched up her nose and scratched her head. "I would actually. I didn't understand it when he explained it, nor the text's explanation, not to mention the, what was it? Six, seven times you've tried to drill it through my head thus far? I'm surprised you've enough patience to try your luck with my unresponsive brain again."

Severus nodded, smiling just a little. "I'm not exactly known for my patience, but I'm more than willing to make an exception in this case," he said, pulling out his textbook again.

"You're one in a million then," Lily said, crossing her legs. "And you're still wearing your safety glasses. Fashion statement?"

Severus flushed and his hands flew to his face, pulling them off and dropping them unceremoniously on the counter. "Forgot," he admitted, embarrassed but not too incredibly much as he was still fighting off a smile because of her 'one in a million' comment. Severus cleared his throat and flipped his book open to the section in their text that pertained to the third lab, trailing his finger underneath the formula written there. "I think you're simply having problems identifying the proper variable."

"Likely," Lily agreed, thoughtfully. "I mean, I understood, you know. The basic formula, but I don't know why they're arranged. I don't see where the outcome stems from."

Severus couldn't help but roll his eyes and comment dryly, "Sounds a lot like life, doesn't it."

Lily laughed nervously, hands instinctively moving toward her stomach. "No kidding," she said.

Severus' eyes dropped down, following the motion of Lily's hands. He frowned and looked back up at her. "Are you referring to something specific, Lily?" he asked curiously, looking up again to meet her eyes, annoyed at how gruff his question had come off. He lacked the ability to be nice even when he meant to be because he'd been being so indiscriminately nasty for so long, he'd discovered.

"No, not really. Just speaking out of past experience, in general, I suppose," Lily replied, awkwardly.

His mouth curved into a sneer and he commented, "Perhaps wondering how exactly you ended up with a sociopath like Potter? I would be too, if I were you."

Lily rolled her eyes, holding her hands more firmly at her stomach. "Har har," she said.

"Are you all right?" he asked suddenly, feeling stupid for his irrational worry. "It's just... you're, well, clutching," he tried to explain, gesturing at her hands. "You didn't ingest any of the chemicals today, did you?"

"I'm fine, no worries," Lily lied, swallowing. She did not want to tell Severus Snape she was pregnant. Did not, did not, did not.

"You don't look fine," Severus said bluntly, turning to face her. "Did you touch your mouth at all after handling any of the equipment? Most of these were caustic so I'm sure you would've noticed far before it came to stomach pain, but there's always a chance..."

Lily shook her head. "I didn't ingest any chemicals, Severus, don't worry," she said, trying to turn his attention away from her stomach, from which her hands didn't seem to want to move. "Now what about that problem?"

"But there is something wrong," Severus said, impatience creeping into his voice as he completely ignored her attempt to distract him. Lily was many things, including, Severus suspected, very often selfless. Well, he wouldn't allow it like that utter degenerate Potter probably did. "Right. What can I do?"

Lily laughed nervously again. "Nothing is wrong, Severus," she argued firmly, and a little too loudly.

He sighed and brushed his long hair out of his face, glaring down at her through kohl rimmed eyes. "Do you take me for a fool, Lily? I'm trying to help you," he said indignantly.

Then he realized she wasn't telling him because, whatever it was, she didn't trust him to know it. He turned quickly back to the textbook, feeling quite embarrassed indeed. Severus often made a fool of himself in front of Lily; this was just one more occurrence to tack onto a long list of his failings.

"As you wish. I believe I was about to explain how to properly replace the variables with known figures," he said coldly.

Lily realized, sadly, that she had hurt Severus' feelings. He probably though she didn't trust him, even though she really did, despite his relationship with her own group of friends. She frowned. "Severus, I'm... sorry."

"It is none of my business," he replied. "I should not have asked."

Lily looked down. She was still cradling her stomach. "I... It's just. It's something that no one is supposed to know about. I mean. They will, I guess. In, you know. Due time or whatever," she said quietly.

Severus turned to stare at her for a moment, thinking hard. _In due time? She couldn't mean_... he thought. He cast a quick glance around, as though making sure no one else had entered the classroom without him noticing and then turned back to Lily, frowning in concern. "You aren't pregnant."

Lily bit her bottom lip and nodded solemnly.

"How... for how long?" he asked awkwardly, his mind whirring. He shouldn't have felt pleased about it, but in a small way, he was. She'd told him her secret, sort of. She did trust him after all. "It's just, I'm sure there's a good clinic in Kingsbridge and there's a Salcombe weekend coming up. I could, well, accompany you, if you wanted..."

Lily sighed. "I'm a month an a half. And thank you for your offer, Severus, but... we're keeping the baby."

Severus froze as the words hit him. Potter, of course. All of this is likely his fault, Severus was sure. "If Potter convinced you to ruin your life for him, Lily, you should know you don't have to. There are other options," he deadpanned.

"It was an accident, Severus," Lily defended, taken aback. "He didn't convince me of anything. My birth control pills weren't strong enough, and I hadn't the sense to get a new prescription."

"Yes, Lily, I am quite aware that it takes two to conceive. I was talking about the decision to keep it. I won't insult your intelligence by saying you let him fill your head with pretty, shallow pictures of a perfect life because I know you're too smart to fall for that. I do know, however, that Potter can be a selfish, conniving bastard and if he's making you do something you aren't sure about, I'll - " Severus stopped and clenched his jaw shut tightly.

Lily clucked her tongue. "We sat down. We talked about it. I'm not personally a fan of abortions, to begin with. We decided to keep it. Our parents agree. The school is letting me finish the year." She pursed her lips. "That's all there is to it."

"Your parents know?" Severus asked, surprised. "The _school_ knows? First Narcissa and that Alice tart, and now you. I'm surprised there aren't ministers swarming the place with holy water and..." he trailed off, clearing his throat. "That's entirely beside the point."

"That _Alice tart_ happens to be my best friend, thank you." Lily said curtly. "And we had to tell the school. Narcissa is fairly lucky she's getting to stay, given how long it took her to spill the beans. And her situation is a little more fucked up than mine, given she's been secretly shagging Professor Malfoy for the last three years. And obviously we told our parents, as it's not rightly something we could hide from them very well. What would you suggest we had done? Get rid of the baby and forget it ever happened?"

"Perhaps I am not the epitome of moral righteousness, but yes, that's what I would have recommended," Severus said, though it was surely not for the reasons Lily probably assumed.

Severus merely felt she deserved to be happy in her own right, to live her own life. He'd been so sure she'd eventually realize she was far too good for James Potter and though he hadn't been so ridiculous as to expect he'd be allowed to take Potter's place, Severus had wished better for Lily. He felt she was owed far more from the world than a life as a teen mother and wife to an ignorant, immature, imbecilic reprobate.

"I know what you're thinking," Lily said knowingly, touching her finger to her nose. "You think I'm wasting my life, resigning to a miserable existence by becoming a mother at eighteen. And a wife," she added. "Maybe I'll regret it. Who knows? I would just rather do the Right Thing, because that's all I've ever wanted to do."

"You are planning on getting married then? I'd assumed as much," Severus sniffed. "For your sake, I hope you are happy and... fulfilled."

"Fulfilled? What's that supposed to mean?" Lily questioned, warily.

Severus frowned at her tone of voice, so much like the way all the others spoke to him. "You can't expect me to believe you don't know the definition of _fulfilled_. I was wishing you well, Lily, however much I may dislike your... husband to be," he spat sourly.

Lily licked her lips and took a deep breath, looking at her shoes instead of Severus' face. "I'm sorry. And, I'm going to go. Would you like to pass the paper in, or shall I?"

"I'll do it," he said quietly, biting back a bitter reply. It wasn't her fault he was affected by her so. She was still kinder to him than anyone else ever was. "And I won't tell anyone. That you're with child, that is."

Lily smiled. "Thank you. Though they'll know soon enough, I'm sure," she said, and patted her stomach gingerly. "I'll see you later, Severus."

Severus nodded and watched her leave. As soon as the door shut behind her, he allowed his eyes to drop down to the cover page of their extra-credit project and remembered all the hours they'd spent alone together that weekend, working together and talking together. She was pregnant. He could no longer comfort himself with the hope that Potter was temporary.

Nevertheless, for one, childish moment he allowed himself to cover her last name with his thumb so it read 'Lily and Severus Snape'.


	10. The Offer (February 21st, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Peter is slightly more twitchy than usual, Severus has a hidden agenda, and the secret Order might not be as secret as you think.

They'd probably just forgotten about him, Pete decided. It probably wasn't intentional. They were friends. He was their friend. Maybe they thought he'd be busy. He probably said something about homework and so they'd decided to go do something without him. They were probably just being considerate of him, that was all. Pete was sure of it.

Of course, he wasn't busy and he didn't have anything better to do than to wander around and look for them. Remus liked the library. They could be here. Or Remus could, anyway. In the reference section. Reference books. Remus liked reference books, didn't he? He might be here.

"Why does a Christian school library have a reference section on vampires?" Pete wondered aloud to himself. Weren't vampires sacrilegious or something?

"Because if they didn't, people would say they were bigots," an annoyed voice answered from behind him. "Don't you have any place better to be, Pettigrew? Abandoned by your 'friends' again, I suppose?"

In truth, Severus felt bad for Peter. He was an OK guy, for the most part. Nervous, yes, but it all seemed to stem from a lack of self-esteem, something that Sirius, James and Remus unintentionally decreased on a regular basis. He was easily mold-able, and the sort of person Bellatrix had told him to keep his eyes peeled for.

"Oh! H-hello. I didn't, um, didn't see you there," Peter stuttered, surprised by the sudden voice at the end of the aisle. "A-and I wasn't abandoned. They're just... busy. What are _you_ doing here, hiding out by the v-vampire books?"

Peter had made a valiant attempt at sounding confident, but it failed miserably when paired with his stammer and the way he wrung his hands all the time. He reached for a book so as to pretend he'd been looking for one all along, and tucked it under his arm, turning to scan the other shelves.

"Waiting for fat-necked prey," Severus replied sarcastically. "Reading, you idiot, what does it look like?"

Peter blinked in scandalized shock for a moment before he realized Severus was joking, and then he promptly opened the book to hide the smile on his face, snickering softly into the pages. "Well, I guess, I guess it looks like you're reading. I just meant, w-why are you reading vampire books?"

Severus rolled his eyes and held up the book he was reading so that Peter could see the cover. It was a book titled 'The History of Modern Music.' "I'd say that vampires are irrelevant, Pettigrew. Do I look like the blood-sucking type?"

"No! No of course not--well, yeah. A little. J-just a little with the..." Pete trailed off, gesturing to his eyes. Makeup. Most boys don't wear makeup, and now that Peter thought of it, it could be sort of vampire-ish. Did vampires wear makeup? Well, if vampires existed, would they wear makeup? "Why are you in the reference section f-for VA-WE then?"

"Because typically people don't venture back here much and I can read in peace," Severus said. "Today, however, is an exception. Why are you still talking to me, Pettigrew?"

"Oh. Um. I don't, I don't know," Peter said, shrugging and blushing red. Lying to Severus about why, oddly enough, didn't occur to Peter. "Because you h-haven't told me to shut up o-or bugger off or a-anything yet, I guess."

Severus cocked his head slightly. "The three bumbling fuck-heads tell you to do that a lot, do they?"

"Well, yeah, but that's not... it's not... it's just how they are," Pete said, standing up for his friends even though Severus' words stung. "They say it to each other all the time, too. It's just... a Marauder thing. Y-you wouldn't understand."

Severus shrugged. "Can't say I'd like to if the opportunity arose, to be honest. Constant belittling just isn't my thing."

A look of confusion worked its way onto Peter's face, and then he scowled, uncertain and un-amused. It wasn't belittling, not really. It was just how they _were_. James and Sirius were blunt like that, and Remus was always polite to him, if a little condescending sometimes. But they were his friends, they _were_ , and it wasn't like they hurt his feelings on _purpose_. Usually.

"Oh," he said finally. How was he supposed to respond to that?

Severus' expression didn't really change. He knew he was hitting a nerve. "Honestly, Pettigrew," he continued as he marked his page and closed the book in his hand, "I don't know why you still put up with it. You're nearly 18 for Christ's sake. You could be doing something far more productive with your time than prancing around after the do-gooders, wagging your tail at every pleasant comment that comes your way."

"Shut up!" Peter snapped, feeling defensive and unnerved. He put the book randomly back onto the shelf and took a step away from Severus. "That's n-not how it is. You don't know a-anything."

Severus quirked an eyebrow. "Getting defensive? Surely you don't have a backbone?"

"I have to go. My f-friends are probably waiting for me by now," Peter lied wildly. "We have plans for the weekend, you know. I-it's going to be really, r-really fun. And at least I have friends."

"Oh," he said finally. How was he supposed to respond to that?

Severus' expression didn't really change. He knew he was hitting a nerve. "Honestly, Pettigrew," he continued as he marked his page and closed the book in his hand, "I don't know why you still put up with it. You're nearly 18 for Christ's sake. You could be doing something far more productive with your time than prancing around after the do-gooders, wagging your tail at every pleasant comment that comes your way."

"Shut up!" Peter snapped, feeling defensive and unnerved. He put the book randomly back onto the shelf and took a step away from Severus. "That's n-not how it is. You don't know a-anything."

Severus quirked an eyebrow. "Getting defensive? Surely you don't have a backbone?"

"I have to go. My f-friends are probably waiting for me by now," Peter lied wildly. "We have plans for the weekend, you know. I-it's going to be really, r- _really_ fun. And at least I _have_ friends."

"Oh ho!" Severus exclaimed. "Attempting insults as well! I must admit, I'm impressed Pettigrew. As for your little comment, just because I don't have friends here at school doesn't mean I don't have friends somewhere else." Peter was quite unhinged and Severus had the boy right where he wanted him. "How else would I know that you and your 'Marauders' bugger around with Gideon and Fabian Prewett?"

Peter narrowed his eyes nervously at Severus and said uncertainly, "They're our friends."

"More than that from what I've heard," Severus said. "More like, your bosses? For your do-gooding, so to speak?"

"I-I don't, I don't know what you're t-talking about," Peter said. No one was supposed to know about The Order of Weed, no one except the people in it. How did Severus know? Or did he? He probably didn't. He was probably bluffing. "We don't have b-bosses. No bosses. Not us."

Severus laughed. "Right, Pettigrew. Which is why you're twitching like a little rat. I know all about your little society. So does Riddle."

"Th-there's no s-secret society. I always twitch," Peter denied, though he knew deep down there was no point. The other side knew more than they let on. He wondered if James and Sirius and Remus knew that Riddle knew. It was a lot more dangerous than Peter thought; they could get arrested at any time if the police found out their names. James and Sirius and Remus couldn't know, they would have told him. The Prewetts probably didn't know either. He'd tell them all that Riddle knew, they'd be so impressed he'd found something out first.

"Right," Severus said again. "You know, Pettigrew, there are many more concrete rewards on Riddle's side." He smirked. "It's something you might like to consider."

"Don't be stupid. My friends would kill me if..." Peter trailed off, shaking his head and taking another step back. "I mean, I-I'd never. I know w-what's right. I have to go. I really h-have to go."

"Well," Severus said, opening his book again. "When you come to your senses, let me know. The offer'll still be there."

Peter stared for one wide-eyed moment, and then backed away, nearly tripping over a chair at the end of the aisle before he turned and scurried from the library. He'd never. He knew what was right. He'd never even consider it. He wasn't considering it, of course. It wasn't his fault Severus' words were still bouncing around in his head. And not just the offer. _Constant belittling just isn't my thing. ...Wagging your tail at every pleasant comment that comes your way_.

Still, he couldn't help but wonder if James and Sirius and Remus knew that Riddle knew. Maybe he'd ask them. No, no. He wouldn't. They would've told him if they did know. Right?


	11. Pillow Talk (March 18th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Remus can't control his mouth, Sirius can't control his emotions, and Sirius' cock obviously failed to control itself in the past.

The room felt lazy, felt like it was completely separate from the hustle and bustle of schoolchildren getting ready for the weekend. Remus and Sirius lay twined together, only slightly sticky from sweat as they curled around each other beneath the sheets. There was a blanket hung over the window in an attempt to block out the bright afternoon sun, but there was still a strip of gold in the air that dust particles seemed to get caught in, and Remus found himself staring at it, transfixed.

"I love you," Remus whispered, his voice only a little rough as it broke the post-coital silence. His eyes moved from that sliver of golden air to meet Sirius', and Remus couldn't help but smile, moving his hand lightly where it lay resting, brushing his fingertips against the soft skin of Sirius' side. "Obviously."

Sirius smiled, softly, his breathing still heavy. "I love you, too," he mumbled, his eyelids flittering in the steamy haze surrounding them. This was, to him, perfect, although he'd probably never say such out loud. Moments like these, after fucking, making love, whatever the case, Sirius felt content. Peaceful. Relaxed. His mind could go blank and it was as if the world had shut off and nothing else existed except the two of them.

Remus' mind, however, rarely went blank. He thought, perhaps, if he ever told Sirius that, they might have an interesting few hours seeing just how exhausted and sated Remus would have to be, exactly, before his mind finally did go blank.

As it was, however, Remus' mind was predictably non-blank. In fact, as he lay there, his mind began to wander all over the place. His line of thought began with the happy, general feeling that he couldn't imagine ever doing something like this with someone other than Sirius because he just loved Sirius so much it filled him fit to burst. It had always been Sirius, it would always be Sirius. Sirius was it for him. They were it for each other. Well, now. He hadn't always been it for Sirius. Sirius had slept with plenty of people before Remus. And by the time his mind got to that point, his mouth decided to speak up without any particular sort of permission from either common sense or common decency. Even propriety seemed to be taking a brief vacation from his mental facilities, because his mouth certainly didn't check in there before deciding to start gabbing away.

"How many have you had other than me, Sirius?" Remus asked suddenly.

Shaken out of his sluggish stupor, it was a long moment before Sirius fully realized what Remus had asked. "Uh. What?"

"Well. I mean, how many others have there been? How many others have been with you like this?" Remus pressed shyly, trying to soften the invasive questions by nuzzling Sirius' neck.

"Are you really asking me how many people I've had sex with?" Sirius questioned with incredulity, moving away from Remus and sitting up slightly. "Really?"

"Well," Remus said, blushing a little now as he propped himself up on one arm so he was still at the same level as Sirius. "Yes, I suppose I am."

"Why do you want to know?" Sirius asked. "I mean. It's you now, so why does it matter? Wondering if you need and STD test?"

"No, of course not!" Remus replied, shocked. "Don't be stupid. It's nothing like that. I just... I'm curious. I couldn't imagine ever being with anyone but you and I'm just curious, you know, how many others there were for you."

"I don't see why a number is even important," Sirius retorted, if a bit defensive. "It was all meaningless. For the most part."

"Okay, fine," Remus said, his voice placating and he reached out and touched Sirius' wrist in what he hoped was a soothing sort of way. "You're right. It doesn't matter. Like I said, I was just curious."

"I'm not having a temper tantrum," Sirius said, pulling his arm away. "No need to pacify me, _Mother_." Sirius hated it when he got like this. His and Remus' brain seemed to have quite a lot in common, for, like Remus, when Sirius' mind starting whirring, it had no connection or control over what came out of his mouth. He had _thought_ that that part of Sirius' life (the part James' referred to as the "Manwhore Stage") had been put behind him, not only by himself, but by Remus as well.

So he hadn't given Remus his virginity. Weren't their more important things? Like love?

"I'm not, Sirius, I'm _not_ trying to pacify you," Remus said, worry lines creasing his forehead. "I just don't want this to be a big deal. It was a stupid question anyway. It doesn't matter."

"If it was a stupid question, why did you ask it in the first place?" Sirius asked.

"Because I was _curious_ ," Remus said, a bit exasperated. "Don't blow it out of proportion, Sirius."

"But _why_ are you curious, Remus?" Sirius pressed.

"I... I don't know. Because it was never like that for me. It doesn't _bother_ me or anything. I mean, what matters is how things are now, right?" Remus said, stumbling a bit over his words. "Just forget it, okay? I wasn't trying to cause problems."

"No, no," Sirius said. "You brought it up. You wanted to _know_." Pausing, an awkward silence ensuing, Sirius gritted his teeth. "And it never bothered you, huh?"

"Well... okay. It did. But before. It bothered me when I had to sit back and watch you go and sleep with girl after girl and wish it was me. Yeah. It bothered me then," Remus admitted, figuring that this was one of those times Sirius was just determined not to let it go. "But you love _me_ now. You sleep with _me_ and you're just with _me_. I get to have you all to myself. You're mine, do you get it? Just like I'm yours. I don't care about what all those other people got. They don't get to have you like I have you now. Or, like we have each other. You know?"

"I'm _yours_ , am I?" Sirius alleged, irritation evident in the tone of his voice. He couldn't stop himself. Remus had started it, and Sirius would finish it, either by throwing an absolute yelling fit, storming from the room, or hitting whatever was closest.

"And I'm yours," Remus answered, his voice soft and matter-of-fact, watching Sirius with a level gaze as he said the words. He let calm resignation and a level-head prevail over the niggling desire to snap back. If Sirius wanted to start a fight, Remus couldn't stop him; he did, however, refuse to encourage it. "Sirius, are you making such a big deal out of this because it bothers _you_? Because I've already told you it doesn't bother me."

Sirius' lips drew into a thin line. _No shit, Sherlock_ , he thought, annoyed, and rolled his eyes. "You know I don't talk about it with you. I didn't then, and I don't understand why you had to bring it up again now. After shagging."

If Sirius wanted to play the guilt game, Remus could do that too, and he wouldn't even have to twist the truth to do it. "Because I was thinking about how amazing it was to be with you like this and how great it felt, _Sirius_ , to know without even having to consciously reassure myself that no matter how many others had come before me, I was it now. It was _me_. Do you have any idea how many times in my life it _hasn't_ been me? Maybe I wanted to know because it means something to me. It means that out of all of those, you chose _me_."

"For the last bit I was only with them because I wasn't with you," Sirius said, for some reason tempted to tack on _Jerk_. He resisted, attempting (with great difficulty) to repress his irrational anger.

"I don't want to fight with you. This wasn't supposed to turn into a fight," Remus said, sighing and rubbing at his eyes. He would have run a hand through his hair, which was his usual nervous tick, but he was sure that it was quite a frightful mess and he'd likely catch a knot and rip a chunk of hair out. "Can't we just drop it? Let's talk about something else."

"You know what? No. No we're not going to drop it. You wanted to know, Remus, so I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you just how many people I fucked before you. Just how many people I used to try and put you out of my head. _Hoards_ of people, random people, many of whom I don't recall ever having names." Sirius raised his eyebrows, daring Remus to tell him to forget it.

There was no real way to protest. Remus had asked, and though he wasn't sure exactly whether the expression on Sirius' face meant Remus _should_ argue, or that he _shouldn't_ , Remus just took a deep breath and shrugged. He should never have brought it up. It was stupid and unnecessary, Remus knew that now. It really didn't matter and it had obviously upset Sirius.

"Fine. It's up to you," Remus replied. "I just want you to know that I love you. And I mean, I love you for who you are, including everything you've ever done and everything you'll ever do. I didn't think about it enough to consider that it might upset you to ask, so I'm sorry."

"30 girls," Sirius blurted out. "I can name about five or so of them, and those are the ones that still go to school here. Hes, Ella Guffy, Cassie Sinistra, Greta Catchlove and Veronica Smethley. That's it. And I vaguely remember someone called Lisa; I think I might've shagged her on two separate occasions." He paused. "And two blokes."

"Two... oh," Remus said, cutting himself off too late. It still didn't bother him. It didn't. It wasn't like it was any different. He'd already known Sirius had fooled around with boys, especially after the whole Christmas Leaving Feast Debacle. But he hadn't known Sirius had actually slept with any of them. He was surprised, that was all. "Okay."

Sirius suddenly felt very ashamed, and looked down at his fingernails. It hadn't been intentional, to shag another bloke. In the back of his head, he hadn't planned to do that with anyone but Remus. Because at the time there was only Remus. Remus and substandard fooling around to try and compensate for Not Having Remus.

"I'm sorry," he said, quietly."No, God, it's okay. Don't," Remus said, moving quickly towards Sirius and framing his face with both hands. He hated it when Sirius got like this. All of a sudden, he went from being Sirius to being an abused puppy and Remus couldn't _stand_ it. He could physically feel the desire to fix it, heavy like a rock in his stomach. "I love you. I meant it. All of you. No conditions. Um, I mean, unconditionally."

"I should've told you," Sirius lamented.

"It doesn't matter," Remus said, pressing his face to Sirius' and speaking against his lips. "Don't you get it yet, Sirius? Everything that's happened... I'm glad for it all. I've never been as happy in my whole life as I am with you, and everything you've done helps to make you you. You shouldn't regret any of it."

Sirius almost laughed at this. "Remus? I'm a basket case, in case you haven't noticed."

"And I love you, basket, case, and all," Remus answered.

Sirius did laugh this time. "I can't fathom why."

"Perhaps all that sex you had has made you an expert, and I'm actually just delusional with lust," Remus suggested frankly.

It was amazing, Sirius decided, how abruptly he could go from lazy, to angry, to sad, to horny. Separating the distance between them by jumping playfully on top of Remus, Sirius then grinned and waggled his eyebrows. "In that case, I have no idea why we're still talking."

Remus chuckled and looked up at Sirius, relieved that his melancholy seemed to have passed. "You really are a basket case, aren't you?"


	12. The Cabana Girl (April 22nd-24th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where uni-balls are found, Sirius plays it back and forth, and Remus just forgets it.

**SATURDAY**

"How about this one," Sirius suggested to Remus, holding up a plastic, blue, perfectly ordinary ballpoint pen. "It's a pen. It writes. Does it really have to be a certain bloody brand?"

Sirius was agitated. Remus took his sweet time when replacing worn school supplies, taking care to purchase certain things in certain places. The boy had turned the damn situation into a science, and all Sirius wanted to do was give up entirely and go stuff their faces with fish and chips.

Sadly, however, that didn't appear to be happening soon.

"No, Sirius. I've used that kind before and they always dry up. And anyway, I've told you. I like the Uni-ball Vision fine tip ones. I write better when I use them," Remus answered absently. "I'll keep looking. Go amuse yourself by putting obscene post-it notes all over the place or something. I'll only be a moment more."

Remus shot a slightly apologetic look over his shoulder - he knew some of his quirks could get very frustrating, this one especially - but continued his search nonetheless. He knew they carried them here; he'd purchased some last year on one of the earlier Salcombe weekends.

Sirius sighed. "Fine," he mumbled, and turned strolling out of the office supplies section and straight into an isle filled with dog food. It wasn't particularly appealing (no more than discussion about uni-ball preferences anyhow) so he kept going, wandering aimlessly and not paying attention until he walked head long into a cabana.

"What the fuck?" he said, startled, and glanced around, realizing he was standing in the middle of the men's section. The store wasn't actually huge - he could see the top of Remus' head from where he was standing - so the appearance of a lime green cabana was, needless to say, a bit of a shock.

"That's our change room," said a female voice to his right.

Sirius looked over and automatically quirked an eyebrow. The girl was rather pretty. She was petite, blond, blue-eyed and smiling at Sirius in a way that reminded him why he had ever liked girls in the first place.

"Oh," he remarked, glancing at the thing. "Too cheap to build a stall then?"

"Pretty much," the girl replied, continuing to smile. Sirius grinned back and she bit her lip. "I'm Lisa," she said sweetly.

"Sirius," he replied.

After a moment, Remus found what he was looking for. He knew they'd be there, somewhere. They'd just been buried behind a stack of erasers. He was embarrassed at the audible "a ha!" sound he made upon making the discovery and was rather glad Sirius wasn't there. Excitement over pens was certainly not something Sirius understood. Remus grabbed a ten-pack of said pens, at first taking another but then putting it back on the shelf. There was no need to be wasteful.

Stepping out of the stationery aisle, he thought he spotted Sirius' tall head a couple rows over, so he took a short-cut through the pet care section, raising sensible brows at a decided _un_ sensible spiked collar. Just before he reached the end of the aisle, he heard a high pitched giggle along with Sirius' low chuckle. Remus wasn't sure what exactly made him pause, but pause he did. Remus Lupin, the least sneaky of the Marauders, then began to eavesdrop.

"So how long have you been Cabana girl?" Sirius asked.

"Well I've worked here for a while now," Lisa replied, twisting a strand of hair on her finger. "Do you... live in Salcombe?"

Sirius nodded. "Yes. Going to school now though. East Portlemouth."

"The prep school? Bit expensive, that?" She was surveying Sirius with interest.

He shrugged. "It's not too bad. I'm finding it more this year, since I'm on my own. I had to work last summer with my b- _friend_ Remus. To go back."

"Why?"

"I got kicked out."

At the sound of an impressed sort of gasp from the girl Sirius was currently flirting with, Remus stepped around the corner and to Sirius' side, his face schooled into a neutral expression so that Sirius wouldn't know Remus had been listening. Friend indeed.

"I found them. We can go now," he said dully, before offering the _Cabana girl_ a forced smile. "Hello."

Lisa smiled politely. "Hello," she said.

"This is Remus," Sirius gestured, a little dejectedly. He wondered if Remus had heard him and, consequently, felt like an idiot. "All right, let's go then."

"Um," Lisa paused, looking at her feet. "Can I get your number? Maybe we can... you know. Go out sometime?"

Sirius looked at Remus, then at the girl. "Er. No, sorry."

"Oh come now, Sirius. Be friendly. She seems like a nice girl," Remus said, his voice falsely bright as he walked away from the two of them. "I'll just go pay for these, shall I?"

Sirius mumbled something incoherent, and looked at Lisa as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Er, it's just. Ah..." Sirius glanced backward, watching Remus head toward the till. "He's, er. I mean Remus. He's not just my friend, he's kind of my. Well. Boyfriend."

The girl blinked. "You're gay?"

Sirius nodded. "Something like that," he said, then turned and followed Remus, leaving Lisa in a rather stunned silence.

Sirius reached Remus' side just as Remus was accepting his change and receipt. "Thank you," Remus said and began to make his way to the door. _If you want, I can go back to East Portlemouth early. You know, to give you and her a bit of privacy_ , Remus wanted to say. _That's what friends are for, right_? Of course, Remus just kept his mouth shut, ducking out the door and walking a little faster up the street.

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows and ran his hand through his hair, pausing at the doorway, watching Remus for a moment. "Once a prat, always a prat," he told himself out loud, and such seemed to be true. He was beginning to wonder if he could do anything right.

He tore out the doorway and sprinted toward Remus, bounding beside him, and he reached down to grab Remus' hand as he was catching his breath.

Remus turned to face Sirius, calmly pulling his hand out of Sirius' grasp under the pretence of tucking his hair behind his ears. "Yes?"

Sirius' momentary bout of confidence blanched. "Er," he started, unsure of where he was going. "Sorry?"

Remus smiled tightly. "I'm not feeling well. I think I'm going to catch the next ferry back. But stay, if you want. No need to miss a Salcombe weekend on my account. I'm sure you can find James and Lily about somewhere."

Sirius blinked. "But..."

" _Don't_ , Sirius," Remus said firmly, the coldness in his voice hiding a sort of strangled hysteria.

Sirius blinked again, rooted on the spot, and watched helplessly as Remus turned without another word, and walked away.

***

**MONDAY**

***

Sighing with subdued frustration, Remus clicked another web page closed. He'd been researching for ages, though it felt like he was getting _nowhere_. He cast a wary look over his shoulder before opening AOL Instant Messenger. He knew he was supposed to be working, but he just couldn't concentrate. It would be better in the long run if he took a short break. He signed on and did a quick scan of his list, shocked to find that Sirius wasn't on. Not that he was looking. He was still mad at Sirius after all.

***

***

Sirius was sitting on the other side of the library in the second section of computers, staring at the screen without really looking at it. Thus far, Madam Pince had walked past four times and smacked him upside the head, telling him that he wouldn't have any eye sockets left if he kept staring like that. Sirius figured that burning the crap out of his cornea was more likely than losing his eye sockets, but didn't dare question the mad old bat. She'd likely beat him senseless with a dictionary.

He looked up and across the room where several people appeared, at least, to be working diligently. His heart jumped a beat when he spotted Remus looking just about as miserable as he felt. He hadn't answered Sirius' e-mail. Sirius glanced around hastily and brought up the AIM box, signing in, hoping that Remus was online.

***

***

And he was.

Smiling, Sirius dove for the keyboard, determined to win this time.

***

**paddycakes: Stop avoiding me.**

**loonylupin: ...**

**loonylupin: I'm not avoiding you.**

**loonylupin: I just don't want to talk.**

**paddycakes: Well then you might as well be avoiding me. Why don't you want to talk?**

**loonylupin: Because I'm busy. I'm supposed to be working, you know. So are you.**

**paddycakes: Then why are you on here?**

**loonylupin: Because I can't concentrate. I'm taking a short break before getting back to work. Because I, unlike you, was actually attempting to do something earlier.**

**paddycakes: Yea, sure.**

**paddycakes: Did you get my e-mail?**

**loonylupin: Yes.**

**paddycakes: Why didn't you write back?**

**loonylupin: What would you have me say? You're the one who dubbed me a friend, Sirius. You don't get to change back and forth whenever you want.**

**paddycakes: I didn't mean it that way.**

**paddycakes: I don't even know why I said it.**

**loonylupin: Probably because you thought it. Maybe you thought you'd rather be with her instead.**

**paddycakes: You're joking, right?**

**loonylupin: Why else would you say it? It isn't as though you can claim you just didn't want anyone to know. It's a bit late for that. And you tell people, so I know you aren't that uncomfortable about it. What other reason is there? What am I supposed to think?**

**paddycakes: That I'm an idiot, most likely. And a prat I suppose.**

**loonylupin: Look, I said I didn't want to talk. I should get back to work.**

**paddycakes: No.**

**paddycakes: Don't go anywhere.**

**paddycakes: We're not done.**

**loonylupin: No? Well, thank you for telling me. You know, that's what I'm here for, to sit around and take cues from you.**

**paddycakes: Oh shut up.**

**paddycakes: I'm sorry dammit.**

**loonylupin: Sirius, I love you. I do. But if we both don't want the same things out of this, it isn't going to work.**

**paddycakes: What do you mean?**

**loonylupin: If you want to do more than just flirt with cabana girl floozies, or if sometimes, you want to pretend we aren't what we are because it suits you, or if maybe you think you don't like blokes after all and this was all just some experiment, than okay. Whatever.**

**loonylupin: But I won't. I won't do it.**

**paddycakes: Remus, I'm a habitual flirt. I really try so hard, but bloody conversation turns into it and I forget what's going on.**

**paddycakes: And. Well.**

**loonylupin: It isn't the flirting that bothers me. Flirt all you want.**

**loonylupin: But don't pretend I don't matter.**

**paddycakes: You do matter.**

**paddycakes: You matter more than anything.**

**paddycakes: I'm just stupid and don't really deserve you.**

**loonylupin: Sirius, don't. Don't change it so I'm the one who has to be reassuring you.**

**paddycakes: I'm not trying to!**

**loonylupin: Fine.**

**paddycakes: Oh for**

**paddycakes: Remus. Please.**

**paddycakes: I don't want to lose you.**

**loonylupin: ...**

**loonylupin: I don't want to lose you either.**

**paddycakes: Then just tell me what you want me to say.**

**paddycakes: I'll promise you anything.**

**loonylupin: Look, I don't...**

**loonylupin: Let's just forget it, okay?**

**paddycakes: Forget it? I mean.**

**paddycakes: What?**

**loonylupin: Forget it. I forgive you. You were being stupid and if you ever do it again, I'll hit you.**

**loonylupin: But for now, just forget it.**

**paddycakes: Are you sure?**

**loonylupin: Yes. You said you wouldn't, you said you were sorry. And we both want to be together. What else is there?**

**paddycakes: Nothing I guess.**

**paddycakes: Well. Maybe one thing.**

**loonylupin: If you're looking for penance, you know you won't find it from me. I'm not the vindictive sort.**

**paddycakes has signed off at 1:03:25 PM.**

***

Sirius logged off the computer, got out of his chair and moved quickly toward where Remus was sitting. Standing over him Sirius looked rather like a guilty puppy, and he licked his lips. "I really am sorry," he said, and before Remus could reply, he bent down and kissed him hard on the mouth.

It was the one thing he could always do right.

Remus sat still, startled (though he really shouldn't have been) before smiling a little and tilting his face up, easing into the kiss. His chest felt like it would burst with relief and happiness, just glad that things were okay again.

"Sirius Black! Remus Lupin!"

Well, mostly okay. Remus ducked out of the kiss and grinned widely up at Madam Pince, shrugging apologetically.

"A library is no place for that sort of behaviour! If you aren't going to be doing any work, get out!" she shrieked.

Logging off in record time and half-hazardly shoving his books into his bag, Remus stood to grab Sirius' hand.

For the first time in his life, Remus Lupin was not upset to be kicked out of a class.


	13. Pandemonium! (May 29th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Narcissa and Lucius are having an anti-Christ dragon, Sirius is so very glad that Remus can't have babies, and if Cornelius Fudge's face was any more red he really _would_ look like a penis.

"Quiet! Quiet down everyone!" the man at the front of the room called, and the room full of students began to shuffle and settle in, curious whispers floating about as they mused over what this was all about.

James settled in next to Lily, draping one arm across the back of her chair and using the other to elbow Sirius. He rolled his eyes and whispered, "He looks like a penis."

"Don't be crude," Remus said from Sirius' other side, but a smile tugged at his lips nonetheless.

"I am Minister Fudge, head of this branch of the Christian School Association and I'm here to talk to you about a very grave matter indeed," the man said, his words effectively putting an end to the drone of inattentive students. Fudge cast his eyes around the room, lingering accusingly on Lily, Alice, and Narcissa before looking down at the cue cards in his hand. "You are all about to graduate from a very prestigious school. You all have endless doors leading to every one of life's possibilities just waiting to be stepped through. All except for three. I am here to discuss the wrongdoings of going against God and the negative implications it will have on your life."

Albus stood, leaning against the wall to Fudge's right, frowning at his words. The school board never had told him in advance about their little meetings, nor of their context, and the fact that Fudge was about to proclaim three pregnant women social deviants made him want to pull off his flip flop and whip it at Fudge's head.

In the audience Lily rubbed her bump soothingly, as the baby had just began kicking madly. She exchanged a look with Alice and Narcissa (the three girls having become quite good friends given their similar situations), and both looked like they were either very worried or experiencing indigestion. Frank wrapped his arm more tightly around Alice and put a protective hand onto her tummy, glaring at Fudge with disdain.

"Wanker," James hissed in Lily's ear, lifting his hand to idly play with her hair as he mentally shot daggers at Fudge.

Remus looked worriedly at Narcissa. Not only was she the furthest along of the three, she was also the only one without the father present to defend her. These girls--his friends--had enough to deal without with out having to sit through Christian propaganda condemning them as sinners, and he felt a hot, righteous indignation rise in him.

Fudge cleared his throat, obviously feeling the abrupt rise of tension in the room. "If one cannot fully devote oneself to God as He so deserves, then the school board doesn't feel one has the right to the prestige graduating from such an _admirable_ school like East Portlemouth offers. S-sexual intercourse before marriage is a sin in the eyes of the Church, and while your esteemed Headmaster Dumbledore has chosen not to expel any students for _sinning_ , the CSA has decided that they will not recognize the attendance of sinners at such a... a prestigious facility."

The students burst into conversation, all of them looking around at the three very shocked girls and a great many glaring up at the man before them.

Albus' eyebrows flew to his hairline. "Excuse me?" he questioned loudly from the side stage, then walked out to the podium. Fudge looked absolutely terrified. "I must say," he said, twisting the end of his goatee, "that it's always wonderful of the board not to inform me of these things."

"Now, now, Albus," Fudge said in a falsely cheery voice. "We aren't withholding them from graduation. Merely from recognition by the Christian School Association."

"No you aren't!" James snapped. "That isn't fair!"

"Precisely, Mr. Potter," Albus agreed. "And what of the fathers still attending East Portlemouth? Will they not graduate in the eyes of the board either?"

"Well. Well, you see, the school board feels that it isn't, it isn't _necessary_ to punish... well, we aren't punishing anyone, simply attempting to hold students to a certain standard of behaviour... Surely you understand we can't have teen mothers graduating from our schools, Albus," Fudge stammered.

"Ah, but teen father's aren't to be held responsible, when we all know perfectly well that it took two to make the girls pregnant in the first place?" Albus asked calmly.

"I... this is... The school board has come to a decision that we believe is both fair and proper and I will not debate it with you, least of all in front of the students," Fudge replied and then turned to address the students. "Going against God always has repercussions and premarital sex is against God. It is not something the Church, or in turn the school board, will support!"

"So that makes it okay to make examples of three girls just because they can't deny what they did? You think Alice, Lily, and Narcissa are the only girls in this school who aren't virgins? And you're _supporting_ it for the men. It's the 21st century and the school board is still sexist?" Remus called out, surprising even himself.

All three pregnant girls turned their heads in surprise to look at Remus.

"Exactly, Mr. Lupin!" Albus exclaimed. "As you've said, Mr. Fudge, premarital sex was most obviously engaged in. These three young girls are to be punished for the sake of their unborn children, while the two young men with their arms draped about their pregnant girlfriends can not be accused of anything?" Albus tutted. "If you ask me, Mr. Fudge, there is a great big hole in the middle of your plan."

"Luckily, Headmaster, neither I nor the school board asked you," Fudge retorted.

"It seems to me you're just worried about appearances, Minister. If that's the case perhaps you should start providing contraceptives and birth control instead of teaching a sex education course that preaches abstinence as the only option," Remus said, figuring he'd already jumped in head first and there was no point stopping the plunge halfway through. "Obviously that doesn't work."

"Hear, hear!" James shouted, pumping a fist in the air and grinning at Remus.

"Quiet! Quiet, I will have quiet!" Fudge demanded. "Providing such things would be both advocating and encouraging an amoral and sinful act! Sexual intercourse is only for the purpose of reproduction between married couples. There is no need for contraceptives!"

Lily got to her feet, staring angrily at Cornelius Fudge. "Look at me, Mr. Fudge. You are a deluded, idiotic and irrational old man if you think that religion guides the actions of about 99 per cent of the student body. Everyone in this _room_ is sexually active, Minister. Are you going to take away their right to say they've put in four years of hard work at East Portlemouth as well?"

"Oh, hey," Sirius interrupted, raising his hand. "What about us ponces, eh Mr. Fudge?"

"I... what?" Fudge gasped, looking down at Sirius with an expression of mixed confusion and horror as many of the other students laughed.

Sirius leaned over, grabbed Remus by the neck and pulled him forward, kissing him with hard, sloppy, purpose.

Albus grinned, patting Fudge lightly on the shoulder. "They've been together for a while now," he said proudly.

James whooped and ruffled Sirius' hair, cheering elatedly and squeezing Lily's hand in his.

"Well! Well I _never_... I don't know what kind of school you're running here, Albus, but you can be sure..." Fudge started, but was interrupted by a shriek.

"Oh God. Oh fucking God!" Narcissa gasped, clutching at her stomach and looking down. "My water just broke! Someone call Lucius!"

Albus jumped about a foot in the air, as did everyone else in the room. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and opened his speed dial. Lucius Malfoy was number six. "Lucius? Albus. Head for the hospital. We're going to get Miss Black there as soon as possible. Yes, yes." He paused. "No, her water broke. All right, see you there."

He closed the flip phone and shoved it back in his pocket. "Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin, assuming you've finished snogging, will you please help Miss Black to my car?"

Remus flushed as Sirius pulled away and sheepishly raised his hand to wipe his mouth. "Of course, sir," he said, getting to his feet, he and Sirius moving quickly towards Sirius' cousin. Narcissa stared wide-eyed up at the two of them, breathing quickly and allowing them to help her to her feet.

"I haven't finished... Albus, I am here on official business of the school board!" Fudge said, his face turning purple as he realized he'd fully and completely lost control of the situation around him.

"Uh, sir?" Sirius asked Albus. "Perhaps you should give us the keys," he suggested with a nod toward Fudge. "We'll drive Cissa to Salcombe."

Albus blinked. "Deep breaths, Miss Black," he directed, then turned to Fudge. "I'm afraid that there are much more important things in the world than your rants, Mr. Fudge. As in seeing that my _pregnant student_ is safely escorted to the car and hospital by our _resident gay couple_ so that she and our former _sexual education professor_ have a healthy baby."

"Well! Well I _never_... I will contact you so we can discuss what actions the school board will be taking regarding all of this," Fudge snarled and stalked from the room. It would have been a rather dramatic exit had James not stuck his foot out just enough to cause Fudge to stumble.

"Sorry," James said unapologetically when Fudge glared at him, saying nothing and continuing from the room, slamming the door behind him. "Cor, all that was actually a bit fun, wasn't it?"

"Can we please focus? I'm going to have a baby!" Narcissa snapped, digging her fingernails into Sirius' arm as her first contraction hit.

Albus tossed his keys in Remus' direction, given (judging by his facial expressions, at the least) Sirius seemed a little unable to catch them at the moment.

"Fuck, Remus, I'm glad you can't have babies," he said through gritted teeth.

"Drive her out in the school van. I'm going to beat Fudge to the board office and have a word with Millicent Bagnold," Albus said.

Remus nodded at the Headmaster and smiled nervously in Sirius' direction. "Me too," he replied. It occurred to him just then that they were going to be alone in the car with a pregnant woman in labour for as long as it took to get across the ferry to Salcombe. Remus paused at the door before leaving and called, "Lily, can you call the hospital and let them know we're coming?"

"No problem," Lily replied, and dug through her purse for her cell phone as Albus left through the stage door, undoubtedly headed in the direction of the parking lot as well.

Watching him go, Alice said, "I believe that the headmaster is going to win that argument."

Frank nodded and smiled. "I definitely agree," he said and kissed her on the cheek. "And it looks like we've got the rest of the afternoon off. Whatever shall we do?"

"Movie?" Lily suggested, having finished her call on her phone, dropping it back into her purse. "Prof- _Lucius_ is already at the hospital."

James nodded, and got to his feet, bending to help Lily up. "Remus just downloaded a bunch of new ones. Party in tower," he said, nodding at Frank and Alice and then turning to where Kingsley, Hestia, and Emmeline were sitting. "You lot in?"

"Sure," Hestia replied. "And Lily, love, why'd you have to go off about the lot of us shagging, eh? Fudgikins thought that we were little angels."

Lily stuck out her tongue. "I suppose I could've left it to Sirius and Remus of course. Did you see Fudge's eyes when Sirius practically raped Remus?"

There was laughter all around as the grad class broke off into their little groups, making plans for the afternoon and chatting amongst themselves about all of the pandemonium earlier.

"What's funnier was the squeaky sound Remus made when Sirius grabbed him," James replied with a snort as the group began to make their way up the hall to the stairs. "So who'll bet that both Pads and Moony'll come back bruised and battered from Narcissa, eh? Think she'll have a boy or a girl?"

"I don't know. I can't think past how terrifying it was to see Malfoy making noises at her stomach when he came to visit last week," Kingsley said with a shudder. "I swear, he was like... cooing. I don't think they really care what it is, they're both just ecstatic about it. It's a bit terrifying."

"She's having a boy," Lily said, and Alice nodded her agreement. "That's what she told us anyhow. They're planning on naming him 'Draco'."

James snickered a little. "I thought you were kidding. Draco, seriously?"

Lily smiled, amused. "Yes. Draco Malfoy. Dragon of Bad Faith. Ironic, isn't it?"

"Indeed," Emmeline said with a soft laugh.

The large group of friends laughed and made their way up to Remus and Peter's room. James made sure he had his cell phone on in case Sirius called, and couldn't help but think of what Narcissa was going through right then. That would be Lily, soon enough. He wrapped his arms around her from behind when they reached the room, dipping his head to kiss her neck.

"You're going to be a momma soon just like her," he whispered.

Rubbing her hands over her tummy, Lily smiled and leaned into the kiss. "Let's not name the baby anything Latin though, all right?"

James laughed. "Agreed. How about... Harry? After my grandfather? Now he was a cool bloke."

"I like Harry," Lily said. "Harry Potter. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"


	14. Brotherly Love (June 5th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Regulus is hugged in public, Sirius got animal crackers at the least, and Remus just glistens a little.

Regulus hated Mondays. He always had and he always would. He hated this Monday, too, but he was also hopeful because after such a completely terrible weekend, it couldn't possibly be any worse. In fact, it had the possibility to redeem itself, if Regulus didn't chicken out and let his fear of rejection stop him from following through. He supposed, though, that he had nothing left to lose. That didn't make the idea of putting himself at his brother's mercy any more appealing, especially not after how Regulus had treated Sirius. He wouldn't be surprised if Sirius never forgave him.

He worried at his already sore and swollen split lip until he could taste fresh blood. Sirius and he had gotten in fights a few times as children, and once Sirius had split his lip. His mother had reprimanded him much more severely than Regulus had meant for her to when he had tattled. Now it was his father who had done it, and his mother who had yelled at _him_ , at _Regulus_ , who had always been the good child, who had just been saying what he thought was right.

He licked his lip and, tasting blood, thought, _Sirius is my blood too_. There was no point putting it off anymore. He got up and walked towards Sirius and Remus' table in the library, hearing the tail end of a conversation about Narcissa's new baby. It stopped as soon as he got close. He stood there, shifting and uncertain, waiting for a reaction. He didn't know what to do now that he'd decided to do it. He didn't know how to start.

"Hi," Regulus said lamely.

Sirius blinked, confused, then quirked an awkward eyebrow. "Er. Hi? Can I help you? I'm afraid you've missed faggot hour. You'll have to wait until tomorrow to berate me, sorry for the inconvenience."

Remus looked at Regulus for a long moment, wishing Lily was there. He had a feeling something was about to happen, and she was so much better at dealing with situations like this than he was. He put a calming hand on Sirius' thigh under the table as he asked Regulus, "What happened to your face?"

The pained look Regulus had taken on at Sirius' words faded a little into something like gratitude as he looked at Remus. "I did something Father didn't like, I guess."

Sirius laughed out loud. "Sweet Jesus, " he said. "Father _hit_ you? _Our_ father? I didn't even know he had it in him. What on earth did you do?" It was after he had asked the question that Sirius scolded himself for asking Regulus anything without adding a dash of vindictiveness, but figured it was all just as well, as the bruised decorations on Regulus' face made him bitterly happy regardless.

Regulus ducked his head and shoved his hands into his pockets. This had been a bad idea, he knew that now. But there was no going back. He met Sirius' eyes stubbornly, wishing things were less complicated and wishing that he'd have acted the right way from the start so that his next words wouldn't have to be so shocking. "I defended you to Mother and her friends."

Sirius blanched to the point of forgetting what it was he was so shocked about. He shook his head, sharing a completely lost expression with an equally surprised Remus, and then turned back to Regulus, furrowing his eyebrows. "I... what? Did I hear you right? Did you say that you _defended_ me? To _mother and her friends_ , the poster girls for homophobia?"

Remus tightened his hand on Sirius' thigh, a silent plea to _be nice, he's trying_ even though he couldn't help thinking angrily _it shouldn't have taken him this long_. He stayed silent, though. This didn't include him. This was about family.

"And here I thought I might get a thank you, or maybe..." Regulus started angrily, frustratedly trailing off before he could give too much of himself away. Bitterness at being left behind and the sharp memory of his own stupid, cruel words had him back-pedalling quickly, scrabbling for control. All it resulted in were words meant to be hurtful coming out hurt. "I should've known that you wouldn't care. You never cared."

"Shut the fuck up, you brat," Sirius said testily. "You know perfectly fucking well that I cared, and you shot me down in a fury if you'd so happen to recall, assface." He was fuming now, not having spoken to Regulus beyond passing grunts from hitting one another in the hallways for the last year or so. "If you defended me, fine, thanks, whatever. But I'm certainly stumped as to why, and the context too, if you ended up looking like a frying pan for it." Sirius crossed his arms over his chest expectantly, and then added in a low breath, "Assface."

"Don't... I..." Regulus spluttered angrily. "You... fuck _you_. You want to know the context? Fine! She was sitting there, rambling on and on about what a traitorous little brat you were and saying all these terrible things and I shouted at her that family--" he paused, shoving his hands into his pockets and trying to get even out his breathing. "I said family was more important and that she was a bad mother for abandoning you and that it was probably because she treated you so horrible that you liked blokes anyway."

Sirius let out a low whistle. "Well," he started slowly, thinking out his words. "I mean, all I can say is thank you, Reg. I told you that you were more important before, and you called me a faggot, among other creative names. So," he shrugged. "What else do you want from me?"

Regulus shrugged miserably. What did he want? What had he been expecting? A parade? A party? For Sirius to make everything better again? "I just want my brother back," he answered finally, looking down at one of the books on their table as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. "But I guess you still hate me, so I'll just go."

" I. Wait, no!!" Sirius said quickly, hoping out of his chair and moving around the table. He grabbed Regulus by his shoulder, looked at him solemnly, then, unable to come up with words worth saying, pulled his little brother into a tight hug.

Regulus couldn't remember the last time Sirius had hugged him. He wasn't sure he ever had, and especially not in public. His first reaction was to pull away, but he only got so far as to raise his hands when he decided to rest one on Sirius' arm and curl the other one tentatively around his back. He remembered all the nights when he was younger and he'd snuck into Sirius' room, afraid to be alone in his own. Sirius hadn't laughed; he'd just moved over to let Regulus crawl in and share his bed. He'd even woken Regulus up early enough so he could sneak back to his own room before their parents noticed. That was what family was.

"Will you come home, then? We can, we can talk to them together. I'll help," Regulus pleaded.

Pulling away, Sirius shook his head. "I can't come home, Regulus," Sirius said, voice full of regret. "I can't go home to _that_." He touched his brother's face tentatively where the marks were, and frowned. "You shouldn't either. They've hit you, Reg. They've _abused_ you, because you expressed an opinion." Sirius bit his lip, sadly, looking into Regulus' eyes. "Stick... stick with me. I'll be done school, and getting a place. You can, you know. Come stay whenever you like, right? I just, I. I can't watch them treat you the same way they treated me. They're not fit to parent," he added, bitterly.

Remus raised a hand to his mouth, touched beyond words by the scene before him and content to be a shiny-eyed figure watching forgotten from the background. He was so glad Sirius had at least some of his family back and he hoped Sirius' unwillingness to return home wouldn't separate them again.

"They're family too, Sirius," Regulus said softly, flinching away from Sirius' touch. "They're still our parents, and they mean well. If you... if _we_ try, we can talk them around. Father didn't mean to hit me. I was just, I was angry and I went too far. I shouldn't have blamed Mother. But we can fix it."

Sirius sighed incredulously. "Reg, you're my brother, I love you, but you're thick as a wall sometimes. They're not going to change. They're going to continue mis-treating, belittling, what have you, until the cows come home and then a little more. I mean, can you honestly tell me that _hitting_ you is the only thing Mother and Father have _ever_ done to you?"

"No, of course it isn't. You know that. But no one is perfect, Sirius. I just, I want to have a family like everyone else has and it isn't _fair_!" Regulus said, a bit too loudly and Madam Pince shot them quelling looks. Regulus was quite frankly shocked she hadn't thrown them out yet, but he had more important things to worry about to waste much time thinking about that. He knew, somewhere deep down, that Sirius was never coming home and they'd never have the sort of family Regulus wanted them too. He knew too that Sirius was probably right. That he shouldn't go back. But that didn't mean he was going to stop trying. It was all he could do. "You know it's usually just harmless. Usually it's just a day without meals locked in our rooms. But we're older now, we could, I don't know. We could do something..."

"Like what?" Sirius asked before he could stop himself. "Kill them? And, beyond that Reg, when did they start _locking_ you in your fucking room, without food? I haven't apparently been special enough to receive such a punishment. Closet yes, but with animal crackers at the least."

"You haven't? I thought, oh," Regulus said, blushing suddenly and feeling like he shouldn't have said anything, like he'd done something wrong. "I didn't mean... God, fuck. No, not kill them, of course not. I just, I can't run away from them. Maybe you can, but I _can't_. They're my _parents_."

"They're my parents too, Reg, whether I like it or not," Sirius said, sadly. "It's not like, I dunno. Your fault that they're your parents, you know. If they treat you like shit, then you have every right as a human being to tell them where to stick it, and walk away."

Regulus just shrugged, not quite ready to reply to a statement like that, and then looked over Sirius' shoulder at Remus. "So, you said you're getting a flat. With him?" he asked, nodding at Remus.

Though a little uneasy in terms of Regulus' use of 'him', Sirius still said, simply, "Yes."

"Oh," Regulus said, and then sighed loudly and rubbed hard at his eyes for a moment. He took a deep breath and looked up at his brother in what he hoped was a significant sort of way. "Make sure you've got a couch for me, yeah? I don't fancy spending the summer sleeping on the floor."

Sirius paused for a moment, then laughed, and pulled his brother into another hug. "Fuck that mate. We'll get you a hide-a-way."


	15. Another Goddamn Store (June 6th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Lily craves halibut, baby Harry is not upside down, and T.M. Riddle is a MySpace h0r, lyke, omg.

***

Glancing around the room, Lily shifted awkwardly where she sat. Her pink t-shirt felt ridiculously small given the size of her swollen stomach, and she sighed restlessly, laying her hands on it. She felt fat.

James was sat beside her, glancing around just as idly, literally twiddling his thumbs. Lily watched him for a while, sighing impatiently at random intervals. They both hated the hospital visits, but it was all they could do. They needed to make sure the baby was healthy, and not, well. Upside down, or something.

 _Finally_ , the door creaked open, the nurse strolling in, reading a clipboard. She was rather pretty, Lily decided, model-like. Tall, thin, high-cheek bones. Lily suddenly felt like a killer whale, and frowned.

James cast a look at Lily and noticed her scowling. He leaned over and kissed her temple before getting up to greet the nurse, hand extended.

"Hi, I'm James. This is my fiancé Lily," he said, shaking her hand and smiling. "Are things still all good with baby Harry?"

The nurse smiled pleasantly at both James and Lily, nodding in her direction at James' gesture. "From what I can see, everything is fantastic. He's a big boy for sure. Mummy must be treating him well." She grinned, and Lily smiled forcibly in return.

 _Well enough for 'The Stick' to be talking about me having a huge, food hungry mongrel growing inside me_ , she thought vindictively. _She's not the one having cravings for halibut at four in the morning_.

"Great!" James said enthusiastically, pulling Lily to her feet and wrapping his arms around her, completely oblivious to her irritation. "Then does that mean we can get out of here? Only I'd like to take Lily out for dinner before we have to catch the ferry back and it's after four already."

"You sure can," the nurse replied in the same bright, cheerful voice that raked down Lily's spine with every word. "We'll be seeing you again soon, I expect."

She held the door for them as they left the room, following them out and returning to the nurses station. "Thanks Marge," she said, as a middle-aged woman handed her a coffee and the Salcombe newspaper.

Lily and James headed for the elevator, but both jumped when they heard the nurse curse behind them. Looking back, Lily furrowed her eyebrows.

"What is it Cathy?" Marge asked in alarm.

"Bloody sodding tart," Cathy said scathingly. "Would you believe that Riddle is opening _another_ ruddy store?"

James froze and exchanged a look with Lily, listening in.

"Sweetie, do try not to swear at work. What's that Riddle done now?" Marge asked, leaning forward.

"He's opening another store this Saturday to be filled with child-labour-made clothes. This time in Kingsbridge," Cathy ranted, the disgust evident in her voice. "I can't believe I modelled for him."

James exchanged a look with Lily and leaned forward to press the button for the elevator. "Wonder if the others know about that yet?" he whispered in her ear.

Lily shrugged thoughtfully. "I'd say we'd have heard it, if they had," she said. "Explains things you know," she added, glancing back at Cathy.

"What things?" James asked as a mechanical ding sounded and the doors before them slid open.

"Why the nurse is so beautiful. She's a model. Was," Lily replied.

"She's beautiful?" James asked, casting a look her way as they doors slid shut again, closing the couple into the elevator. "I didn't notice. Guess I'm just blinded by you, my lovely Lily."

Lily blushed, and smiled, but still muttered, "I'm a hippo."

"You are not. You're pregnant. You're a _miracle_ ," James said, and kissed her grandly. She was seven months already; he was getting to be old hand at reassurances like that. Not that he didn't mean every word. He was infinitely amazed by Lily and her pregnancy and he still thought he'd never seen anyone as beautiful as her in his entire life, something he told her nearly every day. "So what do you think will happen with this opening? Bet the Prewett's'll be able to go cause a fuss."

James, Lily decided, was the sweetest man on the face of the planet.

"Well," she said thoughtfully, still beaming from his 'miracle' comment, "likely. I think Fay is a nervous breakdown away from setting one of the places on fire."

James snorted. "Well, guess we'll just have to wait and see, won't we? I'll let everyone know via LJ tonight."

***


	16. An Arranged Arrest (June 17th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Fabian seduces a man in uniform, Mr. X is a **real man** , in pink, and Marlene McKinnon is called several nicknames, none of which she appreciates.

"This is bull shit, you know," Fabian said sweetly, offering one of the officers escorting them to their cell a bright, fake grin. "He's _destroying a forest_ to build a warehouse. There's no reason it needs to be there, in the middle of the forest..."

"Mr. Prewett, I'm just doing my job," the young cop said quickly, interrupting Fabian before he could really get started.

"It was Officer Dearbourne, right?" Fay said, twisting to face the man. "You _know_ he's being ridiculous. He's destroying valuable trees just because he _can_ , and he's a great, bloody twat."

"You were trespassing on his property and harassing him and his employees, Mr. Prewett. He had every right to have you removed."

"You don't really believe that, do you _Officer Dearbourne_?" Fabian asked, as they stopped at an empty cell. Fabian's words were met with silence as the officer guiding Gideon stepped forward and unlocked their cell. "Gideon, explain to them why they should drive us back there instead of locking us up."

"Shut up, Fay," Gideon replied, quirking his eyebrows and tempted to grin. Forests be damned, really, as judging by the look on Fabian's face he had other things on his mind. Other _things_ that concerned Officer Dearbourne.

Gideon and Fabian were pushed inside rather unceremoniously; the room was small, dark and dingy, with a dirty toilet in the corner, and Gideon prayed that they Mexican he had eaten earlier didn't decide to catch up with him.

"Some brother you are," Fabian grumbled as the door slid shut with a loud clang, the lock sliding into place. The older cop gave Fabian an annoyed look, but Officer Dearbourne's facial features were strangely blank as they both started to walk back up the hall. Collapsing onto the bed and blowing his fringe out of his eyes, Fay called after them, "Well, thanks ever so for such _friendly_ treatment!"

"Shut the fuck up!" someone in another cell shouted.

"Everyone's a bloody critic," Fabian sighed dramatically, looking up at his brother with amusement in his eyes as he patted a spot next to him on the small cot. "Make yourself comfortable. I doubt anyone we know can afford to bail us out. We might be here a while."

"We have to stop being noble," Gideon decided, seating himself on the mattress and running a hand through his hair. "We can't afford to be noble anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

"Going back," Gideon replied. "We had to go back and finish it off. We knew what was going to happen." He frowned. "Fucking Riddle," he added.

"We couldn't just let them flatten it. _Someone_ had to stay. The only noble thing was getting everyone else out so they didn't get arrested too," Fabian pointed out. "You mean next time we should just put sugar in their gas tanks and be done with it?"

"I'm just pissed because they're going to flatten the damn thing anyhow," Gideon said. "And you know that's not what I mean."

"Well, what do you mean then?" Fabian said, sighing a little. He was bored already. And his shoulder hurt from where he'd hit the ground when they'd tackled him. The policemen on site at Riddle's hadn't been nearly as kind as Officer Dearbourne had been. A smile spread across Fabian's face at the thought. Though he never would have thought he'd be the type to like the man-in-uniform cliché, Fay could admit to himself that he found the other man quite attractive indeed.

"What are you smiling at?" Gideon questioned.

"I asked you a question first," Fabian answered quickly, still smiling even as he reverted to every little brother's first defence: irritation.

"I don't know what I mean," Gideon answered. "I'm tired, and my feet hurt, and that's about it. Now why are you smiling?"

Rolling his eyes, Fabian leered at his brother, answering simply, "Officer Dearbourne."

"I knew it!" Gideon exclaimed, pointing at his brother. "I knew you were flirting with him. 'You don't really believe that, do you _Officer Dearbourne_?'" He mimicked in a sing-song voice, grinning from ear to ear.

"What? He's _really pretty_ ," Fabian said, laughing and blushing as he batted Gideon's extended finger away. "Anyway, he was mostly quiet. That could mean he's on our side, because he certainly couldn't say out loud if he was."

"I smell an intervention," Gideon said, waggling his eyebrows. "I do hope your interests are purely professional, Fabian. We wouldn't want to corrupt the boy _too_ much."

"Yes we would want to. And by _we_ I mean _I_ ," Fay answered, and then immediately felt a bit guilty for even thinking it. Which was silly, really, because it had been weeks since he and Elf had gone on their break, and there were no signs of things picking up again anytime soon. "Anyway, I'll see what I can do."

Gideon watched Fabian's face fall, and rolled his eyes. "Fabian, what have I told you 50 times this week about Elphias, hmm?"

" _Move on_ ," Fay recited dutifully. "Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm almost sure he has, anyway, with that stupid arse from the snack stand at the park. Chris or Carson or something. Big ears, watery eyes, ugly clothes? Well, given I've never seen him out of his uniform, but I bet you his clothes are ugly."

"Jealous, much?" Gideon asked. "Fabian, you've been seeing Elphias for what? Six years? That's a _long_ fucking time. Trying something different isn't going to kill either of you, trust me, and he knows that or he wouldn't have suggested it in the first place. Right?"

"Yeah, yeah. I know," Fabian answered before perking up a little. "Anyway, Officer Dearbourne might be just the thing the doctor ordered, if I can swing it. He is gay, right? I mean, I could see it from a mile away, but sometimes it's just me. Ha. Literally."

Gideon shrugged. "I haven't got a gaydar, so I wouldn't know," he answered. "But," he paused dramatically, smirking a bit. "He did check out your arse."

"Did he now," Fabian smiled. "Good thing I'm wearing my tight trousers."

Gideon laughed. "Fabian, you don't own a pair of trousers that _aren't_ tight."

Fay just smiled and shifted, laying down and resting his head on his brother's thigh. "How long do you think we're going to be in here? It's boring."

"Beats me," Gideon answered. "Until everyone else manages to wrangle up enough cash to get us out. Cow bartering, selling bodies for science, all that."

"If the rest of the Order hears about it, I'm sure Sirius can think of something to sell on eBay to raise enough to get us out. He's innovative like that," Fabian mused.

Gideon sniggered. "Heh, yea, like his cock for rent. I doubt Lupin'd be too pleased."

"They're cute, aren't they? Probably the last two people I'd ever have thought would end up together, but it seems to fit," Fabian answered. "And they're not nearly as, well, gooey as James and Lily."

"I doubt that Lily would be half as gooey if it weren't for Potter's influence," Gideon said thoughtfully. "She was always a very headstrong, smart-arse gal, until he knocked her up."

"Don't say it like that, Gid," Fay scolded, reaching up to flick his brother on the arm. "It's a happy, wonderful thing. That makes it sound... violent."

"What? 'Knocked her up'? Fine. Until he _impregnated_ her. Is that better?"

"Yes, thank you," Fabian answered, appeased. It was quiet for a moment, and Fay huffed loudly. "Let's play a game or something. I'm bored."

"Already, you faggot? You just got here," called whoever had told Fay to shut up before. Before Fay could reply, there was a sharp clang, sounding a lot like metal on metal.

"Shut up, Goyle. No speaking until you're sober, remember?" snapped a familiar voice, and Officer Dearbourne wandered into Fabian's line of sight, putting his night stick back in it's holster, ignoring the mumbled string of curses from Goyle as he stopped in front of Gid and Fay's cell.

"Officer Dearbourne! I didn't expect to see you again so soon. To what do I owe the pleasure?" Fabian drawled, getting up and moving to stand closer to the other man, leaning against the bars.

"No one has come to bail you out yet, if that's what you're asking. I'm just here to check on you," the officer replied.

Gideon stayed put on the bed, raising his eyebrows curiously. Check on them? What the hell for?

"Can't stay away, huh?" Fay asked, grinning.

Officer Dearbourne blanched, face growing hot. "I'm just doing my job, Mr. Prewett," he said, his voice a bit strangled.

"What's your first name, Officer Dearbourne?" Fabian asked, pleased at the man's reaction.

"Uh-h," Officer Dearbourne stammered, and then laughed, nervously. "I-uh. Caradoc."

On the bed, Gideon snorted. This was priceless.

"Caradoc," Fabian said slowly, letting it roll off his tongue. "It has a nice feel to it. Can I call you Caradoc, officer?"

"I-er. I hardly think that's appropriate, Mr. Prewett," Caradoc answered, licking his lips nervously.

"Uh huh," Fabian said, smiling and tossing his hair. "Well, then I guess you'd better not give me permission, _Caradoc_."

Caradoc cleared his throat. "A-ha. Y-yes. I suppose I ought not to. You know. Not. Um. Professional. Because we're. On. Er. Opposite sides of the law."

"So we are," Fabian said, quirking his eyebrows and then leaned a bit forward and began whispering. "Would you like to go for coffee sometime, Caradoc? Or would that be inappropriate too?"

I'd much rather just skip it and have sex," Caradoc blurted out, words rolling off of his tongue; word vomit. He clasped his hand over his mouth in shock of himself, looking at Fabian with wide-eyes. "I. I mean. Coffee?"

Fabian was shocked for a moment, and then he laughed. "Can I call you Caradoc then, Caradoc?"

His face beet red, Caradoc nodded. "Sorry," he added.

"Why?" Fabian asked, amused.

"I just have this habit," Caradoc said. "When I get nervous, I don't think. Before I speak that is." He chewed on his lip. "And. Uh. You make me nervous."

"Why do I make you nervous?" Fabian asked, smiling predatorily. Fay guessed Caradoc was a bottom, and though the idea of an authoritative man in uniform was rather interesting, it all suited Fabian fine. He liked to top, but then, so had Elf, and he hadn't gotten to as often as he'd liked.

Caradoc laughed. "Promise you won't tell. Well. I'm a shit policeman anyhow, so to hell with it. You're attractive. You're enigmatic, quite frankly. Passionate. And you flirt like mad."

"Oh! Was I flirting?" Fay laughed, feigning ignorance. "So you don't like being a policeman. You want to be a rebel, then? An activist?"

"I'm pretty sure my father would shoot me if I even suggested it," Caradoc said.

"How old are you, Caradoc?"

"Uh," Caradoc started, "24. Why?"

"Just curious. And I wasn't asking how your father felt about it. I was asking how _you_ felt about it. We're fighting a losing battle. We need all the help we can get. Riddle is single-handedly destroying the environment of this whole area _and_ he uses child labour in his foreign factories. And he's an ugly prick. What do you say?"

"Honestly?" Caradoc questioned.

"Honestly," Fay answered, nodding once and watching Caradoc with serious eyes.

"I've never really wanted to do anything else," he admitted.

Pressing his face against the bars, Fay grinned childishly at Caradoc and whispered fervently, "What are you waiting for then?"

"I really don't know," Caradoc answered with a laugh.

"I do," Fabian said, grin morphing into a leer. " _Me_."

"To open the door and prod you in the right direction," Fabian replied. "And to fuck you, of course. Nothing like a really great lay to help make up your mind. So how about that coffee, then?"

Caradoc blushed and grinned widely. "Then maybe I'm ready to hand back my uniform," he said.

"Great," Fay breathed. Before he could continue, however, a loud voice boomed up the hallway.

"Fabian and Gideon Prewett, you've made... Dearbourne, what the hell are you doing?" snapped the other cop who had led Gid and Fay to their cell.

"What's it look like, Benson?" Caradoc snapped back.

"It looks like you're chatting up an inmate," he snapped back.

"Excuse me. Ex-inmate. You _were_ about to say we've made bail, weren't you?" Fabian piped up, smiling innocently.

"So what if I am?" Caradoc asked, arching an eyebrow.

Gideon got up off the bed, where he'd been watching the conversation between Fabian and Caradoc with amusement. Now, with bail paid he was more than happy to get going, and wondered how the hell their mates had wrangled up enough money that quickly.

"Can we get back to the bail, here?" Gideon chirped, standing next to Fabian.

"So what if you are? You are already on thin ice, Dearbourne. Chatting up an inmate--a _male_ inmate--is more than just frowned upon," Benson said, giving Gideon a dark look as he began to pull out the keys, moving towards the cell door.

"Bring that bullshit up again, you homophobic asshole," Caradoc spat.

"Watch how you talk to me, you nasty little--"

"Stop!" Fabian interrupted. "It's time to let us out, and this needs to be handled in a different way and a different place."

Glowering at both of them for a moment first, Benson slid the door open and turned to stalk away, but not before muttering, "I'll be reporting this incident, Dearbourne. Life is not going to be easy for you around here. Starting now."

"Like it ever was," Caradoc replied. "And don't worry about it Benson, as of right now I'm out of your fucking hair."

Gideon slinked into the hallway, followed by Fabian, unable to get around Caradoc and the other officer, who were glaring at one another.

"Awkward," Gideon muttered to Fabian, under his breath.

"Yeah," Fabian agreed, but then smirked and gestured towards Caradoc's arse. "Well, least there's a good view."

Gideon rolled his eyes. "For you maybe. I wasn't the one who was accidentally propositioned."

"He's not your type anyway," Fabian replied glibly and ran his hands over his chest. "No breasts."

"Shut up, you bloody delinquents. And what the hell do you mean out of my hair?" Benson growled.

Caradoc smirked. "I QUIT!" he exclaimed, and pulled out his badge, tossing it at Benson.

Fumbling to catch the badge, Benson looked up at Caradoc. "Your father is going to whip you raw, boy."

"What century are _you_ from?" Fabian muttered.

"He can kiss my ass and so can you," Caradoc said. "I'm a grown man, and I don't need him to try and turn me into something I'm not. Good-bye, so long, I've hated every moment of the last three years, and I hope you get struck by lightening." With that Caradoc pushed past Benson and back into the main part of the station, his head held high, feeling better about his life than he had in a very long time.

"Well!" Fabian said cheerily, snickering at Benson. "That looked cathartic. Aren't you happy for him? Much as I'd love to stay and chat, we're going to get the fuck out of here. Ta for now! Watch out for that lightening!"

With a surly look from Benson, Gideon and Fabian followed the path Caradoc had taken. Coming into the lobby, Gideon was surprised to see Marlene, who was red in the face. Spotting Gideon she grinned broadly and waved, rushing over to the two of them.

"How'd you guys wrangle up enough money that fast?" Gideon asked.

"What are you talking about? I did nothing but camp out here and try to drive Officer Clark there batty," Marlene answered, waving at the woman behind the counter. She grimaced and looked away. "Oh, and I went on a hunger strike until they agreed to let you out. Let's go get some food, I'm starved."

"We were in there for like, an hour. You can't be _starved_ ," Fabian said. "And who bailed us out then if it wasn't you?"

"That's a good question. No one else has been around then? Just you?" Gideon questioned Marlene, puzzled.

"Well, some old guy came in, but he walked right through to one of the offices, so I assumed he worked here or something," Marlene answered, shrugging. "And I _am_ starving. Seriously. You guys in the mood for some Chinese? Some of today's protesters are at a cafe a few blocks up. We could drag them out for an early dinner."

"Stop thinking with your stomach, Kinny," Fay said, using Gideon's nickname for her. He'd never been as close with Marlene as Gideon, but they were still pretty good friends. They'd be there for each other in a pinch, order business or not, and that's what mattered.

"Don't call me Kinny, kid," Marlene retorted good-naturedly, reaching and ruffling Fay's hair.

Caradoc had had a fairly short conversation with the station supervisor, who hadn't really be surprised and wished him the best of luck. Now, with his backpack on his shoulders and everything that had made him a part of the law in a box in the supervisor's office, Caradoc felt incredibly free, like the weight of the world had been lifted off of his shoulders. He would go home, pack up. He had enough money; he could swing a shabby little flat. He could do anything he wanted, and his father could stick it where the sun didn't shine.

Tentatively he walked up to Fabian, determined not to let a chance for an actual relationship to slip through his fingers. He tapped Fabian lightly on the shoulder, and when the other man had turned around he smiled nervously. Having nothing better to say, and not knowing where to start in any case, he mumbled, "Hey," and turned about 50 shades of red.

Fabian smiled widely. "Well, well. Aren't you looking civilian-esque. Good job back there. It was quite impressive."

Caradoc looked at his shoes and smiled. "Thanks," he said. "It felt good to do that. Thank you for giving me the opportunity."

"Hey, don't thank _me_ ," Fabian said, blushing a little as well. "You have a right to live however you want to live, Caradoc. I didn't do you any favours."

Looking up again and noticing Fabian's blush, Caradoc said, "Well. Are you still up for, um. Coffee, sometime?"

"Actually, I don't drink coffee," Fabian said, and then grinned boldly. "Of course, we could just skip it."

And with that, he put his hands on each of Caradoc's shoulders, leaning in and kissing him sweetly. It felt nice. There weren't, perhaps, any of the fireworks that had been between Fabian and Elphias at the beginning, but it was very _nice_ and Fabian thought it could only get better. Maybe that's how it was supposed to start.

Caradoc was caught off-guard, but quickly responded to Fabian's kiss. He hadn't been kissed in a very long time; so long that it felt like the first time. Pulling away he licked his lips and then smiled widely. "You'll have to give me your number then," he said. "As I don't think I'll be staying where I am."

Fabian nodded and pulled a business card out of his hemp wallet. _The Order of Weed, Peaceful Environmental Activism Group, Fabian Loyal Audrey Prewett, Co-President_ , it read, with all sorts of contact information on the back.

"None of this waiting period bullshit. Call tomorrow, okay?" Fabian said cheekily.

Caradoc laughed. "I will, promise," he said, taking the card. "But I've got to get going." Bravely (and before his nerve left him) he leaned in and gave Fabian another light kiss before heading toward the door.

"Tomorrow!" he called, walking into the evening.

"Tomorrow," Fabian replied, and then turned back to his brother and Marlene, donning a very satisfied smile.

"My, my, Fabian," Marlene cooed. "Who was _that_?"

"Well, he was a police officer until I convinced him to join us," Fabian answered. "I'm very alluring, you see."

Gideon nodded. "It's true. I was there. Fabian played Bad Cop, and I think he liked it."

"Quite frankly, I don't know whether to be amazed or terrified. You two have the strangest power over people. I think the Prewetts are all mutants," Marlene joked. "But really, you can leave now, right? Why are we hanging around here when there is food to be eaten?"

"Glutton," Gideon commented idly. "But agreed about the leaving part. The dirty looks are getting irritating."

"Excuse me," came a voice to Gideon's left. "Mr. Gideon and Fabian Prewett?" Turning his head, Gideon was surprised to see Albus Dumbledore, in his grey-haired glory, in board shorts and a pair of hot pink flip-flops.

"Er. Yea?" Gideon asked.

"Might I have a private word with the two of you?" Albus asked, smiling.

Confused, Fabian just shrugged at Marlene and then nodded at Dumbledore. "Sure, I guess. Shoo, Kinny."

"Real tactful, Fabian," Marlene retorted, but began making her way to the door. "If you take too long and I die of hunger, you aren't allowed to have any of my things!"

"What can we do for you?" Gideon asked once it was just the three of them, huddled in a tight circle in the middle of the police station.

"Ah, well, I don't think that's really the issue at hand," Albus said. "It's more something along the lines of 'What I've done for you.'"

"What you've done for... us?" Fabian repeated, confused. Realization dawned on his face shortly, however, and he raised his eyebrows at the man before them. "Ah, you don't happen to be responsible for the miraculous and unexpected appearance of bail money, do you?"

Albus smirked. "Well spotted, Mr. F. Prewett. But that's not all."

Gideon screwed up his face. What else in their lives was contended by anonymous... "You!" he said suddenly. "You're. You're Mr. X!"

Albus smiled wider. "Pleasure to meet you, and also to be funding your little escapades."

"No!" Fabian gasped. "You are? Really? _No_! Giddy, he's Mr. X!"

Mr. X was the man who had been anonymously donating nearly all of the funds to the Order of Weed for years, since the beginning. He was the only reason Gid and Fay could afford to continue working against Riddle. He was like, their unofficial leader, because without him, none of it would be possible. Fabian had grown accustomed to the idea that their anonymous benefactor would always _be_ anonymous, and this was certainly a shock.

"I. But." Gideon was practically rendered speechless. " _Why_?" he managed.

"Well that much is obvious, Mr. G. Prewett," Albus said. "I believe in what you do, but I'm not in a place to do it myself. So I live vicariously through you, waste my pay checks, and buy my shoes from a thrift store."

"I... _thank_ you," Fabian said, getting over the surprise enough to smile. "And it isn't a waste at all, sir! We are very responsible with that money and only use it for the Order. No wasting. That money has done some pretty amazing things. Like funding the trip to London last summer for the silent protest that got that bill passed about old growth protection."

Albus nodded. "I know. I'm just a frazzled old man with a lack of colourful vocabulary," he said with a wink.

Gideon smiled as well, slowly coming out of his shock. "Yes, thank you," he said, sincerely. They owed this man quite a lot. Over the years he had made some miraculous things possible; things he and Fabian couldn't have imagined when they'd first come up with the idea.

"You're very welcome," Albus said. "Now. Do tell. What exactly happened today?"

"Oh, well," Fabian said, switching into storyteller mode. "Riddle wants to build a warehouse right in the centre of the forest, right? Like there aren't a thousand in the city he could rent. Anyway, we couldn't let that happen, so we took certain steps to prevent it..."

***

_Gideon gurgled awake, sourly, the earth vibrating beneath him. Blinking hazily into the darkness he could see a light tinge on the horizon. Fuck, it couldn't have been any later than 4:40 or 5._

_"Fabian!" he hissed, coming to his senses slightly and prodding his sleeping brother. "Fabian, wake up!"_

_"What? Oh god, pain," Fabian muttered, groaning as his neck seized up. Sleeping on a gravel road with nothing more than a tiny little sleeping bag is really hard on the joints. Falling silent, he heard the sounds of machinery in the distance. "Cor, he starts early, doesn't he? Right then. Hey everybody, it's go time! Wake up! Good morning, starshine, the earth says hello!"_

_"Fuck, Prewett, you're bloody annoying," Dorcas Meadows grumbled, sitting up and yawning as she ran a hand through her candy apple red hair._

_Edgar Bones struggled upward as well, attempting to run his hands through his long blond hair but failing miserably, his hands catching on knots. "Sleeping in the middle of the street, for future reference, isn't the best of ideas," he said glumly. "I get bad enough bed-head from my pillow. This is ridiculous."_

_"Don't be such a girl," Marlene said to Ed, grinning to show she was joking. "And you too, Fabian."_

_Fay began sleepily stuffing his stuff back into his backpack, stretching his muscles as best he could. "They'll be here any minute. On your toes, everyone. We don't know how this is going to go."_

_Pulling his hair back into a ponytail, Edgar said, "Admirably, but with much failing, most likely."_

_"How optimistic," Fay said, rolling his eyes._

_"We'll show these fuckers what's what," Dorcas said, moving forward to stand next to Gideon after she finished tying her combat boots, grinning up at him. "Do you think they'll call the police on us? Think we'll get arrested?"_

_"You won't," Gideon replied, bending to tie up his shoelaces. "If it's anyone it'll be Fay and I; the rest of you'll get lost."_

_"Oh, come_ on _, Gideon! I'm not going to run scared the second any pigs show up on scene. That's not the Dorcas way," the bright-haired girl replied. She loved confrontation, and her parents would just flip if she got arrested. Maybe they'd even get on the news!_

_"But that's the Order of Weed way, and you're a part of that now," Fabian said firmly, leaning forward to raise his eyebrows at the enthusiastic girl. She was a new recruit and hadn't been on many missions yet. She had a lot to learn yet. "We call the shots, and we say you guys are all going to run if it gets too ugly. We're on his property right now and the law is against us. You all understand that?"_

_"Yeah, yeah," Marlene said. "We get it. I'll drag her with me if I have to."_

_"I could throw her over my shoulders, if necessary," Edgar offered._

_"I can_ hear _you," Dorcas said, annoyed._

_"Thanks," Fay said, eyes straight ahead now as the first bulldozer came around the corner. "Spread out and block the road."_

_"And so it begins," Dorcas whispered, planting her feet wide and staying at Gideon's side, her annoyance forgotten._

_Gideon almost laughed at Dorcas' eagerness. She was indeed a spitfire, if a little annoying. Gideon had a feeling she'd do anything to feel rebellious._

_Spanning across the street at fairly even intervals, the group was quickly met by Riddle's demolition crew, bulldozers and other tree-killing instruments at hand. Or on the road, in the case of the bulldozer._

_"Oi!" called one of the men, a stout fellow in a dirty wife beater. "Get out of here."_

_"Not fucking likely," Gideon snarled back. "We're not going anywhere, and the only option you've got is back that way," he said, gesturing to where they'd just come from._

_"Damn activists," the stout man muttered, rolling his eyes. "Fine. Stand there. I'll just give Riddle a ring, shall I? See what he has to say about you lot?"_

_"We already_ said _we're going to stand here. You don't have to tell us," Fabian snorted._

_"Not the brightest bunch, these blokes, huh?" Marlene said under her breath, looking past Dorcas to make eye contact with Gideon, raising her eyebrows. Dorcas looked as though she wanted to say something, but Marlene was sort of glad she didn't. The goal wasn't to get arrested, after all. The goal was to stop them from ripping the forest apart._

_"IQ's of 160, I'd say," Gideon chirped, grinning back at Marlene before turning his attention back to the construction workers phone call._

_"...well wake him up then, this is damn important. So? Yea, yea, I'll hold." There was a pregnant pause that, after a few short moments, was broken by screaming on the other end of the man's cell phone._

_"Sorry, Mr. Riddle, but. No. I. Sir, can you please stop screaming?" The man frowned and the screaming continued. "Sir. Sir. SIR. There are activists in the middle of the road, that's why."_

_"Yeah, right, if you add them all together, maybe," Marlene replied to Gid, laughing._

_"Yes, sir. Right. Right. Will do." Closing his flip phone, the construction worker mumbled, "Jackass," under his breath, before announcing to the Order members, "Mr. Riddle would like me to inform you that he's sending an old friend of yours to work out this whole situation."_

_"Oh yea?" Gideon asked. "Who?"_

_"Bellatrix Lestrange," the man responded._

_"Oh goodie," Fabian sighed._

_"Why is this a bad thing?" Dorcas asked._

_"Because she's an evil, sadistic, crazy whore," Marlene answered. "And she'll do anything for Riddle, laws be damned."_

_Realizing Edgar had been silent for a while, Fabian offered him a smile. "All right, mate?"_

_Edgar ground his teeth. "I hate that bint," he said in a low growl, eyes narrowed. The last time they had done a protest, over Riddle's introduction of baby seal muffs to his winter line, Edgar had been caught on the runaway by Bellatrix Lestrange's sharp, insane fingers. She'd attempted to take out her anger with the entire group on Edgar. While Edgar had always made it a point in his life to never hit girls, her slapping and screaming had sent him over the edge, which had resulted in his tearing from her clutches after breaking her nose._

_"'Tree-hugging, fairy boy faggot' indeed," Edgar added, clenching his fists. He was damn lucky Bellatrix hadn't known his name; else he was sure he would've been sued._

_"We all hate her, mate," Fabian retorted. "And I doubt it'll be long before she gets here. She probably sleeps at the foot of Riddle's bed."_

_Marlene, who'd witnessed Edgar's run-in with Bellatrix, offered him a sympathetic sort of look. "Hey, at least she didn't leave any permanent marks." Grinning rakishly, she added, "Well, least not where I can see them, anyway. Have you got any battle scars, Bonesie?"_

_Edgar stuck out his tongue, and then smirked. Waggling his eyebrows he said, "Why Kin, wanna see?"_

_"I'll never pass up the opportunity to see a bloke in the all-together," Marlene joked. "And don't call me Kin, Eddie. We're not related, and it makes me sound stuffy or something."_

_"Sorry, Kin," Edgar said, still grinning. "I'll remember not to call you Kin when you're ravishing my sexy body."_

_"Where'd you get it from, anyway?" Dorcas asked, twirling one of her lip rings idly as they waited. "The nickname I mean."_

_"Her last name is McKinnon. We usually call her Kinny, but her and Bones like to bicker," Fabian replied. The distant sound of screaming, out of tune hard rock of no discernible band could be heard, getting slowly louder along with the whine of a car engine. "The real fun's about to start, kids. Everyone ready?"_

_"I've been ready for bloody ages, let's just get on with it," Dorcas said, rolling her eyes. She smirked as a flashy sports car zoomed around the corner, swerving at the last minute to go around the machinery and workers, sliding to a stop just a few feet from where Dorcas and the others were standing. Dorcas' smirk faded a little to be replaced by something more sinister as three cop cars followed a moment later, lights flashing._

_"No sirens this time. Shucks," Fay said, smiling grimly._

_Bellatrix stepped out of the car then, slamming the door and glaring at the activists for a moment before gesturing to the police to follow behind her. When the policemen stepped out, nightsticks in hand, Fay started to feel nervous. Maybe they had been a bit rash in coming here._

_"They're hers, I think. The cops. They're being paid to do her and Riddle's bidding," Fabian whispered to his brother, counting quickly. Six cops to five of them. "What do you think? This doesn't feel right."_

_Gideon frowned. "No, it's not right at all," he said. "Press back a bit more everyone. If I say run, run."_

_Everyone followed Gideon's directions--he was in charge, after all. Even Dorcas stepped away from the cops, though she looked more like she wanted to step forward and spit on Bellatrix's shoes._

_"Well, well, well. Just what do we have here?" Bellatrix called, tapping one long, red fingernail against her lip as though to physically prove she was thinking. "Looks as though we've found five trespassers, doesn't it?"_

_"Sure does, Mrs. Lestrange," answered one of the cops, smiling toothily._

_"Nimrod," Gideon growled. "Seems you get a little denser every time I see you, Bellatrix," he added loudly. "Surely you've killed enough trees for Riddle this season?"_

_"You're on private property, Mr. Prewett," Bellatrix said simply. "Leave of your own free will now or be forcibly removed."_

_"Aw, you know I've never been one to back down now, Bellatrix," Gideon replied. "There are more important things than my shoes being on private property."_

_"Shame. Well, you've had your chance to do things the nice way. Of course, everyone here will attest to your violent reaction to our simple request," Bellatrix said, sneering. "I guess the kind officers behind me will have to subdue you. Gentlemen?"_

_At that, the cops raised their nightsticks and began stepping towards the five young activists._

_"And this is why I got out of bed this mornin'," one of the men said, leering as he drew closer._

_Suddenly, something occurred to Fabian. He looked up at his brother and hissed, "Gid, I think this was planned."_

_"Seems a little rehearsed," Gideon said in response, furrowing his eyebrows. "She knew we'd be here. Look at her eyes."_

_The officers were now a little too close for comfort, and Gideon knew they had lost this round. Resignedly, he yelled, "RUN!" but remained where he was as everyone else except Fabian took off._

_"Oh come the fuck on, Prewett!" Dorcas snapped, only taking one hesitant step back._

_"Come on," Fabian whispered, tugging at Gideon's sleeve. "We'll make sure they get out and then double back. And when we said you're to listen to us, we meant it, Dorcas. Now bloody run!"_

_"Kid, move your ass," Marlene grunted, shoving Dorcas towards the trees. "Ed, get this kid to move her ass!"_

_Edgar obliged, following through on his earlier offer by picking Dorcas up and hoisting her over his shoulders. "If you learned to listen," he said to her, "this running away bit won't be half so demeaning."_

_If asked, Gideon would've said that he felt like a sheep herder, navigating the Order members through the growth of trees as fast as humanly possible. A safe enough distance away, he and Fabian stopped, urging the others to keep going and start begging on street corners for bail money. With that, the two brothers doubled back to the road, toward the police, toward Bellatrix._

_This was how it had to be. The Prewett boys got people into things and got people out of things, but they always bloody took the fall themselves. It would've been cowardly if they didn't. They might technically be hooligans in the eyes of the law, but they still had pride, damn it._

_As soon as Fabian stepped back out onto the dirt road, only a few paces ahead of Gideon, he was tackled from the side, going down hard on his shoulder._

_"Ow! Get off! You didn't have to tackle me, I would've come with you," Fabian snapped, though he had a feeling his words fell on deaf ears._

_Gideon had barely stopped when a similar attack on him took place, and he crashed to the ground, a large, smelly, 200 pound man straddling him sideways._

_"God damn, man," he said, as the officer pushed his hand to Gideon's face, pressing it hard against the ground. "No need to be so rough, we came back, didn't we?"_

_"Being rough is half the fun," the man said, looking a little manic as spittle flew from his mouth and he hoisted Gideon to his feet._

_"Being rough is what the lady asked for," the cop pinning Fabian corrected, yanking him hard to his feet as he put the handcuffs on him, shoving him towards the waiting cop cars._

_Fabian looked back as Gideon was cuffed and forced to follow. He was right. This was planned, from start to finish, like they knew that the group was going to be there. Like they had some sort of inside information. Pushed into the car behind his brother, Gideon leaned in as the door was closed and said, "I don't know about you, but I smell a leak here."_

_"Or a trap," Fabian pointed out. "It didn't make sense to us why he needed a warehouse here when he could just rent one in the city. Maybe it was all a set-up."_

_"What, just to get us arrested? That's stupid, this is only minor. A fine." Gideon paused. "That is, unless they wanted faces. They know us, but not everyone else."_

_Fabian winced and tried to rearrange his arms in a bid to get more comfortable. It didn't work. "Well, maybe he's going to press charges? You heard Bellatrix. We were on private property."_

_Gideon rolled his eyes. "I'm shaking in my boots, really. It's not like he's never threatened it before, and what happens every time? He backs out."_

_"Because he doesn't want that sort of publicity. It's all fine and dandy if a few locals know what a stupid prick he is, but throw in the sort of media attention he'd get from a trial like that, and he'd be screwed," Fabian said, sighing. It was all so frustrating. "Well, I don't know what it is, then. Perhaps we should warn the others once we get out. Tell them to keep a sharp eye for any suspicious activity."_

_Gideon nodded. "Yea, no kidding. I have a bad feeling." Gideon was infamous for his vibes about situations; the better part of the time he was right, and often he hated it, particularly in this situation. He didn't want to think of one of the Order members selling off inside information about the inner-workings of the group. If that kept up, well. They'd either all be jailed or dead, he figured. God only knew what Riddle had in mind._

_Shaken, Gideon said in a very low whisper, "You don't think he knows about the Order itself, do you?"_

_Before Fabian could reply, the front doors opened and a couple cops climbed in. Fabian shrugged in response and settled in for what turned out to be a particularly bumpy ride to the station. Not like either he or Gid had their hands available to steady themselves, and the pricks up front knew it._

_"This is sodding bull shit," Fabian complained._

_"Yea," Gideon agreed, distracted, bouncing around awkwardly, he and Fabian unwillingly butting heads. He winced in pain just as they hit another large jut in the road, and Gideon's head hit the ceiling of the car, hard._

_"Fuck, you assholes. You don't like us, we get it!" he exclaimed, seeing stars. "No need to cause brain damage!"_

***

"And then they brought us here and I picked up one of the cops, and now you know the rest," Fabian finished, smiling at the old hippie. "Any questions?"

Albus smiled back, "No, Mr. F. Prewett, though you'll have to give me some flirting tips on a different occasion; you certainly have an interesting means of seduction judging by the kiss I saw you share with Mr. Dearbourne earlier."

"Er, yeah. Sure. Any time," Fabian agreed, amused. Realizing what exactly Albus had said, Fabian blinked in shock and then asked, "How do you know Caradoc?"

"He was a student of mine, once upon a time," Albus replied. "Quite handy with a paint brush, as I recall. Professor Hagrid will still brag about him to whoever will listen."

"Caradoc was an _artist_?" Fabian asked, blown out of the water. Shaking his head in surprise, Fabian realized that that wasn't exactly the issue at hand and asked, "So, why exactly did you decided to come forward now?"

"No reason, really," Albus said. "I just figured I've stood on the sidelines long enough, and that you two deserved to know who exactly you were dealing with. Now," he stopped, looking at Gideon, who'd been silent since the recap of the day's events had finished. "Do you really think that your arrest today was planned?"

"Ah, well," Gideon started. "It's hard to say. I have a feeling, but that doesn't mean anything. It's just a feeling."

"Gid's got great intuition. It's saved my arse many, many times," Fabian said. "If he's got a hunch, it's likely it's right."

"Well then, in that case, you've got a problem on your hands," Albus said. "One that you have to weed out before Tom Riddle finds out more than he needs to, more specifically, about myself and your affiliation with the Kingsbridge group. The Order can always restart. If the Kingsbridge group goes down, we lose all credibility. You understand, I'm sure?"

"Yeah," Fabian nodded. "But I don't think it's a leak. We're small enough still that we know everyone involved, and none of them would really give anything up. I think maybe they just wanted to get faces, or something. I don't know. Maybe I'm too trusting."

"Trust me," Albus said, "there's always someone who'd do it, and usually, if you really think about it, you can pinpoint who."

Fabian shrugged noncommittally and looked at his brother. "What do you think, Gid?"

Gideon's face was screwed up as he ran the list of Order members through his head. "I don't know. A lot of them we've known forever; it's hard to imagine being betrayed by a friend, I guess."

"Well," Albus said, "if they're betraying you, it's safe to say they're not your friends." When neither Gideon nor Fabian responded, Albus continued. "I best be on my way. But just another bit of friendly advice? Don't let this sit. Nip it in the bud, or there'll be a much bigger mess to clean up later."

He smiled cordially at the brothers before taking his leave, sauntering out the door whistling the theme song to 'The Jefferson's'.

Gideon suddenly realized that they were standing in the middle of the police station. "Uh. Perhaps we should go join Marlene, and pick up with the others?"

"Good idea. I've seen about enough of this place to last the rest of my life," Fabian said, beginning towards the door. "Unfortunately, I have a feeling I'll be back."

Before pushing the door open to go find Marlene, Fabian turned around again and called to the woman behind the desk, "Bye Bernice!"

She waved, and the two boys headed out into the afternoon sun.

"About bloody time! I was about to eat my own socks just to get by. Now let's _go_!" Marlene shouted as soon as they came out the front doors.

Fabian laughed, even though food sounded really good right about then. They hadn't eaten since last night before the sit-in, after all.


	17. The Ballad of Edgar & Dorcas (June 17th & 18th, and several days later, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where there is a drunken night, an awkward morning, and a happy ending. And not the naughty kind, either.

Fabian had been talking _all night_. Sure, it was cool that he'd seduced a policeman right out of the station and into the Order, but did he have to blather on and on about it? Dorcas had hardly gotten a chance to get a word in edgewise to Gideon, and she had all sorts of questions for him. Looking around, everyone seemed to be laughing now, and having their own conversations. It had been a good day, really, and everyone had lots to talk about with the protest and the arrest. She and Edgar were really the only two not gabbing excitedly at each other.

Grinning, Dorcas kicked Ed under the table, for no reason at all aside from that she could. Then she pushed her plate away and loudly interrupted all of the conversations going on by saying, "I'm stuffed, guys. I'm going to head out. See the lot of you twats later, eh? Let us know what happens and if You Know Who presses charges or something."

Edgar swallowed. He thought, perhaps, that he was reading into it too far (which wouldn't be surprising), but Dorcas _could_ be flirting. She _could_ be suggesting that he leave with her; that they go some place else. He swallowed again, watching her a little more closely and obviously than he usually did, willing his brain to make a decision for him. Stay, or go? Stay, or go? Go home in one piece, or go with Dorcas, risk something stupid, and go home with a broken nose?

"I'll walk you home, Dor," he said, surprising himself.

"What, you think I can't take care of myself or somethin'?" Dor said, but she wore a teasing smile and began to back towards the door. "Come on then, Bonesie. Before they figure out I haven't left them any money for dinner!"

"Oi, Meadowes!" Fabian called and she laughingly chucked a few crumpled bills onto the table.

Edgar followed timidly, chancing a look at Marlene, who was the only person he'd confided to about his unrequited crush on Dorcas. She smirked, and then winked, and he felt the blood rush to his face. He was surely red as a tomato now.

Once they were out in the crisp night air, Dorcas looped a casual arm around Ed's neck, squeezing tight and laughing brightly. She was in a good mood tonight. It really _had_ been a good day. "What a rush that was, hey Ed? You know, you didn't really have to carry me, though. I would've come on my own, eventually."

Edgar laughed. " _Eventually_ being the key word here, Dor. Eventually meaning that once they whipped out their guns or summat you'd've took off with your tail between your legs."

"Not even then, Ed. I'm invincible," Dor said, then laughed brightly and winked at him so he'd know she was joking. She let him go and she skipped a few paces ahead, turning to walk backwards along the edge of the sidewalk, holding her arms straight out for balance. "My parents are out of town. You want to come in to hang out and get up to no good? The night is young still."

"Ah, well. Is that a good idea, really?" Edgar questioned, not sure that Dorcas' definition of no good, and his willpower would hold up well together.

"Come on," Dorcas pleaded. If she was honest, she didn't really like being alone, not that she'd ever admit it. Eyes sparkling, she added, "I know where the key to the liquor cabinet is. If you don't come, I'll just assume you're afraid a little girl like me can drink you under the fucking table."

Edgar rolled his eyes. "Oh for fucks' sake, Dor," he said, trying to ignore the hint of desperation in her voice, and trying not to sound as eager as he felt. Spending alone time with the girl of his dreams was certainly cause for eagerness. What made him feel sick to his stomach, however, was the fact that she claimed to be a lesbian. In even the best scenario he concocted in his head, drinking did not bode well.

All the same, he said, "Fine. But I'll have you know that you're full of shit."

Dorcas was so glad to hear him agree, she bounced a little, and then tripped right off the curb, nearly biting it face first into the pavement. Stumbling, Dor managed to catch her balance, and then launched herself at Ed, jumping onto his back and laughing into his ear as she clung on, intending to piggyback the rest of the way to her house.

"Full of shit about what?" she asked instead of saying thanks.

Edgar hoisted her a bit, for the sake of his spine, and was so pleased with the current situation that he almost didn't hear her speak. "Oh." In truth he meant quite a lot of things, but as always, played it as safe as possible under the circumstances. "Drinking me under the table, right. I can take Sirius down, and that boy is a _tank_. Though you certainly wouldn't suspect it for looking at him."

"I may be little, but I am _fierce_ ," Dor said, and thought she might be mangling some literary quote. Not that it mattered. Hanging on tightly, Dor kicked Ed with her heels and said, "Giddy up, Bonesie! Move faster! We're almost there."

Certain that Dorcas' boots had bruised his sides, Edgar sped up as directed, to the point that he was hopping, and the few random people they passed on the street looked and pointed; one girl even said, "Ha ha, look at the kangaroo man!" Edgar ignored them. It really didn't matter, just because it was Dorcas. Stopping in front of her house and shaking her off of his back and onto the front lawn, Edgar wondered vaguely if he might be in love with her.

Dorcas pressed in the electronic code to unlock the door and made a dramatic shushing motion at Ed and began rambling as she walked into the house, trusting him to follow. "That's a secret code. You can't tell anyone or else they'll break into my house, be astounded by my beauty, and ravage me. You wouldn't want that, would you now? Promise me, Eddie."

Edgar mused that he might like to, but figured that that was best kept to himself. "Oh, no, I won't let the boogiemen get you, Princess," he said, instead.

"Princess?" Dor snorted, stretching as tall as she could to reach the top of the fridge. Her parents kept the key hidden under a coffee can, but Dorcas wasn't a tall girl so she had to go up on her tiptoes and scrounge blindly for it. Producing it triumphantly, she grabbed him by the hand and pulled him after her into the living room. "I bet you princesses don't steal their parents' liquor as much as me. Or get innocent young boys such as yourself plastered."

Edgar snorted. "Glad to hear that your intentions are noble, Dor," he said.

"What intentions? I have no intentions. I am wild and spontaneous and I pounce without warning. Rawr!" she said, giggling and thinking of the large tattoo of a tiger on her right thigh. She opened the large cabinet and pulled out the first bottle she saw, chucking it at Ed. "Catch, Bonesie!"

He did, but just with the tips of his fingers, thanking his lucky stars, not wanting Dorcas to have to explain to her parents why there were amber stains and little shrouds of glass in their carpet, right by the liquor cabinet. He surveyed the bottle and cocked his eyebrows. "Your parents like it stiff, huh? Jamaican rum..." Edgar let out a low whistle. "This stuff could strip paint."

"Can't handle it, Ed?" Dor said, pulling out her own bottle of something called Zambuca, taking a swig right from the bottle. The taste surprised her and she nearly choked, but she tried not to show it and just grinned at her friend instead. "There're probably some cans of some carbonated beverage or other in the fridge if you need to drink it like a girl."

Edgar did not like to be called a pansy, especially being it was the girl he may or may not be in love with teasing him. He removed the top of the bottle determinedly and took a swig quickly so he wouldn't lose his nerve. "Aw fuck!" he exclaimed. His throat felt like it was on fire.

Dorcas giggled. "Come on then, girl. Let's go get some mix. I'll even have some too, just so you don't feel like a total fucking loser."

"Yea, sure, Dor," he said, following her. "Like you don't need it yourself, Little Miss Tough Knickers."

Not responding, aside from tugging the waistband of her black jeans down a little to show him that her knickers were, in fact, lacy and not very tough at all, she headed into the kitchen to grab a couple cans of Coke and some big plastic glasses before coming back into the living room. Flopping down onto the sofa, she concentrated as she used her big toe to press a button on the remote control. The TV turned on, blasting a punk video, and Dor yelled, "I love this song!"

Due to the protesting of his eardrums, Edgar was forced to turn the TV down.

"Party pooper," she said, though she really didn't mind. She handed him one of the tumblers she'd brought out and one of the cans of pop before setting about liberally mixing her own drink. "Do you think this stuff will taste terrible with pop?"

She didn't wait for an answer before pouring the pop into her glass and taking a swig. Wrinkling her nose, she answered her own question with, "Not bad. Strong as fuck, but not bad."

Edgar followed suite, mixing his drink with a little less coke and a little more rum than was necessary. Something inside of him (a little something known by the name "Common Sense") was oblivious to the stupidity of this decision, and all in all, Edgar figured that a little more to drink would loosen him up at the least, so Dorcas wouldn't think he had a pole wedged up between his arse cheeks.

"Not very talkative tonight, are you Bonesie?" Dor said, nudging him with her knee. She was sprawled on the couch, her ripped jean clad legs taking up much more than half of it as she gulped her drink, but there was room enough for him, she thought and patted the spot next to her.

Edgar sat beside her, fidgeting. "Ah, well. When am I ever talkative," he tried it again, "Princess?" He liked that. He liked how it rolled off of his tongue.

"Please tell me you're not actually fucking considering calling me that. I won't have it, you know," Dor said without rancour, smiling comfortably as she shifted to face him on the couch. Some people were uncomfortable about eye contact, but Dor loved it. If not the eye contact, then at least making people uncomfortable. In any case, she saw nothing wrong with just sipping--gulping--her drink and watching him.

"I think it suits you," Edgar replied, taking a swallow of his drink and avoiding her gaze.

Did it suit her? She certainly didn't think so. But she liked nicknames, and however hideous it was, she'd never been called anything other than "Dor", so she wasn't sure she minded. Ed couldn't mean it in the prissy pink princess way, so really, what did it matter if he called her Princess?

"Yeah, okay," she said agreeably, but then her smile mutated into a mock stern expression. "But if you tell anyone else, I'll have to put elastics around your bollocks while you're sleeping. Promise?"

Edgar made a ridiculous sound in the back of his throat (thinking of Dorcas being in any sort of proximity to his bollocks), but managed to nod. "Yea, yea. Secret nickname."

"Ooh. Did that make you uncomfortable? Me talking about your bollocks?" Dorcas said, grinning mischievously. She leaned closer and whispered into his ear, "Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks, bollocks, bollcocks. Ha!"

At that, she turned away from him and reached for more alcohol, still chuckling under her breath at her slip of the tongue. Bollcocks.

Edgar wondered how childish it would be to stick his fingers in his ears and start screaming "LA LA LA!" at the top of his lungs; anything to try to keep his mind from veering toward private thoughts of Dorcas whispering similar, dirty things to him in wanking fantasies. He took another gulp and ended up finishing off the glass, already feeling rather tipsy. No, no, this did _not_ bode well.

"Maybe drinking is a bad plan," he tried, without much effort. "Won't your parents notice the missing alcohol?"

"So?" Dor said, shrugging as she sloshed another couple shots worth into her glass. "Whoopsie daisy! Too much liquor in _that_ glass!" She lifted it, and swigged a few swallows of straight alcohol, making a face and then adding some more pop to the tumbler. "Anyway, what does it matter if they notice or not? Oh no, I might get grounded! Gasp!"

Against his better judgement, Edgar poured himself another glass, again, mostly rum. "That's something I never managed to experience in my youth," he admitted.

"What? Grounded? You've never been _grounded_?" Dorcas gasped, almost choking on her drink in surprise. "Are you fucking kidding me? Look at you, Mr. Goody Two Shoes! You are such a _bore_ , Edgar Bones."

"I am not," Edgar said. "I was just sneaky. That or Mum never turned an eyelash at my misdeeds. Jon always said I was a spoiled little pussy."

Dorcas faked loud snoring noises, drunk enough now that she didn't really care if she was being a little more obnoxious than usual.

"Some friend," Edgar muttered.

"Bonesie, you big baby," Dorcas laughed, punching him in the arm. "You know I like you, you git. I'm just _teasing_."

Edgar blushed at her comment, probably reading into it a lot farther than was necessary. She liked him. She just said so. "And I like you too," he said, before he could stop himself.

"Of course you do," Dor said, waving his comment away. "I'm irresistible."

And as she chugged the rest of her glass, she didn't notice the odd, longing sort of look he gave her.

The night continued this way, and as it grew later, Dorcas stumbled to get another bottle of alcohol from the cabinet. Something milder. Some wine. It took her ages and some help from Edgar to get the cork out, but they finally had, and now they were sprawled on the middle of the living room floor, passing it back and forth and swigging straight from the bottle.

Dorcas didn't know about Ed, but she was so pissed she could hardly see straight.

The thought triggered something in her brain, and she propped herself up on her elbow, turning her happily relaxed, flushed face towards Ed and asking breathlessly, "If I'm a dyke, 'n I can't see straight, should I actually say I can't see queer?"

Edgar burst out laughing, and after a moment, wasn't quite sure what he was laughing at anymore. "If you're a dyke, Princess, then I'm the... the... the mailman!"

"You're not a mailman, idiot. You're a janitor," Dorcas reminded him. And then... "Oh! You mean you don't think I'm a dyke. Why not?"

Edgar sniffed and groped for the wine bottle, taking a long drink before responding. "'Cause, 'cause, I think you're faking it sometimes, ya know, because you just want people to notice you. An', I think thas the wrong sort of a-tent-chun to be wanting, Princess."

"I like t'be noticed," Dorcas murmured, flopping back onto her back and staring into space thoughtfully. "I really do like girls though, Eddie. I mean, you like girls. You know how, y'know, great they are."

"Do ya like blokes, though? Like, even a lil' bit?" Edgar asked, hopeful.

"No," Dorcas said flatly. So much of her personality was built around her being a lesbian. It wasn't everything she was, but it was part of it, and she wasn't afraid of it, of being different. She was proud. She wouldn't abandon that just because she liked the way Ed fawned over her--how could he think she didn't notice? How could he think _anyone_ didn't notice?--and she liked how it felt to know he liked her. It didn't mean she liked him. She had a girlfriend anyway.

"Oh," Edgar replied, a little hurt. "Dor... Princess, I gotta tell ya somethin'. Its im'ortant."

"Is it a secret? Like Princess, and the code t'my house?" Dor asked, smiling goofily up at him.

Edgar laughed. "It's a secret, yea," he said. "For sure. I... I told Marlene, and she said I was barkin' up the wrong tree, but I kinda like this parti'ular tree, Princess. An' I sorta wish the tree liked me too."

Dorcas propped herself up on her hands again and snorted in Ed's general direction. "You are so drunk. Jus' say what you wanna say, Ed. Meta--um, what's it? Metaphors! Metaphors don't work right now."

"But I think I might _love_ the tree," Edgar whined.

"Well, until you give me a _name_ ," Dor said pointedly, because she was drunk, not stupid, "I don't wanna hear abou' no trees."

"Fuck!" Edgar said loudly. "I think, I think. I think I'm in love with you, Dorcas."

Dorcas looked at him. Then she squinted at him. And then she laughed at him. "I think you're just really, really drunk, Eddie."

"I _am_ really, really drunk, Princess," he admitted. "But I figured that out long a'fore I came over here tonight. Long a'fore I threw you o'er my shoulder today, too."

"Oh," Dorcas said. She'd already known he liked her, but she'd never had anyone tell her they loved her before. Even her parents didn't really say it all that often, and she wasn't at that stage with Katy, her girlfriend, just yet. If she was honest, it felt nice to hear it from Edgar. It felt nice to know someone felt that about her. Or thought they felt that. She wasn't sure how to respond to that, though, except by saying, "Thanks then, I guess."

Edgar turned his head, looking her right in the eyes. "I really don' have a chance, do I?"

"Bonesie, you idiot," she said fondly, tugging on a piece of his hair. "What'd you go falling in love wi' me for?"

Edgar sighed. "I can't help it, Princess. You're, you're beautiful. An' vibrant, and independent, and brave, and you're witty, and funny, an' a million diff'rent things."

Dor felt all warm inside, and dizzy from alcohol, and _he really did like her a lot_ , and she didn't know if she liked blokes, did she? She'd never tried anything with any of them. On an impulse, Dor leaned forward and kissed him, bumping into him a little too hard as the alcohol had made her depth perception all wonky. She laughed into his mouth and fell against him wrapping one arm around his neck so gravity wouldn't pull her away and she'd have to stop kissing him and start thinking.

Edgar was shocked. Speechless. Not that much speech was needed, but he wasn't exactly doing much reciprocating, and he wondered blindly if, in his woe, he had _actually_ won her over. Or if this was just some drunken fooling around. Did it matter? It didn't matter at that moment, anyhow, when Dorcas had her _tongue_ in his _mouth_ and was latched onto him like she never wanted to let go.

"Oh God," he mouthed against her lips.

"What happened to Princess? It was just starting to grow on me," Dor said, grinning as she broke away for just a moment. She moved to straddle his thighs, pulling off her own shirt just to see the look on Edgar's face.

Edgar's eyes went wide, and asked, "Wait, is... is this a dream?"

Dorcas laughed brightly and raised her hands, wiggling her fingers around in his face. "Wooo! I'm here t'make all your dreams come true! You can even touch me, if you want."

Edgar was certain now that this was some alcohol-induced fantasy, and that it really couldn't hurt to enjoy it. That said, his hands quickly made their way to her breasts.

Dorcas couldn't help but grin. Ed looked a bit terrified and a lot awed. It made her feel powerful, so she leaned down and kissed him again, sliding forward onto his lap.

Edgar's hands slipped around to Dorcas' back, unclasping her bra, the material slipping down her shoulders. He moved back to the warm, soft flesh of her breasts, squeezing gently, circling her nipples with his thumbs.

Dor couldn't help but gasp into Ed's mouth a little, shivering at his touch. She _loved_ having pierced nipples. They were so sensitive. After she'd caught her breath, Dorcas said into his mouth, "I still like girls though. And can you take your shirt off?"

"Then what's this?" Edgar asked, pulling his shirt up all the same.

"I dunno. But you should know, I can't think and fool around at the same time. You pick what you'd rather have me doing," Dor said, and it was her way of relinquishing a little of the responsibility.

Brain hazy, it didn't take too much effort for Edgar to pick "fooling around."

Dor smiled and kissed him again, trailing her fingers lightly down his torso. She supposed Ed wasn't bad looking for a bloke, and the rough feeling of his stubbly face against her smooth one was different, but not negatively.

Edgar kneaded her breasts for a while longer before trailing his hands over the soft curve of her hips, to her arse. He squeezed, and then locked his thumbs in her belt loops, their lower bodies pressing together.

One thing that certainly did thrill Dorcas was that she could feel it. It. Edgar's dick. She could feel it right through his trousers, and she could _feel_ how much he wanted her. She couldn't feel that with girls, at least not until she got her hand right down there.

And that thought suddenly had her wanting to get her hand right down there. She had never seen a penis in real life before, and suddenly she was very, very curious.

She broke away again, now breathing a little heavily, and looked down at Ed, smiling eagerly. "Can I take off your trousers? I want to touch it."

If it hadn't been for the fact that Edgar was currently harder than he had ever been in his life, he probably would've laughed. Instead he nodded, and said, "Yes, yes, please," hurriedly, his cock straining against the denim.

Dorcas concentrated as she undid his jeans, listening intently to every noise he made whenever Dor accidentally brushed a sensitive bit. Remembering something about earlier, she began singing, "bollocks, bollocks, bollocks, bollocks," under her breath as she struggled to pull his trousers down over his hips. She managed it, though, and looked up at Ed one last time before pulling the elastic waistband of his pants down slowly until it rested at his thighs. He looked totally debauched as he lay there on the middle of her living room floor, mostly naked, and she couldn't help but giggle.

She reached out, not really feeling tentative in the least, and touched the very tip of his cock were it was a bit shiny and wet, still watching for his reaction. She was utterly transfixed by him. She'd never really had this kind of power over anyone. Girls weren't this easy.

Edgar's hips thrust up automatically at her touch, and he let out a loan moan, biting his lip.

Dorcas moved to settle herself at Ed's side, her mouth by his ear and her hand wrapping more firmly around him, sliding it slowly up and down.

"You really do like me, don't you Ed? Or are you like this with all the girls?" she whispered into his ear, leaning so close her lips brushed against his earlobe and his hair tickled her face. Without really giving him a chance to respond, she squeezed her hand and added, "I bet you'd like to fuck me, wouldn't you, Bonesie? You can, if you want to. Do you? Do you want to?"

Edgar was squirming under her hold (on his cock and on his brain). His eyelids flickered, looking at her the same way he always did, really, only a little _more_ distracted by the goings-on below his waist.

Yes, yes, oh _fuck_ yes," he said.

"Okay," Dor said, and let go of him, kissing him quickly before getting to her feet and shimmying her hips in time to the music that was still playing. As soon as she got a good beat going, she began to undo her jeans, sliding them over her hips and down, sitting on the coffee table as gracefully as her blood alcohol level would allow. She pulled one leg free of her jeans, and then the other, and then struck a pose that would show off her tiger tattoo, wearing only some red underwear with a lace trim.

"What do you think?" she asked, smoothing a hand over her inner thigh, tracing the tiger's tail with one finger up to the edge of her panties.

"Oh, God," Edgar said, completely and utterly entranced.

"Edgar!" Dor shouted, laughing. She leaned back on her arms, still seated on the coffee table with her legs spread in Edgar's direction. "I asked you a question. What. Do you. Think?"

"I think. I think," Edgar attempted, his brain rather void of any thought _besides_ "Oh, God." He paused for a moment, and then tried again. "You're fucking hot, Princess."

"Thanks," Dor said, grinning. Looking bored while completely exhilarated was not easy, but Dorcas tried as she said, "Now are you going to take these off me, or just sit and stare all night?"

Edgar rushed to a sitting position, reaching for Dorcas' hips and the top of her knickers. He licked his lips, looking up into her eyes with a mixture of awe and fright. "You're sure this is... okay?"

"Don't you dare start being a gentleman now, Ed," Dorcas said, exasperated, lifting her hips so he could undress her.

Nothing else needed to be said really. He leaned forward, kissing the inside of her thighs as he slowly slid her panties down, over the curve of her arse, down her legs, off of her ankles.

Dorcas sucked in a breath. She could see how much he adored her in every single movement he made, and even if she didn't love him, not the way he loved her, she thought it was all enough that she wouldn't regret it. And anyway, she'd always wondered what it would feel like, what it would _be_ like. Who better to indulge that curiosity with than a cool, older boy who just so happened to be in love with her? At least she could trust him to be careful.

"So should we rut on the floor like the drunk, desperate teenagers we are, or would you like to come up and see my room?" Dorcas asked, wondering why her voice sounded more nervous than she felt. Smirking at him, she added, "And take your pants off the rest of the way, you look ridiculous."

"Floor. Hurt," Edgar mumbled, still kissing about her tattoo. "Bed. Good."

Dorcas was almost disgusted to find she was petting his head and arching her back as he kissed closer and close but never _there_. This wasn't about her. It was about Ed. She was a lesbian. She pushed him away gently and got up. "Well, come on then. Upstairs."

Edgar stood, reaching down to his trousers to remove his wallet before kicking them off of his feet. No, wallets weren't the best places to keep condoms, but it was all they had, and Edgar really, _really_ didn't want to pass this up, not now. What if she became a lesbian again?

Cocking her head to the side, Dorcas took a good long look at Edgar, just standing there holding onto his wallet. She reached out and traced the shape of his collarbones, then down over his chest. She circled her fingers around his nipples and then trailed them over his stomach and hips, stopping right at the base of his cock, grinning cheekily up at him.

Grabbing him once, quickly and firmly enough to surprise him, Dorcas took a step back and said, "Tag, you're it," before taking off up the stairs.

Edgar laughed. He drew a condom out of his wallet and then dropped it on the floor before running after her, managing to take two steps at a time in his equally drunken and aroused state.

Dorcas slowed to a walk as she heard Ed running up the stairs behind her, and he'd caught up before she even reached her room. She opened the door, pulling him in by the hand and letting him go once he stood in the doorway. It was a pigsty, of course, as she never cleaned it, but the bed was big and she faced Ed as she settled herself onto it, looking up at him. She picked up the remote control on her bedside table and pressed play, causing her stereo system to blare to life. Setting the remote back down again, she reached forward and pulled him towards her by his hips, looking up at him with wide, bright eyes.

"I'm actually a little nervous. Can you believe it?" Dorcas said softly, her words swallowed up by the music. Immediately knew she never would have admitted such a thing sober. She was never nervous, and when she was, she just got louder and wilder to make up for it.

Edgar saw her lips move but had no idea what she said. He bent to her level, eye-to-eye, grinning rather sheepishly, and then kissed her softly, carefully, and sweetly.

Dorcas kissed him back and then shimmied backwards, pulling him with her as best she could, hoping her insistent tugging on his arm could be interpreted for 'get on top of me', because that's what she meant it to be.

Edgar understood, sliding between her hips, keeping his weight off of her, but not the very obvious (and rather painful) hardness between his legs.

Reaching up, Dor grabbed him around the neck and pulled him back down into an enthusiastic kiss. She wanted to do it _now_ , right now. Breaking the kiss, she put her mouth against his ear and said, "Do it."

Edgar swallowed, sat back a little and began to open the condom wrapper in his hand. He felt weird about this, but even his blurry mind knew it was a necessity; so much as he _knew_ he loved Dorcas, he didn't want her pregnant from one night of whatever this was.

Dorcas blinked. She hadn't noticed him grab it. She hadn't even thought to suggest it. She was glad he had, however. However much she enjoyed annoying her parents, an unexpected pregnancy would've been going a bit far. Dorcas rubbed her hands up and down Ed's thighs as she watched him put it on. She was really going to have sex with a boy. Well, not just a boy. With Ed. That seemed important, somehow.

Condom finally situated, Edgar moved on top of Dorcas again, aligning himself without going in. He kissed her forehead lightly, looked at her deeply, and then pushed himself inside.

He didn't push in all the way, right away, which Dorcas was grateful for, though she was still unable to hold in a gasp. It did hurt, though, and Dorcas let go of his neck, curling her arms underneath his armpits and up around his shoulders, burying her face in the juncture of his neck and shoulder. Dorcas wrapped her legs around him and squeezed, urging him onward. She wanted all of him.

He took things slowly until he was all the way inside of her, and he stopped, breathing heavy, eying her uncomfortably. She'd winced. He hadn't really considered it before but, he supposed, given she had been saying she was gay, Dorcas probably hadn't had much experience in the boy department. "Dorcas, are you...? Were you, I mean?"

Letting her head drop back to the pillow and smiling up at him, Dorcas felt a little dizzy with excitement. Even though she'd screwed around with Katy hundreds of times, it wasn't quite the same as concretely knowing that by even the most closed-minded of definitions she was no longer a virgin. "What, did you think I'd sleep with just any old gender? Now are we talking, or fucking?"

Edgar took a deep breath, and then started moving.

"Good choice, Bonesie," Dorcas gasped, rocking her hips up to meet his. It still didn't feel particularly good, but it was hurting less and the alcohol made her body feel just numb enough and her head just spinny enough that she could arch into him and throw her head back and just enjoy it. Enjoy being fucked by a boy. By Ed.

Her response made it difficult for Edgar to control himself; he really wanted to pace himself, for her sake, since this was her first time.

It didn't take very much longer, however. Edgar had quite a lot of self-control in most situations, but once it finally hit him that this was _Dorcas_ , and that he was _having sex with her_ , and that it was _actually happening_... well. It might not have been the most powerful orgasm of his life, but it certainly had him seeing stars.

He collapsed on top of her, willing himself not to crush her before he got his breath back and could pull out and roll over.

Dorcas only barely held herself back from grinning and saying, 'So that's it, then?' Instead, she curled herself around him, running her hand casually over his chest as she smiled against his neck. She felt chatty, though, and so she said, "So that's it, then? That was interesting. Can't get quite that feel with girls, I don't think. No matter what combination of hands and toys you might use, you know? Anyway, what did you think? Was it good? You've done it before, right?"

Edgar's head was still spinning, and he was having trouble understanding Dorcas. "Good, well, yes, I'd hardly say I found it excruciating judging by my reaction a moment ago, wouldn't you say?"

"Yes, yes, fine. But you didn't answer the interesting part," Dor said, propping herself up on one elbow and pinching one of Edgar's nipples. "Were you a virgin, Mr. Bones? With a name like that, I can't see how you fucking could be."

Edgar snorted. "Ah. Well, no, I wasn't."

"Shame. Here I was thinking how terribly romantic it would've been to lose it to each other," Dorcas teased, batting her eyelashes at him. "As it is, you've just deflowered a drunk sixteen year old lesbian who is, in fact, in a relationship. How does that make you feel?"

"A little nauseous, actually," Edgar replied, rubbing his temples. The world was becoming clearer, and Dorcas' statement made him realize, quite plainly, what had just happened. "Dor, why'd you let me do that?"

Flopping back down to lay at his side, Dorcas settled herself against him, nestling her head against his shoulder. Maybe Ed was on his way back to sobriety, but Dorcas just felt sleepy. "I don't know. I guess because you wanted to, and it made me feel good."

"Made you feel good _how_ , exactly? You've cheated on your girlfriend. And I don't know about you, but I'm going to feel like horrible fucking _shit_ in the morning. God, what a fucking mistake."

"Hey!" Dorcas snapped and thumped him on the chest. For a moment, she debated answering him at all. She liked it better when he couldn't get enough of her. Now, though, she didn't like the way he was thinking. After a long pause, Dorcas took a breath and, annoyed at him for making her think (though not annoyed enough to move away from him), replied seriously, "Regret it if you want, but I don't. I do what I want to do, Ed. And it's not like Katy ever has to find out. If you're going to be a jerk about it, you can just leave."

Edgar narrowed his eyes. "Me being a jerk? Are you still going to go back to wossface after this? Is this supposed to suit me, huh, one _fuck_ and then go back to mooning over you from the distance? That's really not going to be good enough for me."

"What else did you expect? I don't date boys, and I have a girlfriend," Dorcas reminded him bluntly. Even if her girlfriend wasn't out and never told anyone about Dorcas. Even if they had to pretend to be friends whenever they were around anyone but the closest of friends. Even if Dorcas sometimes felt like Katy was ashamed of her. Even if Ed openly adored her and would probably brag about her to everyone. It didn't change the fact that Dorcas was a dyke.

Edgar stood, walking over to the garbage and removing the used condom. He was fuming. This was nothing short of ridiculous. "I just... I don't understand you, Dor. I mean, what the fuck else do you want from me? You have all of my attention, you occupy 99.9% of my thoughts, and I would probably jump in front of a _bus_ if I thought it would make you happy. I just. This just kills me, you letting me get this far."

"I don't know. It was just for fun," Dorcas said, shaken out of her comfortable position by his rather sudden movement off of the bed and away from her. She sat up, totally unconcerned with her lack of clothing, and stared defiantly up at him, as though challenging him. "And don't you dare say I 'let you' get anything, like it wasn't just as much you as it was me. You didn't have to fuck me. I wouldn't have if I'd known you'd get all girly about it."

"You know what? Fuck you, Dorcas. You know perfectly well that I'm mad about you, and if you cared about anyone but yourself once in a bit... Just, _fuck_." He came back toward her, sitting on the edge of the bed and putting his face in his hands. "It isn't fair, it's really not."

It was clear he was really upset about it all, and she didn't want him to feel sad. She hadn't meant to make him feel sad. But his words hurt--he'd never spoken to her like that before--and she felt a flash of anger. Glaring, she sucked a breath in noisily through her nose and backed away from him towards the corner of the bed. "Fuck. You know, I didn't promise you anything. You have no fucking right to blame everything on me. I didn't do it just to hurt you, or whatever you seem to be telling yourself. You wanted to. You _said_ you wanted to. I'm not... I... Don't be angry at me."

"Of course I wanted to, Dorcas. I'm pretty sure we've covered that already. But that doesn't mean you get to justify one night of sex with me, and leaving it at that, by saying that you're lesbian-ness, or whatever, is still intact. Do you have _any_ idea what it's like to be so completely overtaken by someone?"

"I'm sorry, okay? Is that what you want to hear?" Dor said, pulling her legs up and looking at Ed over the tops of her knees. "Just because you like me doesn't mean you have to make me feel like shit for something we both wanted. But I just, I don't know what you want me to fucking _say_ , Ed. There's nothing to say. I _am_ a lesbian, and I'm sorry if you don't like it, but I don't know why we couldn't just enjoy tonight!"

Edgar ran a hand through his hair. "You said something we _both_ wanted. Why did you want it, if you're a lesbian? If you're involved with someone?"

"God, I don't know, okay? Because!" Dorcas snapped irritably. "Because you did, and it felt nice to know you did, and maybe I was curious or something. Just, fuck. Can we go to sleep? Please? I'm tired."

"No, fuck it, I'm going home. I don't want to be here if all I am to you is an experiment," Edgar said, standing, and moving quickly toward the door.

"Ed!" Dorcas called, scrambling to her feet and feeling an annoying surge of panic. She didn't like to be alone. Especially at night. Grabbing his arm, she pleaded, "Don't, please? Just stay. I'll keep my hands to myself. I promise. Please? Just until morning? Just stay with me."

Edgar looked down at her and knew that he wouldn't be going anywhere. His features softened and he rolled his eyes. "See what you do to me?"

Dorcas relaxed her grip on him, and then wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning her chin on his chest to smile up at him. "Yes, yes. You're too good to me. Now come on, it's getting late and I'm sleepy."

Edgar was internally berating himself for allowing her to constantly do this to him. And the worst of it was that he knew she was fully aware of the hold she had on him, and was abusing it, and he was letting her.

They settled into bed, wrapping the duvet around themselves, and after a few moments, Edgar tentatively wrapped his arms around her.

Dorcas melted into the embrace, mumbling (into some bit of Edgar's skin, she wasn't sure which at the moment), "Mm. That's nice." And then, after a few moments, she added sleepily, "Thank you."

After that, her breathing slowed and she tangled herself more fully around Edgar, her hands creeping wherever they pleased, despite her promise to keep them to herself. It didn't matter anymore by that point. She was asleep.

Edgar watched her as she drifted off, and then after, sighing to himself. This was pure torture, to love someone so much and to not fully be able to have them. He kissed her forehead and settled in a bit more, but it was a while longer before he took his eyes off of her and went to sleep.

***

Dorcas was in school, and the fire alarm was going off, over and over and over and she was really annoyed that someone hadn't shut it off, but then Edgar showed up wearing a fireman's suit and carrying an enormous hose, and Dorcas just laughed and laughed and laughed until she woke up and realized the phone was ringing.

Reaching for it groggily, Dor was still snickering to herself as she answered. "Hullo? Oh, hi Mum. Mm hm. Everything's fine. Oh, nothing much. Just narrowly avoided getting arrested at a protest and then came back and got drunk and had sex with an older boy. You wouldn't know him. How's your conference? That's nice. See you tonight."

Dorcas clicked the phone off and instead of putting it back on her bedside table, she just dropped it onto the floor and turned into Ed's warmth and tried to go back to sleep.

Edgar had slowly come awake (enough so that he heard Dorcas' conversation with her mother), and looked at her rather incredulously as she settled back into the bed. "Did you just tell your mum that you had sex with me?"

"Mm hm. Sleepy time now," Dorcas answered, burying her face in what turned out to be his armpit.

"And are you nestling in my armpit?" Edgar asked.

"You can't sleep while you're asking questions, Edgar Bones," Dorcas murmured and flopped a hand up to cover his mouth. She ended up with one finger up his nose and another few in his mouth, but she thought she'd accomplished her aim rather well. Let's see him talk through _that_.

Edgar gave a valiant effort, but eventually had to reach up and push Dorcas' hand away in an attempt to get out what he wanted to say. "I should probably head home. It's past 10."

"Just a little longer," Dorcas pleaded. "I feel warm and cozy."

"I've been here too long already, Dor," Edgar argued.

After grumbling and rubbing her eyes, Dorcas stretched decadently as she prepared to get up, letting the blankets slide down and sneaking a peek to see Ed's reaction.

Edgar tried his best to ignore her; now was not the time to get into what happened the night before. Or, at least, he didn't want to think about it. He climbed out of bed, avoiding looking at her, stretched, and moved toward the door. "I'm going to go grab my clothes," he told her.

"Yeah, fine," Dorcas said, a little let down that he hadn't seemed the least bit affected by her. Maybe he didn't like her anymore.

Dorcas watched him leave and then went and pulled on some clean underwear, wincing as she walked. She pulled a long tank top over her underwear and didn't bother with bottoms. As she began to limp her way down the stairs, Dorcas called, "Am I supposed to be this bloody sore? I feel like I was hit with a fire truck. You animal, you."

Edgar didn't respond, and was halfway through getting a trouser-leg up when he noticed a silhouette in the telly screen. "Um, Dor?" he said, turning around and coming face to face with a girl who looked suspiciously like Kingsley Shacklebolt's sister. "I think there's someone here to see you."

Dor stepped into the living room just as Katy stepped out of the kitchen. Dor's eye's widened and she looked around. Well, their clothes were everywhere, and it wasn't as though she could plausibly deny anything that had happened last night. Judging by Katy's expression, she'd already figured it out anyway.

"Um, hey. What are you doing here?" she asked softly, running a hand through her wild red hair. It was all full of knots from last night's... festivities.

"Your parents are out of town and I know you like having company, so I thought I'd come spend the day with you," the tall, dark skinned girl said angrily. Her glare was fierce and hurt as she turned it on Edgar. "Looks like you already found yourself someone, though."

"Oh. Katy, this is Edgar. Ed, Katy. My girlfriend."

Edgar had pretty much abandoned all attempts to finish pulling up his trousers, and instead collected the rest of his clothes awkwardly and said, "I think I'll go, um. Put on a pot of tea, or something else that's less uncomfortable."

"How could you? Dorcas, how _could_ you?" Katy hissed before Ed was even out of the room.

"I could because I wanted to," Dorcas said, feeling suddenly rash. If she was going to go down, she was at least going to go down in flames.

Katy looked near tears at this. "But I thought we were good together! I thought we were, you know. Happy. I was going to tell my mom about you."

"No you weren't! What do you think I am, Katy? Stupid? You had no intention of ever telling _anyone_ about us. If some of the girls hadn't walked in on us, you never even would've told _them_! I'm sick of faking it. We _could've_ been happy, but not while you had an excuse to ignore me most of the time. Do you have any idea what that feels like?"

Edgar, pulling his shirt over his head, winced at this. "Doesn't feel very nice, does it Dor?" he mumbled to himself.

"That's not fair. I told you I was going to--" Katy said.

"You told me you were going to a hundred times. And you never did. You never followed through."

"That doesn't mean you can cheat on me!" Katy interrupted.

Dorcas just kept on ranting like she hadn't even heard her. "It was all, 'Oh, Dor, you don't know what it's like' and 'Oh, Dor, but just imagine what they'll think of me'. But I _do_ know what it's like because _I did it_. And yeah, maybe it would've been hard, but you should've thought I was worth it!"

"Why are you using the past tense?" Katy said, tears finally spilling over. She wiped them hurriedly, but Dorcas saw. She was hurting a lot of people lately.

"Because I'm done. I can't do it anymore, not with you," Dorcas answered softly. "And fuck, stop crying, will you? I just slept with Ed. _You_ should be the one yelling and breaking up with _me_."

Edgar, now fully dressed, set the filled kettle on the stove and started hunting for cups. He felt bad for Katy, he really did. But something in his stomach flipped at the simplicity of 'I just slept with Ed,' and a smile crept onto his face. Maybe... maybe there was hope for him yet. She was breaking up with her girlfriend after all. Maybe she'd realized that she liked boys. That she liked _him_.

"Fine!" Katy shouted. "Just fine! And I hope you miss me, Dorcas Meadowes, because not a lot of people would put up with your shit like I do, you know."

"You know where the door is, Katy," Dorcas said and flopped down onto the couch, hoping Ed would bring her some tea too.

Katy stomped out, still crying, but angry now too, and Dorcas watched her go blankly. It had been long past time. Dorcas wasn't the sort of girl that could handle being hidden, and she thought Katy knew that too.

The girl whirled past Edgar without giving him a second look, and he sighed, watching her for a moment. Finally, the kettle whistling, Edgar set about filling up a cup for himself and Dorcas, taking them into the living room rather sheepishly.

"She's right you know. About putting up with your shit."

"But you would, wouldn't you Ed?" Dorcas asked viciously. She was angry and confused and sometimes she couldn't help but be cruel. It was apparently one of those times and so she added snidely, "Don't suppose you have a sister, do you?"

Edgar tried not to react, but the colour welled up in his cheeks. Sometimes, the things she said really stung. "Yea, but she's 10 years older than me. And engaged to a man."

"Shame. We could've had some fun, her and I," Dorcas said, taking a sip of the tea she had not said thank you for. Dorcas sunk into the couch, looking strangely smaller than she usually did, and looked up at Ed over the rim of her mug. "Am I a terrible person?"

"Not really, Princess," Edgar said, resurrecting his nickname for her from the previous evening. "You just make mistakes like everyone else."

He was too good to her. She'd said it last night, but she hadn't really known how true it was until now. Here he was, this nineteen-year-old blond boy that probably had a hundred girls right now, at this very moment, just dying to go out with him. And he liked Dorcas-- _loved_ Dorcas--even though she was only sixteen and she was petty and immature and completely neurotically unable to be nice sometimes.

"Why? Why on _earth_ do you like me? I mean, fuck. How can you even _stand_ me?" Dorcas asked in a rare candid moment.

Without even hesitating, Edgar said, "Because you're unique. You're beautiful. You're outspoken and sarcastic, and random, and a passionate little rebel. Because you make me happy whenever I look at you. Because your smile makes me weak in the knees. Really, just because you're Dorcas."

Shrinking further into the couch, Dorcas just shook her head. "No I'm not. I'm not any of that stuff--" she paused, flashing him a smile, and _that_ was more like the good old Dorcas. "Okay, well, maybe I'm some of that stuff. But the point is, I'm not worth it, Ed. And it's never going to happen. Maybe you should just go."

Edgar set the teacup he hadn't touched down on the coffee table, and stood. "Okay," he said, and without another word, he turned and left.

He was out of the house and most of the way down the street before things finally got the best of him and he had to sit down. He spent close to 20 minutes on that street corner before he'd finally collected himself enough to keep going, and once he got home, he went to bed, and laid there for a good day and a half.

***

Dorcas was miserable.

Her parents had long since returned, and her mom had had a nice long talk with her about how it was okay to be confused, and if she thougth she liked boys, she should explore that. Which really meant, "I want you to be normal, and I want grandchildren, and why can't you just get married and start going to church?"

After that, Dorcas was even more determined to flaunt her sexuality. She talked deliberately about how sexy the girls in commercials were; so much, in fact, that her dad, who'd long since grown used to her shocking behaviour, left the room and didn't speak to her all the next day. But Dorcas just felt... sort of hollow inside.

It went against everything she stood for and everything she was, but she couldn't stop thinking about Edgar.

She'd told herself it had all been because she liked that he liked her. But she'd asked him to leave and he'd left without a word, and even when she thought she'd finally made him stop liking her, she still couldn't stop thinking about him. She even called him once or twice, but she always got nervous and hung up as soon as anyone answered.

Then, three days after the Edgar Incident, one of her friends had commented about how she was being a totally wet blanket pushover lately, and Dorcas just snapped.

"I like girls!" she'd yelled. "I do, and I'll still defend anyone's right to like them! But the whole point of _everything_ is that people should be allowed to love who they love! And so what if that's a guy?"

Her friends had thought her crazy, but she'd just taken out her cell phone, full of all sorts of angry determination (and desperation?) and called Ed. She didn't hang up this time.

Though, it was all rather anticlimactic because he ended up being at work. She was on a roll, though, and close enough to the community centre to walk there. So she did. She got stopped by the security guards, though, and she was so determined, she even paid them their stupid entrance fee. She was on a mission and she would not be deterred.

She had to find Edgar.

Edgar was on the third floor, absently dusting window ledges and staring off into space. The space was set up for a new exhibit, and his boss had told him to do one last run though to make sure everything was spotless. People were beginning to file in, and this was Edgar's cue to leave, not as though he'd gotten much work done anyhow. His boss had told him that if it kept up he'd be put back on probation, and Edgar didn't even bother to offer up any explanation to his behaviour. The only reason he was at work in the first place was because his mother had called his brother to come over to the house and literally drag him out of bed.

He sighed and turned toward the stairwell.

Okay, so Dorcas wasn't the most patient person in the world. She'd searched half the first floor before getting frustrated and asking the nearest employee. And they'd suggested the third floor, where the new exhibit was, and when she stepped out of the stairs to end up face to face with Edgar, she realized she was terribly unprepared and had no idea at all what to say, but she had to say something because she'd been terrible to him and he probably never wanted to speak to her again, ever, ever, ever.

To her own embarrassment, Dorcas just burst right into tears. In her defence, she hadn't been sleeping well and she was very emotionally distraught. She _never_ cried. She wasn't a crier. But here she was, in front of Ed, crying and utterly unable to even get one word out between her great sobs.

Edgar, understandably, was not only quite taken aback by Dorcas' sudden appearance, but by her fit of tears as well, because he couldn't remember ever seeing her cry in all the time he'd known her. Dorcas was more the sort of girl who advocated for Not-Crying in her spare time.

" _Dor_? I. What's happened?" he asked.

Dorcas backed into the stairwell in horror. She didn't want _Ed_ to see her crying. She just wanted to hide until the ridiculous tears were finished. Tears were stupid and she hated them, and why should the fact that he hadn't said 'what are _you_ doing here?' make her cry even harder?

Edgar was really quite a loss as of what to do. He stepped forward, keeping close to her, and touch a hand to her shoulder. "Dorcas, why are you crying? You _never_ cry."

At this, Dorcas threw her arms around him and buried her face in his neck, hiccupping dramatically in a desperate bid to get control of herself.

Finally, she managed to blurt, all in a rush and all strung together, "Because I love you and I can't stand it and I've missed you _so much_ and screw stupid lesbian politics, I'll like who I fucking like."

"What? What did you just say?"

"Shut up, you stupid git. I'm not saying it again," she said, managing a watery laugh and wiping her runny nose on his shoulder.

"You're lucky I'm accustomed to bodily fluids," he told her with a smile. "And I must have misheard you, because I'm pretty sure you said you were in love with me."

"I did. I _am_. Fuck, Ed, this is humiliating enough!" she wailed, letting go of him to scrub at her face. Her tears had subsided now to faintly wet eyes and the odd jagged, jumpy intake of breath.

Still not quite allowing himself to believe what she was telling him, he quirked his eyebrows. "And how did you come to this realization, exactly? The other day you were telling me that it was a one time experiment sort of thing, and that you were most certainly a lesbian."

"It was very difficult and confusing, but all in all I figured lesbians don't fucking obsess over _boys_ ," Dor said, pinching his arm. "How do you think I came to the realization? How did _you_ come to the realization?"

"Partly the day I met you, partly over time," Edgar replied. "It didn't take much, _Princess_."

Dorcas blushed, she actually _blushed_ , like some stupid little schoolgirl with a crush or something! Which she wasn't. Smiling up at him, Dorcas just leaned back against the wall she'd backed herself into and said, "Well, now that that's all figured out, I think this is the part where I scream _take me now, take me now_!"

Not that everyone in the room wasn't watching them anyhow; a few older women were scandalized by the redheaded girl's screaming, but the majority chuckled as they’d been eavesdropping.

"Or," said Edgar, "this could be the part where I kiss you like I mean it."

And he did.


	18. A Prophetic Sort of Day (June 18th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where a dolphin is fuzzy (but not as big as the lion), Alice has tricky lifelines, and Sybill Trelawney is pimpin'.

The happy, busy attitude of the fair was catching and there wasn't a frowning face in sight. June had come and the graduating class of East Portlemouth Prep had bussed to Kingsbridge to spend a sunny Saturday at the fair.

James, his tanned arm slung around Lily's freckled shoulders, pinched a tuft of cotton candy off of the stick Lily was holding, popping it into his mouth and leaning in to share a sticky, sweet kiss with her. It was Frank, Alice, Lily, and him together just now, seeing as the girls were far too pregnant to go on any of the rides and the rest of their friends had buggered off with promises to meet for lunch later. James was having fun with them, of course, but he looked wistfully at the Supreme Scream roller coaster as they ambled by it. He smiled hopefully at Lily, stopping a few feet from the end of the line-up.

"Looks pretty wicked, eh Lils?" James quipped, grinning at Frank over his shoulder.

Lily sighed with exasperation. "James," she started warningly. He had been staring longingly at the thing since they'd gotten there, and it certainly didn't seem fair that neither she nor Alice could enjoy it while everyone else did. She glanced at Alice, who shrugged and popped a peanut in her mouth, tossing her hair over her shoulder, and then looked back at wide-eyed, hopeful James.

"Fine," she said after a moment. "You two go on then. We'll have our fortunes read or something."

"Ooh, I was _hoping_ we'd get a chance to go to the fortune teller," Alice said excitedly, tilting her face up to kiss Frank chastely on the lips before pulling away and taking Lily's arm enthusiastically. "It'll be more fun without them anyway."

"We'll meet you out front of that tent-booth-wotsit-whatever with all the gauzy scarves," Frank said with a smile. "That was the fortune place, right honey bear?"

Alice nodded, smiling sweetly, and James mimed vomiting for a moment before swooping in and kissing Lily dramatically.

"You don't mind, do you love?" he murmured. "I don't _have_ to go on the ride."

"I'll manage," Lily replied, then smiled, and kissed James' nose. "No go have fun! After this it's all nappies and wailing!"

"I will be the nappy _king_ , I swear!" James exclaimed with a smile, pulling Frank in the direction of the steadily growing line. "Don't go anywhere if you're done before us. We'll get lost and miss the bus home without you two, and then wouldn't you feel terrible?"

Lily merely waved her hand as she and Alice began walking in the direction of the fortune teller's tent, a gaudily decorated hot pink _thing_ with a sign over the door that read, 'The Prophetic Sybill.'

"I wonder how much of a load this is going to be," Lily said to Alice, dropping her empty cotton candy stick in a garbage can.

Alice giggled. "Shh, Lily. She'll hear you," she whispered as they pushed through the tent flap. Alice blinked a few times at the woman before her; she was all frizzy hair and clunky bangles and wildly patterned, flowing layers. After a moment, Alice smiled and chirped, "Good morning!"

Lily's mouth fell open at the sight of the woman, who rose from the floor where she'd been sitting on an absurdly poofy cushion. She walked around her table (where there was a crystal ball and tarot cards) to greet them airily, waving her arms dramatically like a great, clanging, absurdly decorated bird.

Her glasses took up her entire face, the lens' tinted pink; her eyes magnified about three times their normal size.

"Hello, hello, m'dears," she said shrilly, straining to seem mystical, Lily decided. " _I_ , am Sybill Trelawney, and I have, of course, been expecting you. My Inner Eye has been watching you for quite some time."

Shaking her hand politely, Lily didn't know whether to be amused or creeped out.

"Hi! I'm Alice," Alice said pleasantly, shaking the woman's hand as well and shooting Lily a rather wry sort of smile. "We're here to get our fortunes told."

"Lily," Lily said uncomfortably, as Sybill smiled widely, exposing a great number of missing teeth, and one gold one.

"Of course!" she exclaimed. "Of course, of course." Hurrying around the table, chunky jewellery clacking as she went, she gestured to several other poofy pillows on the floor. "Please, have a seat!" she said, sitting down herself.

Lily looked at her stomach, then quirked an eyebrow at Alice. She wondered if the struggle to sit down and stand up would be worth anything _Sybill_ had to say.

"Lily, have some fun!" Alice said softly in response to Lily's look, but instead of sitting cross-legged, she knelt on the pillow in hopes that getting up would be easier that way.

Lily followed suit, irritated, weight resting uncomfortably on her knees. Baby Harry didn't seem too impressed by the situation either, and immediately started kicking in full tantrum force. Frowning, Lily shifted, mentally willing the baby to please, _please_ stop.

"Now, m'dears," Sybill said grandly, waving an arm and nearly setting one of he shawls on fire when it came just a little bit too close to a table full of lit candles. "How shall we peer into your wonderful futures, hmm? Tarot? Palm reading? My crystal ball is rather foggy today, so it is probably not the best of choices."

 _The lackey that lives under your table is on coffee break, you mean_ , Lily thought with disbelief.

"Oh, palm! I've always wanted to see what my hands say," Alice said, extending one hand to Sybill and keeping the other wrapped protectively around her stomach. She was getting near the end of her pregnancy now (only one more month to go!) and she was so enthralled with the feel of it that it had long since become habit.

Sybill took Alice's hand gently, and began tracing the lines on her palm. "Ah!" she said with a smile. "I see that you are very close to having your little baby boy!"

"Yes, how'd you know?" Alice asked quickly, laughing a little and grinning at Lily. She knew the first part of Sybill's statement was quite obvious and that the second was a fifty/fifty chance, but she didn't see any harm in indulging the woman. They might as well have fun, especially if they were paying for it.

"A good fortune teller never reveals her secrets," Sybill said, tapping her nose with her free hand, and winking. "You're madly in love with your hus-," she started, and then seemed to realize that there wasn't a ring on Alice's finger. "Boyfriend!" She finished, with a nervous laugh. "You've tricky lifelines Miss Alice."

Lily rolled her eyes.

"Oh, yes. Frank and I are very happy," Alice said quickly. "What else can you see?"

"Happiness," Sybill replied distractedly. "A large, happy family."

Things were getting repetitive, and less and less believable, and Lily was tempted to roll her eyes again.

Alice nodded exaggeratedly and then pulled her hand away. "Lily, your turn!"

Lily held out a reluctant hand. Sybill took it and automatically raised her eyebrows so that they disappeared into her big, bushy bangs. "Oh my," she said with fear, shaking her head. "Oh my, oh my."

"What?" Lily asked, and then automatically scolded herself for showing interest.

"Miss Lily dear, you've, you've..." Sybill started, and then suddenly stopped.

Lily looked worriedly at Alice and tried to remove her hand from Sybill's grasp. "Um. Miss Trelawney?" she asked tentatively.

"What are you talking about?" Alice asked, furrowing her brows and absently putting a hand on Lily's shoulder. "Lily has what?"

Sybill's eyes rolled in the back of her head so that all Lily and Alice could see were the disgustingly exaggerated whites of her eyes.

"Are you okay?" Lily asked, a little afraid.

Sybill released Lily's hand, arms dropping limply to her sides, head lolling clumsily about her shoulders. Lily and Alice got to their feet and began backing away.

Sybill's head lifted suddenly, and she began speaking in a deep, monotone voice.

"The one with the power to vanquish the Fashion Lord approaches ... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... And the Fashion Lord will mark him as equal, but he will have power the Fashion Lord knows not ... And either must lose at the hand of the other for neither can win while the other is free."

Alice clutched Lily's hand tightly in her own. "That isn't funny!" she said angrily.

Sybill dropped as though the life had been sucked out of her, hitting the cushion filled floor lifelessly.

Breathing heavily and panicked, Lily and Alice made hesitant steps toward her, peering over the table cautiously.

"Miss... Miss Trelawney? Are you... okay?" Lily asked quietly. Sybill didn't appear to be moving. "Should I poke her with a stick?" she asked Alice.

Creeping a little closer, Alice bent as far over as her protruding stomach would allow. "Miss Trelawney? Sybill? Are you all right?" she turned to face Lily. "It looks like she's breathing. Should we call the medics?"

Sybill stirred slightly, and Lily let out a relieved mouthful of air she hadn't even realized she'd been holding in. "Oh thank God," she said.

Sitting up, Sybill peered around, blinking blearily. "Did everything just taste purple for a second?" she asked, confused.

"N-no, it didn't taste... what? Never mind," Alice said and quickly stumbled back to stand next to Lily, tugging her towards the tent flap. "We're going to be going now."

"Oh," Sybill said, thoughtfully. "Shame," she added. "We could've had tea with the queen."

Lily actually laughed at this comment, giggling as Alice pulled her through the tent flat and back into the hustle and bustle of the fair.

"What in the hell was that?" she asked incredulously, still sniggering.

"I don't know, but it was weird. It gave me the willies. Let's not think about it, hmm?" Alice said quickly, squinting in the sudden sunlight. She spotted two familiar figures at a booth just a few feet to the left and pointed them out. "The boys are probably spending hundreds of dollars to try and win us stuffed animals. We should go stop them."

Lily followed Alice, still thinking about what Sybill had said. She felt like questioning her own sanity, as she suspected uncomfortably that there might actually be something to it, and she rubbed her stomach soothingly.

"Out already, are you?" James said, and sheepishly held out a medium size fuzzy dolphin. "I was trying to win the big lion, but the last ring bounced off the side of that sodding bottle right there," he added, pointing theatrically at one vaguely in the middle.

Lily took the plush toy distractedly. "Thank you," she heard herself say, but was still thinking about Sybill and her dramatic, Exorcist-creepy presentation.

"Everything all right, love?" James asked, his low voice filled with concern. He wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back as he waited for a response, ignoring the sounds of Alice and Frank kissing loudly over his shoulder.

"Hmm?" Lily asked. "Oh," coming out of her trance, Lily asked seriously, "Who would you call the 'Fashion Lord'?"

James looked at her very oddly for a moment--miraculously managing not to laugh--before clearing his throat and saying seriously, "I don't know. I could name a certain bloke we know who _thinks_ he's the Fashion Lord."

Lily nodded. "Right. How many times have we fucked with him personally?"

"Personally? Like, face to face?" James asked thoughtfully, and continued at a nod from Lily. "Well, there was the time we trashed his Jungle Lust line with red paint, the time we broke into the London factory, and the time we picketed his studio and made that human chain thing to keep people from getting inside. I think those are the only three times we've actually met the prick. Why?"

"What about Alice and Frank?" Lily questioned, putting the pieces together in her head.

"Well, they didn't come to the Jungle Lust show, but didn't they lie down in front of a bulldozer of his once? And he tried to make the driver just go right over them?" James asked. "Three I guess, like us. I don't know. Maybe more. What's this all about, Lils?"

Lily knew that she was going to sound like she was off her nut, but she said it anyhow. "The fortune teller we just went to see... she was, well. A mad old fraud, like we rather figured," Lily said. "Then, right in the middle of it, she went prophetic and ridiculously frightening, and said that the one with the power to take down the 'Fashion Lord' would be born to parents who had 'thrice defied him,' at the end of July."

James frowned a little. The genuine worry in Lily's face bothered him. He raised a gentle hand to her forehead. "I'm not trying to sound patronizing or anything, but have you been drinking enough fluids? Maybe we should sit in the shade for a while. You look a little shaken."

"James," Lily said earnestly, "This was _real_. She was so... out of it afterward. She didn't seem to recall _anything_ , and it was just. I mean. A little _too_ fitting, you know?"

"Okay, okay," James said, trying to be calming without being dismissive. He figured thinking about it any more now would just freak her out. "You're one of the smartest people I know, Lils, so if she convinced you than there must've been at least _something_ meaningful in it. But I'm being real too. You look a bit pale. Maybe we should go for lunch early so you have a bit of time to rest?"

"Oh, are you going to go? Me and Frankie were going to go get henna tattoos," Alice said, catching the last bit of James' words.

"Go ahead, Alice," Lily said. "We'll meet up with you later."

As soon as they walked away, James reached over and took Lily's purse from her, looping it around his own shoulder and pulling a bottle of water from it. "Here have a drink. And then you can tell me what freaked you out so much, all right?" he said gently.

Lily took the water from James and took a drink. "I know it sounds silly, James," she started vaguely before taking another sip. "But if you think about it, it all fits..."


	19. The University of Bath (June 20th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Sirius is a hot commodity, Remus has something to prove, and ~~love lifts us up where we belong~~ *ahem* _naughty_ study breaks can be afforded.

It was pouring rain outside, and Sirius had been bored out of his mind. He had been successfully annoying the hell out of Remus, who had been trying to study (in vain) for their chemistry final the next day. James was with Lily, Peter was off doing Peter sorts of things, and Sirius was busy being the most bothersome boyfriend alive. After finally driving Remus to hit the ceiling ("Sirius, if you don't Bugger Off, I will be forced to throw various heavy textbooks at you. Or worse. Withhold sex. Now go!"), Sirius had kissed the red-faced angry eyed boy, grabbed his post-box key off of the desk, and headed downstairs before any threats could be carried through.

Now spinning a key on each hand, as his own had been in his pocket, Sirius sauntered into the mailroom, whistling as usual. He wasn't whistling anything in particular, although the theme song to Gilligan’s Island had crept in there at some point, as he marched up to his own box and Remus'. They happened to be next to one another, and Sirius opened both at the same time, and slid a handful of mail out of each. Most of his own were scrawls from the Prewett brothers, along with his monthly edition of the local Motorcycle magazine. Remus' pile, however, proved a little more interesting.

Heading back up the stairs, he said out loud, "The University of Bath? Why does Remus have post from them?"

Resisting the urge to open the envelope, Sirius began hopping up the stairs two at a time.

Remus was sitting on the floor, surrounded by books and notes, some of which were Lily's, when the door opened again. He sighed, annoyed, and rubbed his face with his hands, beginning to pack up his stuff.

"I'm going to the library. I can't concentrate here," Remus said as he got to his feet, sore from being seated for so long.

"You've post," Sirius said, breathlessly, tossing the pile at Remus where he sat. "There's an interesting one in among it somewhere."

Sirius had shuffled the envelopes like a deck of cards, as to gage the expression on Remus' face when he came to the University of Bath one. Remus had certainly not said anything to him about applying to a uni. In fact, they'd both agreed that they'd wanted to work straight out of school, for a year at least, and that was that.

Remus began flipping through--one from his mother, one from the conservation office, one from... Oh lord. He looked nervously up at Sirius and then quickly tucked the letter from the University of Bath behind the others, leaning to the side to put them all on his bedside dresser.

"I'll open them later. I've got to study now," he said quickly, flushing a little.

"You mean you don't want me to know you've applied to uni?" Sirius questioned, quirking an eyebrow and crossing his arms.

"I'm not planning on going," Remus snapped defensively. "I just... I wanted to see if I could get in."

"You still could've told me," Sirius retorted. "It's not as though I'd really care if you did or didn't."

"I didn't tell anyone, Sirius. I just wanted to see if I could get in," Remus repeated and looked over to his pile of letters. He cast a wary look at Sirius and then reached for it, holding it un-opened in his hands.

Sirius paused for a moment and licked his lips slowly. Without making eye contact with Remus, he dropped his own mail on the desk, along with the two sets of keys, and flopped backward on the bed.

"Open it then," he said simply.

"It doesn't matter. I'm not going anyway," Remus said, putting it aside.

Remus secretly hoped that he and Sirius might be able to work something out for next year, even though he knew how unlikely that was. Bath was far too expensive and far too far away. Odds were that if he did go, even if he went next year, Sirius would stay in Salcombe while Remus went to Bath on his own, and Remus didn't want that.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh for God's sake," he said, and rolled over, grabbing the letter from the floor and tearing the envelope open. Before Remus had a moment to object, Sirius had pulled the letter out, along with a small pile of other papers, flipped it open and began to read.

After a moment of awkward silence as his eyes examined the words, Sirius said, "Well. Do you want to hear the verdict or not?"

"Sirius!" Remus protested as Sirius ripped the letter open, but Remus fell silent as Sirius read. He just watched and waited, swallowing around the lump in his throat as Sirius spoke. "I... yes."

"'Dear Mr. Lupin,'" Sirius began slowly, articulating every word. "We thank you for your interest in the University of Bath, and are pleased to offer you acceptance for the Fall 2006 year." Sirius paused, allowing the information to sink in, and then dropped the letter into Remus' lap. "There's program information as well. And they want to give you an entrance scholarship."

"Really? How much?" Remus asked before he could stop himself. There was no point getting excited about it. There was no point in any of it. He wasn't going. No one was ever supposed to know he'd applied, save the teachers who had written him letters of reference and read over his personal statement.

"2000 pounds, about," Sirius replied glumly.

"Oh," Remus said, his head spinning. He had quite a bit saved from when he and Sirius had worked together last summer, and his parents didn't have much money, but they'd help him a bit, and between all that he could probably... Remus shook his head, glancing down at the letter for the first time. He set it aside and climbed up onto the bed, sitting beside Sirius. "I'd only go if you'd come with me. You know that, right? I wouldn't want to be away from you that long."

Sirius looked at Remus strangely, then got up and left the room without a word.

"Sirius," Remus called, following Sirius out of the room. He stopped him in the hallway by grabbing his arm at about halfway between Remus and Pete's room and Sirius and James' room. "Hey, what? I said I'm not going."

Sirius didn't reply. He just shook his head sadly and headed to his own room, shutting the door behind him.

Remus stared in shock at the closed door, reaching to tuck his hair behind his ear. He approached the door and tried the handle, but it was locked. He knocked softly. "Sirius, please let me in," he said softly. "Look, I don't... I didn't mean anything by it. I do want to go to school some day, but I want to be with you more, okay?"

Inside the room, lying face down in his pillow, Sirius suddenly realized that he was the worst thing that had ever happened to Remus.

"I'm just a boy, Moony," he said loudly, voice muffled through the cotton and the door. "I'm not worth that."

Remus' breath caught in his throat as he realized what Sirius was thinking. He jiggled the handle again, "Sirius, yes you are. You aren't making me stay. I'm choosing to stay. I'm _choosing_ you and I won't regret it. Please let me in."

"No," Sirius replied, though he knew he was being a bit of a drama queen. "Remus, they're offering to pay for a third of your tuition for Christ's sake. I know you want to be a teacher, so why put it off? Why not go now?"

"Well, actually, they're offering to pay for more than half of it. But that's not the point," Remus said, realizing that as soon as he'd spoken, he should've kept his mouth shut. Then Remus realized Sirius' keys were still in his room. He ran back and got them, letting himself quickly into Sirius' room and dropping the keys on the desk and climbing into bed next to Sirius, tentatively running a hand through his hair.

"I don't want to go now. I want to be with you now," Remus said. "I'd be miserable if I went, you know I would."

"It's not like you couldn't come back," Sirius said. "Or, I dunno. I could go with you." Sirius didn't want to. Not with the baby coming soon, and his already having a job in Salcombe _waiting_ in July, and he and his brother on good terms again. This wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't part of the plan they'd worked out, with the flat and the community college after a year of saving up. But he'd give up everything he wanted for Remus, because he wanted Remus more.

"Sirius. I don't want to go. I want to stay here with you and be around to baby sit for Lily and James. We have plans here. We have a life here," Remus said, curling one arm around Sirius and nuzzling his face into the crook of Sirius' shoulder. "Really. I don't want to go. I don't. I want to be here with you."

"You can't say you don't want to go, Remus, else you wouldn't have even bothered to apply. To 'see' or what-have-you, it doesn't matter. You do want to go. You just don't want me to feel bad. And it's fine with me, because it's what you want, and you're more important to me than anything else. So. I mean. We could take a break, and you could go," he suggested.

"Stop being daft," Remus said, pleadingly. "You were never supposed to find out I'd applied, and this is why. I worked really hard here at East Portlemouth, Sirius, and then I made a decision. I decided what exactly it was _I_ wanted, because even though everyone expected me to go to school, I spent four years being told by you lot I could do whatever I want. So don't tell me what I want, Sirius, because I _know_. I just wanted to see if my hard work had paid off or not. I know I can do it, and that's enough for me."

"How is that enough?" Sirius argued, sitting up so quickly that blood rushed to his head. "You spent four years struggling to stay here, and all you've got to show for it is me and a lousy desk job. What sort of bullshit is that?"

"It's not bullshit!" Remus said, sitting up to look Sirius in the eye. "It's what I want. Why don't you get that? You are what I want. You, Sirius. You make me happy, you and James and Lily and Peter. I proved it to me that I can do it, that I _did_ do it, and that's enough for me. Now what I want is to be with you. How many times do I have to say it before you listen to me?"

"Quite a few, apparently," Sirius said raising his voice. "Stop pacifying me. I'm nothing but a needy, clinging pain-in-the-arse, and I'm well aware, thank you very much. For the better part of four years I've given you nothing but an unrequited crush and several instances where jam found its way into your trousers. Oh, and I also almost killed us both on a rusty high beam, if you'd recall. How is that worth anything? How am I _possibly_ worth more than a university education?"

Remus stared for a moment, surprised. He rarely saw this side of Sirius, though he knew enough to know it existed. Finally, Remus raised a hand to Sirius' chest, feeling his heart beat through it, and smiled. "Because I love you."

Sirius felt like his brain was going to explode. He wanted to scream. He kind of wanted to hit Remus for being so damn daft. Instead, breathing heavy, he looked down at his fingernails and muttered, "I don't really think that that's enough."

"Yes it is," Remus said firmly, pressing his lips to Sirius' for a long moment. "It's enough for me. Do you have any idea how many people have university educations and are still unhappy wankers? Not many people have this, Sirius. What we have."

Sirius was still unconvinced. He knew what they had, but he still wanted Remus to have everything he deserved. "I mean. Really, Remus. Are you sure? This is a big opportunity."

Sighing, Remus tugged Sirius close, wishing he'd never applied at all, no matter how curious he was. He'd never meant for Sirius to feel like he was wrecking Remus' chances, never wanted a what if like that hanging over their heads. Speaking into the skin of Sirius' neck, Remus answered, "Yes, I'm sure. Honestly. It is a big opportunity, but I can always go later, if I want. University will be there when I want it. You, though. I'm surprised I've got you at all, you know. I'd better hang on while I have the chance."

"Surprised, why?" Sirius asked, curious.

"Because," Remus answered, smiling now and hoping they were in the clear. "Because you're a hot commodity, Sirius. Don't think I don't notice the glares I get from all the girls."

"You're joking, right? Glares? That's hilarious," Sirius said with a snort. "I though that kafuffle died down after the whole incident last Christmas; I hadn't been paying attention."

"Well, they don't matter. Nothing matters when we've got each other," Remus answered, casting a look around the empty room. "How long do you think James will be? I mean, I think I can afford to take a study break. I have been accepted with scholarship to Bath, after all."

Sirius laughed. "Doesn't matter how long he is, he left his keys on the bed," Sirius said, pointing over. "Lock the door and we'll gross him out with our sounds, heh."


	20. Nerves, Art & the Uses of Vans (June 24th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Edgar cleans puke, what the hell, Caradoc isn't sure what the definition of "manly" is, and we all know that whatever Gideon had in mind, it probably involved tits.

Caradoc nervously adjusted his shirt front and frowned. Was he overdressed? It was a gallery after all, so a dress shirt and khaki's worked fine, he thought, still frowning. He was nervous. He desperately wanted to impress Fabian, for Fabian seemed to be impressing him constantly. This was their first date, after all, and it had been Fabian the activist who'd suggested they go to the gallery, not Caradoc the painter.

He hadn't figured Fabian for the artsy type, exactly, thus the impressed.

"I look like a sodding git," he said, scrutinizing his appearance. Fabian would be there any moment to pick him up, that is, if he could find Caradoc's dingy little hole in the wall.

He'd left his parents house after a screaming fit with his father the night he'd left the force. Caradoc's disgracefulness seemed a recurring theme, and (though he figured he'd be kicked out anyhow) he left, letting his mother and father know that, until they accepted who he was and what he wanted to do, he'd have nothing to do with them.

Now he was in the middle of a desperate search for steady employment that didn't involve arresting people.

Tossing his hair over his shoulder, Fabian rubbed his palms on the thighs of his slacks. He didn't really own any _nice_ clothes. Not the sort of nice that one wore to an art gallery, anyway. He had pretty clothes, fun clothes, political statement clothes, and dancing clothes, but nothing really professional. Unless he counted the suit he never wore and only had because his dad said every man needed a good suit. So, he was wearing a pair of grey trousers that were only a little tight and had minimal fraying at the bottom along with a silky sort of light blue shirt with the top two buttons undone. He hoped he looked good enough to make up for likely being underdressed.

After knocking on the door to Caradoc's basement suite, Fabian rocked back on the heels of his feet to wait.

Caradoc jumped about a foot in the air when he heard the knock at the door, and immediately started to nervously panic. "Oh God," he mumbled. "I'm going to fuck this up royally, I know it." Nevertheless he headed toward the door, opening it and smiling tentatively at Fabian.

"Hullo," he said, and then laughed, his nerves getting the better of him.

"Hey," Fabian greeted him, grinning brightly. Caradoc looked good. Nervous--even Fabian could tell that--but good. Trying to help Caradoc relax, despite Fabian himself not being completely at ease, he just stepped up to the other man and kissed him lightly on the lips, hoping it was still okay for him to do so, their actions at the police station aside. "You ready?"

"What? Oh! Yes, the gallery. I'm ready to go," Caradoc replied and licked his lips. "You look good. By the way."

"Thanks. So do you," Fabian replied honestly, taking Caradoc's hand. Gideon had let Fabian take the van that night, and he led Caradoc towards it. "Mind if I drive?" he asked, even though he didn't know if Caradoc even had a car. "My brother let me take his van and it's sort of a novelty thing for me."

"No, go ahead," Caradoc said. "The only source of transportation I have right now is my feet."

Fabian unlocked Caradoc's door for him and then jogged around to climb in the driver's side, starting the rumbling old machine. Once Caradoc was seated inside, Fabian turned the radio down and smiled at him before pulling out and heading for the gallery.

"So I hear you're an artist," Fabian said. "Painting especially, right?"

Caradoc blinked at him confused. "Uh, yea," he said, wringing his hands. "Or I was, at least. I haven't painted since I was in school. How'd you know that?"

Fabian just chuckled and touched his nose with one finger, winking in an over-the-top sort of way at Caradoc. "I have ways of finding out these things."

Caradoc's surprised expression curved into a shy smile. "Ah, well. Know anything else about me then, Fabian?"

"You look good in khaki?" Fabian suggested jokingly. Turning serious, however, he asked, "Why'd you stop painting after school? I heard you were really good."

Caradoc screwed up his face. "My father didn't really think it was a 'noble' profession, as such. Not something that _real men_ did anyhow. He bullied me into the academy."

"Still doesn't explain why you haven't painted since school," Fabian pointed out practically. "You could've done it in your free time."

Laughing bitterly Caradoc said, "I probably would've, if he hadn't taken all my paints and things and burned them in a bonfire in the backyard. 'Painting's for women, pre-schoolers and fairies, Caradoc. You're neither. You're a man!'"

"Cor. Your dad sounds like a prick," Fabian said, and then smiled apologetically. "Sorry, but he does. Are you going to take it up again, then? I mean, there's no reason not to now, right? You can be as big a fairy as you like, now."

"I might, I don't know. I'd need to buy supplies and that takes money that I don't really have to spare." Caradoc shrugged. "And he is a prick, trust me. I'll never forget the day I _tried_ to come out to him and Mam."

"What happened?" Fabian asked curiously, not quite sure if he was being too nosy or not.

Caradoc chewed on his for a few quiet moments before he finally took a deep breath and started to speak. "He was always pushing my brother and I to be 'real boys'. All my life, as long as I can remember. When my brother left home, he got married and started popping out babies, and so I really got the full brunt force of the thing. Roger had proved himself, I suppose. I however, was failing, as I had no interest in sports, rough-housing, bare-knuckle boxing... whatever the hell is manly."

"I think that I've probably known I was gay since I was about 12. And I didn't try to tell them until I was 17. It wasn't even a matter of working up courage; I just sort of... blurted it out at the dinner table one day. And Dad said, 'No you're not, don't be ridiculous'. Mam would never argue with him, no matter how much she might disagree with anything he'd say, so she just sat there, all wide-eyed and silent and started to cry. Dad left it alone for maybe three minutes, before he started yelling about how no son of his was going to fuck another man, and how he was too manly to have homosexual offspring, bull shit like that."

Caradoc paused, tears coming to his eyes at the memory, and he winced as he spoke. "He just started hitting me then. He said he was 'beating the gay' out of me."

Fabian stopped at a red light and then looked over at Caradoc, eyes wide and full of anger on his behalf. Reaching over, Fabian squeezed Caradoc's thigh and whispered, "That's terrible. Just... I'm so sorry. Bloody hell, I'm so sorry."

"It was quite a while ago," Caradoc answered, appreciative if a bit overwhelmed by Fabian's affectionate actions. "I mean, you know. I don't know that I've gotten over it. It's been rather hard to have relationships, or a love life, with my father breathing down my neck, watching my every move."

"It's good you got out of there, then," Fabian said. He knew he couldn't do anything to make that better, it wasn't his hurt to heal. He knew how devastated he would have been if he hadn't had his family on his side, but the fact that Caradoc had not only been beaten by his father over it, but also had to live with him for years with that sort of attitude... Fabian wouldn't have been able to do it. Even if Fay couldn't do anything about _that_ , he _could_ help Caradoc have a better life now.

"Well, look. Thing's will be tough for a while, likely, but you'll find a job and you'll get involved in the Order and you'll start painting again and, well, and you'll have me. It's looking up, you know?" he said, smiling at Caradoc as he pulled into the parking lot of the gallery, spotting a space between two rather chic small cars. Fabian pulled in and parked, turning the engine off and facing Caradoc. "You can be free now, you know. You can do whatever you want."

Caradoc quirked an eyebrow and smirked. "I'll have you, huh?"

"Well, yeah," Fabian replied, smiling tentatively. "If you want. I like you, Caradoc."

"I like you, too," Caradoc replied, biting his lip.

"Good," Fabian replied, and his smile turned mischievous. "You know, I was thinking, after the art gallery thing, I'll have to give you a tour of the infamous Prewett Brothers Van."

"Oh?" Caradoc questioned, and almost laughed, looking behind him into the vacant back. "It's infamous, is it?"

"Don't look _now_ ," Fabian squealed, leaning forward to belatedly press his hand over Caradoc's eyes. He leaned in close and let his lips ghost over Caradoc's cheeks, his silliness quickly fading to something else. "You can see it up close later. You don't want to spoil the surprise. Now come on. We'd better go in now or else we never will."

"That wouldn't be such a bad thing," Caradoc said playfully, but obliged, climbing out of the van.

Fabian climbed out his own side, sporting a wide grin and locking the doors behind him. He began walking in the direction of the side door, intending to skip cover charge by breaking in, not only to save a few bucks, but also to see how Caradoc the ex-cop would react.

"Where are you going?" Caradoc asked. "The entrance is over there."

Fabian grinned and jiggled the handle until Edgar Bones opened it from the inside. Ed worked there as a janitor, and Fay had arranged for this in advance.

"Come on, Caradoc, we're going in this way," Fay called. "Hurry up before you get Ed here in trouble."

Caradoc jogged over, surprised to see a tall man on the other side of the door with a long blond ponytail.

"Hello, mate," he said. "I'm Edgar. You must be... Caradoc?" When Caradoc nodded, Edgar grinned and held the door open wide enough for them to both get in. "I've got some puke to clean up on the second floor. You blokes enjoy yourselves now." He winked, and then headed up the stairs.

While Fabian waited for his eyes to adjust to the dim light of the hallway after being out in the bright sunshine, he slid an arm around Caradoc's waist and headed for a door he knew would get them out into the second room of the gallery.

"So how do you like being on this side of the law?" Fabian asked.

"The one that doesn't pay the five pound head fee?" Caradoc questioned. "About five pounds richer, I suppose."

"Good answer," Fabian laughed, and pushed the door open, stepping out into the museum quickly and pulling Caradoc with him, blending into the crowd without really attracting any attention beyond the curious look of a girl he'd estimate to be about eight. That was likely more for the arm around Caradoc's waist than anything, though, and Fay just smiled.

"So you're the art expert. Take me on a tour," Fay suggested.

Caradoc laughed. "I'd hardly call myself an expert," he said as they stopped in front of an oil painting of a crying woman done entirely in blues. "Well. You tell me what you think of this one, and then I'll tell you what I think."

"A little depressing, I think," Fabian said honestly. "But I don't know much about art. I suppose that's the point, if she's crying."

Caradoc cocked his head. "I see what you mean, but I don't think that that's what the artist is trying to say," he started. "It's not depression; it's more of a personal hell. Like how they say that heaven is what we want it to be, hell is overwhelming, painful. Perhaps depressing. See how the shades sort of put her in a little box? Like a 'glass case of emotions' so to speak?"

Fabian smirked at Caradoc and then leaned in for a quick kiss, saying softly, "Not an expert, huh?"

"It's just what I see," Caradoc replied with a smile.

"Mommy, why did that man kiss that other man?" the girl who'd noticed them before asked loudly, and Fabian blushed a little, stepping away from Caradoc.

It wasn't so much that he was embarrassed as that he could suddenly feel quite a few eyes on them and Caradoc wasn't exactly _out_ , at least not from what Fabian could surmise from what he'd said about his past.

"Sorry," Fabian apologized, hoping he hadn't made Caradoc uncomfortable. "Come on; let's head into the next room."

"Sorry for what?" Caradoc asked, glancing at a very distorted looking painting of a ballerina. "I've been hiding it for long enough, quite frankly."

"Okay," Fabian said. Letting the smile wind its way back onto his face, he casually put his arm around Caradoc's waist once more. Gesturing to the painting next to the ballerina, one of a busy market street all done up in reds and golds and rusts, Fabian asked, "So what do you think about that? I like the colours. They're very warm."

"I agree," Caradoc said. "It has a homey sort of feel, a place where you should be happy, and busy, and comfortable."

They made their way through the gallery, Fabian asking Caradoc all sorts of questions, and only half listening to the answers. He didn't really know enough about art to really understand _everything_ Caradoc said, though he certainly wasn't bored. He and Caradoc got on well, actually, and Fabian was having so much fun, it was about halfway through the rooms on the second floor that Fabian decided he didn't want to wait until they got back to the van.

A moment or two later, Fay spotted Edgar across the room and caught his eye, nodding in the direction of a door tucked away in the corner and raising his eyebrows questioningly. He tried to mouth the question as clearly as possible as he asked Ed: _Is it locked_?

Edgar almost laughed. So much for fine art, he supposed. He shook his head no, and then rolled his eyes, grinning and mouthed back: _Horny Bugger_!

Fabian touched a finger to his nose for the second time that night, and mouthed _Thanks_ to Ed before pulling Caradoc in that direction.

"Hey!" Caradoc exclaimed. "I was looking at that one there. I really liked the yellows."

"We can look at it later," Fabian said, checking over his shoulder before opening the door and pushing Caradoc in, following behind him and shutting it, groping in the darkness for a light switch. He found one, and a tired bulb flickered to life above them, hardly shedding any light on their surroundings at all, but it was obvious that they were in a storage locker.

"Uh. There's no art in here," Caradoc stammered.

"Mm. No audience, either," Fabian said, giving Caradoc a deliberate sort of look before placing his hands gently on Caradoc's hips and leaning close. "I meant it, you know. I really do like you. I haven't liked anyone but, well, Elphias in a long time."

Caradoc furrowed his eyebrows. "Who's Elphias?"

It was bad form to talk about exes on dates. Especially first dates. Even Fabian knew that, though he had never really had any first dates. Though, he didn't exactly want to lie to Caradoc. After a moment, he admitted, "An ex. Well, my only ex."

"Oh," Caradoc said, blinking confusedly. "How long were you with him?" he asked, before he could stop himself.

"Ah, well." Fabian couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable. This certainly wasn't why he'd just dragged Caradoc into a storage closet. And anyway, he didn't want to freak Caradoc out. They'd practically just met, after all, and Fabian had no idea how Caradoc would take to hearing it hadn't even been a month since Fabian had broken up with the only person he'd ever been with. Well, since they'd officially gone on a 'break' that both of them knew they'd never come off of. But things had been cooling down for ages before that, and they'd both known it was coming for _weeks_.

But again, Fabian didn't want to lie. If he and Caradoc were going to start something, he didn't want to start it off like that. "A few years. Six, really. But who's counting?"

Caradoc's eyes went wide. " _Six_ years? Holy shit, Fabian... since you were teenagers? Wow. That's. That's a long time." Caradoc suddenly felt very insecure. Fabian had had years and years with some other boy, man, what have you. History. _Six years_. It was almost unbelievable.

"Yeah, it was a long time. We really cared about each other. But that's done now, because it has to be. We were each other's firsts, and we didn't know when we started it what else was out there, really. It couldn't last forever. I think we're going to be able to be friends again, eventually," Fabian said, trying to explain. "You'll meet him eventually. He was one of the first members of the Order."

Caradoc took everything he was being told in with awe. He'd had a handful of short-lived relationships, all mostly due to the presence of his father, who hadn't "trusted" Caradoc's "friends." "Well. Okay," he said.

"That sounds like a very loaded _well, okay_ ," Fabian said timidly. "What are you thinking?"

"Ah. Well. I'm a little overwhelmed by the idea of being in a relationship for so long," Caradoc admitted.

"Oh," Fabian said. "Well, it's not like I'm expecting that again. Not that I'd avoid it or anything, but I mean... this just... no pressure. We'll just go with this wherever it goes." After a moment, Fabian added with a lopsided grin. "This is why they say not to talk about exes on the first date."

Caradoc laughed. "It doesn't make me want to go running for the hills or anything," he said. "I've just never been in that sort of a relationship before, so it's hard to get my head around the idea."

"Oh. Okay. Well, here, I'll distract you so you don't have to think about it," Fabian said, and then finally pressed his lips to Caradoc's. Fay curled his fingers around the other man's hips and leaned closer still, so their bodies were thigh-to-thigh, hip-to-hip, and chest-to-chest.

Needless to say, the distraction was effective. Caradoc's mind seemed to forget that it was ever thinking about anything, and all his attentions were focussed on Fabian and Fabian's lips, and Fabian's touch and Fabian's _hips_. He moaned into their kissed and pushed a little deepening it, his hands resting on Fabian's stomach through his shirt.

After sliding his hands up under Caradoc's shirt, the pads of Fabian's fingers come to rest against the warm skin of Caradoc's sides. He can feel the ribs beneath that skin, the body it's all a part of, and all of it under his hands, just waiting to be touched.

Fabian's blood had begun to race as he nipped at Caradoc's lips before licking and urging the other man's mouth open with his tongue. This time it was more than just _nice_.

Caradoc moaned again. He felt like a schoolboy, being touched for the first time, as it had been a long time since he'd been this close with another man. Over a year in fact. Caradoc's fingers curled around the top of Fabian's trousers and he pulled the other man inward, pressing their hips together hard.

Fabian gasped sharply as Caradoc pulled their hips together, pressing into the warmth of Caradoc's body. Caradoc felt different than Elphias had, though Fabian hadn't meant to compare them. But there was something about Caradoc, something different. Something Fabian hadn't felt in a long time. He didn't know what it was, exactly, but it excited him. He liked it. He liked Caradoc.

One hand slid around to Fabian's arse, and Caradoc suddenly felt needy. As though he wanted to be as close to Fabian as humanly possible. Caradoc pressed him against the door and his lips trailed to Fabians neck, tasting, nibbling and licking the soft skin there.

Fabian arched his back and tilted his head up to give Caradoc better access, clinging shamelessly to him all the while. He slid his hands further up Caradoc's shirt and around to his back, feeling the muscles move beneath the skin.

"Bloody hell, that feels good," Fay moaned breathlessly.

Caradoc made his way back to Fabian's lips and he kissed the other man hungrily, sliding a hand into his hair, moaning into his mouth. "Oh _God_ ," he murmured in between kissing, and nibbling on Fabian's bottom lip.

Fabian dug his fingers into Caradoc's back, pulling him impossibly closer and grinding his hips forward. No matter how much pressure he applied, though, there were still too many layers of clothing between them for it to really feel satisfying. Fabian slid one hand around to the front and pinked Caradoc's nipple, the only warning a cheeky smile against Caradoc's mouth.

Caradoc laughed against Fabian's lips, feeling sublimely content, like he could go on like this for hours. It was then that a soft knock came at the door behind Fabian, and both men stopped, freezing.

"Fay?" a familiar voice said. "It's Edgar. Look, you might want to get moving somewhere else. Some bird walking through here must've heard you two and security is on its way up to _investigate_."

"Damn," Fabian sighed, then reluctantly separated himself from Caradoc and began straightening his clothes. Opening the door a crack, he said, "Thanks Ed. What's the estimated time of arrival?"

"T-minus two minutes," Edgar replied.

"Right, thanks," Fabian said again, and then looked over his shoulder at Caradoc, smirking a bit. "You ready? We can finish this up in my van."

Caradoc grinned, blushing as they stepped out of the closet where Edgar was. "Sounds good to me," he said.

"See you later, Ed," Fay said, raising his hand in a salute before grabbing Caradoc's and pulling him quickly towards the stairs. The two of them wasted no time getting out of the building, and before long, they were back at the van.

Fabian couldn't help but press Caradoc up against the side and kissed him as he fumbled for his keys.

"I like your enthusiasm," Caradoc said breathlessly as Fabian let go long enough to get the door open and throw themselves inside.

"Good," Fabian said, slamming the door on the outside world and climbing into the back, pulling Caradoc with him so they tumbled together into the back.

Fabian felt very certain that _this_ was not what Gideon had in mind when he'd leant him the van.

Well, then again, it was Gideon. Maybe it was.


	21. The Godfather (July 11th-14th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Lily and her hormones are extremely indignant, Sirius loses his kite, and Chef Boyardee probably hates everyone who doesn't have a can opener.

Standing in the potential nursery of a house James could tell they both loved, James wrapped his arms around Lily and grinned. He liked it. He liked it a lot. The house was bright and colourful with a big yard and a spare bedroom and a tiled kitchen and two and a half bathrooms and only a nine-minute walk from an elementary school and the neighbours had a baby too and it was perfect. With the money James' parents were willing to contribute, he and Lily could afford a mortgage on the house to pay for the rest without worrying

"Look, Lils, over there is a perfect spot for a crib, and then when little Harry turns into big Harry, a bed will fit in that corner and the room will still be plenty big enough for him to play in. And we can practically see the school from here. And we could even put, I don't know, a pool in the back yard or something," James rambled, bouncing on the balls of his feet a little and smoothing his hands over Lily's big belly.

Lily rolled her eyes, but smiled. James was his usual hyperactive self, but she was more than used to it by now. And she could picture exactly how she could arrange everything for the baby in here; the wall colour, furniture, stuffed animals; it made her giddy. They were getting married in two weeks, and Lily could hardly believe it. Harry would be here soon. They would be parents. They'd be husband and wife.

It was rather intimidating.

"I was thinking, you know," she started slowly and tentatively, half-hoping that she'd trick James into a positive reply. "Perhaps we could make Remus godfather. Since we haven't picked one yet."

"If we had a big pool, though, we'd have to put a fence around it. I read somewhere about a..." James trailed off as he registered what Lily said. He stepped back to stare at her, genuinely shocked. "What? Yes we have, Lily. Sirius is his godfather."

"We never decided anything," Lily countered, affronted. James had never said any such thing to her. "The only thing we agreed on was Alice being godmother, as she'd chosen me to be Neville's."

"Well, I just thought it was sort of obvious that it'd be Pads. He's my best mate," James said as he wandered over to the closet. "Hey look, Lils! It's walk in. He could keep all his toys in here, too."

"I would've liked to have been consulted, whoever's 'best mate' he is," Lily said, irritated, and crossed her arms. "Sirius is your best man, and I never had any arguments about that. Why can't Remus be a part of things as well, hmm?"

"Oh come on, Lily. Remus is a part of things, just not _all_ things. He doesn't feel left out or anything. I mean, he's been around for four years now. He understands that it's Padfoot and Prongs," James said, turning to focus on Lily. He still wasn't the most thoughtful person when it came to other people's feelings, but he'd quickly learned how to tell when Lily was annoyed with him. "Look, we're talking about it now. This is consulting. I want Sirius to be Harry's godfather, and I think Remus will understand that. Is that all right?"

"No, it's not," Lily said. "It's also Remus and Sirius, in case you haven't noticed, and if Remus _didn't_ understand, he wouldn't say a word to you about it because he wouldn't want to _hurt your feelings_." Lily frowned. "Besides, it's not as if Sirius would notice either way, as he has no emotional range beyond being vindictive. He wouldn't be an appropriate godfather."

"Hey!" James protested, bristling. "First of all, I thought you two were over your disagreements. Second of all, you can't say stuff like that, Lils. It isn't true and it's not fair to him. You don't know him like I do. He'd be a _great_ godfather. Just watch, the first time he sees Harry, he'll melt into a little puddle of baby talk and mommy eyes."

"James, he's not _responsible_! I care for Sirius, I really do, but Remus is the best part about him so far as I'm concerned. He wanders about with no shirt on, for goodness sake, and he's going to be working at a bar. What sort of example is that going to set for Harry? At least Remus has a respectable job, and knows when it's proper to leave his shirt on." Lily felt her temper rising; she wasn't stepping down from this without a fight.

"That's just Sirius! You can't hold that against him!" James retorted, aghast. He'd known that Lily and Sirius would never be as close as he'd like them to, and it was as much Sirius' fault as it was Lily's, but this was getting ridiculous. James took a deep breath and consciously lowered his voice. He would never be the sort of man who yelled at his wife; his parents had raised him better than that. "I'm not picking Remus. Sirius'll be absolutely wrecked if I don't pick him. I won't do that, I _can't_."

"And how is that fair to me, exactly, James? This sort of argument coming from the boy who _insisted_ I make Hestia my maid of honour, even though Alice is my best friend, and that Alice could be Godmother, and it would be all fair, because we _shared close friends_ ," Lily said, the tone of her voice growing louder and sharper. What sort of husband and wife would they make, if they screamed at one another while house shopping? Regardless, Lily persisted. "How about that, James? Remus is a shared close friend. You can't use Sirius twice!"

"I didn't _insist_! I just _suggested_! Alice is as big as a house. She's going to pop out a kid any day now. I just thought it would be easier if..." James trailed off, shaking his head. "Look, that's not the issue. I _can_ use Sirius twice, and I have to. Lily, he and I have been best mates since we were bloody _babies_. He's my brother. If your sister wasn't a cow, family would come first, and Sirius is family."

"Petunia is still coming," Lily muttered, quietly, and then raised her voice again, narrowing her eyes. "And what if you have known him all your life? Don't you think you'll have more children? He can be their godfather. I want _Remus_ to be _Harry's_ , and I think I should get just as much or more say in it as you, since all you've done is knock me up in the first place!"

James was ready to snap back, but Lily's last comment knocked him on his ass. He had knocked her up, but that wasn't _all_ he'd done. He was marrying her. He loved her. He was buying them a fucking home to live in. He was going to spend the rest of his life doing his best to make her happy, and she knew that.

"Lily," he said sadly, his voice soft and he looked out the window over her shoulder for a second. "You know you don't actually think that. And I'm _not picking Remus_ , so stop trying."

Lily felt ashamed for a moment; it had taken the two of them to make Harry after all. She was mostly talking out of her body's stress and anxiety. She was a hormonal whale, for goodness sake. She thought to apologize, but wouldn't give in until she got her way. "I will not," she shot back. "I don't want Sirius to be godfather, and the baby belongs to both of us. Until you come up with some sort of compromise, I'm afraid that Harry's godfather-less."

"No he isn't! He's got-"

"Right! Sorry about that, I just had to take that phone call. How about I show you the basement? You can get to it from the house or from the garage," the real-estate agent interrupted brightly, walking into the nursery and freezing as he noticed the tension. "Is... everything all right?"

"Fine," Lily said, unintentionally snapping at the man. "Everything is fine."

"Right. Okay. Great. So shall we continue on through the house then?"

***

"Stupid fucking can," Sirius said, stabbing at the top of a tin can of ravioli with a steak knife. "Why won't you open? I just want. To. Eat. You!" Each word was punctuated with a hard stabbing motion with the knife, which was starting to bend at the top. "Fuck! Want. Lunch!"

"Sirius, what are you doing?" Remus called from the living room.

"Lunch!" Sirius answered, and then returned to his can stabbing.

It was the day after Lily and James had gone house shopping, and the two were filling a box with canned goods as Sirius sat at the counter, screaming at what he wanted to be his lunch. 

"Why does Chef Boyardee hate me?" he whined.

Remus smiled and got up, walking into the kitchen and setting his book out on the counter, opened flat to keep his page. He took the knife from Sirius and set it on the counter, pulling a can opener from the drawer and opening Sirius' ravioli.

"Knives generally can't cut through metal," he teased, kissing Sirius on the cheek before picking up his book and settling into a kitchen chair to continue reading.

Sirius poured the pasta into a bowl before sticking it in the microwave. "Yummy," he said, licking some of the pasta he'd gotten on his fingers, and grinned at James and Lily.

"See?" Lily said, and nudged James in the side. " _That's_ what I'm talking about."

"I don't care. Our son will be smart enough to open cans on his own. I still pick Sirius," James answered firmly.

***

Sirius was extremely proud of himself. He'd made a perfectly symmetrical kite out of several brightly coloured pieces of construction paper. "It's so pretty," he told Remus as they headed outside where there was no wind, and Sirius attempted to make the thing fly using floss as string.

"I should've given it a tail," he lamented as he ran back and forth in the backyard, trying in vain to make it rise up. He finally picked up a little breeze, and the whoop that followed was quickly replaced with a groan as the kite landed in the upper branches of a tree.

"Bugger," Sirius said, and immediately started climbing upward.

"No, Sirius, just leave it," Remus said, though without much hope. "It doesn't fly anyway."

"It flew a little bit," Sirius argued, and continued climbing. The branches were fairly sparse at the top, and Sirius quickly lost his balance on a particularly springy one. "Fuck!" he said as he tripped, falling and landing on the ground right on his left ankle.

"God damn!" He moaned, arse hitting the ground, clutching his foot and moaning like a sad puppy.

"Well, that's what you get," Remus said after a brief moment of panic, crouching down next to Sirius and touching his ankle gently. "Honestly, Sirius. Sometimes you're such a child. Come on, we'd better ice it else you'll be limping at the wedding. You're all right, though?"

"It _hurts_ , Remus, and it's turning purple," Sirius said, and growled throatily as Remus helped him stand. "I'd say not. Though I'm still alive, sorry for the inconvenience."

Lily and James had heard the commotion; James came running as Lily waddled along behind him.

"What happened?" she asked.

"He fell out of a tree," Remus answered, trying very hard not to smile at Sirius' dramatics. "He was trying to get his paper kite back."

James snorted. "Real graceful, Pads."

Remus helped Sirius limp slowly back toward the house, while James and Lily looked at the paper kite.

"Just more proof of his irresponsibility," Lily said testily, before turning around and heading back inside.

James sighed and followed Lily inside. "He has his own brand of responsibility. You have no idea what he had to grow up with," he said under his breath. "He'd take great care of Harry, I know he would. I _still_ pick Sirius."

***

Creeping up the stairs, Sirius tried as best he could not to spill the coffee out of the cup in his hand. It was a daring task (seeing as for one, he was extremely clumsy, and second, he was half-asleep), but Sirius knew that Remus would wake up soon. The coffee would be cool enough, the way Remus liked it.

He successfully made it onto the landing without spilling a drop onto the beige carpet. Impressed by his own accomplishment, he nearly tossed the entire cup at the ceiling when Lily suddenly came out of the bathroom.

"Dear Jesus!" she exclaimed, clutching the wall and her heart. She had almost fallen down with surprise. "You scared the shit out of me, Sirius."

"Sssh," Sirius said, holding a finger to his lips, and then pointing at the open spare room door. "Remus is still asleep."

Lily smiled and headed back toward James' room after Sirius had shut the door behind him. _Thoughtful of him_ , she thought, crawling (with great pregnant difficulty) back under the covers. _The coffee must be for Remus. Sirius never drinks the stuff_.

"Morning, love," James said, wrapping his arms around Lily and pressing a sleepy kiss onto her shoulder.

"Morning," she replied, settling back in. "It's still early, go back to sleep. Only birds and Remus are up this early."

"What time is it?" James asked through a yawn, rubbing at his eyes with one hand and tracing circles around her bellybutton with the other. He loved to sleep in, but once he'd woken up, he rarely fell back to sleep. "Is that who you were talking to in the hallway?"

"It's half-past six," Lily said. "And no, I was talking to Sirius. He'd gone downstairs to brew coffee for Remus, I presume."

"That's nice of him," James replied absently, and then perked up a little. "Guess he's not always irresponsible and thoughtless, hm? He treats the ones he loves well. Good characteristic for a godfather to have, if you ask me."

Lily half-heartedly sighed. "You _would_ bring that up at day-break."

"Come on, Lily. Have you ever seen him endanger anyone he cares about?" James persisted.

"Perhaps not intentionally," she said. "But you lot have come out of a few close shaves."

"Yeah, but he's comfortable with us. He'd be more careful with Harry," James replied. He shifted down the bed and then moved to straddle Lily's legs, leaning forward and speaking to her stomach. "What do you think, Harry? You want your fun Uncle Sirius as a godfather? He's daddy's very best mate and one of the best blokes around. Absolutely capital. What do you think?"

Lily giggled, and Harry, remarkably, kicked. "Oh my," she said, and restrained a smile. She supposed she'd given in. "I suppose he should really get the say then."

James grinned and lifted up Lily's nightgown to kiss her stomach sloppily. "Wicked," he answered happily, but then sobered. "Look, you really are okay with this, right? I really couldn't stand it if it was anyone else but him. He's my brother. It's just got to be him."

Lily nodded. "I'm really okay with it," she said. "Really."

"Thank you," James said sincerely, feeling a lot of the tension of the last couple of days dissipating. "And thank _you_ , Harry," he said, to Lily's stomach before crawling up next to her and tenderly brushing hair out of her face. "I'm sorry we had to fight about it, though."

"I'm just preparing you for married life, that's all," Lily teased.

James laughed. "Well, even so, I'm still looking forward to it. Oh, hey, do you want to take that house we looked at the other day, where all this godfather stuff started? The one near Godric's Hollow? I think it was sort of perfect, don't you?"

"Yes," Lily said. "It was beautiful. And not too expensive. It's amazing of your parents to help us out so much; I don't know what we'd do without them."

"We'd get by all right. Without my parents, we'd probably have a flat rather than a house, and without yours, we'd not get to have a proper wedding, but we'd still make it work. I think that's _why_ they're willing to help us," James said. "Because they know we can do anything."

Lily cuddled into James as best she could with her protruding belly, and kissed his naked shoulder. "I love you, James," she said.

"I love you too. More than the sun," James said, then grinned and added, "Although, you both get up far too early."


	22. Flat Hunting (July 19th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Sirius' baby purrs like a kitten, you DO NOT eat oranges in Lily's presence, and Remus is Mrs. Sirius Black. M'lady.

Remus, notebook in hand, stood by the door, waiting for Sirius. He'd clipped out all of the flats they were going to look at and taped them each to their own page, leaving lots of space underneath to jot down things about each of the ones they were to look at. Remus liked to think he wasn't so neurotic as to have planned that, but he figured he might as well keep himself busy while Sirius attempted to drag himself out of bed, and so he'd organized.

"Sirius, we're going to be late for our first appointment. I highly doubt they'll hang around long if we aren't there!" Remus called up the stairs, checking his watch. They had ten minutes to get there if they were going to make it by ten.

"Sod off," Sirius muttered, pulling his trousers up over his naked hips. "You're like my wife." Walking into the hallway he ran a hand through his hair, disentangling the bed head with another mutter. Glancing at Remus he quirked an eyebrow, then smiled rather wryly, restraining giggles. "Remus, did you make notes?"

"No," Remus said, trying to keep from blushing. "But I will when we get there. Don't laugh."

He had a better defence for Sirius' teasing now, however, than he had in first or second year. Now, he just tugged Sirius close and kissed him. He had coffee breath and Sirius had morning breath, but Remus didn't mind. He was the sentimental sort, and today they were going to pick out a flat together. It was monumental, or so Remus liked to think. He couldn't believe they were moving in together.

"And I'm not your wife," Remus added as an afterthought.

"All you're missing is a cunt and tits," Sirius objected, twirling a lock of Remus hair, which was past his shoulders. "You've even golden, flowing, _layered_ locks."

Remus sighed and pushed Sirius' hand away. "I'm _not_ your wife," he said again and stepped away to reach for his jacket. "I'm your boyfriend. There's a big difference. Are you ready?"

Sirius scratched his bare chest and yawned. "Minus shoes, that are by the door," he said. "And why do you insist on wearing jackets in July?"

"You can't go out without a shirt. We're trying to convince people we're respectable, responsible blokes that won't cause any trouble if they rent to us, Sirius," Remus reminded, brushing his hand along Sirius' bare side tenderly. "And I'm wearing a coat because I assume we'll be taking the bike, and you're always supposed to wear long pants and a jacket in case of a crash."

"Remus," Sirius argued reasonably, "it's like, _hot_ , outside. I don't really give a fuck how respectable I'm suppose to look, I'd rather bare chest then sweat stains."

Remus sighed and hung his jacket back up in defeat before gesturing to the door. "Okay then. Let's go. The least we can do is be on time. Do you know where Fort Street is?"

"Having grown up here, I'd say so," Sirius replied, pulling his keys off the key rack and opening the front door, holding it open for Remus. "After you Mrs. Black," he said teasingly, grinning.

Remus raised his eyebrows and walked outside, calling teasingly over his shoulder, "Careful, else I'll start withholding sex and making you sleep on the couch."

"We'll be lucky if we have a door mat, let alone a couch, Remus," Sirius said, following Remus outside, pulling the door shut as he walked. The bike was in the garage, covered in a tarp (as Sirius babied her to no end, polishing her about four times a day), so Sirius hit the button for the garage door. Stepping back, it went up with a 'whirrrr', and Sirius ducked under it, walking over to the bike like a proud daddy.

Pulling the tarp off, he said, "She gets more beautiful everyday."

Remus rolled his eyes, but simply waited as Sirius brought the motorbike out, closing the garage door after grabbing the two helmets from the shelf. He passed over one of the helmets before putting on his own. Sirius always protested about wearing a helmet, saying it took away from the feel of the ride, but Remus had long since insisted that, at the very least, when it was the two of them, helmets were a must. He had a feeling Sirius would keep up with tradition, however, and try to talk his way out of it. As usual.

"Reeeeeemusssss," Sirius whined, predictably.

"Sirius, please. We're already late and you _know_ I refuse to ride with you if you aren't wearing it," Remus said exasperatedly, hating how sometimes he felt like he had to be the grown up in their relationship.

Sirius groaned, throwing his head back. "Fine!" he said, irriated, and took the helmet that Remus was holding out to him. Shoving it on his head, he tightened the strap, frowned, and then pouted. "I look like a wank, Moony."

"Better than having your brains splattered all over the street," Remus said practically. He climbed on the bike behind Sirius and gently rested his hands on Sirius' sides. "Besides, I already think you’re gorgeous. Who else are you trying to impress?"

"I want all the hetero birds to see what your cock is getting," Sirius replied, turning his head and winking. He pushed the key into the ignition; the engine purred like a kitten. Pulling out of the driveway, Sirius asked, "Front Street?" over the noise.

Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius' comment and replied loudly as Sirius sped up, "No, Fort! The address is Apartment 4B, 26 Fort Street!"

Sirius didn't reply, merely turned down the next street, turned left, right, then left twice more before turning onto Fort Street. A few blocks down he pulled to a curb, slowing to a stop, and pulling the key out of the ignition.

He hopped off of the bike and removed his helmet before holding out a hand to Remus and bowing slightly. "M'lady," he said.

Remus removed his helmet and placed it in Sirius' outstretched hand before getting off the bike unassisted and walking past Sirius to the front door, ringing the landlord on the very old intercom system. He was told to throw pebbles at the third window from the lobby door on the second floor if the machine didn't work, but luckily it did.

In response to the somewhat scrambled greeting, Remus said, "Hello. We're your ten o'clock to look at apartment 4B?"

There was no response beyond the buzzing of the door, and Remus shrugged at Sirius before heading inside.

Sirius followed, and the two headed up the stairs to the second floor; a stout looking middle-aged man stood there, scratching his stomach, and Sirius was more than happy to see that he was wearing a shirt. Chest hair was poking out of the collar.

"Wotcher," he said gruffly. "Which one of you is Lupin?"

Remus promptly switched his notepad to the other hand and held out his right to shake. "That would be me, sir. How are you?"

The man grunted in reply, then said, "I'm Tom," and lifted up an arm, scratching as his predictably sweaty pit.

Sirius cringed a little.

"You'll be following me then," Tom said, after a moment of awkward silence, and gestured the two of them forward.

***

Remus, feeling a little green and a lot disillusioned, walked out of the building quickly and towards the bike, only too pleased to get out of there. The room itself hadn't been half as disgusting as the landlord had been, but it was one of the more expensive ones on their list and he couldn't help but wonder what the other ones would be like.

"Bright little corner of crap, that," Sirius said, unimpressed, and pulled a cigarette carton out of his back pocket, and a lighter out of his front. "I believe sewer rats have better accommodations."

Remus nodded in agreement with Sirius' sentiments, but he wanted to boost their morale a little. This was supposed to be fun. This was the first step towards a life together, really, and about the biggest one either of them could take, considering.

"Well, we'd be allowed to paint the walls whatever colour we wanted. That could really brighten it up," he said, shrugging. "And anyway, maybe the next ones will be better. We have another appointment in twenty minutes on Cornerstone Road."

"It'll take about 10 to get there," Sirius said thoughtfully, amid a cloud of smoke.

"So we've got a few minutes of spare time," Remus said thoughtfully, touching his fingers to the wrist of Sirius' free hand and leaning in to inhale Sirius' smoke as he exhaled it.

"Thought you hated cigarette smoke?" Sirius questioned, bringing the filter back to his lips.

"I guess I've gotten used to it. It tastes like you," he said, smiling.

"Mmm, nicotine," Sirius replied, grinning, blowing smoke into the air.

As soon as Sirius was finished his cigarette, Remus grabbed one of the helmets and began to put it on. "Come on, let's go to the other building."

Sirius dropped the butt to the ground, squishing it with his sandal, and giggled. He grabbed his helmet, strapping it on, then climbed onto the bike. As soon as Remus had tucked himself behind him, Sirius started the engine, and the two boys (perhaps men was more appropriate now, however) headed down the road, and toward Cornerstone Road.

Pulling up in front of the building, Sirius said, "This one looks cleaner."

"It does. And it's less expensive than the last," Remus commented, undoing his helmet and pulling it off. It really was warm out, but he would never go about shirtless like Sirius, no matter the weather. He checked his watch and found they still had a bit of time to kill; Sirius was right, it had only taken ten minutes to get there.

"Want to go on up?" Sirius asked, leaning back on Remus and turning his head slightly.

Remus smiled and took off Sirius' helmet before wrapping his arms around him, smoothing one palm over Sirius' flat stomach. "Maybe not just yet," he replied, speaking into Sirius' ear.

Sirius grinned. "And here I thought that you thought my baby was, and I quote, 'a ridiculous death machine'." he said, turning his head, talking against the skin of Remus' neck.

"Mm," Remus replied non-commitally, smiling widely. Remus had, at first, been very wary of Sirius owning a motorbike, especially at his unwillingness to wear a helmet. But he thought he was starting to get used to the idea, even if he would never love it as much as Sirius did. Not as though that was possible anyway.

"Do you realize that we're looking for a place to move in together, Sirius? It's a little mind boggling, isn't it? I mean, when you think about it..." Remus trailed off into nothing as Sirius licked at a spot just below Remus' jaw.

Sirius nibbled the tender skin lightly, then sucked, leaving a red mark. "Well, least we're not popping out babies. Imagine James, getting married next week, eh? And a father in a month."

"I can't believe Lily wants to get married while she's eight months pregnant," Remus said. "Though I suppose they wanted to wait until after graduation, yet still do it before Harry's born. And you know, James becoming a father in a month means you'll be becoming a godfather."

What'll that make you then?" Sirius asked, pausing for a moment thoughtfully before turning his teeth back to Remus' earlobe. "Harry's gay Uncle Remus?"

Remus let his eyes flicker shut, enjoying the lazy sunshine and Sirius' ministrations. "Um. What?" he asked, more focussed on the mouth biting at his ear than the question Sirius was asking. "Well, I suppose it will. Sort of, anyway. I'm surprised you didn't say fairy godmother."

"You don't like it when I call you a fairy," Sirius reminded him, sucking on Remus' neck again.

Blinking back to reality, Remus checked his watch again. "Come on, we'd better go. And if you've given me a hickey, Sirius, I'll not be impressed," Remus said, sliding his hands up Sirius' torso to nudge at his sides.

Sirius rolled his eyes and climbed off of the motorcycle. "Bugger you, tease," he said, once Remus had hopped off, and the two headed toward the front door.

Remus smiled and pulled Sirius in for a quick kiss before they walked into the covered alcove near the front door to buzz the landlord.

"What?" came the short reply.

"Hello, I'm Remus Lupin, your 11:30 appointment for room 303?" he said politely.

"That's you then? Well you two faggots can get lost. There's no room for _you_ here."

Remus gaped in shock and exchanged a look with Sirius, suppressing the urge to buzz again and tell the man off. He stepped away from the intercom board, still processing the man's words.

"Well," he said under his breath, unsure how exactly to react.

Sirius shrugged and turned away from the door, heading back toward the motorcycle. He was far too used to people and their bullshit, particularly since his mother had told her church group that he was a homosexual heathen, and shown them his picture, apparently. Downtown that previous weekend with James, some asshole kid had thrown rocks at him.

"Where to next?" he asked sullenly.

Remus followed him, frowning. A sort of self-righteous anger had begun to develop. He certainly wouldn't want to live there now--dealing with a landlord like that held no appeal for him--but he was deeply offended at the man's actions. He knew, however, that there was little that could be done. Sighing, he pulled out his notebook.

"Well, Coral Street next, but that appointment isn't until one. I thought we'd go for lunch after this one, and then go to the other four places," Remus replied.

"Lunch where?" Sirius asked.

"Wherever you want. Back at the Potters' or else out at a cafe or something," Remus answered, shrugging.

"The Potters', I suppose. I haven't any money," Sirius said, climbing back onto his bike and pulling on his helmet.

***

Remus and Sirius pulled up five minutes early to the place on Coral, and Remus decided then and there that they'd have to find out right off if he and Sirius being together would be an issue. He wouldn't live anywhere that they'd have to deal with a homophobic landlord; it just wouldn't be worth it for how tiring it would be, no matter how nice of a building. And the one on Coral was nice. Not too new or fancy, of course, because neither he nor Sirius could afford that, but it was tidy and in a relatively good neighbourhood. Remus had a good feeling.

Sirius and he took off their helmets and made their way to the front door, buzzing yet another landlord.

"Yes?" came the reply.

"Hello. I'm Remus Lupin. My partner Sirius and I have an appointment with you at one to look at apartment 4E?" he asked pointedly, hoping Sirius wouldn't mind.

Sirius turned his head in surprise so fast that he cricked his neck.

"Oh yes, dears! Come on up!" The woman sounded older, creaky, but relatively cheerful.

Sirius hoped she didn't smell like cats.

The door buzzed and Sirius followed Remus inside, climbing up the stairs.

"Sorry," Remus muttered as they made their way to the landlord's suite, spotting a smiling old woman with shoulder length white hair and a tanned, wrinkled face. "I just figured it'd be better to get it out there."

As they got closer and the woman waved, Remus realized she wasn't wearing anything but red and purple, bracelets shoes, and even shoelaces included. She waved cheerily at them (red fingernails too, Remus noticed) and Remus couldn't help but smile.Remus and Sirius pulled up five minutes early to the place on Coral, and Remus decided then and there that they'd have to find out right off if he and Sirius being together would be an issue. He wouldn't live anywhere that they'd have to deal with a homophobic landlord; it just wouldn't be worth it for how tiring it would be, no matter how nice of a building. And the one on Coral was nice. Not too new or fancy, of course, because neither he nor Sirius could afford that, but it was tidy and in a relatively good neighbourhood. Remus had a good feeling.

Sirius and he took off their helmets and made their way to the front door, buzzing yet another landlord.

"Yes?" came the reply.

"Hello. I'm Remus Lupin. My partner Sirius and I have an appointment with you at one to look at apartment 4E?" he asked pointedly, hoping Sirius wouldn't mind.

Sirius turned his head in surprise so fast that he cricked his neck.

"Oh yes, dears! Come on up!" The woman sounded older, creaky, but relatively cheerful.

Sirius hoped she didn't smell like cats.

The door buzzed and Sirius followed Remus inside, climbing up the stairs.

"Sorry," Remus muttered as they made their way to the landlord's suite, spotting a smiling old woman with shoulder length white hair and a tanned, wrinkled face. "I just figured it'd be better to get it out there."

As they got closer and the woman waved, Remus realized she wasn't wearing anything but red and purple, bracelets shoes, and even shoe _laces_ included. She waved cheerily at them (red fingernails too, Remus noticed) and Remus couldn't help but smile.

Sirius, in contrast, nearly laughed at her. She was certainly elaborately decorated.

"Ooh, young lovers," she fawned, coming over and giving the two of them big hugs. "I'm Elsa, dears, but the pleasure's all mine! Now. Which one of you is Mr. Lupin, and who is the other strapping young man, hmm?"

Remus coughed into his hand and then smiled brightly at her, saying, "My father's name is Mr. Lupin. I just go by Remus. And that would make this Sirius Black, the strapping young man."

Sirius grinned sheepishly.

Elsa was practically bouncing. "Come, come!" she said. "The flat's just been cleaned up - completely that is, as it's been quite a time since the other lot moved out of there, not the friendliest sort. I do hope you like it!"

***

Sirius was bouncing now.

He and Remus left the building, both feeling a little giddy, and equally winded by Elsa's good-bye hugs. She had nothing short of demanded them to live there, offering to lower the rent just to get them to stay.

One bedroom, one bath, kitchen/living room, storage closet, carpet. She'd even offered to make them curtains. What more could two ponces ask for?

"What do you say?" Sirius asked, grinning.

What did he think? He thought they could afford it, the landlord was nice, and all it needed was a bit of inexpensive sprucing up. It was a bit out of the way and Remus would have to walk a few blocks to the bus each morning, but she agreed to throw in a covered parking place for Sirius's motorbike free for the time being as she knew the people in 2A didn't use theirs. It wasn't perfect, but it was close enough.

"I think we should cancel our other appointments. It would be terribly rude to waste their time when we've already found a place," Remus answered, grinning at Sirius.

"Fantastic," Sirius replied. "Lovely spot. Mad bat of a landlady, but she's right on. Shall we let her stew, or tell her right away?"

Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck and hugged him, laughing a little. It was exhilarating. Maybe it was small, but it would be _theirs_. "Well, we'd best tell her now, don't you think?" he replied, stepping back just a little.

"She'll likely explode with satisfaction, and tell us to move in this evening," Sirius said.

"Ah, why don't we tell her over the intercom? And then we best go back to the Potters' place. I've got to call the others," Remus said, taking Sirius' hand and pulling him back towards the building they'd just come out of.

"Sounds good to me," Sirius said, squeezing Remus' hand and following him to the door.

***

Nestled under the covers of the bed in the spare room with Sirius, Remus curled his fingers into his boyfriend's hair and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, smiling against him after a moment.

"I called my mother this afternoon and told her the news. Her and father want to come out and throw us a flat warming party," Remus said, punctuating the end of his sentence by biting Sirius' lower lip.

Sirius laughed. "Are they going to get tossed? Besides, if things keep going the way they're going, we'll be having a baby welcoming party. Lily looks as though she's about ready to explode." Sirius scrunched up his nose. "She yelled at me today because I dropped a sock, then burst into tears and told me she loved me like a brother. It was weird."

"Yes, I've had a few similar encounters. She sobbed on me the other day because she thought I would be offended that they chose to you be Harry's godfather," Remus said, smiling ruefully. "James ended up walking in and whisking her away. You know how useless I get in situations like that."

"The best I've had is her literally slapping me upside the face as I'd eaten the last orange. Lily doesn't even _like_ oranges. Then she gave me a hug, kissed my nose, and tried, then failed, to skip out of the room. Five minutes later Prongs was comforting her in the living room, as she was crying about being a whale." Sirius laughed. Pregnancy had made her nuts.

Remus tried very hard not to laugh and managed to hide his smile in Sirius' shoulder. "Well, I'm sure it's a very difficult time for her," Remus reasoned. " We should be helpful and sympathetic. Laughing about her late at night when we're alone in bed is both unfair and an inadequate use of time."

"Inadequate, I agree," Sirius said. "As for unfair, I must differ. You've never been slapped for eating an orange."

"Well, she does like me better than you," Remus said playfully.

Sirius stuck out his tongue. "Shut it you."

"Okay," Remus said, dropping the hand in Sirius' hair to the back of his neck, pulling Sirius towards him for a proper kiss.

Sirius' hands slid downward, grasping at Remus' hips, roughly. "We'll have to break in the flat, you realize," he mumbled in between kisses. "Every room. Several times."


	23. Party Planning (July 19th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where there are no scenes of Brokeback cowboys (then again, perhaps there are), little progress made on James' behalf, and a serious lack of stripper cookies.

"Hang up the phone! Sirius Black, you hang that phone up _now_!" Remus shouted, running after Sirius.

"NO! REMUS YOU RIDICULOUS BOOK-RESIDING WORM! STRIPPERS!" Sirius yelled back, impatiently, not taking the receiver away from his ear. "STRIPPERS, I REPEAT. NECESSITY."

"As soon as we start to talk about the bloody bachelor party you just go and pick up the phone, and you'd better hang it up before someone answers," Remus hissed, fighting back a grin despite his admonitions. He reached Sirius and crossed his arms, trying to look disapproving as he wondered whether or not Sirius would be surprised enough to let him have the phone should he try to wrestle him for it. "We are _not_ getting James strippers!"

"Why _not_?" Sirius whined. "They are the timeless consistent of Bachelor-Party-dom. Necessity, I repeat!"

"Hang up the phone and we'll talk about it," Remus said desperately, as he was close enough to hear the ringing stop and a voice answer, though the words were garbled. "Hang up."

Sirius pouted. His bottom lip wibbled.

He put down the receiver.

"You're a jerk," he said.

"I am not," Remus protested, looking a little hurt for a fleeting moment before focussing his attention back to the task at hand. "Sirius, think about it. It's _James_. This party is for _James_. Would he even _want_ strippers? Maybe you think Lily expects it--even though I still think she'd be a little angry--but James has been devoted to Lily since he was eleven. Why would he want strippers?"

"It's _tradition_!" Sirius exclaimed. "He can get drunk with us anytime. Getting drunk and seeing titties for free is an experience in its own!"

"Tradition? Since when did Sirius Black ever conform to tradition? Let's be innovative. Let's do something new. Let's, I don't know. Go on a road trip instead."

Sirius smiled. "What makes you think I haven't already talked to Lily about it, hmm?"

"Because I can't believe she'd agree," Remus answered, and then raised his eyebrows as Sirius' expression didn't change. "Have you? You're not honestly going to try to tell me she said yes."

"She said, and I quote, 'It's not as though he's not just going to come home and touch my _titties_ anyhow, Sirius. I'm rather indifferent about it, to be honest with you.' Then I asked her if it was a trap, and she said no and handed me a cheese grater and made me help her with her nachos. And I got to eat some. So there!" Sirius crossed his arms proudly, beaming.

"Oh," Remus said, stunned. "Well. Still. Do you really think that's what James would want most, just because it's tradition?"

"Oh take your thumb out of your bum, Moony," Sirius said, flailing his arms and reaching for the phone again. "James'll be drunk enough to appreciate the boobies, and sober enough to go home to the woman carrying his sprog and touch hers. And you're not that big of a prude anyhow." He paused. "And just because I'm going to be looking at them won't mean I'll want to touch them, you know."

Remus stared at Sirius for a moment as though he didn't even recognize him, and then sighed. "I suppose I ought to get used to someone knowing me as well as you do by now, oughtn't I?" After a moment, Remus gave in and added, "And you'd better not want to touch them."

"Of course not," Sirius said. "Why want to touch _them_ when I get to grope you whenever I please?" At 'grope' Sirius had reached forward and cupped Remus' cock grinning. "Like that, see? Nice, innit?"

Remus grunted a little when Sirius, as usual, took any liberties he liked with Remus' person. Not that Remus minded, exactly. At least this time, there was no one else around. Reaching a hand down to grab Sirius' wrist, moving his hand to somewhere less distracting, Remus kissed Sirius briefly and then said, "Yes, nice. Well, if you must order strippers then, at least get it over with so we can go on to plan the rest of the party, will you?"

Sirius beamed and then turned his attention back to the phone, bouncing on his heels as he made the call. He tried to be a little less than extravagant, for, as much as he thought that strippers were a necessity, he didn't want to overdo it because (if he were going to be completely honest here) he didn't want them that much himself.

As soon as Sirius hung up again, Remus rolled his eyes and sat back down on the couch. Sirius followed, and the two of them leaned against each other comfortably. "Got that out of your system then? I think next we should think about food. Mrs. Potter would probably cook us some things, and we can order a bit of nosh at the pub, but food is expensive and our budget is rather tight."

"We could ask her to make stripper cookies," Sirius suggested idly.

"Be serious, Sirius," Remus said, and frowned as soon as the words were out of his mouth. In an attempt to override the expected 'I _am_ Sirius!' reply, Remus quickly added, "There is no _way_ the theme of the party is going to be strippers. There will be strippers there, and that is enough. Speaking of theme, though, perhaps we should pick one before we decide on food?"

"I am Sirius," Sirius mumbled first, to get it out of his system, and then with a glare from Remus said, "Fine. I dunno then, I'm no shakes at themes. Cake? Pudding? Footie?"

"Footie's not a bad idea," Remus mused. "He's been crazy about footie lately. But I mean, I was thinking more like... tropical. Or, no, I know that's stupid. But don't people usually do something so that everyone knows they're part of a bachelor party? Like everyone wears cowboy hats or something, and on James' could be a sign that read 'groom' or, you know, something."

"Cowboys! Except, not like, Brokeback cowboys, because you know how James was with that movie. Although, you know, I think he has a mancrush on Heath Ledger."

"Do you want the theme to be cowboys? I bet we could find somewhere with a mechanical bull," Remus said. "Though James is more of a flashy-modern-club person than an old-county-pub type, isn't he? Though I suppose we could do the pub first and the club after. What do you think?"

"Pub _and_ club? Fuck that. James can enjoy the cowboys and he need not dance anyhow because he looks like an absolute pillock when he does," Sirius said.

Remus laughed agreeably and nodded. "Okay. So pub it is. Er, though can you bring strippers to a pub? Or, where are the strippers going to, you know. Strip."

"We get a room at the pub I suppose," Sirius suggested practically. "They can strip there after everyone is good and tossed, and then we'll have some place to pass out as well. Everyone wins."

"Sure, all right. So now we're back to the issue of food," Remus said. "Mini-sandwiches?"

Sirius snorted. "Because nothing satisfies a cowboy quite like a mini-sandwich."

"They're easy, neat, and cost efficient, if we make them ourselves," Remus said, somewhat defensively. "What do you suggest then?"

"Beans," Sirius said simply. "Beans, and manwiches, and... well beer, obviously, but whisky too, and... and... pickled eggs."

"Pickled eggs. And beans," Remus deadpanned. "What a thoroughly disgusting combination. Not a chance. What about, I don't know. Dry ribs or something? Or... chicken wings?"

"Ooh! Wings and ribs! Everyone likes wings and ribs!" Sirius agreed enthusiastically. "But I still want pickled eggs, because they're just plain awesome."

"Fine. I shall choose my battles," Remus said, his lips quirking into a smile. "What else is there? Oh, guest list. Who's invited?"

"Everyone," Sirius said, unhelpfully, and shrugged his shoulders.

Remus sighed. "Well, I'll make a list later, and then I'll give it to you and you can add anyone you think I've forgotten, and then you can give it back to me and I'll take off anyone who you've added that needn't be there after all, all right?"

"Okay," Sirius said.

"And what about, you know. Security," Remus asked. "I mean, just because the Prewetts have been having so much trouble lately, and do you think any of you know who's people would try to crash?"

Sirius took a deep breath. "Er. I dunno? I mean, anything is possibly, but it'd be awfully stupid considering that there'll be loads of blokes there not even involved, you know?"

"You're right. I'm sure it'll be fine. And other than the details, which we can work out later, that's pretty much everything. Unless you want to plan any games, though I rather thought the point was to just get him plastered and let him make an idiot of himself."

"Pretty much," Sirius said, clearly bored and not really paying much attention. He started chewing on his fingernails.

"What happened to your enthusiasm, Sirius? We're planning James' bachelor party. You're supposed to be excited."

"Yes, well... Eh." Sirius said. "I dunno. I'm good with the giving him a cowboy hat and getting him proper tossed, but the inane little details are boring as fuck."

Smiling indulgently, Remus chuckled a little. "Okay, well. You organize the strippers, as I'd rather not go anywhere near them, and I'll take care of all the inane little details, all right?"

"Okay," Sirius answered. "Oh, and Remus?"

"Yes?" Remus asked.

In a quick move, Sirius was straddling Remus' legs and grinning broadly. "Do your inane details in private, will you?" he asked, and then kissed Remus hard.

Remus was only shocked for a moment before he was contentedly kissing Sirius back and idly wondering where Regulus (as he was staying with them at the Potter's until they'd officially moved into their new flat) was. He didn't want to scar the poor boy.

"Mm, bedroom?" Remus suggested.

"Mm, right here," Sirius insisted.

"Where's your brother?" Remus asked, circling his arms around Sirius' waist anyway and sliding the fingertips of one hand just under the waistband of Sirius' trousers.

"Don't care," Sirius replied, threading his fingers through Remus' hair.

"You are slowly smashing away every bit of propriety I have left, Sirius," Remus mumbled, pausing to nibble on Sirius' neck. "My mother will be quite annoyed with you. She spent years teaching me to be proper."

"Shut up or I'll start filming us shagging and send her copies," Sirius threatened, sucking on Remus' earlobe.

"I'm not sure I'd ever sleep with you again if you did that, so you'd better not," Remus said, and then slid his hand fully into Sirius' trousers, pulling Sirius down against him more firmly as he ground his hips up a little in an effort to distract Sirius from the fact that he'd not quite shut up as asked.

Sirius groaned. "You sneak, trying to distract me. Imp."

"Is it working?" Remus asked, smiling against the skin of Sirius' neck. "Or am I going to have to stop on account of what you may or may not send my mother?"

"Do you see any cameras?" Sirius asked, moving his hands down and sliding them under the fabric of Remus' t-shirt.

"No," Remus breathed, and shifted his hand out from Sirius' trousers, tugging on one of the belt loops. "C'mon. Bedroom. We can undress on the way there."

Sirius whined but did get up, mostly because he was pushed by Remus. As soon as they were both on their feet, Sirius wasted no time, fingers diving nimbly down and unbuckling Remus' belt and trousers in a flash.

Laughing, Remus stepped out of his trousers, pulling Sirius towards the guest bedroom as he worked at his fly, thankful no one was at home. "Eager, eager."

He'd always thought it was silly how Sirius wore as little clothing as possible, but he was really starting to get used to it. He liked not having to struggle with Sirius' shirt when they wanted to get rid of the barriers between them.

"Only because you're driving me crazy," Sirius said, pulling Remus' shirt over his head.

"Oh, am I?" Remus asked, pushing Sirius' jeans down over his hips, still stumbling backwards towards their room. As he felt the door against his back, Remus groped behind him for the doorknob, and danced away from Sirius. He stripped his shorts off before climbing onto their bed and watching Sirius with a more mischievous smile than he usually donned. "Coming?"

"How do you do that, huh?" Sirius asked as he hopped the rest of the way out of his jeans. He dove onto the bed and on top of Remus. "One minute I'm all swoony and drooling all over you, next you're halfway across the room and I haven't even noticed."

"I don't know. I'm magic," Remus teased, trailing his fingers lightly over the backs of Sirius' thighs. Chuckling at the absurdity of his words even as he said them, Remus suggested, "Or perhaps you're just overcome by lust."

Sirius snorted, then buried his face in the crook of Remus' neck. "Maybe so," he said.

Remus coiled one of his legs around Sirius' and thrust a little. He been very shy when they'd first started sleeping together, but he'd gotten over that quickly enough and now, while not the more aggressive of the two of them, had certainly had lost his nervousness. "What are you in the mood for?"

"What do you think?" Sirius asked, sucking on _that_ tender spot behind Remus' ear.

"I--whatever you want," Remus gasped, not quite sure if his response made sense with Sirius' question, but Remus could never think straight when Sirius did that.

Chuckling, Sirius said, "Well that's a response I can appreciate," and reached toward the nightstand drawer, pulling out a bottle of lube.

"Should've known," Remus murmured, smiling up at Sirius before nipping again at his neck. He thought maybe for once _he'd_ be the one to leave a mark, considering Sirius had certainly given Remus enough hickies.

Sirius growled. He sat up, popping the cap on the lube and coated his fingers. Laying the bottle down he ran his free hand down Remus' chest, and positioned his slick fingers at Remus' entrance, circling it lightly.

Remus shifted his hips down towards Sirius' fingers, grabbing free hand and pulling it up to his mouth, sucking a finger inside and wrapping his tongue around it.

Sirius licked his lips and then slowly slid a finger inside of Remus, moving it in slow circles and then sliding it out and back in again.

After biting Sirius' finger gently, Remus sucked a second finger into his mouth, pulling them all the way in to the last knuckles before sliding them out again.

Sirius followed Remus' lead and slid a second finger inside of him, scissoring them gently.

After a moment more, Remus let his eyes flutter shut and pulled Sirius' fingers from his mouth completely. "Go ahead."

Sirius obliged, sliding his fingers out of Remus and reaching for the lube again. He coated himself (throbbing painfully by now) and then dropped the bottle on floor before lining himself up. "Ready?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah," Remus breathed, and wound one hand into Sirius' hair.

Slowly, very slowly (he always went slowly), Sirius pushed his way inside of Remus, sucking in a breath at the feel of him tight and hot around his cock. "Oh _fuck_ ," he said, for it never ceased to amaze him, that feeling, no matter how many times they'd had sex.

Remus lifted his legs higher, half wrapping them around Sirius. It put them at a better angle and Remus couldn't help but groan, low in the back of his throat. Sirius wasn't the only one who loved how it felt.

"You can go a little faster, if you'd like," Remus gasped after a moment or two, sliding the hand that wasn't in Sirius' hair down between them to wrap it around his own erection.

Sirius did, picking up a comfortable pace for the both of them. "Christ, Remus," he managed, not sure if there was anymore blood left in his brain, and not really caring either way. His fingers dug into Remus' skin, and he bit his lip, looking down into Remus' face.

"Christ yourself," Remus mumbled in response, pulling Sirius down into a kiss and hardly even noticing when it mashed his hand between them so he had to stop moving it. He liked it best this way, when they could kiss while they made love.

Sirius bit Remus' bottom lip and then sucked it before kissing him again, roughly, their teeth clacking together from the force.

Somehow, Remus managed a few awkward jerks of his hand, despite how it was trapped between them, and came unexpectedly (and with a few stars dancing beneath his eyelids) all over their stomachs without even stopping the kiss.

Just the feel of Remus all wet and warm all over his stomach was enough to cause Sirius to jerk forward slightly, coming inside of Remus with a few strangled-sounding noises.

One of the very best feelings in the world, Remus thought, was the way he felt after sex. Sure, they were a bit messy and sure, Sirius had collapsed heavily on top of him, but Remus expected it was simply because of how much he loved Sirius that he didn't mind one whit and just wanted to lay there, wrapped around Sirius and touching everywhere they could.

Sirius, too, appreciated not moving, but couldn't help but at least shift himself out of Remus for his own sake, and for the sake of his own softening cock. "OhGodILoveYou," he said as he collapsed on top of Remus again, his face falling into a mass of Remus' hair.

"You too," Remus answered with an easiness born through certainty. After a moment of comfortable silence, Remus said, "You're going to tell James, aren't you?"

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows but couldn't manage to lift his head to ask, "Tell James what? That we shagged? He does have a general idea, you know, especially after all those times we forgot to lock the door at school."

"No," Remus answered, amused. "That we spent all of ten minutes planning his bachelor party and then shagged all afternoon instead."

Sirius laughed. "You're sense of time is skewed. It's barely been 15 minutes, not an entire afternoon, you absolute nonce."

"But it _will_ be an entire afternoon before we leave this bed," Remus replied, voice gravely as he spoke directly into Sirius' ear, his lips brushing the lobe.

" _Oh_ ," Sirius said, realization dawning. "You're a naughty, sex-hungry nonce then."

"Mm, wrong again," Remus said, chuckling and nuzzling Sirius' cheek. "I'm _your_ naughty, sex-hungry nonce. I... did I honestly just say that? You must be contagious then."

"Ahaha, I destroy people's sanity. It is my special talent in life," Sirius said, and tickled Remus' side awkwardly.

Giggling--for it would be a lie to say it was anything else--Remus rolled on top of Sirius and tried to pin his wrists. "Actually, you have many special talents. I might even be inclined to help you, you know, find them."

"Did you just giggle?" Sirius asked playfully.

"I certainly did not," Remus replied haughtily, but the smile was apparent in both his eyes and voice.

"Hey, guess what?" Sirius questioned mischievously.

"What?" Remus responded gamely, though in the back of his mind he wondered why exactly he hadn't learned better yet from all of the times acting 'gamely' around Sirius had gotten him in trouble.

"I'd really like some cheesy toast. Want to make me some?"

"Sirius, honestly," Remus said, running a hand through Sirius' hair. "If you don't kiss me now, I'm going to remember I have all sorts of inane details I need to take care of and suddenly my afternoon will be all full up."

Sirius seemed to consider this, mostly wondering if, if Remus returned to his inane party planning details, he would get some cheesy toast, but in the end decided it was probably best to kiss Remus (as suggested) because rolling about naked for the rest of the afternoon seemed much more worthwhile than the momentary, short-lived satisfaction of eating cheesy toast.

So he kissed Remus, and Remus grabbed his cock, and he moaned into this kiss, and any slight desire for cheesy toast was quickly and utterly removed from his mind.

"You should be glad I have stamina," Sirius breathed, breaking the kiss for a moment. "All this sexing would be very taxing on anyone else."


	24. "The Wedding" on DVD! (July 26th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Lily gets her bum grabbed, Sirius gets Serious (har har har), and Remus is _far_ less than pleased with Autie Enid.

Lily lowered herself onto the sofa awkwardly. James set the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table, and set to work fiddling with the DVD player, not entirely sure, it seemed, of what exactly it was he was doing.

They'd gotten back from their honeymoon about two hours before, long enough to bask in the glow of the house their parents had furnished while they were gone, and make-out a bit in the pantry, until baby Harry decided that mummy was having too pleasant a time and kicked her bladder several times. After a little more making-out and several potty breaks, Lily discovered a note on the kitchen table along with an envelope, and curiosity drew her away from James' whiny beckoning from the pantry.

James' father had apparently taped the entire reception for them, and had created a DVD for them while "wracking my brain over new-fangled technology. If I never see another computer I'll die a happy man." The cover of the case was decorated with photoshopped flowers, and naked baby pictures of the two of them, and James had had a great wail about it before he'd agreed to settling in their living room ( _their living room_!) and seeing what Leonard Potter had put together.

"Ah ha! I am the technology _god_ , Lils. Look, it works!" James crowed, grabbing the remote and moving up to settle himself next to his wife ( _wife, wife, wife_!) on their couch. Pressing play, James snuggled into Lily's side, kissed her cheek, then mused, "I wonder how much he managed to get on tape. All of it, I hope. That was a bloody amazing night."

"I noticed your father with a camera. At one point the lens cap was on, so I dared not mention it to the poor fellow. Though I do hope we're not just supposed to _listen_ for several hours, depending on how much he bothered to record." Harry was getting fussy. Lily rubbed her tummy soothingly as the main menu came up on the screen - a bright fuchsia screen - with about six selection boxes.

"Goodness," Lily said, laughing a little. "Looks like he's been watching over my shoulder when I've been playing around in MS Paint."

"Ow, my corneas," James agreed placidly as he read through the six options. "Though, I suppose it's the thought that counts. So. What would you like to start with? Sirius' toast? Our first argument? Remus drunk as a skunk? Looks like Dad got most of the good bits."

"I like that he actually named the bit with Remus 'Remus drunk as a skunk'." Lily smiled. "Lets start with that one then. We haven't seen him since we left, and now I'll have something to tease him about when we meet up for tea."

Clicking the 'Remus drunk as a skunk' option brought Technicolor swirls before fading into Remus' face, flushed and bright.

"Hello!" the Remus on the television said brightly. "Hello, Mr. Potter. Or rather, James and Lily. I hope you're having a wonderful time at your wedding. Though I think you are, because the last time I saw you, you were making out on the dance floor. This is a beautiful wedding, you know? Though, Sirius is over there talking to some of your old aunts. And you know I'm not the jealous sort, but look! Look at them!"

James couldn't help but snicker as Remus pointed wildly in the direction of Sirius surrounded by older women. The camera zoomed in for a moment (slightly too close, as the screen was momentarily filled with Sirius' nostrils) before zooming out again and focussing on Remus as he began to talk again.

"You know he loves the attention, even if it's old ladies flirting with him. Oh, oh no. Quick, pretend not to notice him. He's looking over, and if he knows I've been making a fuss about it, I'll never live it down. Oh bother. I think I've had far too much to drink."

"Oh goodness, the nonce," Lily said, laughing along with James. "He's never had his head on quite right when it comes to Sirius, hmm?"

"Well, Sirius isn't any better. Never has been. They're both enormous prats about each other," James said fondly. The screen showed Sirius saying goodbye to the old biddies and making his way towards Remus, and James just grinned. "Enormous, enormous prats."

***

Sirius took over-exaggerated sneaky steps toward Remus, winking at Mr. Potter (who was trying not to laugh and causing the camera to shake). Sirius stood right behind Remus, smiling like an idiot, and said, "You could've just punched one of the old biddies out you know."

Remus, to his embarrassment, actually jumped, and then promptly turned bright red. "I have no clue _what_ you're talking about, Sirius."

"Jealous, jealous Remus," Sirius continued. "I saw you making eyes at me across the room, scowling at the aunties, casting hexes with your eyes." He tutted. "I was, of course, completely _taken_ with darling Enid, but you've crushed those dreams with your frowns and general insanity."

"You're being totally ridiculous, Sirius," Remus insisted, but he couldn't quite hold back a sheepish little smile. "And I think that I am drunk."

"That's alright, I've just been molested by a group of paisley-printed senior citizens and _you did not save me_." Sirius turned up his nose, pretending to be hurt. "How _could_ you, you trollop?"

"They're not that old. I think one of them was about thirty or something," Remus said defensively. Grinning lopsidedly, he amended, "Okay, well, Enid is in her sixties, or close to, anyway, and she certainly was taken with you. Not that I can blame her. You look smashing in your suit. Where's your tie got too? I was planning on taking it off with my teeth later."

As soon as the words left his mouth, Remus clapped a hand over his hastily shut jaw and looked guiltily at the camera. Leonard was laughing, and the thing was shaking again, and Remus looked like he wanted to apologize, but he was too humiliated to manage even that.

"Naughty Remus!" Sirius exclaimed and reached into his pocket for his tie. He'd discarded it after the actual ceremony. He replaced it (as neatly as he could manage) and grinned at Remus, cocking an eyebrow. "Go on now, sexypants. You've already told Lily and James what you're doing later, might as well give them a preview!"

"Sirius!" Remus hissed. "James' _father_ is holding the camera. Oh dear, I'm never drinking champagne again. It goes _right_ to my head. I think I should get away from the camera lest I say something incrimitating. Um. I mean. Incriminating. Sirius, save me!"

"Stop hiding behind your hands, Remus old boy!" Leonard boomed, laughing loudly. He'd had his fair share to drink as well, and thought the boy was just hilarious.

"C'mon, Moony," Sirius crooned, smirking. "Take the tie off now or you can't take my trousers off later."

"That's not fair! Ultimatums are against the rules!" Remus said, laughing now and easing himself to his feet. "Or at least ultimatums made in public, on camera, to drunk boyfriends should be against the rules."

 _That took shockingly little cajoling_ , Remus thought idly as he leaned in close and tugged Sirius' tie loose with his teeth. As soon as the bow came untied, Remus grabbed a loose end in each hand and pulled Sirius in for a kiss. It was a wedding, and he was drunk and happy and in love. He thought he'd probably be teased about it later, but at the moment, Remus just didn't care.

Sirius laughed into Remus' mouth, wrapping an arm around his waist. "You know how to make a girl feel beautiful, Mr. Lupin," he teased.

***

James grinned at the television screen, and then chuckled out loud as the kiss deepened and his dad could be heard in the background telling them, "I'm turning the camera off now boys. Anything else you want to say to James and Lily?" James thought he heard a mumbled _congratulations_ from one of his best mates, but for the most part, they ignored everything but each other, and the clip ended there.

"Naughty Remus indeed!" James commented, running a hand through Lily's hair.

"Those two are something else," Lily said, shaking her head, pleased. "I don't think that Remus is half as reserved as he pretends to be."

"You've not walked in on them yet, have you? I'd say Remus isn't an _eighth_ as reserved as he pretends to be," James said, shaking his head. He'd spent a couple nights in senior year rooming with Peter on account of Remus and Sirius' activities, and he knew full well Remus was no sort of prude. "What do you want to watch next?"

"Ooh, something sweet. Ahh, he's got our first dance there, James, click that one," Lily instructed.

James did, and curled an arm around Lily's shoulders as the screen changed to show them walking out onto the dance floor together; both of them smiling like loons.

"You're so beautiful, Lily," James breathed, and squeezed her in a sort of one-armed hug as they both watched the screen.

Lily squirmed. She, of course, perceptive as she was, just thought she looked pregnant and fat, but it didn't really matter because it was their _first dance as husband and wife_ that they were watching. "I still can't believe we're married," she said, a little in awe.

"It's pretty fucking wicked, isn't it?" James quipped.

As the first chorus ended and both of their parents came out to dance as well, James couldn't help but snort as his dad immediately stepped on his mother's foot. She swatted him in annoyance before they started to dance, and James wondered who his father had handed the video camera too. Other couples began to make their way out onto the dance floor, and James squinted at two people near the camera, just off to the left.

Blinking, James asked, "Oi, is that Gideon and McKinnon?"

"Yes," Lily answered, squinting slightly. The camera zoomed in on them a little, Gideon and Marlene that is, and Lily could pick out faint conversation between them that seemed to be getter angrier and angrier, to the point where Marlene walked toward the camera and said "Stubby, let's go," and the clip ended.

"Oh, well. I guess your father handed the camera off to Stubby then." Lily frowned. "Is there anyway for us to hear what they were saying?"

"Maybe, hang on," James said, and turned the volume all the way up before restarting the scene. He winced a little as the background noise hit them like a brick wall, and then fast-forwarded until just before Gideon and Marlene appeared on screen. "We'll see if this works!"

***

Gideon held Marlene tentatively. It had been almost two years since he'd held her like this.

"You didn't have to dance with me," he said. "Stubby looks like he wants to beat my face in."

"Well you asked me. I wasn't going to say no, that's rude," Marlene answered, instead of saying what she was really thinking. It likely wouldn't be hard for anyone to figure out what she had actually meant, however, when one considered the facts. It was a wedding, this was the first dance, and Stubby looked like he, as Gideon had already mentioned, wanted to beat Gideon's face in. Marlene was hopeless.

Both were quiet for a moment, swaying to the music. "This could've been us," he said finally. "It could've been you and me, Kin."

"Shut up, Gideon," Marlene said, pinching the back of his neck a little between the fingernails of her thumb and forefinger. "We're not talking about this. I mean it."

"No. You won't talk to me about it. Every time I bring it up you pretend like nothing ever happened," Gideon replied testily. "I'm really sick of this. And you went to _him_ of all people, when you said you would _never_..."

"Stubby is a good guy, Gideon," Marlene interrupted furiously. "Maybe I did say I'd never get together with him, but he was there for me when _you_ weren't. He's a good guy."

"Oh fuck off, I wasn't there for you. You ran away Marlene. I offered you a ring and I asked you a question and _you ran away from me_. I asked you not to. You didn't want to talk about it, you just _ran away_." Gideon was frowning now. "Why do you always run away from me?"

"Why can't you just let it go?" Marlene snapped. "Neither of us will ever be happy if we hang on to this, and I'm with Stubby now, Gideon. It's selfish of you to..."

"Selfish? I don't _want_ to let it go. I don't want to let _you_ go," Gideon huffed. "I'm still in love with you, Kin. I'm always going to be in love with you. You've got my heart until I _die_."

"That's not fair, Gideon." Marlene took a few deep breaths, trying to collect herself, but she didn't trust her voice enough to say anything else. Why did he always do this to her? Steamroll her like this? If they'd been alone, Marlene would have caved, and she knew Gideon knew that. That's why she'd been avoiding talking about it; that's why she'd been avoiding him. He overwhelmed her, and she couldn't keep putting herself on the line for him. It hurt too much when it all fell to pieces. They should never have tried to be more than friends in the first place.

"No it's not. Especially since you're with _Stubby_. He'll never love you the way I do Marlene." Gideon took a deep breath. "Do you love him the way you love me?"

"Don't - " Marlene started, and then took a step away from him. Staring Gideon right in the face, Marlene lied through her teeth. "Yes. I do. I love him the way I, the way I _used_ to love you. Leave me alone, Gideon."

He probably knew she was lying, but they'd both be miserable if they clung to each other. They'd tried it, twice. It hadn't worked. It had _hurt_. And now it was time to move on. With that in mind, Marlene stepped away from Gideon and walked towards Stubby, not quite managing a smile for the camera.

"Marlene," Gideon called softly, reaching his hand half-heartedly after her. She didn't turn around. He looked at his shoes.

"There are other girls," came a soft, timid voice from behind him. It was Hestia Jones, and Gideon tried to smile. She looked so eager.

"Hi, Hestia," Gideon said. And then, giving up entirely, "Want to dance?"

Marlene stubbornly ignored Gideon, and said shortly into the camera, "Stubby, let's go."

She was immensely relieved when he turned the camera off and handed it to the nearest guest. Stubby listened to her, he always had. Gideon never did, and Marlene feebly told herself she liked Stubby's way better.

***

James and Lily were both silent for a moment, and only the too loud jangle of a rather tacky version of the wedding song startled James into action as the DVD reverted back to the menu screen. Hastily turning the volume down, he turned to face Lily, still gaping.

"Did you have any idea? I didn't. Did you?" James asked breathily. "Holy fuck. Gideon Prewett proposed to Marlene. Gideon. Prewett. Bigger man whore than Sirius. This is unreal. Did you even have any idea they had anything going on? Gideon and McKinnon, I mean. Not Gideon and Sirius. Obviously."

Lily closed her open mouth and shook her head in search for her senses. "Holy. Shit. No I didn't know! Wow. It must've been a while ago then... she's been with Stubby for like, more than a year." Lily frowned. "I heard Stubby say once that Gideon and Marlene fooled around in high school. You don't think it was _more_ than that? It must've been... Wow."

"That's unreal. Come to think of it, they haven't seemed as buddy-buddy the last little while, eh? I mean, at Order meetings and such," James said. "Phwoar. Who'd have thought?"

"Not me. Not in a million years." Lily rubbed her tummy absently. "I didn't think that Gideon Prewett's heart belonged to any but his own ego, the number of girls he's shagged."

"Er, think we ought to tell Hestia?" James asked hesitantly. Not that she and Gideon were serious, by any means, but James rather suspected Hestia wanted to sink her claws more soundly into Gideon, and it didn't exactly look like Gideon was ripe for the getting. "I mean, after the way things were with Sirius and Kingsley, a bit of warning of what she's getting into seems only fair..."

Lily shrugged. "I don't know. Perhaps it'll be good for Gideon in the long run. He clearly needs to get over Marlene, and Hestia's willing to do anything in her power to have a normal relationship for a change. He needs it, and so does she, after the fiasco break-up with Kingsley." She scowled. "Prat."

"Er, right. Well. That was educational. Can we watch Sirius' toast next?" James asked eagerly. He wasn't too sure what Lily's feelings about it were, but James had loved Sirius' speech.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh, fine."

Pressing the button happily, James watched as the screen jiggled a little before settling into a position that showed James and Lily sitting at the head table, with Sirius to their right, holding a microphone in one hand and grinning.

***

"Ladies, Gentlemen, whatever you might be," Sirius began jovially, and then cleared his throat. "I doubt I'll get this opportunity again, that is, to take the piss out of my best mate in front of his extended family, as well as his new _wife's_ -" He waggled his eyebrows. "I thought, 'Sirius, you better make this good. You better make this something worth remembering, so that every time the aunties see Jamie from now on, they'll giggle about the time I convinced him to run naked through town screaming, 'I am the carrot king!' at the top of his lungs, or over that time, at the public pool, when he thought that skinny dipping would be a good idea'."

"He does like to be naked," Lily joked, gesturing to her stomach. The crowd laughed.

"Your fault for making my trousers so uncomfortable," James snickered, and then made a 'shh' sign at Lily and looked back up at Sirius.

Sirius stuck out his tongue, and then continued. "As pretty much everyone here knows, James and I have been mates since church daycare, way back in the day, when we were both still in nappies, traumatizing helpers with our outrageous drools and poops, something Mrs. Potter can certainly attest to, eh?"

At that, Rachel Potter lifted her glass at Sirius and smiled in agreement, but didn't dare interrupt Sirius' speech.

"Heh heh. Anyhow. We terrorized the Salcombe streets until we were _finally_ old enough for the revivals! When James was 11, and myself 12, we encountered Lily Evans in all her bushy-haired glory at one in Kingsbridge, and for those of you who _haven't_ been enlightened by this charming tale, listen close. Prongsie was absolutely enraptured! Madly in love with bird, who looked--at the time--as though she took great pleasure in hitting people for looking at her."

"I still do," Lily said with a grin, shaking a fist in Sirius' direction.

"In any case, James was, as most 11-year-olds are wont to be, _terrified_ by the prospect of liking a girl, and begged me to help him find a way to cure himself of his soppy lack of bollocks."

"It was love at first sight, not a soppy lack of bollocks!" James protested half-heartedly.

Sirius waved him off. "Yes, yes, whatever. It took us a while, but we came up with the absolutely smashing idea of filling her pockets with pellets and having a goat chase her around the grounds. I planted the bait, Jamie set the goat loose, and people watched in confusion as little Lily Evans ran for her life, yelling for her mum, a hungry - but good natured - goat only wanting lunch from her pockets. Oh, and well. Hair too, I suppose. James felt guilty. I, of course, was too busy laughing at our successful execution. He _stopped_ the goat, folks, and asked _Lily Evans_ for forgiveness by kissing her on the cheek without warning. Sensible girl that she is, Lily pushed the prat in the lake."

The guests all laughed, and James grinned. It was funny, really, and it wasn't as though it was his style to get embarrassed. Lily was always the only person who could embarrass him.

"James, as you all know, is a persistent little bugger when he's set his sights on something, and from that moment on it was Lily-this, Lily-that, and Lily-isn't she lovely, etc, nausea, many rocks upside the head as well as frying pans. He tried to kindle the embers of love at East Portlemouth Prep, but she was having none of it until he got her drunk at a New Years party and managed to convince her to kiss him. _Bad move_ , Evans. Now you're saddled with him, his sprog, and his ego."

"I like a challenge," Lily commented idly.

"Oi! Get on with the speech and stop trying to convince my wife to chuck me," James said and jokingly covered Lily's ears.

" _Anyhow_. I feel as though I'm rambling, and I probably am. I just wanted everyone to understand that Evans fought against this twat for years, but you know what I think?" Sirius smiled genuinely and appreciatively, glancing at Lily. "I think she probably loved him all along. These two were meant for one another, you know? Like destiny, fate, soul mates, whatever you might believe in. They might be young, and some of you might be doubtful, but I've got all the faith in the world in James and _Lily_. I love you, James, I do. I have two brothers here tonight, one by blood and the other by years and years of bad jokes, bad choices, and countless incidents involving Mrs. Figg's cat." The two of them shared a look, and burst out laughing.

Sobering, Sirius shook his head. "I love you, too, Evans, and don't ever doubt that I do." He raised his champagne glass to the two of them. "To the future. To James, Lily, the baby, and to friendships we'll have for the rest of our lives."

Swallowing around a lump in his throat, James raised his glass, standing to clink it first with Sirius' before pulling his best mate into a tight hug. Of all the things he and Sirius had been through, the introduction into James' life of someone so important to him as Lily was likely the biggest hurdle they'd really ever had to cross. He'd known where it counted that Sirius didn't resent him at all for it, but hearing Sirius say out loud that he loved Lily too, well. That made James happy.

"Thanks mate," James said, voice rough with emotion. Then, on a whim, he smirked and planted a juicy wet kiss right on Sirius' lips before ruffling his hair, and bending to clink glasses with Lily before kissing her rather more sweetly and intimately.

Sirius' eyes were watering, and to stop himself from outright bawling, he declared, "I knew you were a ponce! Knew it!"

***

"That was a good speech, hm?" James commented idly. Watching it again had made his heart fill to burst, and he was suddenly very thankful that his dad had filmed it.

Lily nodded, dabbing at her eyes with her shirt sleeve. "Yes. Yes, I suppose it was rather good, wasn't it?"

"Oh bugger. Don't cry, Lils. Then _I'll_ cry, and manly men aren't supposed to cry," James said, blinking profusely to stop the tears before they'd started. "Woman, you'll be the death of me. Just think of what this will do to my reputation."

"James, there's nobody here but me, you and our unborn child," Lily answered, humoured. "Where on _earth_ do you get your ideas?"

"Oh, who knows. Somewhere where there's lots of crazy floating about," James said, smiling. "So how about we watch the clip of our first argument as a married couple to cheer us up, huh?"

Lily shook her head at him disbelievingly. "You're still _proud_ of yourself for that, aren't you?"

"Oh come _on_ , Lily. It was brilliant!" James said brightly and pressed the button. "I wonder if Dad put that bit on here too. I know the whole ceremony was filmed _and_ photographed."

***

"You ridiculous wank! I _cannot_ believe that you _grabbed my arse_ when you were told to _kiss the bride_!"

"Ow, don't _hit_ me. It was funny, all right? And I like grabbing your arse while we kiss. It's a great arse!" James protested, laughing and dancing away from Lily for a moment, before dashing right back to her side and kissing her happily. "Lily, we're married. Be happy!"

"It's not bad enough that I'm pregnant," Lily snapped, batting his hands away. "Oh, no. You had to go ahead and humiliate me _on our wedding day_."

"Who's humiliated? No one! Everyone thought it was funny. Lily, even your _grandmum_ laughed," James said. "And what do you mean _bad enough_ that you're pregnant? You look beautiful, Lily." Lily looked about ready to interrupt, so James raised his voice and tacked on, "You look absolutely beautiful, and you know I think you're a miracle. Pregnant is good. So is arse grabbing."

"God, you're such a _boy_ ," Lily said, tears welling up in her eyes. "I don't know why you want to marry me. I'm a hippo, and I look like I'm wearing my mum's fancy table cloth for a veil."

"Lily," James said, his voice softening from the loud, almost teasing tone he'd had before. He stepped close and cupped her face with his hands. "Hey, Lily. Don't cry. You're not a hippo. It's illegal to marry hippos. Look, hey, look at me. Lily. I love you. That's why I want to marry you. Because I love you, and we love each other, and I'm sorry I grabbed your arse. I just thought it would be funny, all right? I didn't know it would make you cry."

"You don't grab your wife's bum right after you've said 'I Do'," Lily sniffed.

"Sorry," James murmured. "How about now? Can I grab my wife's bum now? Yes? No? Or maybe you want to nip off for a quick shag in the coat check room before heading into the reception instead?"

"Eep, _James_!" Lily said, gesturing toward the camera. "Hello, Leonard," she said, quietly.

"Hey Dad. Don't mind if we nip off for a quick shag in the coat check room before heading into the reception, do you?" James said without missing a beat, smiling into the camera he hadn't known was there. "Got to keep the wife happy, you know. And if nipping off for a quick shag in the coat check room makes her happy, then nipping off for a quick shag in the coat check room is what we'll do, you know?"

"James, you're embarrassing Lily," Leonard said evenly.

"Nonsense," James replied. "Lily's used to me, aren't you love? You love all the crazy little bits of me. Including the ones that want to nip off for a quick shag in the coat check room right about now, did I mention that yet?"

"James, I'm pregnant and you touched my bum. We're not shagging in the coat check room," Lily said, blushing furiously.

"I've touched a lot more than your bum, Lily," James said diplomatically, and then ducked away from the arm he knew would be swinging in his direction.

Lily missed of course, but glared like daggers. "Being why I look like a beached whale Mr. Lack-Of-Uterus!"

"Shush! You're beautiful!" James crowed before grabbing the camera and leaning in real close. "You have just witnessed our first ever argument as a married couple. What do you think? Think we're going to last? Well. It doesn't matter what you think, does it, because we are. I know we are. I've never been this happy in my entire life as I am today, and if Lily isn't as happy as I am right now, I'm just going to have to figure out how to fix that, aren't I? Maybe it's not a quick shag in the coat check room, but I'll figure it out eventually. Next time you see her, she'll be _glowing_. I promise. Bye now, camera!"

***

"You're a big bag of mush, James Potter," Lily said, crossing her arms.

"Yes, but I'm _your_ big bag of mush," James said and nuzzled her neck as the screen reverted once more back to that fuchsia menu. "And more often than not, there are certain parts of me that are quite the opposite of mushy. You know, I hear shagging a lot helps a baby come sooner. Just for the record."

"Randy bugger," Lily murmured. "What's left on the DVD?"

"Uh, garter slash bouquet stuff, and whatever 'Special Note' is. It's likely from Dad," James said. "Want to leave the special wotsit for last, then?"

Lily nodded. "Yes, lets. Garter and bouquet it is then."

"Sure thing," James said, and clicked the button.

He and Lily both chuckled along as James pulled her garter off with his teeth, as was tradition in the Potter family, and then threw it out to the bachelors. Sirius, of course, caught it (and tackled one of James' cousins to do so, stepping on Fabian in the process).

"Bit insane, Sirius," James commented fondly. "Though, I think Remus got annoyed that Sirius wouldn't take the damn thing out of his mouth for so long."

"Yes, well," Lily shrugged, "It's not as though that's not why he wanted it so badly in the first place."

Next was the throwing of the bouquet, which Emmeline caught, surprising everyone including herself. She ignored the catcalls (mostly from Sirius, about making babies) by burying her face in Leroy's shoulder.

"Poor girl. She's so shy," Lily said. "I wish Sirius would leave her alone about the no sex deal."

"When does Sirius ever leave anyone alone?" James said, shrugging. "He wouldn't be Sirius if he did."

"He makes exceptions for Remus," Lily countered.

"Well. He's in love with Remus," James replied. "People do all sorts of things for the ones they love."

"Like grabbing the arse cheek of a woman they've only been married to for 30 seconds?" Lily teased.

"Like never giving up even when they get shot down time after time after time," James pointed out.

"Fine, fine. Let's put on that special message then. I'm sleepy. It's been a long day," Lily said.

Nodding, James clicked the final point on the menu screen and smiled as his dad's face, looking sleepy and in slightly rumpled formalwear, appeared on screen.

"This must be after the whole reception, including clean-up, was finished. It must've been easily past three," James commented as his dad fiddled with the camera for a moment, repositioning it and settling back into a chair in the now-empty wedding hall.

"I've got to be honest with you," Leonard Potter said, his voice sounding tired and gruff. "When you first told us that you were having a baby, James, your mother and I nearly had panic attacks. Even you've got to admit that it was slightly unbelievable at the time, what with us just having gotten called into school to talk to the headmaster about you and Sirius re-enacting Charlie Brown and the Great Pumpkin _in the middle of the Sunday service_.

"And then you told us that you wanted to get _married_ , which was the sensible thing to decide, of course, but your mother and I... and do forgive us, James, but we thought you were both a little too taken with the idea of the 'perfect little family'. Now, well. Now we know better. You're always going to secretly be plotting ways to irritate the general public, I'm sure, and not to mention encouraging my grandson to do the same, but James. James, I'm so proud of you. You and Lily have handled this situation better than most married couples. You planned. _You asked for help_.

"We never thought that the 'this will ruin your lives' speech would be very effective on either of you. We knew, that morning, when you sat us down at the kitchen table, and laid it out for us, that you had a head on your shoulders. We've always known that. Your mother and I have always said that you and Sirius are going to rule the world someday." Leonard paused and chewed on his lip.

"Be _happy_ James. You are a bright, wonderful, capable young man, and your mother and I love you more than life itself. I can only hope for you and Lily to experience the same wonder, and amazement and pride in Harry when he comes along. And I'm sure you will. I've no doubt in my mind that your lives will be overflowing with happiness, and love, patience and prosperity.

Take care, JP."

The camera shut off.

"Oh buggerfuck," James said, dropping his head back against the couch and squeezing his eyes shut.

The position just made the tears run into his hair, and James bit the inside of his lip in an attempt to keep it together. His dad was the quiet sort, always had been. He'd been a great dad, of course. Really active all through James' childhood, always the right mix of stern and supportive. But he wasn't the talkative sort. And this... this was just. This had James undone.

Lily slid her arms around him, tearing up herself. Leonard never said much. He conveyed a lot in expression, but to hear him express so much with _words_ was absolutely overwhelming. "That was absolutely beautiful," she said.

James just grunted in response and pulled Lily closer to him, not yet trusting his voice. With the hand not around Lily, James scrubbed at his face, trying to remove all trace of the tears, even though, as Lily had said before, his only audience was his wife and his unborn son.

"It's okay, James," Lily said quietly, stroking his hair. "It's okay to cry. You've got nothing to prove, sweetheart."

"Yeah, I know," James said gruffly, and then lifted his head up to look down at Lily's belly, resting his free hand there. "I just... _I_ knew it was right, and _you_ knew it was right, and Sirius and Remus and Peter and everyone knew it was right. Our parents were really the only ones we... and just, to just hear him say it, like that is just... he never says stuff like that."

James broke off, biting his lip again as a tear dripped off his chin and landed on his arm.

"I know. My mum and dad will never say it. They'll accept it, but they'll never say I was right," Lily said.

James kissed her then, slowly and lovingly. She was his wife now, and this was their house, and soon they'd have a son, and everything was just... it was all right. He broke the kiss and got up, pulling Lily with him and murmuring, "Come on, love. Let's go up to bed."

"Our first night in _our_ house," Lily said with a coy smile, running a thumb over James' cheek. "And I hear that shagging while pregnant makes the baby come faster."

"Does it now? Fascinating."

"I love you Mr. Potter," Lily said, taking James' hand and resting it on her arse.

Chuckling, James squeezed and replied, "And _I_ love _you_ , Mrs. Potter. Now get your cute little arse upstairs before I have to carry you. There is sex to be had."


	25. Spilled Beans (July 26th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Sirius' jaw cordially meets the floor, Remus is glue, and Hestia really should've worn some panties.

Sirius laughed jovially and chugged back his third pint, foam residue lingering on his lips after he'd set the glass back down on the table. Three of his Salcombe mates had insisted on taking him and Remus out to celebrate the new flat (that they had moved into the day before), and the group of them were sat around a table at the local Irish pub, swapping embarrassing stories of older days and slowly getting drunk.

"So then," said Aidan Lynch, running a hand through curly brown hair, "this effing idiot decides that we should get creative!" Sirius mocked bowed as Aidan stuck out his tongue and continued. "He climbs onto my grand-daddy's shed, and what does the little bugger do? Jumps off, _onto_ the cow, kicks her in the ass and rides her straight into the fence!"

Remus shook his head, chuckling along with the others. He'd been nervous about meeting Sirius' friends. He knew he wasn't exactly cut from the same cloth as his boyfriend was, but Aidan Lynch, Edgar Bones, and Davy Gudgeon were all very friendly and Remus' discomfort had all but evaporated by the end of the first round. He enjoyed hearing stories about Sirius from before Remus had met him, but none of them really surprised him. He'd known Sirius' long enough to know what he was capable of.

"Yes, Sirius always has been just a little crazy," Remus said fondly, smiling.

"A little? That's far too kind, mate!" Edgar laughed.

"Okay, than a lot crazy," Remus corrected with a laugh. "But it always seems to work out in his favour. I don't know how many people could get caught watching girls change and come out of the situation with a girlfriend rather than a detention."

"Then he ends up buggering blokes, surprising the hell out of all of us," Edgar commented, blowing a strand of his long blond hair out of his face. "And we had to find it out from Fabian Prewett," he added.

Davy nodded his agreement. "Bit much, you know, to find out from someone else that one of your best mates is a poof. Particularly from another poof."

"We thought he might have seduced you, Blackie," Aidan said. "But he didn't seem your type, come to think of it."

Sirius grinned. "Fabian Prewett is... well. He's as flamboyant as they come really. Frills and all I suppose. I think he wore glitter that time we went clubbing with him, didn't he Rem?"

"Yeah," Remus agreed. "Actually, it was sort of a cool effect under the strobe lights. Not quite my cup of tea, though."

Sirius winked. "I bet you'd look smashing in glitter. Especially if you put it in your hair."

It was then that their little shindig came under siege, attacked, loudly, by the absolute drunken force that was Hestia Jones.

The door to the pub swung open and hit the wall behind it hard. She didn't bother to shut it, and the cool breeze lingering in the early summer air trailed in, chilling the place inevitably. All patrons were in awe of her presence; unwashed hair, mascara and/or eyeliner leaking halfway down her cheeks. She wore an old school football t-shirt, and a skirt that, were it any shorter, everyone in the bar would like be privy to her vagina.

She was most obviously smashed.

Spotting Sirius she broke down again, erupting into tears, and ran toward him, throwing herself into his arms.

"Oh Sirius!" she exclaimed, thickly. "K-K-Kinglseee-y b-broke u-up w-with m-m-m-me!"

Sirius didn't have a sweet clue in the world what to do, and wrapped his arms around her tentatively, looking at Remus, eyes demanding, _HELP, DAMNIT_!

Remus grabbed a few napkins and stepped forward, using one to dab at Hestia's face and then handing her the other. He looked over at Sirius and then placed a gentle hand on Hestia's back, blushing as he politely reaching down with the other to tug the hem of Hestia's skirt down a little.

"Come on, Hestia. Let's go for a walk," he said gently. "Stay with your friends, Pads. I'll be back once she calms down a bit, all right?"

"L-Lily is p-pregnant! P-PREGNANT, R-Remus Lupin." Hestia's lip wobbled, and she started crying again. "I-It w-was _supposed_ to b-be me f-first," she added, amid her wails.

Edgar, Aidan and Davy exchanged looks. "Perhaps we ought to go," Aidan suggested, awkwardly.

"Hestia," Remus whispered, his voice low and pleading. He knew Sirius didn't know about Hestia's miscarriage. He also knew Hestia didn't want him to know. "You've had a lot to drink. You need some water and a lie down. Let me take you to Lily's."

"NO!" Hestia shouted loudly. "E-Every time I s-see her, o-or A-Alice..." she sniffed. "I-I saw C-Cissa, w-with the b-baby y-yesterday R-Remus. H-He's b-beautiful." She frowned. "A-And v-very b-blond."

Sirius was getting very frustrated by this point, and as his mates edged their way out and toward the door with nods of acknowledgment, he wanted nothing more than to push Hestia off of his lap for ruining the evening.

"Hestia," he said finally, eyeing the door as it shut behind Edgar, "what the _hell_ are you blathering about?"

Remus watched Sirius' friends leave with a frown. Well, at least it would be less of an audience, but he thought it was a bit odd of them to just disappear. He supposed it must be a wee bit awkward for them, of course, and he could understand why.

"Nothing. She isn't blathering about anything," Remus said. "Hestia, please. I'm trying to help you..."

"Shut _u-up_ Remus!" Hestia demanded, childishly, and frowned. She peered up at Remus' pleading face from where she sat, and then looked at Sirius' confused one. If she couldn't be happy, then perhaps no one should, she thought vindictively. Remus took Sirius away. Sirius hadn't been gay. He'd been with _her_. They'd been happy. They could've stayed together, forever, with their _baby_. "F-Fuck Kingsley!" she said. "He's a, a s-stupid w-wank anyhow. It's t-too bad y-you h-had to go and, a-and s-shag Guff-face, Siri," she added, seriously, poking Sirius hard in the chest. "We m-might've h-had our o-own b-baby."

Sirius sat stunned for a moment, and quirked an eyebrow at Hestia with a small laugh. "Hes, we. We couldn't have worked you know. And I didn't want a baby then no more then I want one now. Which is not at all."

Hestia's eyes welled with fresh tears. "B-But... I. I w-was pregnant S-Sirius! W-w-with _OUR_ baby!"

Remus sighed and sat back down across from Sirius and Hestia. The damage was done. There was nothing he could do about it now, and Hestia couldn't say he didn't try.

Sirius felt his mouth drop to his shoes, and after a moment of shocked silence, he shook his head. "What? Pregnant? I?" He shook his head again, looked at Remus, then back to Hestia. "You've got to be full of shit."

"N-no!" Hestia argued, frowning. "W-we would've h-had a b-beautiful b-baby, Sirius. A p-perfect one. W-we could make u-up for it, you k-know. And do i-it again. M-make a baby."

Sirius was in complete disbelief. First off, Hestia had been _pregnant_? What the hell? And now here she was, asking him to _knock her up_ , when his _gay partner_ was sitting beside him? Speaking of which, Sirius glanced over at Remus in his musings, surprised to see that his boyfriend didn't look surprised in the slightest. If anything, he looked exhausted.

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows. Hestia was gripping him with every inch of her life, it felt. "Remus?" he asked.

"Yes?" Remus asked tiredly. He wasn't feeling very charitable towards Hestia just now (repeatedly propositioning Sirius was not the way to stay in Remus' good books), but he knew it was more the alcohol and loneliness speaking than Hestia herself. And really, he couldn't hold it against her. If he and Sirius ever broke up, he'd probably end up in a position a lot like hers, begging Sirius to come back.

"Did you know about this?" Sirius swallowed, and then began chewing on his lips.

"I-I l-love you, S-Sirius!" Hestia said somewhere in the distance. "W-we could g-go f-fuck right n-now. N-no one's e-ever b-been as g-good as y-you."

Sirius ignored her.

"Lily told me before we left school. She thought you had a right to know, too, but it wasn't up to us," Remus said, only hesitating for a moment. There didn't seem to be any reason not to be honest now. After a moment, he ran a hand through his hair in frustration, willing his voice to be as gentle as possible as he added, "Hestia, please stop. Sirius isn't going to sleep with you again. He and I are seeing each other. We _live_ together. That's permanent."

"S-Shut up, R-Remus Lupin," Hestia said again. "I-I h-had Sirius l-long before you. H-He was m-mine first." She hissed like a cat.

Sirius rolled his eyes. He wasn't sure who to yell at first.

He settled on not yelling at all.

"Hestia, Remus is right. I'm with him now, and I'm not going anywhere with, nor fucking anyone else. And I'm certainly not knocking you up. Remus and I are going to take you home, and you'll have to stop propositioning me, as it's not a very nice thing to do in front of my live-in boyfriend."

Hestia looked at him blankly for a moment, and then burst into tears again.

Sirius stood and hoisted Hestia over his shoulder. "C'mon," he said to Remus as he headed toward the door. "We'll talk after we get her home. Put it on my tab, Horace," he added to the bartender, who waved Sirius off.

The barflies began hooting. Hestia's arse was showing.

"Good night, Horace," Remus said as he followed Sirius, a pained look on his face. This was an utter disaster. Remus grabbed a couple more napkins on the way out. Hestia was still looking rather soggy.

As soon as they were outside and away from the hollering of the other patrons, Remus sighed and fell into step next to Sirius, watching Hestia with concern.

"Maybe you should put her down. We can help her walk between the two of us. It's probably more proper, considering," Remus said, gesturing at Hestia's bottom.

Sirius stopped and did so, lowering Hestia gently onto the sidewalk. She was dozing. He wrapped one of her arms around his neck, and then said, "Hestia, can you hear me?"

She murmured, and then passed out.

"Or maybe not," Remus said, frowning and looping Hestia's other arm around his own neck. "I'm sorry, by the way. For not telling you, I mean. But you understand why I couldn't, don't you?"

Sirius shifted Hestia, and he and Remus began walking in the direction of her street, two blocks away. She lived several houses away from James. "I understand," Sirius said. "The only thing I wonder, is how you could agree to a relationship with me knowing that, and couldn't tell me. There's quite a difference between your friend knowing you fathered an unborn child, and the love of your life."

"It wasn't my secret to tell," Remus said softly. "It was hard for me, though. I was mad that you two had been so stupid, but I guess I just thought it wasn't my business, really." After a moment, he smiled at Sirius. "You've never called me that before."

"Called you what?" Sirius asked, a little playfully.

"You know what I'm talking about," Remus answered, blushing. "Do you mean it?"

"Obviously, or I wouldn't say it," Sirius said. He shifted Hestia. She wasn't heavy, but she was all dead weight. "You keep me stuck like glue, Remus. I couldn't be more infatuated if Cupid shot me up the arse."

Remus laughed at the rather crude twist to the Cupid metaphor. "Well. Same here," Remus said. "Are you all right, though? With all of this, I mean."

"I dunno," Sirius replied. "What happened to the kid, anyhow? Did she get an... Abortion?"

"No. Remember when she broke her leg playing footie with you all?"

"Yes. Kingsley almost went into cardiac arrest," Sirius started. Realization dawned on him before Remus could respond, and lamely he added, "Oh."

"Yeah. That's about what I said," Remus replied sadly. "How terrible do you think she's going to feel in the morning?"

"I'm more or less wondering how much of it she's going to remember. And what I'm going to tell her," Sirius said

"What _are_ you going tell her?" Remus asked, glad that Hestia's house was on this side of the bar from James'. They were nearly there, now, which was all the better because Hestia had begun to drool a little.

"I dunno if I'll tell her anything, if she doesn't remember anything," Sirius said. "I wouldn't want her to feel like an idiot just because Kingsley dumped her."

"You don't think it would be better to sit down and talk about it with her?" Remus asked. "Well, maybe not all of the stuff she said about you and her and shagging, but at least about her miscarriage?"

"What good would it do her to re-hash something like that? It's obvious that the tri-pregnancy wave has hit her hard enough, don't you think? I mean, how would I even go about that?" Sirius questioned, shaking his head as he and Remus turned down Hestia's street. "Hey, Hes, so about this almost-baby we had. Weird, eh?"

Hestia snorted, and her head bobbed.

"Maybe you're right," Remus said wistfully, watching Hestia closely for any sign of coherence. She seemed to lapse into unconsciousness again, however, and so Remus continued. "It's just a bit heartbreaking, is all. I mean, I imagine it must be almost as hard to have a secret like that as it is to keep it."

"I know," Sirius said. "But as a friend, as _Hestia's_ friend, the best thing I can do for her is to help her move on, not help her go over it again and again. Especially not for my sake. I'm the one that hurt her."

"You didn't know, Sirius," Remus said quickly. "Maybe things didn't end well between you, but you can't carry all of the blame."

"I'm not sure how much of the details you've been informed of, Rem, but I knocked Hes up then and shagged another bird." Sirius licked his lips as they turned into Hestia's driveway. "I think that's all the blame there is to take really, unless you want to blame Hestia for trusting me."

"I... no. I mean," Remus sighed. "Actually, I didn't know any of that until Lily filled me in. But, well, I mean however things ended, you didn't know she was pregnant and you didn't know about the miscarriage. She didn't even give you a chance to be there for her. That bit isn't your fault. The rest of it, though, well. I guess you were a pretty big arsehole."

Remus smiled at Sirius to let him know he wasn't angry or anything, and then shifted his grip on Hestia, staring at the front door. "Do we ring? How do you think her parents will react?"

"God only knows," Sirius replied, and pressed the button. They waited for a moment, and nothing happened, so Sirius knocked hard on the door, pounding against the wooden frame until his fist was red and a light came on upstairs. After a minute the porch light came on, and the door opened. Hestia's father was behind it, and looked from Hestia to Remus to Sirius and then shook his head.

"I suppose she took her break-up with Kingsley a little harder then expected," he said gruffly, and reached forward, scooping his scantily clad daughter into his arms. "I hope she wasn't too much trouble?"

Sirius shook his head. "A peach as always," he lied with a small smile.

"She said she was going out. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. The boy did end things with her over the phone, for goodness sake." Mr. Jones backed into the house carefully. "Could one of you get the door for me? And thank you, boys, for bringing her home."

"Our pleasure, Mr. Jones. I hope she's all right," Remus replied politely, reaching forward to shut the door behind Hestia's father. It latched shut and Remus turned to face Sirius as they began to walk away. "It's too bad the night was rather ruined. Do you suppose we could still find Aidan and the others? It's not too terribly late yet."

"Let’s just go home," Sirius said quietly, and reached for Remus' hand as they left the drive and headed back in the direction of the pub where Sirius' motorbike was parked. "It's late, and they buggered off anyhow, wanks." Looking up at the sky, Sirius sighed thoughtfully. He had almost been a father. He could have a two-year-old son or daughter.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Remus asked, squeezing Sirius' hand for a moment.

"I've been better, I guess," Sirius said. "But I've certainly been worse," he added, leaning in to kiss Remus under a pool of street-lamp light. It was soft, wonderful, and everything he wanted for the rest of his life.

He had been honest before, when he'd told Hestia that he hadn't wanted children. He didn't really. He was sure that James' son would be quite enough; spoiling and corruption, all he needed in terms of little kids. But he and Remus were so limited in what they could do. They couldn't get married. They couldn't start a family that was actually theirs. Unless they had a surrogate mother, or something...

Sirius' mind had wandered, and he opened his eyes, realizing that he and Remus had broken apart. Remus was looking at him strangely.

"Let's go home," Sirius repeated, turning back onto the street, pulling Remus with him. At least, if nothing else, they had home.


	26. Having a Baby (July 31st, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Lily's leg sweat isn't actually leg sweat, Remus and Sirius grow up just a little bit more, and Harry James Potter says hello to the world.

The air around them was thick and heavy, the sweltering summer sun seeping into to the sparsely furnished living room of Lily and James Potter's new house, despite the air conditioning. James, himself, was sat on the floor playing a sticky, half-hearted game of cards with Remus, Sirius beside him, sprawled across the carpet, sweat dancing across his naked chest in rhythmic little beads. Lily, however, was beyond uncomfortable. She was so pregnant it was disgusting (she thought), and took up the plaid, scratchy sofa, feeling every fibre move against her skin with each slight shift of her body. Her stomach was barely covered by the tank top she was wearing, and what of her shirt covered her belly stuck to it, drenched with sweat.

She felt like a beached whale.

It was the only chance the four of them had had to get together since the wedding, as a group, what with the necessities of work, but it felt like a wasted day, as there was nothing to do but complain about how fucking hot it was.

That is, until Lily felt a new puddle of sweat emerge between her legs.

"Buggering hell!" she exclaimed loudly, pushing herself into a sitting position and reaching toward her crotch. "Fuck, sweat bubbles or what? You'd think I'd pissed myself."

James looked up, confused, and pushed his damp hair off his forehead. It was so hot his brain felt like it had melted, because thinking was far too difficult. He and Lily needed to get a better air conditioner. Or at the very least, a couple more as one obviously wasn't doing it. Maybe he'd put one in every window, in every room. Then the house would be cold enough that socks would be needed to keep toes warm. Cold enough that they'd be able to comfortably cuddle in bed instead of wincing every time sweaty palms met hot skin. Cold enough that they could... Focus, James. Lily said something.

"What?" James asked, coming out of his daydream and setting his cards down.

"Lily, I don't think..." Remus started, eyes going wide. "I don't think that's sweat. Perhaps, ah. Perhaps your water just broke?"

 

Lily turned her head to face Remus, her own eyes mimicking his. "Oh God," she said, panicking slightly. "Rem... Rem I think you're right. I. My. James!"

"Water... baby," James said brokenly, making the connection. He felt his heart leap into his throat and he stared at his wife, suddenly terrified. "Oh God. I. Um. Hospital! Right? Do I... that's what that means, right? Hospital time?"

Sirius, who'd been observing the conversation in a daze, caught onto the last bit of James' comment and furrowed his eyebrows. "Hospital? Why?"

"Her water just broke," Remus whispered, sounding a little shell shocked. He turned to face Sirius, swallowing hard. Lily's water just broke. She was going to have the baby. She was going to have Harry. Getting shakily to his feet, Remus said, "Okay. Right. So, ah, what do we do?"

"Hospital!" James squeaked, getting up and bolting for the kitchen, looking a lot like a skittish colt with flailing arms and wild eyes. "Where are my car keys? Keys, keys, where are they?"

Sirius climbed to his feet as well, glancing around the room. "Coffee table, James!" he announced, picking up the ring and dangling it between his fingers.

Lily attempted to stand up, but there wasn't enough weight to shift and she automatically fell back down on her arse. "Hell," she said, taking deep breaths. "One good thing'll come of today, at least. Easy mobility. I won't have to be fork lifted anywhere. James? Could you get my overnight bag? It's in the closet in the bedroom."

Sprinting into the room and grabbing the keys from Sirius, James nodded and took off again, taking the stairs three at a time and tripping loudly halfway up.

Remus moved to help Lily to her feet, rambling slightly hysterically, "For some reason I have an urge to boil water. Isn't that what they always do on television? Boil water? Though perhaps that's just to distract the father when he goes mad like James obviously has. How about a cool damp cloth. Will that help? It seems much more practical than boiled water. What could a pregnant woman going into labour possibly need boiled water for, anyway? Especially in this heat..."

"I'll get a cool rag for you, Evans," Sirius said, heading toward the downstairs washroom. She and James had been married for a week and she was a Potter now, but Sirius doubted that he would ever get out of the habit of referring to her by her maiden name. "How about some ice chips or something? I can get those, too."

"Yes, Sirius, thank you," Lily answered, wobbling slightly on her heels, Remus' hand on her back helped her to keep balance. She had taken one step forward when her first contraction hit.

"Holy Christ!" she exclaimed. "Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!" She gripped Remus' free hand and crushed his fingers.

He'd been through it before, certainly, but Remus didn't think he would ever stop being astonished by the mysterious strength that comes to all pregnant women, giving them the ability to single-handedly crush every single bone in a man's hand. Wincing but dutifully not pulling away (which even if he _could_ have, he would not have), Remus just tightened his grip on Lily's waist and began leading her to the car, glad at least that Lily didn't use her fingernails like Narcissa had.

James sped down the stairs, bag over his shoulder and keys in hand. Spotting Sirius coming back in from the kitchen, he held out the keys and said suddenly, "You drive. I'm sitting in the back with Lily."

Sirius took the keys in his mouth before handing the cold cloth he had gotten and a bowl of ice chips to James in return.

Lily's contraction stopped and her breathing became fast. "Oh crap," she said, looking at Remus. "They only get worse, don't they?"

"I think we should get on our way," Remus said simply, sympathetic, but not daft enough to answer her question straight out.

"Good idea. Car. Let's go!" James said, dropping the cloth into the bowl so he could hold it with one hand and use his other to guide Lily out the front door. Trusting Remus to keep his wits enough to do things like shut and lock the door, James simply helped Lily get settled in the back seat. He would take care of her, and his friends would take care of everything else.

"Are you all right? How do you feel?" he asked, dropping her overnight bag to the floor and settling himself at her side in the back seat as Remus got in the front passenger side.

"Fine. Maybe?" Lily answered, chewing on her lip. "Hot. Sweating. I look like shit." One thing was certain, if baby Harry had been paying attention for the last eight months or so, he'd be born with a colourful vocabulary.

Sirius climbed into the driver's seat, and they were off and heading toward the hospital in what felt like milliseconds.

James spent the drive getting more and more nervous and trying all the while to cool Lily down a little. The cold cloth and ice chips helped, but the summer heat was thick and inescapable, so he wasn't sure how much he helped. Every time a contraction hit, he let her crunch his hand as he whispered encouragement in her ear. It was all so unbelievable, really. They were going to be parents. He was going to be a father. A _father_!

"We're here," Remus said unnecessarily as they pulled to an abrupt stop in front of the emergency entrance.

Lily was in the middle of a contraction (they were getting much closer together now) and let off a chorus of "Ow ow ow!" before her face relaxed again and she was able to let James help her out of the car.

They headed through the doors with Remus in tow, Sirius having driven the car away to park, and before they had even reached the receptionists desk, another contraction hit. If it hadn't been for the size of her stomach, Lily would've doubled over from the pain.

"Lily Potter is here to see Dr. Derwent. About a month early, actually," James said frantically to the nearest employee. "She's having the baby. Now. I mean, contractions and all, and what do we do?"

"ARGH!" Lily yelled, frantic, clutching her stomach. This was not normal. She was supposed to have Harry next month, not now. Not yet. She wasn't ready. Something had to be wrong!

Sirius came through the doors to see a nurse rushing forward with a wheelchair, while an attendant told James what he needed to do.

"Third floor, Mr. Potter, straight to the nurses' station and whoever is on duty will take it from there. I'll page Dr. Derwent."

Running a hand through his hair, Sirius walked over to Remus, and leaned in as the two of them followed James (who was pushing Lily) to the elevator.

"This is way too early," he muttered, worried.

"It's only four weeks," Remus answered Sirius softly, ignoring his own worry as they followed James and Lily into the elevator. "The daughter of one of my mother's friends had a baby seven weeks early and it was perfectly healthy. It's probably fine. It's going to be fine."

"Of course it's going to be fine," James said sharply in response. After pressing the button for the third floor about twelve times with his free hand, James shifted to clasp both hands around the one holding Lily's. He smiled tightly at her and whispered, "Holy fuck, Lils. I can't believe this is actually happening."

"You're not the one taking a jackhammer to your abdomen!" Lily answered through clenched teeth, squeezing James' fingers mercilessly.

Sirius fought back a laugh. Evans was quite amusing when she was in labour.

James smiled through the pain, but jumped a little when the elevator dinged and the doors opened. He let go of Lily's hand to push her out into the hallway, making a beeline for the nurses' station he'd been told about when they'd first arrived.

"Lily Potter, in labour. About a month early. They said they'd page Dr. Derwent for us?" he said without preamble.

The nurse on duty waved her hand as she read a clipboard, motioning for them to follow her. They were led to a small room that was set up for woman in labour (Sirius made a crude comment about stirrups and Lily shot him The Look Of Death), and after much huffing and fussing Lily was settled in the bed and in the middle of another contraction.

Dr. Derwent came through the doors a few minutes later, smiling broadly at Lily and James. "Decided to show up a little early did you?" he asked.

"There wasn't much decision-making involved, quite frankly," Lily answered, her head falling tiredly against the pillow behind her.

"Little Harry's just so eager to get out and join the world that he can't wait the last few weeks is all," James said, his voice taking on more of the same hysterical quality it had had since this had started, but now it held hints of a healthy amount of fear.

Though Remus had followed the others into the room, he'd done so uncomfortably and was scrambling for an excuse to leave. Though he hadn't lost his head about it, the idea of it all honestly terrified him. He was glad that no matter how many times Sirius called him a girl, he'd never actually become one. Remus knew that childbirth was a miracle and all that, but he was quite eager to let James and Lily experience their miracle in privacy.

Taking Sirius' hand and tugging him gently towards the door, Remus said in a rather higher than normal voice, "We'll go call your parents then, shall we? Shout if you need anything."

Sirius was tugged out of the room unceremoniously; quite frankly he figured they'd be there for it and wasn't too put off. "What is it, Rem?" he questioned with a grin once they had sat down in the waiting area. "Not interested in seeing a baby come out of Evans' vagina?"

Remus frowned and would have berated Sirius, save for the fact that his statement was indeed correct. Instead, he just tucked his hair behind his shoulders and said, "I saw some payphones just on the other side of the nurses' station. I'll call Lily's parents and you call James'?"

Sirius laughed. "You don't! It grosses you out doesn't it? What about the miracle of birth, eh Remus?" he teased.

"What about it, Sirius? Just because I'd rather asphyxiate myself with a pillow than actually _watch_ it doesn't mean it's any less of a miracle. Besides, I don't like... girl parts in normal situations, let alone, well," he said, gesturing to the room they'd just left and trying to keep his voice calm. He'd quickly learned that in many situations, telling Sirius what he wanted to hear got things accomplished much more quickly. "Now come _on_. We need to phone their families."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Fine, scaredy-pants. No birth watching, just phone calling, go it."

"Thank you," he said, pulling Sirius towards the payphones. He heard Lily scream again and froze for a moment before touching the phone receiver with one hand and asking Sirius, "Ah. Do you have any money? I haven't got change."

Reaching into his pocket, Sirius handed Remus a 20 pence piece before turning to another phone, depositing another coin and ringing up Mr. and Mrs. Potter.

It didn't take long for both of them to explain the situation, and soon enough all they had to do was watch the nurses come and go, listen to Lily scream, and wait.

Turning to Sirius, Remus asked, "How long do you think it'll take?"

"For their parents to get here, or for Harry to?" Sirius questioned in reply.

"Both, I guess," Remus answered, idly entwining their fingers together.

"Answer one, not very long," Sirius said, looking at his watch. "Answer two; I don't have any idea whatsoever. My experience with the birth process is rather limited."

Lily let out a high-pitched scream, and Sirius jumped about a foot in the air.

Remus pulled him back to his chair by their clasped hands, seemingly fine, if a bit paler than before. "I thought I was the scaredy-pants here? Calm down. It's going to be fine."

"That was kind of loud, you know," Sirius retorted defensively. "I mean. Jumping because she's threatening to break the sound barrier is a little different than being afraid of a _vagina_."

"I'm not _afraid_ of it. I'm just... I'd rather not watch a child come out of it," Remus replied, his brows furrowing unconsciously in disgust. "Can you honestly say you'd want to be in there?"

Sirius shrugged indifferently. "I had assumed I would be, actually."

"Well, I expect it's a the fewer, the better sort of situation," Remus said. "But assuming you would be isn't the same as wanting to be. Do you want to be there?"

Sirius shrugged again. "It's not my baby," he offered.

"You're avoiding answering the question," Remus pointed out.

"That's because I don't want to answer it, smart-ass," Sirius said, waggling his eyebrows.

"Sirius, please. I'd actually like to know."

Sirius turned his head and screwed up his face. "Not really."

After a moment of silence, Remus heard a guttural moan unlike any sound Lily had ever made. _Perhaps_ , Remus thought idly, _they should give her more medication_.

Wrinkling his nose a little, Remus said, "It's hard to believe that an actual baby is coming out of her right now, isn't it? James and Lily are going to have a son. I mean, I know we've known for ages, but it just seems so surreal now that it's actually happening."

"That there's a kid stuck inside of her and she's literally going to push it out?" Sirius commented idly. "Makes me glad I have a cock, quite frankly."

"Hmm," Remus answered noncommittally, thinking that it would be inappropriate to agree with Sirius' statement, even though he agreed wholeheartedly. "Do you ever think you'll want kids, though? Years from now, I mean."

Sirius' eyebrows creased. "Kids? I. Well. I mean I never really thought about it until that whole Hestia thing," he said. "But I mean. Maybe."

Remus didn't know what to think about that. He hadn't really thought about it for himself either. Not that he and Sirius could have kids, of course. Well, there was always adoption, but it wasn't quite the same. He wondered if one day, Sirius would want kids, his own kids, badly enough to leave Remus for a girl.

"Do you?" Sirius asked quietly.

"I don't know. I suppose I've thought about it even less than you have. I mean, we're all so young still," Remus answered. He felt a little uncomfortable with the conversation and so he tried to lighten the mood with an awkward, self-deprecating joke. "I've never really, well, felt the urge to grab the nearest woman and procreate, though, so who knows. I might just be a bit of a freak."

Sirius laughed. "You don't have to want to knock a woman up to want to have kids, Remus," he said thoughtfully. "And being young doesn't have much to do with anything," he added, as a fresh scream from Lily rang through the entire floor, as if on cue.

"Well," Remus said, shrugging and looking down at his and Sirius' hands instead of at Sirius' face. "I'm really not sure, then."

Sirius sighed, but didn't reply. He just stared at the opposite wall.

Remus was saved from trying to salvage the dying conversation when Rachel Potter breezed in.

"Sirius! Remus! Oh my Lord, can you believe it? A month early!" she shrieked, grinning and pulled the two boys to their feet and into a tight hug. "Everything is okay though, isn't it? No complications or anything?"

"Hello, Mrs. Potter," Remus greeted her, feeling Sirius let go of his hand as Rachel embraced them. "And we don't know. I assume not, as no one has said anything."

Lily let out another scream, followed by, "I am going to KILL YOU when this is over James Potter!"

Grinning widely, Rachel shook her head and said, "Everything seems to be going as it should, then. So how are you two doing? You both look a little shaken."

"This is it, really," Sirius answered. "Sitting and waiting." His eyes were still focussed on the bland white wall, and he was absently twiddling his thumbs.

Regarding them with eyes sharpened by years of motherhood, Rachel sat down next to the two of them and leaned forward. "Well, as I am the harried soon-to-be grandmother, you have an obligation to keep me occupied. Now tell me what's got both of you so quiet."

Remus blinked. He liked Mrs. Potter, he truly did, but he'd never quite gotten used to her bluntness, even though James had inherited it from her. Despite his mild shock, Remus replied, "I... we're fine. I guess the situation has just gotten us thinking, is all."

Sirius took a deep breath. Aspects of his personal life were something he had never felt comfortable talking to Mrs. Potter about. Not in childhood and certainly not now. Certainly not while James was in the midst of becoming a father and Lily was screaming like a banshee. Surely there were more important things?

Just then, the elevator up the hall dinged and Leonard walked up, car keys still in hand. He nodded a greeting and sat down next to his wife, taking her hand immediately and squeezing it. He didn't say anything, but he looked ten kinds of excited and nervous. And proud.

Again, Remus was glad for the interruption. "Hello Mr. Potter."

"Hi," Leonard said shortly. "Things are going well?"

"No one has said anything about any complications. Harry will be a healthy little premie, I just know it," Rachel replied.

Surprisingly, Leonard nodded and got to his feet, beginning to head back towards the nurses' station. "Okay. I'll just double check."

Everything around Sirius, Remus and Rachel went awkwardly silent. Rachel was looking at both boys expectantly and cleared her throat several times. Sirius knew that this meant she wouldn't let it go.

After shooting an apprehensive look at Sirius, Remus turned back to Rachel, deciding a change of topic was in order, and asked, "So, ah, how long do you think it'll be?"

"Oh, it varies. Could be an hour more, could be twenty," Rachel answered quickly, not fooled in the least by Remus' poorly disguised attempt at distraction. "Now what's wrong?"

"They need to paint the walls in this place," Sirius offered, leaning his head back and looking at the ceiling.

"Sirius," Rachel said warningly. Though she'd always been the sort of mother to make sure she knew what was going on in her son's life, Sirius had always resisted her attempts to get involved in his. That had never stopped her though. To the contrary, that had always made her push harder. That boy needed as much love as he could get, and Rachel couldn't properly give it to him if she didn't know what was going on, was her opinion. Rachel blamed the desire to compensate for Sirius' terrible childhood for why she pushed so hard sometimes, but she rarely regretted it. "Come on, out with it. What's going on in that head of yours?"

Remus swallowed and looked worriedly at Sirius. It was obvious Sirius didn't want to talk about it. Should he be a good boyfriend and try to change the subject again, or should he just sit back and be glad her questions were mostly directed at Sirius?

"A re-run of Cheers," Sirius answered sarcastically, and immediately regretted it when he saw the look on Rachel's face.

"I said out with it and I meant out with it," Rachel said, eyebrows raised and face determined. Well, had she had any doubts before, she would've known for sure now that he was hiding something. She smiled fondly and added, "You can't distract me with your lack of manners, Sirius. It's been years since that worked."

"I don't need to tell you, you know," Sirius informed her, seriously.

Raising her eyebrows, Rachel replied, "No, sweetie, you don't. But you're going to because you know I'll worry if you don't. I think I've got enough to worry about already, don't you?"

"That's not fair," Sirius said. "You're using your unborn grandchild to guilt me into spilling my guts."

"Stop procrastinating," Rachel said with a smile.

In that moment, she reminded Remus very much of James. James never gave up on anything either, and he wore that exact same expression when he knew he'd won and it was only a matter of time. Remus had been on the receiving end of that expression many, many times.

"I want to have kids but I don't think Remus does," Sirius admitted.

Remus froze, ducking his head. He should've expected Sirius to be so blunt, but somehow, it always managed to take him by surprise and occasionally, like now, leave him speechless for a moment.

"Why do you think that?" Rachel asked, looking between the two boys.

Sirius was deeply tempted to say something that would absolute mortify Remus, like 'he's afraid of vaginas', but resisted. Instead he ran a hand through his hair nervously. "Ah. Well. Because I think that he's never considered that a possibility for him, in the long run, because of. Well. Because. And I think he probably figures that I'll run off with some bird to make babies. Or something."

Remus was quite properly shocked that Sirius gotten as much right as he had, even though he'd said it in a way that made it sound more ridiculous than Remus really thought it was. He supposed he should have expected Sirius to know him well enough by now to figure out what sort of doubts were going through Remus' head.

Rachel shifted her attention to Remus. The boy's cheeks were red and he seemed to shrink away from her a little in his chair and Rachel wasn't sure it was really fair to ask him anything. Of course, she'd never let Sirius off easy either, so she just smiled and said, "You know, it's the 21st century. There are many adoption agencies that will adopt to same sex couples. And actually, I read an article just the other day about artificial insemination. So there are options. Of course, the rest of it is up to you. Do you really not want children, none at all?"

"I, um. I haven't really thought about it," Remus said meekly, reaching tentatively for Sirius' hand again. "I guess I might. I don't want to, I don't know. Keep Sirius from something he wants, though."

"Yea, but it's no sense if you don't want it too," Sirius said, pulling away from Remus and folding his arms.

"I never said I didn't," Remus protested softly, smarting at Sirius' withdrawal and wishing that they didn't have to do this now. Not in front of Mrs. Potter. Not on James and Lily's big day. "I'm an 18-year-old boy, Sirius. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to afford getting a teaching degree and wondering how long it'll take for me to learn how to cook my own meals. I just... I haven't _thought_ about it for me."

Though Rachel was reluctant to interrupt now that she'd gotten them talking, she said softly, "And you think he'd rather have a picket fence, two kids, and a dog with a woman, is that right?"

Remus shrugged and folded his hands in his lap, avoiding looking at either of them. Sirius had said himself that he'd only thought about kids in regards to the situation with Hestia. Remus wouldn't blame him if he wanted a normal life. If he wasn't so stupidly in love with Sirius, he'd probably want that too.

Sirius looked at Remus incredulously. "You really think that's what I want, don't you? You think that eventually I'm going to... what? Outgrow this phase and go domestic with a bird?"

"I love you more than anything, Sirius. You know that," Remus answered, his voice meek. "But I really don't want to talk about this right now."

"We've started the conversation, Remus. When else are we going to talk about it?"

"Oh, I don't know. Perhaps when we don't have an audience and when James and Lily aren't about to become parents," Remus answered. "There's nothing to talk about really anyway, okay? I just, I mean... I'm being insecure like I usually am and it'll work itself out eventually."

Sirius stood. "I'm going to go get coffee," he mumbled, and headed toward the elevator, which he could take to the cafeteria.

Remus watched Sirius go and then closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the wall. This day wasn't about them. They shouldn't be fighting. Remus hated it when they fought.

Rachel waited a moment, debating whether to continue the conversation with Remus. While she didn't want to impose on their relationship, her motherly instincts seemed to be insisting that she meddle. She cleared he throat. "Remus, honey," she started, a bit uncomfortable. Candid chats between her and Remus were rare. "What do you really think? And don't try to hide anything either. I'm a mom. I'll know the difference."

"I'd do anything for him," Remus answered, opening his eyes and then ducking his head to ineffectually hide a blush. "I'd adopt a dozen kids if he wanted to. Tomorrow. Right now. Whatever. I just... I don't want to be something else in his life that he regrets."

"I think, perhaps, you need to consider what you want, not what Sirius wants," Rachel said. "He can't always get his way just because he's Sirius Black." She paused and sighed, remembering years of Sirius and James' childhood spent watching her sons' best friend bruised from head to toe. "I don't doubt that there are parts of his life he doesn't want to remember, either," she continued. "But I certainly doubt that you'd ever be one of them."

"And twenty years down the road, or thirty or eighty, after a lifetime spent dealing with the sort of things we're going to be dealing with, don't you think he'll wish he'd tried with a woman? He likes them too, you know," Remus said, reluctantly meeting Mrs. Potter's eyes and hoping she wouldn't notice he'd avoided her first statement. "He's not like me. He actually has options. He could be happy with a woman and not have to worry about things like adoption or artificial insemination or homophobia. He had a hard childhood he didn't deserve, and now he's going to have a hard adult life, too. Because of me."

Rachel couldn't believe that the handsome, smart, mannerly boy in front of her was so insecure. She could understand, of course, at least to some degree... but didn't he see the way that Sirius lit up when he was around him? The way his eyes danced, and he smiled like he was the happiest boy on earth? He loved Remus. There might've been things that Rachel would never understand about the two of them, but the love they shared, it was. It was one of a kind. It was special.

"Don't do that to yourself," she said, quietly, resting one of her hands on his and patting it gingerly. "You are a wonderful person, Remus Lupin, and trust me. I've known Sirius since he was a baby. You give him nothing but happiness. Happiness I don't think I've seen in him since he was about three or four."

Remus didn't know how to respond. He wanted to hear her say it again, say it over and over until Remus was as certain of it as she was. At the same time, he was so glad, so _touched_ , he almost wanted to throw his arms around her in a hug. Instead, he just took a shaky breath and nodded, looking down at where her hand still rested on his.

"Thank you," he said softly. "You don't... you have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that."

"You're welcome," Rachel replied with smile. "I just wish you could see it like I do. I know it's hard to be a part of a relationship, Remus. I've been with Leonard since I was 15. We fight, we yell, and sometimes we hate one another. But the one constant is that, no matter what, we never stop loving one another either. So don't think about what you're keeping Sirius from, or what you think he secretly wants. Everything that boy wants is obvious when he looks at you. And," she felt like she might be rambling, but couldn't resist taking on just one more bit of advice. "Don't let your sexuality determine everything you're capable of doing. You're no different than anyone else, Remus. You can want, hate and love exactly the same things."

Remus nodded again, getting to his feet. The elevator had just opened to reveal Sirius, coffee in hand, and he wanted to talk to him. He felt terribly rude getting up and leaving after she'd said such wonderful things, but he was sure Mrs. Potter would understand.

"I'm going to go talk to him. Thank you again."

She smiled and nodded, and watching him go happily. Leonard sat down beside her, looking puzzled.

"You look as though you were just doing motherly things," he commented. "And nothing's wrong with Harry, although the nurses think Lily is being rather loud." 

Rachel laughed and took Leonard's hand in hers, kissing him on the cheek. "I love you, sweetheart."

Sirius took a sip from his coffee, stiffening as Remus approached him, not really sure of what to expect. He held out a cup to his boyfriend, however; something he had gotten just how Remus liked it after harassing the woman behind the counter until she yelled at him.

"Hi," he said quietly.

"Hi," Remus answered. He accepted the coffee gratefully, sipping it to find that it was perfect. Remus leaned in and kissed Sirius, resting his free hand on his boyfriend's side. He took a deep breath and slid the arm from Sirius' side around his lower back, stepping a little closer. "I always thought that I'd like to have a daughter and name her Elizabeth after my grandmother because my mother used to tell me the most amazing stories about her. And I'm sorry, and I love you, and I think you'll be an amazing dad one day. We both will, together."

Sirius was taken aback by this new revelation. "I. I mean. Are you sure?"

"Yes," Remus answered, smiling. "And I may be a total nerd, but I swear I'll fight anyone--girl or not--who tries to lure you away from me. And by fight, I mean hack into their computer and steal personal information to use as blackmail."

Sirius laughed. "You big geek. I love you, you know that?"

"Yes, I know. I love you too," Remus said happily. "And thank you for the coffee."

At that moment, the door to the delivery room burst open and James tore into the hallway, pale and splotchy red all at once as though his face couldn't decide which to be.

"Oh god, come see! He's slimy and looks a bit like an alien, and he's the most perfect little thing in the whole _world_. Come and see my son!" he shouted, looking happy and crazy and then running back into the room, leaving the door ajar behind him.

Sirius looked at Remus excitedly and grabbed his hand, pulling him to the door that Rachel and Leonard were already walking through.

Lily looked so tired that she might collapse, and was handed a bundle by the nurse who was smiling broadly. Lily automatically burst into tears at the sight of her clean child, and James knelt down beside her, both of them staring and deeply in love with the little creature they'd brought into the world.

"Hi Harry," Lily said, touching his nose. "I'm your mummy, and this is your daddy. God," she added looking at James. "How is it possible to be so madly in love with something when it's only been alive for three minutes?"

It appeared, however, that while James had been shouting just a second ago, he'd somehow lost his ability to speak. Tears to match Lily's sprung to his eyes, and he took a great, shuddering breath as he held Harry's tiny hand in his.

"Wow," Remus breathed, squeezing Sirius' hand.

Rachel and Leonard walked over to Lily's other side, glancing down at their grandchild with excited, happy eyes. Lily looked surprised at the sight of them, and asked, "Where are my mum and dad?"

"They're on their way," Rachel replied, her smile bright, and bent to Harry's level. "Hello Harry," she said. "Dear lord, he so beautiful. He looks just like James did when he was born, doesn't he Leonard?"

Sirius and Remus stood off a little. Sirius felt as though he were waiting to be invited into the moment, and watching the wriggling mass that was baby Harry completely awed. That was his nephew, as far as he was concerned. Remus' too, really.

"Sirius," James finally croaked, sensing his friends' reluctance. He gently scooped Harry into his arms and turned to face them, not willing to move from Lily's side. "Sirius, Remus, both of you, come here. Come hold him."

Sirius and Remus moved hesitantly toward James and the baby; Sirius felt his mouth go dry. Peering over the mass of blue blankets, Sirius melted as soon as he saw the squirming, wrinkly baby. "Oh," he said softly, and smiled, taking Harry from James as carefully as possible. "Look at him," he said to Remus. "He's so tiny."

"Oh my God," Remus breathed, gently touching shaking fingers to Harry's forehead, clenching his other hand in the back of Sirius' shirt. "He's beautiful."

"Yeah," James said, still rather choked up. He took Lily's hand and then turned and buried his face in her neck, ignoring the awkward angle. "I love you _so much_. We're a family, Lily. We're a family now."

"I love you too, James," Lily replied sleepily. She was beyond exhausted, and was having trouble keeping her eyes open.

Sirius was completely engrossed in Harry, amazed by every inch of him. James and Lily had _made_ him. He was a little part of both of them. It was incredible.

There was a light knock at the door, and a nurse popped her head in. "Sorry to interrupt, but the new mother's parents are here," she said cheerily, smiling.

"Sweetie, oh my gosh, how are you?" Margaret Evans said, rushing to her daughter's side, her husband Jacob following close behind. She kissed James, who'd sat up straight at their entrance, on the top of the head and then Lily as well. Turning to face Sirius and Remus, her face went soft and she cooed, "Harry. What an angel."

"Tired, Mum," Lily mumbled in response. She didn't think she'd be able to fight sleep much longer.

Sirius passed Harry off to the hoard of grandparents, who held him, debated who he looked like, and baby-talked him. Looking at Remus, he said, "If we ever did have kids, you wouldn't have to worry about my mother doing anything like that."

Remus smiled and answered, "Well, my mother would. She'd fuss and fawn and beg to baby sit and probably drop a hundred thousand completely obvious clues about how we should move up to Stoke Fleming so she could see her grandson every day."

James smoothed Lily's hair away from her face, kissing her temple and whispering, "Sleep, love. Harry and I'll be here when you wake up." He got up and rubbed at his face, turning to his mates and smiling, "You want one too then, do you?"

"We've talked about it, maybe," Sirius answered, alluding to their earlier conversation. "Remus wants a little girl."

James moved reluctantly away from Lily's side, so her mother could talk and fuss for a moment or two. Lily was well on her way to sleep, though, and James doubted she'd get much of anything coherent out of Lily.

"Does he?" James said, smiling at them both. Remus blushed a little, but James knew better than to take it seriously. "What about you, then, Padfoot? What do you want?"

"Anything, as long as it's healthy," he answered.

A moment after the nurse who'd helped Lily through the entire delivery came through the doors, presumably to check on the new mum and baby. Judging by the snores emitting from her, Lily was out cold, and deserved uninterrupted rest after bringing Harry into the world. The baby himself needed to sleep as well, and taking the baby from a coddling grandparent, she stated such and shooed everyone but James out of the room.

"You'll see them both again soon enough, don't worry," she assured them, and then shut the door.

The four new grandparents sat in a little cluster and spoke amongst themselves excitedly. Remus could hear the odd phrase (things like "hand knit socks" and "has so much hair for a premie"), but he tuned it out as he and Sirius settled a few chairs away.

"Wow," Remus said again, taking Sirius' hand once more, but this time confident that Sirius wouldn't pull away.

"Wow, indeed," Sirius replied, intertwining his fingers with Remus' and smiling to himself. "How does it feel to be Uncle Remus?"

"Probably nearly the same way it feels to be Uncle Sirius, but with less nefarious calculating of the exact amount of time between now and when you can begin to corrupt him," Remus answered, smiling.

Sirius snorted. "Touché," he said. He felt oddly grown-up. It felt as though they'd been doing very adult things lately, none of which he had expected to do at this point in his life. Flats and weddings and babies... it was surreal in a way. And strange because he was older anyway.

Glancing at Remus he teasingly stuck out his tongue, although he was tempted to lean forward and whisper sweet nothings instead. He loved this boy so much it hurt, and he resolved then and there to make sure Remus knew it a million times, everyday, for the rest of their lives.

"I love you," Sirius said suddenly, and then ducked his head, resting it on Remus' shoulder comfortably. "Promise me you won't forget that."

Remus felt his breath catch in his throat, tightening his grip on Sirius' hand as he felt his heart swell almost painfully. It had been such an emotional day already, and Remus closed his eyes against the sudden prickling sensation.

"I promise," he whispered, because he would promise Sirius anything. "I don't know what I'd do if you didn't. I love you too."


	27. Tea Time (August 16th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Fabian is less perky, Lily is more or less preoccupied, and things, ultimately, take a turn.

It was a good thing Fabian didn't mind walking, because Gideon wouldn't always give him the van. Like today.

But Lily and James' new place wasn't too far from Gid and Fay's flat, so he didn't mind the walk. When he got there, he walked around the side of the house and up the garden path directly to the back door. It was the one closest to the kitchen and a little more accessible if Lily had Harry all to herself, so he figured he'd make it as easy on her as he could. He couldn't imagine having that sort of responsibility, even at his age, let alone hers.

Rapping cheerily on the door, Fabian peeked in through the window and waited. She was expecting him, so he knew she was home.

Lily had been sitting at the table reading the post when she heard the rap at the door; Harry was sleeping in his baby seat on the table next to her, and he didn't even flinch, God bless him. He'd been peculiar all morning, and hadn't settled down for a nap until about 10 minutes ago, which was a lovely break for Lily since James was at work.

Standing, and compulsively flattening her skirt, Lily strode over to the door and opened it with a smile. She gestured to Sleeping Harry first off -- half-beaming with pride just because he was her child -- and stepped back to let Fabian inside.

"I've put the kettle on," she said quietly. "Two sugars, right?"

"You're a doll," Fabian said, nodding in response to her question as he stepped into the kitchen. Leaning against the counter, he said softly, "Well, you look well. Motherhood treating you all right, then?"

"Now that he's sleeping a bit better, quite. Though he's been fussy all morning, and I couldn't figure out why. He's only just settled down," Lily replied, grabbing an oven mitt off the counter and lifting the kettle away from the burner. "How are you?"

"Can't complain, I guess," Fabian said, half distracted by the sleeping Harry. He really was a beautiful baby. After a moment, Fay corrected himself, adding, "Well, okay. I can complain, but I choose not to. Though this spy business has been really getting to me. Somehow, the other side knows things it shouldn't, and all we can come up with is that it's a person in the Order. That's part of why I'm here, actually."

Pouring out the boiling water, Lily furrowed her eyebrows. "Really? What sort of information?"

"Plans. The last three protests were tipped off. The police that were called were theirs. Bad," he answered, dropping his voice to a lower volume as Harry moved. He didn't seem to wake up, though, so Fabian continued, "And they know who we are now. All of us. Faces _and_ names."

Lily's eyes went wide, and she nearly dropped the kettle. "Oh my," Lily said, softly. "Everyone? Even the newer recruits? How do you know?"

"I'm not sure about some of the newer ones, but definitely all of us golden oldies," Fabian replied, smiling a little at the phrase, despite the serious subject matter. "And we know. That's why we called off the protest due for tomorrow. Gid and I were just doing a preliminary with some of the newer kids. Not the newest ones, mind, but still pretty fresh. Gid and I got pointed out right away, of course, but we saw them gesture at the others, and they weren't even with us. The bloke that escorted us from the premises used a few names we hadn't used first."

"Shit," Lily said, and then covered her mouth, glancing at Harry. "I'll never get used to not swearing in front of him," she said, and rolled her eyes before handing Fabian his cup. "So you think it's coming from the inside for certain, then?"

"I don't know. You seem to be adapting quickly. I'm sure you'll do fine once he's old enough for it to matter," Fabian reassured her. "And right now, we aren't certain about anything," Fabian said, shrugging and then taking a sip of the hot tea. Too hot. Wincing, Fay set it down on the table, not too close to Harry in case he woke up. "I don't know what else it could be, though. That's why I'm here. Have you or James noticed anything we might not have?"

Lily screwed up her face. "To be honest I've been so wrapped up in James and Harry that I haven't had much time to think about or notice anything. Alice and Frank are just as busy with Neville, Emmeline is in London with that summer art thing..." she paused and took a seat. "Sirius and Remus still aren't moved into their flat properly. Sirius' brother is staying with them, but I'm sure he told you about that." Setting her cup down, she ran a hand through her hair. "The only person we haven't heard from lately is Peter. He's doing that internship up north. I can't remember the name of the place."

"Well, babies are time consuming. As is working to try and make ends meet, as Sirius and Remus are doing right now," Fabian said understandingly. The Order was important, sure, but most of its members were still young and their livelihood and happiness took precedent. That was how it should be. "Okay. Well, I've asked Elf to keep an eye, and some of the other most trusted ones. Would you mind not mentioning it to anyone though, Lily? Save James, of course. Just until we figure it out."

Lily was compelled to add, 'And Remus and Sirius, of course,' but resisted. She frowned outwardly at her own hesitation, but decided not to question Fabian and Gideon's direction with things. They were smart men, and they made wise choices when it came to the Order. Still, she could hardly swallow the idea of anyone she knew ratting them all out. "Of course," she said, finally.

"Hey, look," Fay said, picking up on her hesitation right away and hurrying to reassure her. "We don't know who it is yet. But if we have everyone knowing everyone is keeping an eye, nothing will get solved, you know? We're just trying to figure things out. This is a big deal. People are going to get in big trouble--or even injured if Riddles paid cops get any more brutal. We have to fix things. But we don't want everyone being suspicious of everyone else either. Aside form Gid and I, only Marlene, Elf, and you and James know we think something is up."

"I'm flattered that you trust us enough to tell us that," Lily said, honestly, and then took a thoughtful sip from her teacup. "It's the idea that's strange, you know, that there's even a _possibility_ that one of the group is willing to sell the others out, for whatever price. It's goes against everything we stood for when we joined the Order."

"People change, Lily. Things happen. The bigger the Order gets, the more desperately Riddle wants to shut us down. Quite frankly, I'm surprised it lasted this long without him making the right offer to the right person." Realizing that wasn't sounding much like his usual, idealistic self, Fabian grinned and shrugged. "But who knows. Maybe there are just really well concealed microphones stashed somewhere we haven't found yet."

Lily laughed, Harry stirred slightly, and she paused. He (remarkably) didn't wake up. "You're right, of course. We can't be expected to be the same people who joined the group back when we were 13." She smiled fondly. "There was nothing to it then but ideas. It's become something remarkable, Fabian. The idea of losing it is painful, quite frankly."

Fay agreed with Lily whole-heartedly. The Order had become such a huge part of Gid and Fay's lives. They had jobs, sure, but they worked as little as they could to pay for their own expenses, and the rest of their time was, more or less, spent on the Order. It wasn't always work, though. It was fun too. They'd grown really close with a lot of the members, and Fay didn't want to think about how boring life would be without it.

He hoped they'd find out what was going on soon so they wouldn't have to shut it down. If it got too dangerous, Fay knew he and Gid would have to stop. They couldn't ask other people to put themselves at risk like that.

"We won't lose it. We'll figure something out," Fabian said vehemently. "It'll work out, Lily. You'll see."

Lily nodded and glanced at Harry. A thought suddenly came to her mind, something she had put out of it shortly after the incident had happened. "You're likely going to laugh at me for this, but the craziest thing happened to Alice and me when we went to the Salcombe fair in June." She smirked thinking of the prophetic Sybil and her excessive bangles. "This old biddy there was telling fortunes, and she was right full of it, of course, until she went kind of funny and her eyes rolled back in her head, and she said something along the lines of, 'the one who has the power to vanquish the fashion lord will be born as the seventh month dies.' I'm paraphrasing, of course, and James thought that the heat was making me bonkers. She also said that the baby would be born to parents who had faced him on three separate occasions. Being myself and James, and Alice and Frank."

Lily frowned. "You don't think that's too much of a coincidence, do you? I'm just being silly, right?"

Fabian didn't know whether to believe it or not. "That's very strange. But Harry wasn't even due at the end of July, was he?"

"No, the middle of August, actually. Neville was born to the day, which really isn't surprising considering how prompt Alice and Frank are for _everything_." She snorted. "Never miss a beat, those two. But yes, and at the time I was worried about Alice and Frank, but I guess I put it out of my mind. If it was fake, though, how would she know to say something like that to us, specifically?"

"Well, perhaps Harry and Neville are going to grow up to vanquish Riddle and save the world," Fabian commented, looking at Harry with the sort of expression that people always seemed to wear when they looked at babies.

"The idea of James and me allowing Harry to grow up is absolutely preposterous," Lily answered. "Alice and Frank can do whatever they like with Neville, but Harry has to be an infant forever, I'm afraid."

"Ah, well. He's a pretty baby, at the very least," Fabian said, and chugged back the rest of his tea. The last mouthful was always sweeter than the rest because Fabian never stirred his tea properly, but it was his favourite part anyway. Setting the mug down, he got to his feet and dropped a gentle kiss on Harry's forehead, and then leaned over to plop one on Lily's as well.

"I've got to head out," Fabian said. "Believe it or not, Elphias, Caradoc, and I are going for lunch together."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "How on earth did _that_ come about?" she asked, standing and walking with him to the door.

"Long story," Fabian said, rolling his eyes. "We should get together again soon and I'll tell you all about it. We can go for tea or something and have a nice chat."

"Certainly. We hardly spend any time together anymore," Lily replied. "Well you best be off. Give them both my best, and tell Elphias he has to come see the baby or I'm going to deck him."

"I'll tell him. He'll be cowering in his boots, he will," Fay said, chuckling. Raising a hand to wave goodbye as he walked backwards up the garden path, he called, "Ta, love. Give James a big, slobbery kiss from me when he gets home."

Lily waved and then turned back into the kitchen, shutting the door behind her. Picking their empty cups up off of the table and setting them in the sink, Lily thinks about how much they've all changed, and what's become of, not only the Order, but of their little circle in general. It was never going to be the same as it was, once upon a time, she reasoned, and was suddenly startled out of her musings by Harry sniffling and bursting into wails before Lily had the opportunity to turn around.

Dashing to the table and lifting him into her arms, she began soothing him and rubbing his back, his tears subsiding into dry sobs, hiccupping against her shoulder. Patting his bottom Lily noted that his diaper was full, and turned to head toward the stairs.

Spies could wait for dirty nappies.


	28. An Ex-Citing Luncheon (August 16th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Elphias is a git, Fabian is thunderstruck, and Ron Weasley, completely indifferent, takes a big poop.

"...And I just don't want you to get offended or something if he says something off colour. He's been acting a little weird lately, you know, and I just, well. He might take it out on you, is all. But he has no reason to, because he's the one who broke up with me. I just want you to be prepared is all. I'm scaring you, aren't I? Elphias is an all right bloke. We've been friends for ages, and he's still my mate now that we're not, you know. I would just really like for you to get along."

Fabian, for his part, could've rambled all day. He'd always been blessed with the ability to chatter incessantly, but when he was nervous it increased tenfold. And he was nervous now. And well he should be. His new boyfriend was about to meet his old boyfriend, who he'd dated for a very, _very_ long time and who he was still friends with.

Fabian had had this ridiculous idea that maybe if the two got to know each other a little, it would just make everything easier. He could see Elphias then without worrying what Caradoc might think, and he could talk about Caradoc without worrying that Elphias would pitch some weird sort of fit. Now, however, he wasn't quite sure he'd thought it through properly.

Caradoc's lips drew a thin line as Fabian spoke, and he fiddled with the bottom of his shirt, not exactly nervous, but not exactly not nervous either. He was... well. He supposed if anything he was _wary_ of this Elphias bloke, and a little voice in the back of his head was telling him that not only was this suggestion of lunch a bad one, but that it would result in something worse that either of them could expect.

"I don't know how I let you talk me into this," Caradoc commented awkwardly, glancing sidelong at Fabian, who seemed to be forcing smiles he wasn't sure of. "Oh, now I remember. You took off my trousers."

Fabian shot Caradoc one bright, real, unrepentantly rakish grin. "Well. I have a very convincing mouth." After a moment, he continued, "Look, really. It'll be all right. Just... think about me naked if you start to feel uncomfortable."

Caradoc raised his eyebrows and couldn't help but smile wryly. "And that will help me... how, exactly?"

"Oh, well. I don't know. But it's a nice thought, I expect," Fabian said, laughing and sliding an arm around Caradoc's waist. They were approaching the café now, and Fabian could see Elphias through the glass windows, sitting at a table with his back to the door. He had his laptop out, as usual. "Ready?"

"No," Caradoc said honestly. "But, whatever then. Lets get this bollocks over with."

Fabian opened the door for his boyfriend, following him in and taking his hand. He walked towards Elphias' table, pulling Caradoc along behind him, and called brightly, determined to make this an enjoyable lunch, "Elf, hey! How're you doing, mate?"

Looking up at the couple, Elphias forced a small smile and stood. He might as well be polite. At least until he couldn't anymore.

"Hey Fay. I'm good, I guess. Busy. It's good to see you, though," he answered, and then looked past Fabian to the man he had by the hand. Nodding, he tried on another smile and added, "You must be Caradoc. Pleasure. I'm Elphias Doge. The ex, and best mate aside from his brother."

Caradoc knew, for Fabian's sake (and perhaps his own sanity) that he should try and be as polite as possible, despite the fact that the chances of he and Elphias becoming friends were about 6 billion to zero. He stuck out his hand, almost breathing a sigh of relief when the other man took it. "The pleasure's all mine," he said. "I've heard a lot about you. Fabian tends to prattle on."

Elf raised an eye in Fay's direction and grinned, this time genuinely, if with a bit of an edge. "Yes, well. I expect he's got a lot to say about me. We were together for a _very_ long time. Never officially broke up, either." The accusatory look Elphias knew he'd eventually be sending in Caradoc's direction came sooner than expected.

"Stuff it, Elf. You told me you wanted to see other people, and I told you I wouldn't stay with you if you did. That constitutes a break-up," Fay said, feeling tired already. "And you promised you'd be nice."

"Yeah, to _you_ ," Elphias murmured, and then offered an apologetic smile as Fay glared. "Sorry. Come on, sit. I'm sure the waiter will be by shortly."

Having said nothing but a hello he had hoped might spur a joke (teasing Fabian could be common ground, he'd done it several times already with Gideon and Marlene), Caradoc rather blanched at Elphias' sudden and unexpected change of disposition. He cleared his throat, and sat, glancing at Fabian with a look that clearly said, _I told you so_!

"You're being a prick, Elf," Fay told him conversationally as he sat down and scooted his chair closer to Caradoc's. "You don't even want me; you just don't want someone else to have me."

"That's not true," Elf said, eyes narrowing a little and becoming defensive. "Do we have to talk about this now?"

"You started it with your stupid little comments, not me," Fabian said reasonably. He had a bit of a flair for the dramatic, true, but despite feeling annoyed at Elphias' behaviour, he didn't really feel overly uncomfortable. Yet. He was used to Elphias. Wasn't afraid to say anything to him. If he said anything else to Caradoc, though, then Fay would get mean. Turning deliberately to Caradoc, Fay picked up a menu and asked him, "Any idea what you're in the mood for? I rather fancy the teriyaki soy wrap. It's vegan. All the ones marked with little carrots are vegan dishes here."

Distracted by the little looks Elphias was shooting him, Caradoc wasn't completely aware of what Fabian was saying to him. "Ah," he said lightly, blinking and turning his head away from Elf ( _What a stupid nickname_ , he thought, out of nowhere) to face Fabian. "Sorry, what was that? I wasn't quite paying attention."

"I asked what you wanted to eat, love," Fay repeated, smiling in that soft, caring sort of way he'd developed when it came to Caradoc. "And I said I'd be getting the teriyaki soy wrap. And that the little carrots beside the name means it's vegan."

"I think I'll have a hamburger," Elphias said, faux-casually. It had the desired effect. He had Fabian's attention again.

"Since when do you eat meat?"

"Oh, for a while. I got sick of all the bloody vegetables," he answered.

"Please tell me it's free range and locally farmed, at least," Fay commented with a frown.

Elphias scowled. Perfect Fabian, so environmentally conscientious, so calm, and never ruffled. "I've taken a liking to fast food, actually. McDonald's."

"I'll have whatever you're having," Caradoc said awkwardly, looking between Elphias and Fabian and wishing he was on Mars, or some place equally desolate and remote and _void of air_. He cleared his throat again. This situation was already getting ridiculous.

"You're feeding The Man," Fabian said miserably. "Oh, Elf. Why? Soon you'll be wearing cow skin belts--"

"Leather, you mean?"

"Don't disassociate it. It is the _skin_ of a cow!"

Elphias chuckled at that, but then Fay just shook his head and smiled that stupid smile at _Caradoc_ again, and Elphias didn't want to hear him use The Voice with Caradoc that he used to use with him. Loudly changing the subject before Fay had the chance to say anything else, Elf asked, "So, Caradoc, what do you do?"

Caradoc jumped a little, surprised that he was actually being addressed. "Oh! Well, I'm working at Mile High, you know, that 50s diner on the highway? But I _paint_ , really."

"He's fantastic, Elf. You should see it," Fay said, gushing. "He just did this beautiful one that I just stared at for hours and hours once it was finished. I keep telling him there are probably galleries that would be interested in his work. What was it called again? The new one?"

"Ah, 'Finger Shadows'," Caradoc said lightly.

"Right, right," Fabian said, reaching over and squeezing his leg for a moment, before turning to look at Elphias again. "I've been begging him to do one of me--you know, like a portrait--but he hasn't yet."

"Such a shame. You've got a very pretty face," Elf said, trying not to sound sullen. He knew he was acting like a child, but it wasn't fair. He'd let go of Fabian, who was probably the most amazing bloke there was, to date other people. Yet, he hadn't found anyone that measured up, and here Fay was, happy with someone else. I just... hurt to see that he'd been replaced so easily. And by someone he could really find no real reason to hate. Polite. Kind. An artist. _Caradoc the artist_.

Caradoc frowned slightly. "I'm just not entirely fond of personal portraits," he said. "They never do a person justice, no matter how accurate the likeness."

"I think he's right, Fay. A painting could never do you justice, no matter how talented the painter undoubtedly is," Elphias said evenly. Fabian blinked at him in a pleased sort of shock, and Elphias almost hated to ruin the moment, but he couldn't help it. "Oh... I don't mean _you_ , Caradoc. I mean, ' _Finger Shadows_ '? Really? Sounds terribly juvenile."

Caradoc licked his lips tersely. "It's not _finger painting_ you git, it was the way a _reading lamp_ reflected _Fabian's fingers_ off of the wall, meaning that the painting is called exactly what it's of, without the _Fabian_."

"My, my. Defensive about our art, aren't we?" Elphias sneered, feeling free to be really terrible now that Caradoc had called him a git. "If you can't handle criticism, you'll never get anywhere. Not saying you will _anyway_. Though you're probably content to ride on Fabian's coat tails, aren't you?"

"And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Caradoc asked, the tone of his voice angry, and raising slowly. "I take care of myself, I'll have you know, and you've never _seen_ a painting of mine. And it's far from criticism when you're just being a wank because you're not allowed to shag Fabian anymore!"

"Oh, I'm sure you _do_ take care of yourself. Fabian probably can't even stand to--"

"SHUT IT!" Fabian roared suddenly, pushing back his chair and half standing up. "Elphias Edward Doge, I have never been so bloody ashamed of you in my whole life. I wanted you and Caradoc to have the opportunity to get to know each other because you're both really bloody important to me, but you couldn't even be civil for one moment, could you?"

Elphias blushed and sank a little in his chair. "I don't like him."

"You don't even know him," Fabian snapped, sitting back down and speaking at a more discrete decibel. Even if the whole café was watching them now. "He's a wonderful person, a wonderful artist, and I certainly _can_ stand to touch him."

At that precise moment, Fabian's cell phone rang. Fishing it out of his pocket, he noticed Gid's name on the caller display and felt a wave of relief.

"Hey big brother," he answered.

Gideon, sitting at home at the kitchen table with a cookie in his mouth, bouncing baby Ron on his knee said thickly, "'Allo, 'allo. How goes?"

"Fine, fine, really fine," Fabian said desperately, and prayed Gideon would remember, and act quickly. He couldn't take much more of this.

Swallowing, Gideon gave Ron a particularly buoyant bounce, which made him squeal excitedly. "Bad enough to whip out the code, then?"

" _Oh_ yes," Fabian said vehemently, rubbing his eyes. "But I'm still at Village Greens with Elf and Caradoc. Can I call you back later, or did you need something?"

"Well, Molly wanted you to pick up salad from the deli on your way home, but I suppose I'm on my way over then, aren't I?" Gideon asked, handing Ron off to Arthur as he passed by the table.

"Everything all right?" Fay said, furrowing his brows and shooting Caradoc and expression he hoped looked equal parts confused and concerned.

Gideon paused thoughtfully. "Well, you could tell them that Ron has colic or something and that Mols wants you at the hospital? Or is that weak? Maybe say that Molly broke an arm... or Billy, I suppose. That's a little more believable, what with his being half-monkey and all."

"Gideon!" Molly scolded from the stove.

"Is that Molly shouting? What's happened, then?" Fabian asked, channelling his sudden desire to laugh into more serious brow furrowing. "Are the kids all right?"

"Ron's having a shit in Arthur's lap, if that counts," Gideon said, amused. "Such concentration!"

Elphias narrowed his eyes, half with worry, and half with distrust. He knew all about Gideon and Fabian's Undesirable Situations Code, but he didn't recognize anything, and it didn't look like Fabian was lying.

"Christ. Can you pick us up if you're going?" Fabian said, squeezing Caradoc's thigh again in what he hoped was a reassuring way. The poor fellow looked nervous and had no way to know what was going on, of course. Fabian didn't dare look at Elphias for longer than it took to frown and shrug. Elphias knew him too well and he'd see through it if Fay gave him half a chance. "It's not too far out of the way, and if I took a cab to the hospital every time one of those boys landed themselves there, I'd be living in rags."

Gideon grabbed another cookie off of the plate on the table as he stood. "I shouldn't be more than five minutes," he said, then took a bite out of the cookie. "Do try and be waiting, hmm? You know what Elphias has been like to me lately, and I'd rather not break his nose."

"Yeah, I will. Thanks. See you soon, then," Fabian said and ended the call. He turned to Caradoc and Elphias, sighing. "Bill fell down the stairs. It's likely just a broken arm, but Gid and I are going to take care of the other little ones while she's with Bill in examination because Arthur's got to get to work. Guess we're cutting lunch short."

Caradoc clucked his tongue. "Clumsy, isn't he? He fell down to the landing the other day when I was over for dinner."

"He's always got his brain going faster than the rest of him, is all. I'm sure in his head, he was already down in the kitchen asking Molly for cookies, when really he was still at the top of the stairs," Fabian said, rolling his eyes. "Anyway, we'd best wait outside. Gid's in a hell of a rush. I'll talk to you later, Elphias?"

"Yeah, sure," Elf said, shrugging. He didn't want to accuse Fabian of lying; he had no way to know anyway, and he'd been enough of an arse today that he didn't want to make more mistakes he'd have to apologize for. "I've got a paper to write anyway."

"Good luck with that," Caradoc offered gruffly. "Nice to meet you," he added, but was having a little difficulty keeping the acidity out of his voice.

"Bloody pleasure, wasn't it?" Elphias grumbled, now feeling thoroughly idiotic about the whole mess he'd created.

Fay got up and pulled Caradoc to his feet, wrapping an arm around his waist. He gave Elf a cool sort of look and said, "I'll keep in touch. Even if you were a prat, you prat."

"Gee thanks," Elf replied, unable to keep his lip from curling as he noticed the casual way Fay touched Caradoc. He and Fabian had never quite gotten used to touching in public because they'd spent so long hiding their relationship. Just one more thing to add to the list of reasons why not to like Caradoc the artist. "Bye."

Fabian sighed and led Caradoc from the restaurant, not relaxing once they were outside. "Billy's fine, by the way. Gid's just picking us up because I couldn't take it anymore. Sorry about that. I didn't think he'd be so..." Fabian trailed off, making a vaguely rude hand gesture.

"I did," Caradoc answered, not horribly surprised that Gideon picking them up was a ruse. "Nothing against him. I'm sure he's a fine bloke when he doesn't have his head up his arse. And he's clearly still in love with you."

"Well, it doesn't matter if he is," Fabian said sincerely. "It's funny. I was so hurt when he ended things because he wanted to see if there was someone he liked better than me out there, but now I've found someone amazing and he hasn't, and I think the fact that it's all his fault is what's pissing him off most."

Caradoc, not usually the sort to say a bad word about anyone, said, "Yes, well. He's a wank generally if he's taking it out on me. And an idiot because he thought there was anything better than you out there."

Fabian couldn't help but burst into a wide grin. He stepped forward and kissed Caradoc, pulling away after a moment and speaking softly in between soft kisses to Caradoc's face. "You're right about him being a wank. He had no right to say any of that to you. Let's just... put him out of our minds, all right? I'll deal with him later. Right now, I'd rather..."

Fabian trailed off as a loud horn sounded from a few feet away. His brother was pulling up in the van.

"Oh, honestly," he said, the window down, a grin on his face. " _Poor_ , crippled, little Billy, crying and waiting for his heartbroken old mum to take him to the hospital and tell him he needs a wooden leg or summat, and you two out here frolicking like school girls. Or sucking face like the experimental ones, anyhow."

"Shut up, Gid," Fay said, hurrying to climb in the back and pull Caradoc with him. Fabian had good memories of the back of this van and Caradoc Dearborn. "Thanks for picking us up. That was torture."

"I can only imagine," Gideon replied, pulling out and heading toward the deli. "Remember that time at the theatre, with the group of us, when that severely delusional bird tried to get your number?"

Caradoc laughed. "What happened?"

"Yuck. I don't even want to talk about it," Fabian said, hiding his face in Caradoc's shoulder. "You tell him, Gid."

Gideon chuckled. "He drenched her from head to toe with banana smoothie and called her a whore," he said.

"It was terrible. I felt so bad for the girl, poor thing. Obviously she wasn't all there, else she'd never have mistaken me for straight," Fabian said, smiling. "But Elf's a good guy. He just... he's not at his best right now, is all."

"He did it to himself," Gideon said. "I mean, he pulled it out of nowhere, with the 'There might be something better out there for me,' blah blah bull crap, but he's always been so damn indecisive."

"Can we not talk about Elphias? Let's talk about me instead," Fabian said, settling himself comfortably at Caradoc's side, pressing a kiss to his neck. "I'm a much more entertaining subject, I assure you."

"It's rather a connected subject, unfortunately," Gideon commented, pulling into the deli carpark. "Now which of you buggers is getting out, because I'm not fetching the macaroni salad. I drove."

"I will," Fay said as Gideon parked. He opened the door and climbed out, but before he shut it, he quipped, "Gid, keep Caradoc entertained. Be back in a flash."

Caradoc looked at his fingers. "So, ah. What's new?"

Glancing over his shoulder, Gideon replied. "Well, not much really. I was having a splendid afternoon bouncing baby nephews until Elphias had to go and be a twat. What'd he say, exactly?"

Caradoc shrugged. "Just. Whatever he could, I suppose. I think he's still in love with Fabian."

"Probably," Gideon agreed. "He was an idiot; didn't realize a great thing when he had it. And they worked well together you know, I won't deny that, but I have to be honest, he's happier now -- Fabian, I mean -- than I ever saw him with Elphias."

"You don't call him Elf, do you?" Caradoc asked, quiet.

"Most people don't. It's more a Fay thing. Some of their old school mates call him that though, I believe," Gideon answered. "Makes him sound like a bigger fairy than he is, if you ask me."

Fabian strolled back outside, bag in hand, and pulled the sliding door to the van open. "So I grabbed pasta salad, potato salad, and green salad. She has dressing, right?"

"Some, anyhow. Billy and Charlie decided to make mud pies earlier and borrowed some to simulate whipping cream," he tutted as Fabian climbed in and pulled out as soon as the door was shut. "Oh, right, forgot to tell you, Fay. I'm sure she's going to shout it at you as soon as you go through the door, but, well." He sighed. "She's pregnant again."

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Fabian asked incredulously, shaking his head. "It better bloody well be a girl this time. And even if it isn't, I'm going to sit down with Arthur and have a nice talk about how he may have bloody He-Man sperm, but he damn well better try to rein it in. Molly needs a rest."

"It's a mutual thing though. You know how completely nutters they are about the girl thing." Gideon pulled the car to a stop and watched a nun cross the road with several elementary school-age students. "Number seven though. How completely and utterly insane is _that_? Just going upstairs makes me dizzy."

"I don't care if it's mutual. It's not _healthy_ ," Fabian groused.

"I find the idea of having _one_ child intimidating, personally," Caradoc said. "I figure that, had I been a girl, Mum and Dad would've had be tossed in the monastery, and I'd pledge a life of solitude, just to avoid the kiddies." He frowned as Gideon hit the gas again. "Does that make me horrible?"

"Nah," Fay said. "I mean, I love my little nephews, all six of them. But I'm really, _really_ glad I won't be having any of my own."

Gideon made the turn onto their street and pulled into the driveway. "Home sweet home," he said with a grin, and climbed out.

"Oi, take the salad up, Gid," Fay called, climbing out hurriedly and shoving the food in his brother's direction before grinning lecherously. "Caradoc and I are going to test the springs on my bed, aren't we lovie?"


	29. A Rainy Afternoon (August 19th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Sirius keeps secrets in the spice drawer, Remus needs "help" cleaning up, and, all in all, Regulus has had it up to *here* with Sirius, Remus, and their collective bits.

It was a dreary sort of day. The kind that was grey and foggy, and a little damp, too. The kind that was ideal for settling into the rickety old arm chair (even if the pillow over the seat hardly covered the one rogue spring that liked to poke unsuspecting visitors in the arse as soon as they attempted to make themselves comfortable) with a cup of coffee and a book. So Remus had, with the intention of reading the entire book, cover to cover, in a race with the rain.

However, he only got through a chapter and a half before he got distracted. Distracting Remus from a book was not an easy feat, but it had been accomplished the moment Sirius walked into the room with wet hair, though it was more likely from taking a fag break on the balcony than from a shower as it was far too early in the day for Sirius to worry about things like personal hygiene.

So now, instead of reading, Remus was watching. And then watching led to appreciating, and appreciating led to, well, wanting. Remus knew Regulus had gone out not even an hour earlier, and supposed they had at least a few more before he returned.

Mind made up, Remus set his book aside and cleared his throat. "Sirius?"

Sirius had settled on the couch and draped an arm lazily over the side. He shook his head, like a dog, water droplets flying each and everywhere, a few hitting Remus just as he spoke. Oblivious to the other boys' watching, appreciating and wanting, Sirius was certain he was in for a slight tongue lashing for getting rain water on Remus' book and in his coffee cup.

Cheeks burning slightly, he answered, "Sorry. What?"

Remus smiled, looking at Sirius almost hungrily, and said through a blush, "Your brother isn't here, you know. Probably won't be for, you know. _Hours_."

Sirius quirked an eyebrow. "Why, Mr. Lupin..." he licked his lips. "Are you trying to seduce me?"

Remus' smile broadened and he got to his feet, moving to sit on the couch next to Sirius. Remus reached up and brushed some of Sirius' wet hair back from his face, trailing his fingers downwards, over Sirius' neck, stopping when his palm rested flat against Sirius' chest.

"And what if I am?"

"Well," Sirius said with a smirk. "I just might be seducible. But only if you're seducing me, of course."

"Well, then, I should think I might as well admit it," Remus said, leaning in for a kiss and almost losing the last word into Sirius' mouth.

Sirius laughed against Remus' mouth, pulling them closer together, Sirius' wet clothes sticking to his skin. He drew a hand through Remus' hair, tugging slightly, and bit his bottom lip.

"Take those off," Remus murmured and gestured at Sirius' attire as he stopped himself from adding _you'll catch your death hanging about in damp clothes_. He only leaned back very slightly to speak as it always seemed such a terrible shame to stop kissing Sirius. Sirius, Remus well knew, was a fantastic kisser. He was kissing Sirius again even before he reached out to tug at Sirius' clothes.

Sirius didn't need to be told twice to remove an article of clothing. Naked was how he preferred himself, quite frankly, and if it hadn't been for Regulus' presence at the flat, Sirius would saunter about in his birthday suit all day long. Clothes were a formality. Clothes were worn for the sake of others. Clothes were worn so people wouldn't be gawking at your bits in public.

In private, however, Sirius was happy to give Remus a free showing.

His shirt was off in a matter of seconds, breaking off their kiss for a short instant. Their lips crashed back together and Sirius began un-tucking Remus' shirt, sliding his hands underneath, pressing his cold hands to the warmth of Remus' back, then around to his belly.

Remus shivered, though not unpleasantly, at the feeling of Sirius' cool hands on him. Remus awkwardly pulled Sirius into a standing position, shrugging off his own shirt before dropping his hands to work at the fastenings of Sirius' trousers. He wanted more skin, and attempted to tell Sirius this by administering a sharp bite to the corner of his mouth.

Sirius growled in the back of his throat, shimmying out of his trousers before almost rushing to the fastening on Remus' belt. In the meantime his lips paid visit to a spot behind Remus' earlobe that Sirius knew turned him into a pile of randy goo.

Feeling very gooey indeed, Remus pushed distractedly in an attempt to get rid of his trousers and pants, and then just collapsed back onto the couch, kicking them off impatiently and tugging Sirius down on top of him. Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius' back, sliding his hands down to grab Sirius' hips and realign them, gasping desperately as they finally slid into a satisfactory position.

Their cocks pressed against each other, and Sirius groaned, grinding his hips against Remus, nipping and sucking at the base of his neck. "Mmm... Remus," he murmured frantically, drinking in the smells and tastes, and pressing even harder.

Remus threw his head back, or threw it back as well as he could with the arm of the couch in the way. He pressed up into Sirius as well, and then shifted again, winding his legs around Sirius, circling them around his thighs. Sliding a hand down between them, Remus wrapped his hand around both Sirius and himself, squeezing lightly.

"Please tell me we have some lube stored somewhere far closer than the bedroom?" Remus asked breathily. "God, hell, I don't want to stop..."

"K-kitchen," Sirius managed, and then bit down on his own lip, hips involuntarily thrusting upward. "The spice drawer."

Tightening his legs around Sirius, shifting the angle just slightly and sending a little zap of sparks through his nerve endings, Remus thought perhaps they could just have another go after, and get the lube then. It all felt too good to stop just now. Grinding his hips upwards and squeezing tighter still with his thighs in another attempt at silent communication, Remus really hoped Sirius would see things his way.

"Oh, fuck," was Sirius understanding reply; neither of them needed to get off the couch for the sake of lube. They could fuck after. Now they _needed_ to do this.

The sound of a key turning in the lock was, unfortunately, muffled by the sound of Remus moaning wantonly into Sirius' ear.

"Fucking _hell_ ," came Regulus' voice from the doorway, coincidentally just as Remus was about to gasp something similar and arch into Sirius' body. The sound of Sirius' brother's voice, however, stopped Remus short and caused him to turn and stare with wide-eyed embarrassment as Regulus added, glaring, "I fucking _sleep_ there, you pricks."

"Ah. Well," Sirius answered, grinning cheekily, "You can sleep on the floor, if you'd rather. But we've done it there too. Could you step back outside for a mo'? We're almost done."

"Sirius!" Remus hissed, and unwound his legs, blushing furiously as he reached for his clothes. "Sorry. Terribly sorry. This is so embarrassing..."

Howling and covering his eyes, Regulus backed blindly towards the door. "Don't _move_! I can see _bits_ when you move. I'll wait in the bloody hall."

The door slammed behind him, and Remus collapsed back into the couch. "How utterly humiliating."

"And to think," Sirius commented as he stood, reaching (however half-heartedly) for his trousers on the floor. "This time, I wasn't responsible for it. Minx."

"Yes, well. I didn't think he'd come back," Remus grumbled, sighing his disappointment and reaching reluctantly for his clothes. He gathered them up, but paused before beginning to dress again. Getting caught had certainly killed the mood, but that wasn't to say it couldn't be revived in more private quarters. Smiling, Remus leaned into Sirius' side and whispered into his ear, "Sirius, I think I shall go have a shower. A long one. Let Regulus back in once you're decent, will you?"

"He'll be out in the hall for the rest of his natural born life, if he's going to be waiting for that," Sirius replied with a snort, buttoning up his trousers. "Make sure you scrub well and good now. I'd _hate_ to have to come in there and do it for you."

"Mm," Remus said agreeably. "Well, I certainly wouldn't. In fact, I think I might _love_ for you to come in and do all _sorts_ of things for me."

Sirius waggled his eyebrows. "Been having trouble getting at the tricky spots?" he asked. "Like here," he grabbed Remus crotch, "perhaps?"

Remus gasped and instinctively reached up to grab Sirius' shoulder for balance, eyes flickering shut. "Y-yes, there. And perhaps around," he paused to trace his fingers lightly over the cleft of Sirius' arse, " _there_ as well. That's very difficult to adequately take care of myself."

"Ooh, well, I have a little friend who's quite good and getting into small, _tight_ places," Sirius said, leaning in and rubbing their cocks together through the fabric of his trousers. "If you don't mind his help, of course."

"I can _hear_ you!" Regulus shouted from the other side of the door.

Remus moved sheepishly away from Sirius and called, "Sorry!" Heading towards the loo, he added to Sirius, "See you soon, right?"

"Wouldn't miss it," Sirius said, and made to the door to let Regulus back inside. "You know," he said to his brother, "You willingly came to stay here. You should've _expected_ to see naughty bits at some point or another."

As Remus shut the bathroom door behind him and turned on the shower to let the water heat up while he folded his clothes, he could just make out Regulus' response, sounding sulky and petulant.

"Yeah, well, _I_ expected to..." Regulus trailed off. "Okay, fine, I did. But it's still bloody gross."

"Splendid," Sirius agreed distractedly, surveying his nails and making eyes at the closed bathroom door. "Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go plough Remus in the shower. Grab me the lube out of the spice drawer, will you?"


	30. Ooshy Uncles, Worried Parents (August 24th, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Super Mum clings, James serenades her with help from Lennon and McCartney, and Sirius and Remus get far too acquainted with poop. And we bet you know why.

"Okay! Uncles Sirius and Remus to the rescue!" Sirius announced as he threw open James and Lily's kitchen door dramatically. The two young parents looked at him confused, as did baby Harry, before bursting into wails. Harry, that is, not his parents.

Remus trailed in behind Sirius, who just kept on talking. "Time to enjoy a nice evening out, date night, what have you," he said. "Get up then, come on, out the door you go. Remus and I are more than capable of babysitting."

"Er, we didn't ask you to," James pointed out.

"Well, perhaps not," Remus said calmly, scooping the crying Harry into his arms and rocking him. He quieted after a moment into snuffles, though he did not smile. He still looked quite red and ready to start up again, but at least he had stopped in the first place. Remus smiled proudly up at James and Lily. "Look, see? We can handle it. You two deserve a night out. A break, if you will. Go, have fun, and stay out as late as you like."

Lily frowned. "But, we're fine. You needn't, really, so go home the two of you and do whatever it is that you would normally do on Thursday evenings," she said, standing up and taking Harry from Remus and into her arms.

Remus blinked at Lily, confused for a moment before his face relaxed into understanding. "Lily, we'll take good care of him. We promise. I know you probably want to keep him with you for every second of every day, but really you can't, love. Don't you want to have a nice, romantic dinner with just you and James?"

"Yes. Yes she does. Don't you Lils? It'll be nice to get away for just the night," James answered, pressing a kiss into her temple. Of course they both loved Harry, but being parents was tiring. It was 24 hours a day, seven days a week, all the time, and he knew they'd really enjoy the break. Plus, he trusted Sirius and Remus. They'd been around Harry enough that they could do it on their own.

"Yes, come on now, Evans," Sirius said. "You're cooped up with the mite every minute of every day. Time to go out with your hubby-dearest and etc."

Lily looked torn between being completely sceptical and wanting _so_ badly to leave the house. "Are you sure you can take care of him? He only likes his bottle at a certain temperature, you know, and he whines if you don't keep his little brown teddy that Alice gave him right next to his face, and he won't go to sleep if you don't sing and you two have _horrible_ singing voices! No, sorry, we can't go."

Remus hid a smile in Sirius' shoulder at Lily's words. He had a feeling laughing out loud would _not_ convince Lily to take the night off.

"Lily," James said. "They can do it. Look. How long do you put the milk in the microwave for?"

"Well, I expect 45 seconds or so would do it, but if you do it in the saucer on the stovetop, it heats more evenly and only takes a minute or two," Remus said. "I expect Harry won't mind if it's a degree or two off. And Lily, you can't honestly tell me _James_ has a decent singing voice, can you? It'll be fine. We brought a CD with some lullabies on it anyway. Go and have a good evening."

"But... but..." Lily said worriedly, holding Harry a little more tightly than was necessary. "He's just so little still, you know, and he's probably going to miss me dreadfully."

"You're clinging, love," James pointed out gently. "Really. He'll be fine. He loves his uncles. I know it's a big step, leaving him for the first time, but we've got to do it sometime, and why not tonight?"

"You've both got handies. We'll call if we need anything, and we can put you on speaker so you can sing to him in a few hours, if you'd really like," Remus offered. "Honest, Lily, it will be fine."

"C'mon, Evans. We just want to see you and James get out and about again, you know? You'll only end up resenting one another if you stick yourself with Harry and just Harry all the time. And my head might be up my bum, but Remus has enough common sense for the both of us. He's in good hands. " Sirius raised his eyebrows, looking hopeful.

Lily pursed her lips. After a moment of pleading looks from all three men in her kitchen, Lily admitted defeat, sighing. "Okay. Okay, I'll go out then."

"Fantastic," James said, and promptly took Harry from Lily, holding him out in Remus and Sirius' direction. "You can start now while we get ready. Or, rather, while Lily gets ready and I pester her to put on something sexy."

Lily still needed James to keep coaxing her to get dressed, as she kept wanting to go downstairs and see how Remus and Sirius were doing with Harry every time she even heard the slightest peep from either of them. Finally she was in a dress she hadn't worn since before she was pregnant, with her hair pulled up and make-up on, and James in a pair of slacks and dress shirt that had been hastily ironed.

He practically had to pull her out the door as she rhymed off more instructions to a waving Remus and Sirius.

"Good Lord," Remus said as soon as the door was closed, shifting Harry into a different position and smiling ruefully up at Sirius. "They needed this more than I thought. We should've done it sooner. ...Though I doubt she could've been coaxed out of the house any earlier."

"Little nuts, that," Sirius agreed. "A little too much time spent in this little bloke's company, isn't that right Harry?" he asked the baby, making a funny face at him. "Isn't Mummy crazy?"

To that, Harry blew air through his lips, spraying little bits of drool at Sirius' face.

"I think that means he loves his mother," Remus replied. "God, he's just precious, isn't he?"

Sirius wiped his face with the bottom of his t-shirt and grinned at Harry. "And spunky. Takes after his Uncle Sirius, you know."

"Oh, certainly," Remus said, smiling easily. He loved watching Sirius with Harry. For some reason, it always made Remus feel so pleased. "What shall we do with him? We have a bit of time before he'll go to sleep."

"I don't know. How much _can_ you do with a one-month old infant?" Sirius asked, stretching his lips and sticking his tongue out at Harry, who spit on him again as drool bubbles popped all over his own face.

Remus snickered and headed into the living room, expecting Sirius to follow. James and Lily's house was very nice. It wasn't overly big, certainly, but it was comfortable and perfect for raising a family in, Remus thought. The right neighbourhood, the right yard, the right everything. He sat down on the couch, balancing Harry in his lap with both arms.

"It's amazing to think we're going to get to watch this little one grow up, isn't it?" Remus mused, more to himself than anything. "He's already so much bigger than he was."

"Careful with his head there," Sirius said worriedly, coming into the room. "He can't sit up by himself yet. It's amazing that he's even bothering to try."

"I know," Remus replied, shifting the hand on Harry's neck a little higher to appease Sirius. "He's pretty strong already for so young, isn't he?"

Sirius nodded sitting down next to Remus. "I suppose he knows he needs to be."

***

"Lily, _please_ stop worrying about Harry," James said. "We have enough to worry about without adding our perfectly safe son who is at home with our perfectly capable best friends into the mix."

Lily sighed. "But, I just. He's my baby..."

"Actually, he's _ours_ ," James corrected kindly, and leaned across the table to kiss her. "And he'll always be ours, no matter how often anyone else watches him for us. Please try to relax. Do you know what you're ordering yet?"

"Something I can eat fast," Lily mumbled, resting elbow on the table and her chin in her hand.

"Lily!" James exclaimed, exasperation evident in his voice. "We are having appetizers, entrees, and desserts. Just for that comment. And after-dinner tea. If you don't start enjoying yourself, I just might take you to a movie, too, and how horrible would _that_ be."

Lily laughed. "I am being absolutely ridiculous, aren't I? _Ugh_. When did I become _clingy_?"

"You spend all day with him," James said. "I go to work, so I at least have that bit of time." He smiled sheepishly. "But remember when I first started back, after Harry was born?"

Lily smiled. "You mean your calling home every 15 minutes until you could run home on your lunch break?"

"Yeah," James laughed. "Exactly. But you've got to admit, even though you're worrying about him, it _is_ at least a little nice to get dressed up and get out of the house on our own."

Lily nodded. "I'm just so worried, you know? After what Fabian told me, I don't feel as though I can trust _anyone_ even though I should know better."

"I know we've probably been over this a hundred times, but I still have no idea who it could be," James said, sighing. "You know, I ran into the Prewetts the other day. They said since we have a family and all now, we can take a break from the Order if we like. Just for our own safety until they get it sorted out. I told them I'd talk to you about it."

Lily licked her lips. "Do you want to take a break?"

"I don't think I could, to be honest. Not with all our friends getting hurt all around us," James said. "I've never really been able to just sit back and watch. But if you want to, we can."

She shook her head. "No. It wouldn't be fair. I don't want to sit back and just _watch_ you know, even if Harry is the priority now."

"Okay, good. I agree," James said. "They... they think it's someone in the core group. I suggested Elphias, maybe, since he's so pissed at Fabian lately, but they said he didn't have any idea about the Bath rally, and that was tipped off. It's totally mind boggling."

"I told you that he told me to keep it from Sirius and Remus, right? I mean... you don't they suspect either of _them_ , do you?" Lily asked.

James snorted and rolled his eyes. "Of course not. I just think they figure if they stop people from getting together in groups and discussing it, they'll minimize the whole mistrust and finger pointing aspect of it. I mean, if the four of us sat down and talked it out and decided on the most likely suspect, it'd sort of put us against whoever, right? And if, say, Ed and Dor and Marlene and whoever else sat down and decided on someone else, well. You know what I mean? Anyway, I hope they know better than to suspect Sirius or Remus."

Lily nodded. "Yea. I just. I can't imagine anyone being horrible enough to run off and sell us out like that."

"People make up the weirdest excuses in their minds," James said sadly. "I'm sure whoever it is, they think they're totally justified in putting the rest of us at such risk. They probably don't even fully realize what a dangerous game they're playing."

"If it keeps going," Lily said slowly, "I mean. People are going to get hurt. This is going to get deep. Riddle's not the kind of man to put up with us, not when he has the means to get rid of us."

"You're fretting. I can see you. Fret, fret, fret. I know it's worrisome, but can we just try to enjoy ourselves tonight?" James asked, reaching across the table to take her hand. "I'll keep you and Harry safe, anyway. I promise."

"Speaking of Harry," Lily said, "Perhaps I should just run and ring them up? See how they're doing?"

James chuckled. "Yeah, yeah. Go ahead, if you must."

***

"How is it possible for such a horrid smell to come out of something so small?" Sirius asked incredulously, wincing.

"Don't let him kick his legs around, Sirius! He'll get it everywhere," Remus said, hoping he didn't sound quite as frantic as he felt as he scrabbled for a diaper. How was it that Lily could do this seemingly with one hand, which he and Sirius together couldn't get Harry to stay still long enough to properly wipe him?

Sirius frowned. "This is _disgusting_. How can Evans do this over and over again in the run of a day? He, just. He doesn't stop! Look, there! He's going again!"

As Remus and Sirius both stared in abject horror, the phone rang. Remus automatically reached out to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Remus! How's my little man doing?" Lily's voice asked on the other end.

"Lily!" Remus said, eyes widening in shock as he turned to Sirius, poking him hard in the side and gesturing at Harry in a _fix it_! sort of way. "He's great! I mean, Harry is just... he's an angel. Really. How's dinner?"

"Well we haven't ordered yet," Lily answered a little shamefully. "We're getting there though. He hasn't been crying much, has he?"

"Oh, no. He was a little fussy at first without you, but he's fine now," Remus said, more to appease Lily than anything. "We're just... changing him now." Covering the phone, Remus hissed, "Do that up, Sirius. No, wait, sprinkle some baby powder first, and then do it up."

"I don't think I got all the poop," Sirius muttered, reaching for a wipe.

"Not to much poop, I hope?" Lily asked, laughing a little. "He has a tendency to just let it all go once you take off his nappy."

"Yes, well. We've got it under control. Baby poop is no big obstacle," Remus assured her, glad to have the excuse of the telephone as he watched Sirius try to clean Harry up. It was even on his _feet_. Well. They'd get the hang of it eventually, Remus was sure. The first time was bound to be a bit of a disaster. Messy, but harmless, thankfully. Otherwise, they were doing fine. "Stop worrying, Lily. We can handle it."

"Okay. Well. I'll let you go. Don't hesitate to call if something happens and you'd like us to come home," Lily said.

"I won't, I promise," Remus assured her, smiling widely even though he knew she couldn't see him. "Have a good evening, Lily."

"Bye, Remus," she replied with a sigh, and hung up the phone.

"It really shouldn't be on his face, should it?" Sirius said, frowning. "Is it weird that I find it cute he's squishing it in his fists?"

"Sirius!" Remus gasped, wrinkling his nose. "That's disgusting. Here, give me a wipe. We have to clean it up before he gets any in his mouth."

***

Lily took small bites of her food and sighed repeatedly.

"You're lucky I know you love me so much, else I might be inclined to think you weren't having any fun at all," James said through a mouthful of Yorkshire pudding.

Lily looked up at him sadly. "I just. Doesn't feel like there's anything but worrying that I'm capable to do anymore."

"Oh, Lily," James said softly. He didn't like to hear stuff like that, because worrying was not a happy emotion, and James didn't want Lily to be unhappy. "Come on, love. You're capable of loads of things aside from worrying. Are you really that upset?"

"Well. I mean, I just keep thinking, what if something happens, and someone comes to the house, and something happens to Harry, and Remus and Sirius?"

James wanted to promise her nothing would ever happen, but he couldn't know that. Riddle's followers were getting more and more aggressive with the members of the Order, and James and Lily were part of the core group. They _were_ at risk. Something _could_ happen.

Taking a deep breath, he answered, "If anyone ever tried to hurt my family, Lily, they would regret it. And that means Remus and Sirius too. But you know, just because something might happen, doesn't mean we can put our lives on hold and be scared all the time. It's cliché to say, maybe, but that'd mean the bastards had already won."

Lily nodded. "I know that. But it's just... it's hard to think beyond the position we've put ourselves in. At the same time, I'd never give it up. You know?"

"Yeah, I know," James answered. After squinting at Lily for a moment, he sighed over-dramatically. "You know I can't stand to see you like this. I'm just going to have to cheer you up."

It had been a few years, but James thought he still remembered most of the words to _Hopelessly Devoted To You_ , the song he'd sung to Lily right before they'd first gotten together. He'd could always make up whatever he didn't remember, he supposed.

"Am I going to have to serenade you, love?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows.

Lily half-smiled. "You wouldn't _dare_ ," she said.

"Oh, I certainly _would_ ," he answered, pleased by the little smile he'd already elicited. He got up out of his chair, dropping to his knees beside Lily. "Any requests, or shall I choose?"

Lily shook her head. She was pretty sure she knew what was coming.

James reached for the words in his head, but what he remembered was not exactly an I-love-you-and-we're-so-happily-married song, it was a you-blew-me-off-but-I-can't-help-loving-you song. It had worked at one time, but it wasn't right now. She was waiting, and he was madly trying to think of the perfect song to soothe her nerves and cheer her up, and suddenly, he remembered something his mother had sung to him once when James had been so mad about how unfair life was for Sirius.

He grinned up at her before clearing his mouth and starting to sing.

_When I find myself in times of trouble,  
Mother Mary comes to me  
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be._

_"And in my hour of darkness  
She is standing right in front of me  
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be._

_"Let it be, let it be.  
Let it be, let it be.  
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be._

_"And when all the broken hearted people  
Living in the world agree,  
There will be an answer, let it be._

_"For though they may be parted there is  
Still a chance that they will see  
There will be an answer, let it be._

_"Let it be, let it be.  
Let it be, let it be.  
There will be an answer, let it be._

Lily, because there was nothing else she could do, cried. Everyone in the restaurant had been watching, and now they started to clap.

James blushed a little, but got to his feet and bowed properly at everyone else before leaning in to kiss Lily. It was just a sweet brush of his lips against hers before he shifted to whisper in her ear.

"I wasn't singing to make you cry, love," he told her. "I want you to be happy."

"I am happy," Lily said. "Even if you do have a horrid singing voice," she teased.

"Yeah, well. It's the thought that counts," he said, wiping away her tears with his thumbs. "Don't think I won't do it again if you don't start smiling, Lils."

"Noted," Lily said, and smiled before leaning in to kiss him properly.

***

"Something tells me the music isn't working," Remus said as Harry screamed from his crib. He reached over and turned off the small stereo they'd brought up.

Sirius scratched his head. "Well. Lily did say he likes to be sung to sleep, didn't she?"

"Well. Yes, I suppose she did," Remus admitted. "I thought the CD would do the trick though. And she was right. We do both have terrible singing voices."

"James' is worse. And Lily ain't no Taylor Hanson."

Remus' mother had put him in the choir as a child. He'd done it, because he tended to what he was told, even as a child. So he'd learned how to read music, learned how to sing the music, and he'd sung. He'd hated it, though. Now, he never sang, if he could help it.

"Go on then," he urged Sirius.

Me? Hey now, if I'm going to make an ass of myself in front of an infant, you're going to do it with me," Sirius insisted, crossing his arms.

"I... Sirius," Remus said, frowning. He didn't really have an excuse. "What are we singing, then? Do you know any lullabies? What does Lily sing him?"

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know. I don't sit outside the nursery window at night and listen in."

"Do you know 'All Through the Night'?" Remus asked, thinking of a song he'd learned through church at Christmastime.

It was a children's lullaby, and really wasn't Christmas specific, but he, playing an angel, had sung it in the Christmas play to the newborn baby Jesus. At the time, Remus had thought the conductor had only made him do it out of a suppressed desire to make him miserable, and so his mother could use videotapes of it to humiliate him at his wedding. Not that that mattered now, as he wouldn't ever be getting married.

Sirius blushed furiously. "Yes. My mother bribed the church conductor here to make me sing it as a benediction once. I sounded horrible."

"Oh," Remus said. "Well. We can think of something else then. Just... do you know anything? He's giving me a headache."

"We could sing that one, it's okay," Sirius said.

"Right," Remus said, blushing already, though he hadn't even begun to embarrass himself yet. Clearing his throat, he stared determinedly at the little ball of screaming infant and took a deep breath. "Um. Ready?"

"Ready," Sirius replied quietly.

Together, they began to sing.

_Sleep my child and peace attend thee,  
All through the night.  
Guardian angels God will send thee,  
All through the night._

_"Soft the drowsy hours are creeping,  
Hill and dale in slumber sleeping.  
I my loved ones' watch am keeping,  
All through the night._

_"Angels watching, e'er around thee,  
All through the night.  
Midnight slumber close surround thee,  
All through the night._

_"Soft the drowsy hours are creeping,  
Hill and dale in slumber sleeping  
I my loved ones' watch am keeping,  
All through the night._

Harry whined, but about halfway through the song he started snuffling, and then gave up altogether. By the end of it he had drifted off to sleep, his little mouth just a little bit open and his fisted hands slowly falling to his sides.

Remus covered Sirius' mouth with his hand and pulled him towards the door before he could do anything at all that might possibly wake Harry up. As soon as he shut the door behind them, Remus looked up at Sirius, both surprised by how _not_ terrible Sirius had sounded, and by the fact that he'd just sung in front of him. Or, with him, rather, but Remus' brain wasn't exactly focussing on the details at the moment.

"I, well. I suppose that worked well enough," Remus whispered.

"Yes," Sirius whispered back. "And, uh. You have a really nice voice."

"No I don't," Remus said quickly, turning a darker sort of red. "You didn't sound horrible, though. Oh, I mean. You said you did when you sang it in front of your church. And you don't. You sounded nice."

"Liar," Sirius answered.

"I'm not, Sirius. You really did sound nice," Remus insisted.

"Well, so did you," said Sirius, grinning. "We should form a folk duo and go on tour or something. I read a joke about that somewhere actually..."

"Certainly. It sounds lovely. We could back up The Hobbled Gordons," Remus agreed facetiously, rolling his eyes. He looked over at Harry's door and then turned back to Sirius. "Is it totally pathetic that I just want to stay right here in the hall to make sure we hear him if he wakes up?"

Sirius slid down the wall and sat, looking up at Remus. "Like I wasn't thinking the exact same thing?"

Settling himself next to Sirius, Remus smiled happily. "All in all, I think that went well, don't you?"

"Except for the poop," Sirius agreed. "The poop was horrible."

"Indeed it was," Remus agreed sleepily. He was exhausted. It had been a long night, and only now that he wasn't focussed on taking care of Harry could he feel it all catching up with him. "Can I go to sleep on you, Padfoot?"

"Yes," Sirius answered drowsily. "So long as I can fall asleep on you."

"Mm, sure," Remus answered and leaned his head on Sirius' shoulder. "Just a short kip to catch our breath."

***

Lily anxiously bounced on her heels as James unlocked the door, eager to get inside and make sure that her baby was in one piece. And by 'one piece' she meant 'not still awake and covered in poop'.

James rolled his eyes, pushing the door open with a flourish and stepping back with over-dramatic haste. Following her in, he was surprised at the lack of noise. There was no TV, no talking, no anything. Sirius and Remus were actually nowhere to be found.

"Maybe they're up checking on Harry?" James suggested, his voice quiet out of habit.

Worriedly, Lily headed toward the stairs and hopped up two at a time. She came to a halt and actually had to stop herself from laughing out loud, for fast asleep and spooning one another on the hallway carpet was Remus and Sirius, right by the door to Harry's room.

James followed her up the stairs and couldn't hold in a loud snort. After covering his mouth and making an odd choking noise into his hand, he managed to muffle himself and regain his composure.

"Guess you worried for nothing, huh?" he whispered into Lily's ear, wrapping his arms around her from behind.

"They look so cute. And I bet they were petrified that he'd do something, too, the dears," Lily said softly. "Should we wake them?"

"We'd better. They'll be stiff and whiny tomorrow if we let them sleep on the floor all night," James said, reaching out and nudging the two of them in the leg with his toe. "Oi, get up and be quiet about it, else you'll wake the baby."

Sirius blinked up at them blearily. "Buwhaa?"

"Up, up, you lazy sods, sleeping on the job," James teased with a wide grin. "Did Harry tire you out, you old codgers?"

"I... we weren't _sleeping_ sleeping," Remus said, his voice rough and fuzzy. "I mean, it was just, just a kip to catch our breath."

"It's after eleven, Moony," James informed him.

"Goodness, we've been out for hours," Remus mumbled, forcing himself into a sitting position and yawning. "How was the night out then?"

"Lovely," Lily said. "Thank you for forcing us to go. You should do it more often."

"Sure, of course," Remus said, nodding eagerly and smiling. "Any time at all."

"He wasn't any trouble, was he?" she asked.

Sirius yawned. "He was good. He wriggled a lot, pooped, and spit up all over the place."

"But it was manageable. He wouldn't go to sleep to the music though, so we had to..." Remus trailed off wrinkling his nose a little. "Well, we had to sing, obviously. It worked like a charm though. I was quite surprised."

"It didn't make him scream louder?" Lily questioned, raising her eyebrows.

"Well, no," Remus admitted, feeling suddenly both self-conscious and defensive, the former more for himself and the latter on Sirius' behalf. "I suppose we're not so horrible at singing after all."

"Bollocks you aren't," James chuckled. "I've heard Sirius in the shower. Bloody terror."

Sirius presented James with a rather rude gesture at that.

"Don't be a berk, James," Remus said casually through a yawn and, as Sirius had not sat up yet, laid back down, facing him this time, and rested his head on Sirius' shoulder. To Sirius, Remus said, "Come on, lazy bones. Time to go home to bed."

"You can stay if you want. Guest bedroom and all," James said vaguely.

"We can just stay here," Sirius said. "Sleep in there. Mmm. Sleep."

"Still means we have to get off the floor," Remus said and reluctantly pulled away, getting to his feet and holding a hand out to help Sirius.

Sirius obliged, allowing Remus to pull him upward.

Snickering a little at his mates all dopey with exhaustion (a really tired Remus had some things in common with a drunk Remus, James had discovered over the years), he patted Sirius hard on the shoulder and gave him a little nudge in the direction of the guest room.

"Right, sleep well then. We're off to bed," James said. "And thanks, mates. Tonight was nice."

"You're welcome, mate," Sirius said.

"Yes, thank you. I'll make you pancakes in the morning," Lily offered.

Sirius grinned sleepily. "I couldn't possibly say no to pancakes."

"Super Mum," Remus mumbled, offering one last sleepy smile before stumbling into the guest room, pulling Sirius with him and shutting the door after them.

"Idiots," James said fondly. "Come on, bed time for us too."

Lily leaned on James as they walked, kissing the sleeve of his shirt affectionately. "I guess we do need more baby breaks. For our sanity."

"Yeah, we do. And more sex," James said rakishly, grinning brightly at his wife as he wrapped an arm around her to lead her into their bedroom.

"You know," Lily said, smiling wryly as she reached for the zipper of her dress, "Harry won't be up for his bottle for another two hours."

"I love you, my sexy, sexy wife," James said, locking the door behind him and hurrying out of his clothes. "I'll always, always love you."

Lily laughed quietly. "Even when my breasts are dangling by my knees?"

"Even when your breasts are dangling by your _ankles_ ," James corrected, stepping towards her and pulling her into his arms. "There's nothing in the world that could make me stop loving you."

Lily smiled and kissed his nose. "God, I love you."

"Good, because you're stuck with me," James said and kissed her properly, pushing her unzipped dress down off her shoulders and leading her to the bed. He climbed on and laid down, tugging Lily after him.

Lily straddled him. She let her hair down and shook it around her shoulders. She licked her lips and said, mischievously, "What can I do for you, _sir_?"

"Oh, plenty of things," James said eagerly, running his hands up her sides. "Starting with coming down here and kissing me."

Lily bent down and kissed him passionately, holding the sides of his face.

James slid his hands up her back, unclasping her bra and letting it fall forward as he brought his hands around front to replace it. Just as James began to slide one hand down and inside Lily's knickers, a loud wail broke the mood.

Groaning, James relaxed into the bed and looked up at Lily with a pathetic, frustrated expression. "Right, so. He obviously doesn't want any siblings, that one. Rock, paper, scissors you for who's going to go feed him and who gets to stay here and wank?"

"I got it!" Sirius called from the hallway.

"I owe you a romp in the sack, mate!" James called back and promptly rolled over so he was on top of Lily and grinning like a madman.

"So. Where were we?"


	31. The Meeting (August 31st, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Elphias is the biggest of git he's ever been, Gideon and Sirius' tempers are far from in check, and the general consensus is that suspicion sucks monkey balls. Or possibly Sirius'.

Walking hand in hand, Dorcas and Edgar made their way to Dor's very first meeting as a core member of the Order. They were late, as Dorcas had insisted on a quickie before they left (she was a little wired about the meeting, after all), but Dor didn't care. At least it meant she could make an entrance.

And she did want to make an entrance. Dorcas, until recently, had not been allowed to attend the elite meetings. They were for the core members only. That meant only Gideon, Fabian, Marlene, Elphias, James, Sirius, Remus, Lily, Peter, Edgar, Frank, Alice, and Emmeline. Dorcas hadn't known about Frank, Alice, or Emmeline until she'd been promoted, though. And boy, had she been promoted. She was now the youngest and newest in the core group, despite only being involved with the Order for three or so months.

Though, she'd well earned the trust Gid and Fay had bestowed upon her. She had risked life and limb to save their very own ickle nephew, Charlie, after all.

It was quite a good story. She'd been out at the market one day, happily nicking fruit for a snack, using a woman and her herd of noisy children as the distraction. It worked quite well, and she was about to leave with her peaches when she noticed a tall man with a long jacket breeze by and grab one of the kids. Not nicely, either, and the kid didn't even have a chance to scream as he disappeared into the crowd with his kidnapper.

Dorcas hadn't even hesitated. She'd dropped her fruit and taken off at a run after him, elbowing her way through the crowd and getting as much attention as she could. The big finish, however, was when she tackled the man and pulled a knife, pressing the blade to his throat so he wouldn't go anywhere.

Well, it had gotten her in a little trouble, but once everything had been cleared up and it turned out she'd saved Charlie Weasley, one of Gid and Fay's older sister's kids, she'd rather been hailed a hero in the Order.

So, she thought she'd earned her right to breeze in late, throwing the door open and calling gaily: "Hello, bitches!"

She pulled Ed in after her, their hands still clasped together.

Edgar blushed horribly as Dorcas tugged him forward and into the room. Everyone looked at them, of course (not because it was an odd sight for them to be seen together, but because Dorcas was always so loud that it was impossible _not_ to look), and they were offered a few puzzled looks when the others noticed that they were holding hands. Edgar merely grinned. He didn't need to say anything. Dorcas said enough for the both of them.

"What?" Dorcas said, grinning widely. She had a pretty good idea _what_ , though, because she and Ed hadn't really 'come out', as it were, about their relationship yet. Just to drive the point home, she added, "I know we're late. Sorry about that. Sex always takes longer than I expect. Guess boys really _aren't_ that much fucking easier to get off than girls. Or maybe Ed here just has great endurance."

Flashing a wicked grin in Ed's direction, she pushed him towards a chair and, as soon as he was sitting, promptly got cozy on his lap, wearing a defiant, defensive expression. _Say something_ , she mentally challenged everyone. _Go on, I know you want to_.

There was, predictably, a moment of shocked silence, before Fabian spoke up.

"Dorcas Meadows, I thought you were a raging lesbian!" he said, eyes sparkling with amusement.

Sirius grinned triumphantly, jumping to his feet and pointing a finger at Dorcas mockingly. "I _knew_ it! I said it so many times and you were so full of shit Meadows! So _full_ of _shit_!"

Edgar slunk an arm around Dorcas' waist and just kept smiling to himself proudly.

"I'm not full of shit, you tosser," Dorcas snapped, leaning forward a little. She was prepared for this. "I still like girls. I've just decided that love is love. And anyway, do you know that bisexuals have to take shit from the heteros _and_ twinks like you? They need someone like me."

James just burst out laughing and buried his face in Lily's shoulder. He couldn't _believe_ Dorcas sometimes. For a sixteen year old, she sure had a lot of grand ideas about herself.

Tugging on Sirius' hand to try and get him to sit down, Remus said, "Love _is_ love, Sirius. Don't tease her."

"Thanks, Lupin, but I can take care of myself," Dorcas said. She never backed down from a fight. "And if anyone ought to defend me, it should be my _boyfriend_. But he's a bit of an idiot, you know. Right, Bonesie?"

"Right, clearly," Edgar agreed with a big grin.

"I _am_ bisexual, you big twat," Sirius muttered.

"Well, then, you're the last person who should be saying anything about it, aren't you?" Dorcas said, a little flustered. She hadn't known. She'd just assumed he was gay because he and Remus had been together as long as she'd known them. "Anyway. I'm young. I'm allowed to explore my sexuality all I fucking please. Like last night, for example. We..."

"Uh, Dorcas, perhaps this is a discussion better left for when there _aren't_ more pressing matters at hand," Remus interrupted, blushing. "I believe we have a meeting to begin?"

"Prude," James coughed.

Sirius snorted. "He just _thinks_ he's a prude," he said. "But I bet that what he had me doing last night can top whatever Ed and Dor were up to."

"Sirius!" Remus berated, turning even redder.

Fabian couldn't help but burst out laughing. "Now, now, children. As much as I love to talk about sex, there are rather more sinister things afoot. Before we begin, congratulations, Dorcas and Edgar. May you scandalize as many people straight as you did gay. However..."

"Oh, shut up Fay. We're waiting for Elphias to get here anyway," Marlene said. "So. When did you two get together? I know Bones was pining since the very first time he met you."

For once, Edgar did the talking. "Ah, remember that night the Lestrange woman showed up, and Gid and Fay got arrested? Then we all went to dinner after they were bailed out?"

"Really?" Marlene asked, grinning. "But that was over two months ago, you arse! How come you guys didn't tell anyone? Namely _me_. I'm hurt, Ed. Really."

"You know what Dor's like. She likes to make a splash, and this was her chance. Besides, it was kind of weird how it happened, so..." Edgar trailed off, wondering if it'd be kosher to go into the details without having talked to Dorcas about it first.

"He means that we got tanked and fucked, and then my girlfriend showed up when Ed was collecting his clothes from the living room the next morning," Dorcas said. "I was an utter cow about it. Told him I didn't like boys, told her to get lost, and was a wretch for a while before I made a public spectacle of myself at his work a few days later. It was all very fucking dramatic. My parents were overjoyed, as you can imagine."

"What _have_ you gotten yourself into, Ed," Fay laughed.

"Nothing he hasn't been aching for from the get go," Marlene quipped.

Lily, who was in the middle of burping Harry after feeding him, furrowed her eyebrows. "How on earth did you convince her to sleep with you, Edgar?"

Edgar looked at her surprised and then bit his lip. "Well, er. Actually," he said quietly. "It was her idea."

Glaring at Sirius in advance, just in case he decided to say anything, Dor said, "Well, you know, he quite adores me. A girl likes to be liked. Plus, I sort of liked being able to drive him wild, you know? Power trip."

"That's sort of terrible, Dorcas," Fabian said lightly.

"Yes, well. I can _be_ sort of terrible," Dorcas replied, shrugging. "Anyway, it worked out all right. Couldn't get him out of my head afterwards, at any rate, even if I did almost botch it up."

Gideon, who had been sitting quietly, leaning back on two legs in his chair with his arms folded across his chest, finally spoke up. "And here," he said, pouting slightly and trying to sound sad, "I thought it was me you were after, Dor, and instead you go after spider-legs here! Woe!"

"I admire you," Dorcas said honestly. "There's a difference. Besides, I'm not the sort to pine over the unattainable," here Dor paused to shoot a teasing look at Ed. "Not that I'm saying you're out of my league or anything."

At that moment, the door opened and Elphias hurried in. "Sorry, sorry! There was an accident on the highway. I almost called to say I wouldn't make it, but traffic started moving again and I thought I'd be fine. I'm not too late, am I?"

Gideon was frowning but he shook his head. "No, you're alright. Edgar and Dorcas covered for you by making a scene."

"Oh? Fabulous," Elphias said distractedly and took a seat next to Fay before looking around. Elphias, for as long as he'd been a member, had been very busy with school and work and as such, did not know the newer members as well. This was, in fact, the first time he'd ever met Dorcas as he'd missed the last few all-member meetings. "Hello. Who are you?"

"That's Dorcas, prat. She's an ex-lesbian and is now dating Ed. I expect you know Edgar by now, don't you?" Fabian answered, teasing.

"Of course I know Edgar. I've just not yet met Dorcas is all. Hello, pleasure. Are we allowed to bring our significant others to the core group meetings now? Should I expect Caradoc - " _the artist_ " - to show up next time?"

Gideon held his hand up before Dorcas had the opportunity to say her piece to Elphias. "Dor's the one who saved Charlie. Surely Fabian told you _that_?"

"Oh. Right. Sorry," Elphias said. "I forgot."

"Way to make a good first impression, Elf," Fay snickered, noticing how Dorcas looked about ready to hit him. Not that she'd do anything Gid told her not to do.

"Sorry. I'm just a little stressed of late," Elphias said to her, smiling sheepishly and at least attempting to look sincere. "Hello, Dorcas. Pleasure to meet you. I'm Elphias, the terrible cad who is late and then inadvertently insults the heroic new member. I apologize."

"Oh, don't be silly. All is forgiven. I'm sure you're usually the sweetest of fellows," Dorcas said brightly, though she was using a tone of voice that anyone who knew her would know was just _not Dorcas_ and there was a malicious edge to her smile.

Inattentive and unknowing as he was, however, Elphias just smiled.

"Now. Can we finally get started, or are you going to shush me again, Kinny?" Fabian said.

"No shushing of anyone, since we're all here now and might as well get on with it," Gideon said. "First off, our mate in the London circuit has told us that Riddle's consulting a fortune teller. Hired her right onto his payroll, apparently." Everyone was looking at him and about ready to laugh, but Gideon shrugged. "The kicker is that she's originally from Kingsbridge, and back when she was in what Amelia calls 'a right state of mind'," he raised an eyebrow, "she worked for the Conservation society."

"How'd she go bats?" Edgar asked, used to hearing his sister and the conservation society mentioned in meetings.

"She claims she was struck by lightening and it gave her the power to see into the future," Fabian said, his lips quirking. "But a mate of mine at the hospital there said she came in one day after having accidentally electrocuted herself by sticking a butter knife into the toaster while it was plugged in. Doesn't make as good a story, I admit. Whether that had anything to do with, though, is up for debate. It could've just been genetic. Have any of you heard of Cassandra Trelawney? She was big with the late night television crowd. She had her own show where people could call in for their very own psychic consultation on air. Anyway, that's Sybil's grandmother."

Sirius snorted. "Fucking codswallop. And why would Riddle hire her, exactly?"

Lily and Alice shared a fleeting, panicked look as realization seemed to dawn on them both at the same time.

"We've no idea," Gideon answered honestly. "From what our mate has heard, he's been talking to her about the company and, get this, his position as the 'Fashion Lord'."

Lily swallowed a lump in her throat.

"All right, Lily?" James asked, noticing her pale face and shocked expression. "Hey, what's wrong?"

She glanced at Alice again. "Ah, well. Remember when we went to the graduation fair, and Alice and I got all weirded out after having our fortunes told?"

Frank looked at Alice, who was chewing on her lip. "The old bat with all the shawls, honey bear?" he asked. She nodded. "She wasn't the same person, was she?"

"Oh hell," James said, frowning. He remembered how shaken Lily had been after they'd spoken to the fortuneteller. "This is so bloody weird. I thought she was just some old bint who happened to get enough stuff right to scare them. But I don't get what Riddle wants with her."

Fabian blinked. "Hang on. Wait. You told me about this, Lily. Do either you or Alice remember exactly what she said?"

Lily screwed up her face, trying to remember. "I'm paraphrasing here... 'The one who can vanquish the Fashion Lord approaches,'" she said. "'Born to parents who have defied him three times'... um... 'and born as the seventh month dies'. Pretty sure that's right on. I think there's something about the Fashion Lord bugger marking the baby as his equal, but of the kid having powers that he doesn't know about. And one of them has to 'defeat' the other because they can't really co-exist."

Alice nodded, "That's about right," she agreed, quietly. "I hadn't really thought of it again until now."

"I... are we really considering the words of a woman at fair who predicted the future valuable? I mean, it can't possibly be _real_ ," Remus said.

"The s-seventh month is July, r-right? Harry and Neville w-were born then, at t-the end," Peter mumbled thoughtfully, speaking for the first time.

He'd been so quiet that James had actually forgotten he was there.

"Yeah, they were. And both Lily and I as well as Frank and Alice have run into Riddle directly three times," James mused. "But it could just be a coincidence. Remus is right. How much stock can we put in a crazy carnival worker?"

"Clearly he wants to make it a reality, providing he knows about it..." Gideon said, scratching his chin. "Wait a second, the Kingsbridge carnival? That stupid piece of shit they have every year?"

"Yeah," James answered, nodding. "Why?"

"Last time I checked it was sponsored by one of his stupid subsidiaries," Gideon replied. "The one that makes the sugar-shit things. What's that called again?"

"Candiclothes," Fabian said, curling his lip in disgust. The clothes were made to be edible and they were only _slightly_ toxic. "And the Candiclothes employees run the food and refreshment stands, don't they? The place was probably crawling with Riddle's little peons. At least that answers the question of how he found out."

Lily shifted Harry in her arms. "So, if we're taking this seriously--since he clearly is--then it's either Harry or Neville that he's looking for?"

"Sounds like it," Fabian said, his face unreadable but his eyes dark. "Look, I don't know about you lot, but Gideon and I have been getting some shit. Our tires have been slashed, rocks have been thrown through our windows, and we've gotten plenty of calls to our handies with nothing but heavy breathing on the other end. It's all rather heavy-handed and amateur and just meant to scare, we think, or else to point out that whoever the spy is has passed on personal information. Just, well... has anything at all like that happened to any of you?"

"Spy?" Sirius asked, confused. "What spy?"

Dorcas was actually a little blown away by the seriousness of the meeting. The big meetings were all very noisy and unorganized and there was a lot of brainstorming new ideas. Nothing really got talked about, not in this frank sort of way. She hadn't realized things were as bad as they were, evidently. At the mention of a spy, however, Dorcas remembered her voice.

"There's a _spy_?" she guffawed. "Bloody fuck. Is that why all our protests have turned out like total _shit_ lately?"

"How do you know?" Remus asked softly, his mind reeling with this new information. Now that he thought about it, it did make sense. "Perhaps more importantly, do you have any ideas on how to find out who it is?"

"We've no ideas yet, though you can bet we've been trying everything we can think of," Fabian said, shrugging. "And yes, there's a spy. We only decided to bring it up because we know enough to know when we ought to ask for help. We've got nothing to lose now."

"Not that just throwing it into the conversation like that wasn't an attempt to shock the lot of us," Elphias said, smirking. He, of course, had already known there was a spy, but it didn't appear anyone else had, though Marlene probably did as well. "Did any reaction pique your interest?"

"You can't mean he thinks it's one of _us_ ," Dorcas said. "I thought the core was the most trusted. It's got to be someone in the rest of them. Everyone knows Gid and Fay's handy numbers."

"He already said they had nothing left to lose," Emmeline said, frowning. "That means they don't think it'll make much of a difference if the spy knows they know there's a spy. That means they _do_ think it's one of us."

"We're not trying to point fingers," Gideon said frankly. "We're just putting it out there because we've gotten to the point where clearly everything is going hell. Whomever it is has given us all up to be slaughtered, including Harry and Neville. All I'm going to say is this, and I'm going to be very fucking clear about it, too. We are your _friends_. We would bend over backward for you. I'd give myself up willingly for anyone in this room. To me, you're family, and I'd like to think of myself as being the same to you. By willingly doing Riddle's bidding, you're sentencing us to death. It will come to that. He's not a sensible man."

"Well fuck me," Dorcas said softly. "Look, I know I may be new, but I'm not scared."

"You should be, child," Elphias said. "You don't realize the seriousness of the situation."

"And you're a fucking idiot who doesn't know his bollocks from his brains," Dorcas snapped. "I wasn't talking about any of them, Riddle or his pets. I was talking about this. The Order. Suspicion. I'm new. I know how it works. I'm saying I'm not scared. I have nothing to hide, and I can handle people thinking it's me, if they'd like."

"We don't think it's you, Dor," Fabian said. "Being new actually works in your favour. You haven't been privy to all the information they've gotten."

"Oh," Dorcas said softly, looking a little shell-shocked. "Well, I just meant, I'm not afraid. I can handle it. I could..."

"Take it easy, love," Edgar whispered in her ear. "Take a deep breath, okay? I know it's a lot to take in, but you have to calm down."

"Shut up, I'm fine," Dorcas mumbled, but relaxed into him and slid her palms over the arm he'd wrapped around her waist. He was right, though, despite what she'd said in response. She did have to calm down.

Sirius clucked his tongue. "One of us is willing to do that though? Hang the others out to dry? Parents, childhood friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, all that? I mean. I'm sorry, but you're supposedly sitting in this room so what the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Do you really think it will come to that? To murder? Would he go so far?" Remus asked curiously.

Though Remus had no doubt Riddle would go to extreme lengths, certainly he wouldn't kill them, would he? Were they really that big of a threat to him? Would he rather murder innocent people than face the obstacles in his path? Well, when put like that, it didn't seem so unlikely. They were finally starting to get a little attention from the media, which could get him shut down permanently, and they already knew he had little to no regard for any life other than his own. It made Remus feel cold to admit it, but they were all right. It was their lives on the line, and someone they all trusted was responsible.

Remus looked around the room at everyone, and had no idea who it could be. There didn't seem to be any secrets in anyone's eyes. Peter looked wide-eyed and afraid, though, and Remus' heart went out to him. He knew Peter had only really joined up because the rest of them had, and now he was probably regretting it.

"Yes," Gideon answered. "Without a doubt. We're fucking gum on the bottom of his shoe, man. He wants us gone and he's going to do what he can to _scrape_ us _off_."

Lily shook her head. "There's got to be a solution for this lurking around a corner somewhere..." she said distractedly, looking worriedly at Harry who was asleep on her shoulder.

"Oh, certainly. Gideon and Fabian just didn't feel like looking for it, I suppose," Elphias said sarcastically, but a sharp look from James seemed to chasten him. Sighing, he added in a softer voice, "The fact of the matter is, unless this person comes to their senses, there isn't much that we can do, is there? There's no way to prove anything. Every single one of you has a million reasons _not_ to spy. There's no way to know who's managed to find a reason worth overlooking all that."

"There is no wrath like a lover scorned," Emmeline said softly.

"It's woman scorned, not lover scorned," Remus corrected automatically.

Emmeline smiled faintly and replied, "I'm a sexism free zone."

Nodding, whatever Remus had been about to say was abruptly cut off when Elphias snapped, "You're accusing me, are you? Just because... that's low."

"I'm not accusing you," Emmeline said, blushing a little at all the attention suddenly on her. "I'm just reminding you that you aren't exempt from suspicion."

"Oh, am I not? I suppose it's because they suspect me that they - "

"Elf!" Fabian snapped suddenly, interrupting his friend.

"That they what?" Edgar asked. "Everyone's down for the count Doge; what's makes you so special?"

"That they what indeed. That they let such a blathering idiot stay in the Order. Honestly," Marlene said, annoyed. Elphias had just complicated _everything_. "I used to like you, Elphias, but these past few months you've just been a right git."

Fabian sighed. "Don't start. Please. If we start taking pot shots at each other, this will quickly degenerate into something even more migraine inducing. We might as well just explain. Gid?"

"Well. The shit is going to fly anyhow, I suppose. We told Elphias, Marlene, James and Lily when we first expected that something was going awry," Gideon said. "It was nothing personal, just that we wanted more eyes on the situation, and considering it was new parents and oldest friends, it seemed sensible at the time."

A stunned silence filled the room. Gideon cleared his throat. He was _about_ to keep explaining himself (probably more for his own sake than anyone else's) when Sirius turned where he was sitting next to James and smacked him upside the head.

"What the _fuck_!" he snapped.

"Ow, sod off," James replied, rubbing his head. He'd wanted to tell Sirius. He hated keeping secrets from him. But the fact of the matter was, he hadn't. "It wasn't our secret to tell, all right? You know if it was, you'd have known."

"No, fuck it, that's _not_ on. I know everything from the way you like to hum God Save The Queen when you pee to the way Evans likes her oral sex, but you can't tell me _that_?"

"Sirius, calm down," Remus whispered, though both Sirius and James ignored him.

"It wasn't my place to bloody tell you," James said miserably, knowing that no matter his arguments, he couldn't justify it. Sirius was right. James knew Sirius would never spy, so why hadn't he told him? Well. Because he'd been specifically instructed not to, and there could've been a hundred reasons for that--including ones for Sirius and Remus' own good that had nothing to _do_ with suspicion--and James wasn't about to take more risks than he ought. He was a father now. He had a wife and son to protect. "I'm sorry, all right? Can we talk about this later?"

"Fuck this and fuck you," Sirius said. "This is fucking bullshit, picking favourites. We're supposed to be this far _in_ the damn thing because we _are_ trusted, and have been working for you nonce's since we were too fucking young to know what we were really doing, and then someone with their fucking head up their arse decides that they've had enough and instead of just leaving like a normal human being, they've got to go sentence us to _death_ by giving Riddle and his fucking Fashion Monkeys each and every single one of our names. I'm saying it right here and right now and you all better fucking hear me. If I find out who it is I will slice their _fucking_ throat and take the consequences!"

Sirius' passionate speech was so loud that it woke Harry (and Neville, who'd been sleeping on the table in his carrier). Both babies starting wailing at the top of their lungs.

"Sirius," Remus said softly, though his voice was more sympathetic than scolding. He knew how things like this got to Sirius. He knew Sirius was feeling betrayed on all fronts. The least Remus could do was be there for him, even if Remus himself wasn't nearly as hurt by the whole mess.

"We do what we think is best for the Order, Sirius," Fabian said softly, his voice guarded. "We intended to tell everyone eventually if we couldn't take care of the problem on our own. I'm sorry you feel like we betrayed you, but threatening _murder_ doesn't solve anything, and it just creates bad feelings. I won't have it. Even if we did know who it was, there would be no slicing of throats. Please try to relax."

Sirius' hands were clenched in fists. He didn't say anything else. He just sat there and started at the table, biting his tongue.

Gideon took a deep breath. "We keep saying that this isn't a dictatorship. This is an organization. Sirius is right about one thing. You can leave any time you like, with no hard feelings. This is a hard place to be, and we do expect quite a lot. But it's your lives first and foremost, and what you're fighting for isn't going to solely protect you or anyone that you love."

"Though, you're putting up quite a fuss about it, Sirius. Perhaps you're worried they're going to stop trusting you?" Elphias put in, his voice low and insinuating. "Or maybe you think if you seem like you're angry enough about the prospect of a spy, no one will look too closely at you. It's nice not to have to worry about that, I'll tell you."

"You have _no right_..." Remus began angrily, ready to leap to Sirius' defence when the force that was Gideon Prewett interrupted him.

"Elphias, _fuck_. Shut your mouth, for once! Marlene is right! For the last few months you've been completely intolerable as a person and a member of this organization and I swear to fucking Christ if you don't learn to act like a human being I am literally going to beat you around the head. I don't care _who_ you think you are. And don't even start about physical violence Fabian, because sometimes it's fucking necessary."

"Hear, hear," Marlene muttered. "Prick."

Elphias narrowed his eyes, but didn't say anything. He knew better than to open his mouth and get himself in more trouble.

"Perhaps it might be best if we adjourned this meeting," Fabian said. "Emotions are high, people are upset, and things are bound to get worse if we keep at it. Unless Gideon has anything else to say, I think we should just close up and we'll get in touch with you sooner than later about another meeting."

"Just watch your backs. This is going to get much, _much_ worse before it gets better. And if anyone has anything else to bring up, now's the time, and quickly before we end up killing each other and doing Riddle's job for him."

"So? Anyone?" Fabian asked. After waiting for a moment, Fay directed his gaze at Dorcas when she seemed about to say something. She just shrugged and melted back into Edgar. Fabian forced a smile and said, his voice clipped, "Well then. We're done. Elphias, I need to talk to you in private. _Now_."

Without a word, Elphias nodded and got up, walking stiffly into Fabian's room. Fay followed and shut the door behind him. Neither of the men looked at all pleased.

Sighing, James got up and stretched before taking Harry, who was still crying, out of Lily's arms and rocking him a little. He turned to Sirius as he swayed and asked, "So? Are we all right? We aren't, are we."

Sirius gave James a look that clearly said they weren't anywhere close. "I just. I mean, c'mon Prongs. If Remus or I were the spy, we could've carted Harry off on the day he was born for Christ's sake."

"I didn't not tell you because I thought you were the spy, you daft sod," James replied, voice a little sharp, but eyes soft and beseeching. He hated fighting with Sirius. Shifting Harry to his other hip, still swaying as Harry sniffled, James stepped closer and spoke quietly, just in case Gideon heard and didn't want James telling Sirius _this_ either. Not that it would stop him. "I didn't tell you because they asked me not to. How was I to know _why_? They could've had a thousand different reasons. I didn't want to put you and Remus at risk just like I didn't want to put Lily and Harry at risk."

Sirius still wasn't convinced and likely wouldn't be. "Well they can just go have a suck on my bollocks, the lot of them," he said.

"No they can't," Remus said blandly. "And James obviously feels wretched--which he _should_ \--so why don't you two, you know, punch each other and make up, or whatever it is you do, because we all know you'll be miserable if you don't. James was wrong. He's admitted it. Is that enough, Sirius?"

Sirius grinned. "Remember that time, at one in the morning, when we were fighting about that stupid science fair project, and I fell down the stairs? And _broke my leg_?"

James took the olive branch gratefully. "Yeah. Mum yelled the whole way to emergency," James said, rolling his eyes. "Then she babied you for weeks. I still can't believe she let you eat chocolate cake before dinner. Like I wasn't going to find out. I think she was mostly just worried how your parents would react."

***

"Utter madness," Frank mumbled on the other side of the room, shaking a stuffed rabbit in Neville's direction, trying to get him to stop crying.

"Frankie, I think I'd better shut the daycare down," Alice said softly, linking their hands together. "If we really are targets, I can't put those other kids in danger too."

Frank nodded. "It'll be a little tight, but we can manage it. You could always help your father out. You know he wouldn't mind having Nevvie around all the time, and it'd be better than nothing."

"Okay," Alice said and nodded before looking up at Frank with her eyes full of tears. "I won't let them hurt him. I love him too much, my sweet little Neville."

"It's okay sweets," Frank said, pulling Alice into a hug. "I won't let anything happen to you or Neville, I promise."

***

Still seated comfortably on top of Edgar, Dorcas shifted to the side a little so she could face him as she asked, "So. Are the meetings always this fucking eventful?"

Edgar offered a small smile. "Only lately."

"Well good," Dorcas said, curling up a little and leaning her head on his shoulder, pressing her palm over his chest in the hopes that she could feel his heart beat. "Because it's fucking exhausting."

"You don't have to get into this, you know," Edgar said quietly, rubbing small circles on her stomach.

"Oh bugger you, Bones," she said, leaning into his touch and trying to smile like she wasn't scared. "If _you_ can handle it, than _I_ certainly fucking can."

"Nice to know you have such belief in my capabilities," Edgar said, kissing her forehead.

"Well. Maybe I meant _since_ you can, I can," Dorcas said softly. "I feel safe when you're around. But don't tell anyone. They'll think I'm going soft now that I'm not a dyke anymore."

Edgar snorted. "And better for me that you aren't. And I'm happy to protect you, you know."

"Well, you can keep me safe from walking by protecting me all the way to the car," Dor quipped, wrapping her arms around his neck with no intention of letting go. "Let's blow this popsicle stand."

Edgar got to his feet, holding her tightly. "You're something else, Princess," he said. "And I love you like you wouldn't believe."

"Yeah, yeah, you big sop," Dor replied, but after a moment, she smiled at him and added, "You know I love you too."

***

"Look, Fay, I didn't... I wasn't trying to cause problems, all right?" Elphias started as soon as the door shut behind them. "You know how I get when I'm nervous."

"Yeah, I do," Fabian said softly.

"I was just running off at the mouth. I didn't mean any of it," Elphias added, confused by Fabian's lack of anger. He'd been sure he was going to get yelled at, but now Fay just looked resigned. "You aren't mad at me? You're always mad at me when I'm an idiot."

"And you're _always_ an idiot lately," Fay said and sat down on his bed.

Elphias sat nervously down beside him. "I'm sorry. I just... I miss you so much, Fay. Can't we... can't we give it another go?"

"Oh, sure, let me just run off and dump Caradoc for you when you've been doing nothing but being an asshole to everyone I care about, shall I?" Fabian snapped. "I don't buy it anymore, Elf. You aren't just upset about us not being together anymore. It's _got_ to be more than that."

"It isn't. Please, I know I've just been making one mistake after another, but Fay..."

"You're sure?" Fabian interrupted, meeting Elphias' gaze with intense eyes that seemed to hint at a hundred hidden meanings. "You're sure you don't have an excuse? A reason other than that?"

"No. I... what are you _talking_ about?" Elphias asked, confused.

"You're sure."

" _Yes_."

With a sigh, Fabian flopped back onto the bed. "I guess it's true, then, what they say. People change. You've changed. I don't even know you anymore."

"Come on, Fabian. You know me. I'm Elphias. We've been mates since middle school."

"Yeah, and I actually liked you then. God. For a while I even thought I loved you," Fabian said. Before Elphias could interrupt, Fay continued. "Now though, Elf, I don't even _know_ you. The Elphias I liked so much would never be a prick to my new boyfriend, no matter how much he missed me. He would have accepted him, because that's one of the things I liked most about you was that you used to just _accept_ people, fucked up situations and complications aside. The Elphias I knew wouldn't sneer at my family or look down his nose at my friends. He would have always made the effort. He would've been considerate enough to call ahead to tell us he was going to be almost fifteen minutes late when he _knows_ how important the meeting is. He wouldn't deliberately bait people by telling them things he _knows_ would just cause problems when we've got enough shit to worry about as it is. He wouldn't..."

"Okay!" Elphias finally snapped. "I get it, all right? I'm a terrible person. What the fuck ever."

"He wouldn't make things harder for me when what I really need right now is my best mate to try and make things easier," Fabian finished softly.

"So what do you want me to do, Fay?" Elphias asked impatiently. "I'm sorry. I already said that."

"You've changed. You started changing before we even broke up, but I couldn't see it then," Fay said. "I don't think I want to be around you anymore. I don't think you're the spy, but I also don't think you're right for the Order, let alone the core group of us. I think you should leave."

"Fine," Elf replied. "I'll call you tomorrow once you've cooled down, all right?"

"You don't get it," Fabian said, sitting up and looking at him sadly. "I think you should go and not talk to me or any of us again."

"Fay, no. We can work this out," Elphias said, sounding both frightened and desperate. "We really can. I'm sorry. I'll change back. I promise."

"If you ever do, _then_ you can call me," Fabian replied evenly. "Until then, I don't want to see you. I don't want to hear from you. I tried to be there for you, Elphias. But there are only so many times I can watch you be an asshole to all the people in my life before I can't defend you anymore."

"Fabian..."

"Please go now."

"Hey, Fay, come on..."

"Get _out_."

"I..."

"I said _get out_!" Fabian shouted, and got up, walking to his bedroom door and flinging it open.

Elphias got to his feet and followed him, pausing in the doorway. "Fine. But I'll have you know, I really do love you, Fay. It's always only been you."

He left, and Fabian shut the door behind him, muttering "dramatic arse" to himself before flopping back down on his bed and bursting into tears.

However big of an arse Elphias had been, it was really hard to literally close the door on someone who had always been such a big part of Fabian's life. It may have been the right decision, but it hurt.

Everyone else had gone and Gideon watched Elphias storm past him without so much as acknowledging he was in the room. His eyebrows furrowed he walked over to Fabian's door, popping it open and sticking his head in. "What'd you stick up Elphias' arse?"

Peeling his face out of his already damp pillow, Fay looked over at his brother and shrugged. "He's out. For good."

Gideon stepped into the room. "Erm. Why?"

"Because he's a prick, Gideon. That's why," Fabian said, voice hitching. His throat closed up on the last word.

"We all already knew that, but I can't say I expected to hear you say it. What happened?"

"I just kept thinking he'd go back to how he was, but I guess that's how he is now," Fabian said miserably. "God, I'm just going to have a good cry, you know, being that I just told my best mate to fuck off. You can go if you'd like."

"Okay," Gideon answered. "And Molly's making lasagne, so don't cry too long."

"Thanks, Gid," Fay said.

Gideon left, walking into their haphazard TV room and making to put away the chairs. He was still musing over the meeting, considering the reactions, trying hard to place who could've done it. He felt like he was skipping over someone. It was just... something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

And two blocks away, having left the house without any attention being paid to him by James, Sirius or Remus, Peter Pettigrew took out his cell phone, and called Severus Snape.


	32. The End of the Beginning (August 31st-September 1st, 2006)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Peter gives all that's left to give, the core Order keeps going, unaware, and T.M. gets what he wants.

**August 31st, 2006**

Two blocks away from the Order meeting, when he was sure he was out of range from any of the other members (not that they'd notice him or give a rat's ass anyhow), Peter took out his cell phone and dialled Snape's number. He stopped on the sidewalk, chewing on his lip as the phone rang, and only jumping when a gruff voice on the other end answered "What?"

"T-the meeting's over," Peter answered quietly. "A-and they know t-there's a spy. There was a b-big row about it."

"We figured they'd know by now," Severus answered. "Riddle wants you to catch the next train to London," he added.

"A-All right," Peter answered nervously. "W-will you be there?"

"No. Just you and Riddle," Severus. "You know what to do."

Severus hung up.

***

**September 1st, 2006**

Pete shuffled into the room, eyes darting around nervously. Sure, he'd spent all summer attempting to be Mr. Riddle's personal assistant, but he was still terrified of the man. He was unpredictable and moody and he got _mean_ when Peter did something wrong. When he did something _right_ , though...

Peter owned clothes more expensive than his mother's Buick, and he'd been taken to clubs so exclusive, sometimes even B-list celebrities got turned away. But not Peter. He was allowed in. And people fawned over him, girls and boys and women and men, all of them beautiful. Peter got to feel like a VIP those times, and he tried his hardest to please Mr. Riddle on account of that.

That didn't mean Peter felt at all comfortable around the man. It just meant Pete did what he was told.

So he was there, a few minutes early, for a one-on-one meeting. All he had to do now was wait and _try_ to stop Sirius and Gideon's words from the meeting from going round and round in his head.

Bellatrix stepped out of T.M.'s office glancing around. "Pettigrew! Why you're here early! How uncharacteristic." She smirked slyly. "Well? What are you waiting for?"

"I... nothing! I was, well, but I s-suppose he isn't busy anymore now th-that you're not in w-with him," Peter said, jumping to his feet and edging towards the door. Bellatrix scared him almost even more than Mr. Riddle did. "Sh-should I just go in then?"

"No. You should just stand out in the lobby all day, twitching," Bellatrix snapped.

"R-right," Peter said after flinching, and stared dumbly at her for a moment before stumbling towards the office. Of course she'd been being sarcastic. He knocked lightly and then let himself into the room. "Mr. Riddle? Sir? B-Bellatrix told me to c-come in. I'm here f-f-for our meeting."

Riddle was facing the window in his chair, and rolled his eyes. Peter was stupid as dirt sometimes, and it tired him out. But he was a great asset to say the least, which made his intolerability worth putting up with. For now, at least. "Yes, Pettigrew, come in. Take a seat," T.M. said, wheeling his chair around to face Peter. "And how are you today, Pettigrew?"

"Good. Fine. I don't much l-like trains, I don't think, but... Sorry. That's not, um, important. How are you?" Peter asked as he slid into the chair in front of Mr. Riddle's desk.

T.M. folded his hands together, leaning on the desk. He quirked a meticulously arched eyebrow. "I'm worried, Pettigrew. And only you can help end my worries."

"C-certainly. What can I do?" Peter said, leaning forward eagerly.

"Tell me about them," T.M. said. "Each and every one. I need to know who they are, Pettigrew. What they love. Who they love. What they _hate_."

"Oh," Peter said. His friends.

Could he do it? Commit the ultimate betrayal? He'd already given names, certainly, but that was just, that was confirming what Mr. Riddle and his people already knew. This... But they hadn't even... They hadn't asked about his summer, not once in all the times he'd been back to Salcombe to visit. They hadn't even given him the _chance_ to do the right thing and come clean by just showing a little, tiny speck of interest in him. And no one at the meeting had even noticed him, really. Not when he was there, not when he spoke, not even when he _left_. He could. He had to. He... he knew what would happen if he didn't, and they--his friends--hadn't given him enough reason to protect them.

"All of them?" Peter asked softly. His friends. "All of the core group?"

T.M. nodded, smiling. "Yes, Pettigrew. The core group. The ones they trust the most, including _them_."

 _Them_. Even Peter, thick as he sometimes was, knew who Mr. Riddle meant. James. Lily. Alice. Frank. Harry and Neville.

"Okay. Well," Peter said, and took a deep breath. He would do it, and he would do it well. When no one talked to you, you had a lot of time to notice things. Peter knew people underestimated him. "Gideon and Fabian. Family is their f-first priority. Each other, but Molly and her kids too. They were so shaken up by the attempted kidnap last week that they instantly promoted Dorcas Meadows into the core group. That's the n-name of the g-girl that saved Charlie."

"Oh? A new one?" T.M. questioned, curiously.

"Y-yes," Peter said. "Dorcas used to be a lesbian, but now she's seeing Edgar Bones. Not that it m-matters. Anyway. Gideon and Fay, I think, love the Order most, as far as things go. And, and family most, in terms of people. They worry a l-lot about their sister. She's always pregnant. And, well, they hate you. I m-mean, they're pretty s-self-explanatory. I, um. I think."

T.M. pursed his lips to refrain from saying something _mean_ to Peter. "Of course," he said quietly. "Gideon and Fabian Prewett. Bane of my existence."

***

"Oi, you bratty little munchkin!" Fabian laughed as Bill squished a blob of play-doh into Fabian's hair. Still smiling, he scooped his nephew up and pulled him onto his lap. "That's a no-no! Now you have to eat it!"

"No, no, Uncle Fabby! It tastes yucky!" Bill squealed and wriggled around. He was almost five now, and a lot bigger than he had been even just months before. Fabian couldn't believe how much all the kids continued to grow. It was unbelievable.

"Mummy!" screamed Charlie, laughing along. "Uncle Fabby is trying to make Bill eat play-doh before dinner!"

"Just don't eat enough to spoil your appetite," Molly called back gamely.

Fay cackled, pulling the remaining goop out of his hair and holding it out to Bill. "Yum, yum, snack time!"

Three-year-old Percy sat in Gideon's lap, squishing blue play-doh between his fingers and squealing. "It's so _icky_ , Uncle Giddy! Will you stick some up your nose?"

Gideon laughed. "I don't think that my nose is a good place to put it, Perce," he said. "But you can put some in your nose if you want."

Percy squealed. "That's too silly."

"Fabian, Gideon, be good," Molly called. "Stop teaching my children rotten things."

Rolling his eyes, Fabian grinned at his brother and then told the three little ones playing with them, "Okay. Just so you know, play-doh is not for eating _or_ sticking up your nose. It is for decorating the carpet."

"Fabian!" Molly scolded from the kitchen.

Gideon snickered, putting Percy on his shoulders. "Sticking it to the ceiling is awfully fun, too. Want to try, Perce?"

"Yes!" Percy said, and clapped his hands. He reached for a bit of play-doh as Gideon handed it to him. "Up Uncle Giddy!"

Gideon obliged and stood, grinning as Molly gave him a dirty look. Percy gleefully stuck the bit of play-doh to the ceiling and laughed, and said, "Now mummy can never get it!"

"Honestly, you two are worse than my toddlers," Molly said, rolling her eyes. "Oh, have either of you got plans for Saturday afternoon? One of Arthur's coworkers is having a barbecue. I'll take Ron because he's still breastfeeding, but I was wondering if you'd be dears and watch the others for a few hours?"

"You know we will," Gideon answered.

"Especially if there's some leftover of whatever you're making now," Fabian said. "Smells fantastic."

"Uncle Fabby, I want to put some on the ceiling too!" Charlie said, clapping his hands.

"Me too!" Bill hollered loudly. That boy was so _loud_. "Me too, me too, me _first_!"

"Okay, okay. Let's go over and put it by Percy's so Mummy only has to put the ladder in one place," Fabian said, winking at Molly.

She just shook her wooden spoon at him and turned back to the stove.

***

"Children," T.M. said quietly. "Are disgusting."

Peter, wisely, said nothing to that. Instead, he muttered, "Uh, and they kicked Elphias Doge out l-last night."

"Why, exactly?" T.M. questioned, sceptical.

"W-well, Elphias has b-been a sort of prat for a wh-while now, and the only reason a-anyone put up with him was because Fabian and him were s-such good mates. But I guess he pissed off Fabian o-one too many times t-too," Peter said. "Elphias said he was such an arse b-because he missed Fabian so much--they u-used to be an, uh, an item--but I followed him to the hospital one day and I th-think his dad is sick o-or something. He hasn't told a-anyone about it, though."

"And he didn't notice you, Pettigrew?" T.M. asked.

"N-no," Peter squeaked. "I swear. And e-even if he did, it was on my way home. I j-just... well, okay. It wasn't so much f-following as it was I h-happened to see him going in while I was w-walking home."

"Better than nothing I suppose," T.M. said dismissively. "And Fabian and this Doge character... they were together, weren't they? At some point?"

"Oh, yes. For, um," Peter quickly calculated. "For I think s-six years. Elphias said he was being such a prat because h-he still loved Fabian and Fabian h-had a new b-b-boyfriend."

T.M. raised his eyebrows. "A new boyfriend?"

"Y-yes," Peter replied. "Caradoc D-Dearbourne. He's in the Order, b-but he's not in the core group. H-he used to be a policeman, but the day he booked Fabian, h-he quit. Now he works at that diner on Burgundy Street."

***

Visiting his father always left Elphias so drained. Especially now that his dad wasn't even conscious most of the time.

Today he was drained for another reason though. Or, rather, a whole host of reasons. The least of which included not sleeping a wink the night before, running all the way up in importance to the most recent mess with Fabian. Really, Elphias should have been expecting it. He should have known what was coming. He knew how he'd been acting lately, and he knew he'd been pissing off nearly everyone he spoke to.

The hardest thing about it was, Fabian had no idea what Elphias was going through. Not his fault, of course. Elphias hadn't told him. He wasn't sure why, exactly. He suspected it was just because Fabian would've understood. He would've been sympathetic, and Elphias felt like sympathy might break him right now.

All summer he'd had a full time job (which had ended yesterday and it was his going away party that had actually made him late for the Order meeting) and two part time jobs to help pay for his father's medical bills. Plus, classes had technically started today, though he'd missed them, and he planned to keep the part time jobs all year. Even when he found the time, he still couldn't sleep.

The only thing he'd had left was Fabian, and as strained as their relationship had been, Elphias had needed it. Perhaps it was selfish, but it was true.

Now, stepping out of the hospital into the bright September sunlight and deciding to walk for a bit before driving back to Kingsbridge, Elphias wondered if maybe he ought to just say fuck school and see if he could get his job back. At least he'd be making money instead of spending it, and it would take a huge strain off of his parents.

"Fuck," he sighed and rubbed his eyes. He needed to get high and relax. With Fabian.

His arms loaded up with food bags, Caradoc kicked the back door of the car shut.

Mile High didn't usually do the delivery thing, but they always wanted to make exceptions for the nurses at the hospital come mid-afternoon. Caradoc, being the newest on staff, always got sent out for the job because he was still learning the ropes with everything else, because dingy and simple a job as it was, Caradoc was shit at it and couldn't even _boil an egg_ to save his life. He proposed that they actually start a delivery service (so that he could be of some use, and the diner could make a little more money) but the owner, Mary, was still rather wary about it all.

Caradoc shifted the food parcels, trying to see where he was going, and nearly walked into the other man without realizing who it was.

"Oh, sorry there," he said, and then noticing it was Elphias, stiffened a bit. He didn't say anything else, but he didn't keep walking either.

Elphias regarded Caradoc with a look of tired disdain before he sighed and shrugged. "Don't worry about it. If I weren't so tired, I might swear at you a bit, but looks like you're getting off easy today."

Caradoc smiled slightly, and, sucking up his own dislike for Elphias, tried to be reasonable for Fabian's sake despite the fact that Fabian wasn't even there. "You look a little worn. Trouble sleeping?"

"You could say that," Elphias replied. And because he thought anger would be easier to deal with than Caradoc's forced politeness, he decided to just rip off the band-aid in one sharp movement and say it out loud. "You know, you don't have to be nice to me anymore. Fabian's told me to sod off. For good this time, I believe. So you can quit biting your tongue."

"I don't really have anything to say to you, to be honest," Caradoc said. "I mean, you were a wank the other week, but generally Fay has had nothing but great things to say about you." Caradoc paused. "I could be rude and spiteful for the sake of it, but what'll that accomplish really?"

Mature, good-looking, frank. Elphias supposed he could see what Fabian saw in the fellow. Not as though that made him feel any better. It was big of him to not indulge in the opportunity for petty insults Elphias had offered him, but Elphias could still not quite find it in himself to apologize for his behaviour.

Instead, Elphias leaned back against the brick wall behind him and shut his eyes, replying with, "I suppose it wouldn't accomplish much of anything. Though I'm not sure if I believe it. The bit about you not having anything to say to me. I would, if I were you."

"So now you're trying to poke me into doing it?" Caradoc asked. "You're just looking for a reason to hate me, aren't you?"

"I don't need to look," Elphias answered, opening his eyes and offering Caradoc a tight smile. "I've already got a reason to hate you, if I want it."

"If you want it?" Caradoc asked. "As in you're not quite sure if you want to hate me, but if the situation ever arises where someone hating me is needed, you'll be prepared?"

"Something like that," Elphias answered and tried not to smile for real. It was amusing in a pathetic sort of way when he put it like that. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

Caradoc quirked an eyebrow. "The grease-spotted paper bags, and my sexy stained apron aren't a dead giveaway?"

"I suppose it doesn't matter if you answer or not. I was only pretending to be interested."

Caradoc shook his head. "Call it an observation if you will, but acting like a dick isn't going to improve your situation with Fabian or anyone else. I mean, you don't have to give two shits about me, but I mean, you've known Fay since you were seven or something."

"And what, pray tell, would you know about 'my situation', Caradoc the artist?" Elphias snapped. "Very little, if I may presume to answer my own question."

"Oh, fuck off," Caradoc said. "Standing about hospital car parks with your nose up your arse." Caradoc blinked. "What are _you_ doing here, come to think of that?"

"Visiting my father," Elphias snarled. "He's dying, or did you already know that little tidbit about 'my situation'?"

Caradoc blanched. "Have you told Fabian that?"

"No, I haven't," Elphias said coldly. "And I'll thank you not to either. It's none of your business. It's none of _anyone's_ business."

"Right. Well, I have to deliver this," Caradoc said, moving to edge past Elphias and into the building. "And I won't say anything, obviously," he added. "But you really should."

"And you should really go fuck yourself," Elphias retorted, and then reached out and up-ended Caradoc's cardboard flat of food bags. "Have a _great_ day."

"You dirty son-of-a-bitch!" Caradoc exclaimed. "Fuck this trying to be nice bullshit!" Caradoc snapped, and drew back, hitting Elphias hard between the eyes.

Elphias _felt_ the cartilage in his nose crunch, though he was pretty sure the bone hadn't broken. The blood started to run down his face, wetting his lips and dripping off of his chin. He sprayed a little of it in Caradoc's direction as he spoke.

"Hey, thanks," he said with a smile. "Pain is even more distracting than anger. See you around, Caradoc the artist."

***

"So he's not in the 'Order' anymore, but clearly there are a lot of mixed feelings swimming about," T.M. commented idly. "What _drama_! Delicious. Now, Pettigrew. McKinnon. What about her?"

"She's, uh, she's dating Stubby Boardman," Peter stammered. "For o-over a year now. Almost two, I think. But there's s-something with Gideon... they d-don't hardly ever look at each other, and e-everyone thinks they're the b-best of friends, b-but... I was l-looking at Gideon's o-old yearbook and they dated all through high school. A-and when they danced together at James and Lily's wedding, Gideon s-said... I o-overheard... He proposed to her. Not then. A while ago, but he's still hung up."

"Oh _really_? Now that is something," T.M. said, smiling. "And is she still hung up on him as well?"

"She says she isn't," Peter answered, shrugging. "But i-if you watch closely--and I do--I think she s-still loves him too."

***

Molly had sent Gideon out of the house on strict orders to bring home cheese, sugar, flour and macaroni. He kept repeating the needed items to himself, so he wouldn't forget, and hadn't bothered to drive either, but walked instead, despite the fact that taking the van would've been quicker.

A bell dinged as the door opened, and Gideon looked around. Having worked at this particular supermarket up until two years ago, Gideon knew it inside and out, and, providing he could remember what Molly wanted, he could find it all in a split second.

Heading toward the dairy section and wishing Molly had written things down, Gideon suddenly stopped in his tracks. His heart skipped a beat. It didn't matter that he'd only seen her yesterday. Every time he saw Marlene, even when she was looking at sandwich meat, she took his breath away.

Sighing, Marlene dropped the salami into her basket. Pre-cut meat was so expensive, but she was lazy and without it she never bothered to make herself lunch. As she turned to head to the bread aisle, she spotted Gideon, standing there and staring at her.

Her first instinct was to grin and go to him, and a split-second later, after she'd taken that first step, she reminded herself it wasn't on to look so pleased about running into him. Still, they were friends--or they were supposed to be, at any rate--and so she smiled at him and approached.

"Hey Gid," she said, keeping her voice casual. "How're things?"

Gideon swallowed and tried to act indifferent. "Good, good. Just picking up a few things for Mols. How're you?"

"Fine. Shopping. Food is so expensive," she answered with a shrug. Things were so messed up between them now. Ever since the wedding, really, because Gideon had to go and get sentimental about the whole thing, and now everything just felt as awkward as after they'd broken up the first time and Gideon had started sleeping around. Marlene had been a wreck then.

Marlene would never be sure what made her say it, but she half-smiled, half-winced up at Gideon and said, "You know, I ran into Penelope Taylor the other day. She's looking good. Have you seen her lately?"

"Yea, I saw her at the liquidation centre the other day," Gideon answered. "Her little fellow is cute, eh?" he added sadly.

"Yeah. Darling little thing, isn't he? Her kid, I mean. She looks happy," Marlene said, and idly reached for something off the shelf to distract her. She stared blankly at the label of a jar of pickled herring for a moment and tried not to think about how she might look with Gideon's ring on her finger and his child in her arms. Then, because she felt guilty for entertaining thoughts like that, she reminded Gideon (and herself) of Stubby by asking, "Oh, the Hobbled Gordons are putting on a show this weekend. Are you going?"

Gideon shrugged noncommittally. "I'll probably be watching the nephews," he said. "And it's not like I haven't heard them play a million times."

"Oh. Well. Supposedly some guy from a label based out of London is coming," Marlene said idly. "It might be their big break. You should come. I'll be there."

"Is that supposed to be incentive?" Gideon asked quietly.

The jar of pickled herring slipped from suddenly slack fingers and fell into her basket, clacking harmlessly, if loudly, against her cans of soup. She hated that Gideon could make her brain stop and her stomach clench with six softly spoken words. Swallowing, she forced a bright smile and picked up the herring, putting it back on the shelf.

"Well, they are your friends," she said calmly, as though she'd misunderstood his comment. "The idea of them maybe getting signed ought to make you excited for them. And anyway, the more people there the better, really."

Gideon took a deep breath. "I've been finding it hard to be excited for anyone lately, to be honest with you."

Gideon was falling into a sort of depression. He had been since the wedding, putting on a brave outer exterior and carrying on with the Order and family and work like he knew he had to. But he spent most of his alone time curled up in his room, rarely sleeping, staring off into space, wondering what the hell was wrong with him. Fabian spent his spare time with Caradoc, and Molly was so preoccupied with her brood that they never seemed to notice. Not that Gideon wanted them to. They didn't know about Marlene. They didn't know how hard it was to keep forcing himself out of bed everyday for the sake of everyone else, not giving a shit about himself.

Hestia called sometimes. She seemed persistent, and he humoured her, hoping that seeing someone else would be good for him. But it was tiring, even though she was patient. And when she did call, she managed to get him to talk. If nothing else she was his confidant, and he could appreciate someone caring enough about him to make him deal with his problems.

But he just couldn't seem to let go of Marlene.

"I guess you just have to try harder then," Marlene said, raising her eyebrows at Gideon. After hesitating a moment, she asked, "Gid, are you all right?"

Gideon chewed on the inside of his mouth. "Yea... I mean. Well. I dunno. I'm fine."

"If you say so," she said, but it was obvious Marlene was _not_ convinced. She did still love Gideon. Just because they weren't together didn't mean she didn't want him to be happy. She did. Sighing, she put her hand on his arm and squeezed a little. "I'd better get back to my shopping, but just... take care of yourself, okay?" she said, and then leaned up on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek.

Gideon, for one brief moment, felt years of happiness wash over his face, and the world was suddenly a bright, wonderful place. Then, as Marlene stood on the flats of her feet again, and walked away, Gideon's heart plummeted to his shoes and he felt his eyes well up, and he hoped to _God_ that she wouldn't look back and see him like this.

***

"A-anyway, she won't admit it t-to Gideon if she does," Peter continued. "And he's started s-seeing Hestia Jones in the m-meantime. She's not part of the Order, though. Did a short stint a few years ago, but h-her parents forbade her to participate anymore a-after she got c-caught."

"Still a name to remember," T.M. said thoughtfully. "Hang on. You said something about lesbians a while ago?"

"Oh, uh. Yeah," Peter answered. "That'd be D-Dorcas Meadows. She u-used to be a l-l-lesbian."

" _Used_ to be a lesbian?" T.M. questioned.

"Y-y-yes. Or, well. She s-said she was," Peter tried to explain. "Everyone was r-really shocked--well, except for Sirius--when she showed up t-to the meeting with Edgar."

"Edgar Bones... his sister runs the Kingsbridge society, yes?" T.M. inquired.

"Yes. His older sister Amelia," Peter stammered, nodding. "I don't know much a-about her, except that she runs the Kingsbridge Conservation Society and her n-na-name comes up sometimes at the meetings. Edgar also has a brother named Jon. He's married and he h-has a young daughter just a little older th-than Harry, I think."

"Right, right. And Bones was the one that Bellatrix came across before, yes?" T.M. asks. "Brutal man, really."

***

"You know, I think you must be really good at that, Bonesie, because I like sex with you even better than I ever did with any girls," Dorcas mumbled, curling up against him and enjoying the warm, skin-against-skin feeling. She idly tickled his nipple with a lock of her own bright red hair.

Edgar chuckled. "Oh yeah?" he asked. "And what do you like about it most?"

"Lots of things. Like having your big cock inside of me," Dorcas said as plainly as if she were reporting on the weather, and then ruined it by sneaking a look to see if her dirty words had shocked him at all. They hadn't. "Mostly just that it's _you_ , though."

"Aw, Dorcas, are you being soppy?" Edgar teased. "Do you like having sex with me because you _loooooooove_ me?"

"You're such an idiot," Dorcas said, and dropped the piece of hair in favour of tweaking his nipple between her thumb and forefinger and twisting a little. Not enough to bruise, but enough to make Ed jolt.

It worked, and Edgar gave her a look. "That's not a very nice thing to do to the man you _looooove_ ," he singsonged, grinning.

"Oh, no? How about this, is this something nice to do to the man I love?" she breathed and slid her hand down between his legs, squeezing a little.

Edgar laughed and moaned at the same time and it sounded sort of like a hiccup. "You just like to make a sensation, don't you?"

"Of fucking course I do. Nice to see you've at least _met_ the girl you _love_ ," she teased right back, sliding her hand up and down. "How long do you think before you're ready for another go?"

Edgar's cock came to full attention, and he said, with a snort, "Whenever you are, Princess."

"Wicked. And I get to top this time," she said, sitting up and moving to straddle his hips. She leaned forward and reached for the condoms in the bedside drawer, not minding one little bit that the position put her chest pretty much right in Ed's face.

Edgar didn't mind either, and caught a nipple between his lips, sucking gently.

Dorcas let her eyes flutter shut for a moment so she could properly enjoy it, before scooting away down the bed.

"Do you think I can put it on with my _teeth_ , Bonesie?"

Edgar quirked an eyebrow. "You could sure try," he said.

***

"So. Uh. Who've we c-covered s-so far?" Peter asked. "Gideon and Fabian. A-and Marlene. And Elphias. Dorcas and E-Edgar. Oh! And Caradoc, a-almost forgot him. Um. Who would you like to k-know about n-next?

"The Potters," T.M. said simply.

"Oh," Peter said. "James and Lily and Harry." It was real now. It was personal. It was people he'd known for ages, and he wondered if this weird, heady feeling making him dizzy was hysteria or something. "Well, James and Lily are b-both o-obsessed with Harry. I mean, he's all they talk about. Aside from each other. So."

"Their son, that is, right? _Harry_?" T.M. shook his head. "What an ugly name."

"It's after James' grandfather. One of his grandfathers i-is named James, and the other is named Harry. Or Harold. Or s-something," Peter said, shrugging.

***

Lily opened the door quietly, silently praying that James had set Harry down for bed early and was waiting for her. Her hormones had been all over the place for her afternoon out with Hestia, Emmeline and Alice, and now she was tired, horny, and while she loved Harry to pieces, certainly didn't want to hear him cry.

Walking into the living room, she was stopped in her tracks by the sight of James asleep on the couch, Harry sleeping on his chest.

She tiptoed over to them and turning off the telly as she passed it. She took Harry carefully off of James and into her arms, and headed upstairs to set him in his crib. He didn't so much as sniffle one way or another. Coming back down the stairs, Lily took off her clothes piece by piece and then made her way back to the couch and James.

Straddling him completely naked, she bent down and kissed him.

"Mmm," James mumbled sleepily, automatically returning the kiss. Disoriented, he slurred a little as he asked, "Do I have time for a quickie before work, Lils?"

"I'm already ready to go," Lily answered softly.

Eyes fluttering open, James looked at her face first, and then down at the rest of her, and then back up at her face, grinning widely. His pulse quickened and he leaned up for another kiss, sliding his hands around her waist and then down over her arse.

"I bloody love you," he growled, kissing down her neck as he spoke. "There's no one else in the whole sodding world for me but you. I don't know what I'd ever do without you."

"Get laid less," Lily mumbled, sucking his earlobe.

"I'd be miserable without you, you know that. You and Harry are my life," he said, pulling her hips down and pushing his up. "Though, I must admit, I doubt many men have wives as sexy and awesome as mine who'll get naked and wake their hubbies up with a kiss after a Friday afternoon nap. Oh, hang on, where's Harry?"

"In his crib, sound asleep," Lily answered, reaching between them to undo James trousers.

"Good. Great. Sex time. Time for sex," James mumbled. "I talk too much. And am entirely too clothed. I love you, sexy wife."

***

"They'll hate one another in 10 years," T.M. said absently. "Those sorts of relationships never last."

Peter disagreed. He thought, well, he thought they'd be together forever. He wanted a girl like Lily. He wished he were more like James.

"Uh, right," Peter said. "So. Um. D'you want t-to know anything else about them, o-or should I tell you about s-someone else?"

"Black and Lupin," T.M. instructed, waving his hand. "They're an unlikely pair, aren't they?"

"Er, well. I g-guess," Peter said. "They have a flat together. It's a one-bedroom. Sirius' b-brother Regulus slept on th-their couch all summer."

"So they're _together_ together then, you mean?" T.M. asked.

"Y-yes. Since the summer before the y-year we g-graduated," Peter answered, blushing.

"Oh _well_ then," T.M. said, smiling. "They're practically married themselves!"

***

"Sirius! That's _absolutely_ disgusting!" Remus scolded, wrinkling his nose at the pile of dishes he'd just discovered under Sirius' side of the bed. "How long have these been there? There's _mold_. Revolting."

Sirius shrugged. "I dunno. I don't really keep track," he said, standing in the doorway. "Should I _not_ keep dirty dishes under the bed?"

"Of course you shouldn't. You should wash them and put them back in the cupboard," Remus said sternly. "Or at the very least, rinse them and leave them in the sink."

Sirius screwed up his face. "That's a lot of work."

"That's _life_ , Sirius," Remus said, frustrated. "That's what being an adult _means_."

Sirius approached Remus and slid his arms tentatively around Remus' waist. "But I don't _want_ to _be_ an adult."

"Oh, don't you?" Remus said, frowning. He removed Sirius' arms from around his waist and replied. "That's too bad. Only adults get to have sex, you know. Especially as I am an adult who washes his own dishes and you are a child who does _not_. It would, in fact, be illegal to have sex. Statutory rape. Wash your moldy dishes, Sirius."

"Hey, now, that's not fair!" Sirius exclaimed. "Are the dishes really that big of a deal?"

"It isn't just about _dishes_ , Sirius," Remus sighed. It had been a long day at work and Remus, to say the least, was not in a good mood. (He had been assigned to teaching the basic computer and internet skills course the library offered every so often, and there had been a couple snot nosed kids in the group who had driven him up the wall.) While he wasn't intentionally taking it out on Sirius, he knew that had a lot to do with how annoyed and worked up he was getting. "It's about being responsible, independent adults."

"Remus," Sirius said frankly, "I mean. I've _never_ been responsible. You knew that before we ever starting going out."

"Perhaps, but I really don't think it's too much to ask that you don't leave dishes around our bedroom to get moldy," Remus insisted, sitting down in one of the chairs at their kitchen table and pinching the bridge of his nose. Pressure headache.

Sirius walked behind Remus and started massaging his shoulders. "Don't take life so seriously. It's just dishes."

"That feels good," Remus murmured, letting his head fall back a little so he could look up at an upside-down Sirius. "Are you trying to distract me so you don't have to do your dishes?"

Sirius grinned. "That depends. Is it working?"

"You're washing them later. No arguments," Remus insisted, melting into Sirius' hands. He had a feeling _he'd_ end up being the one who scraped the fuzzy leftover bits of pepperoni pizza into the garbage before filling the sink with soapy water, but he didn't really mind. He was used to it. Sirius did other things for him that made washing dishes worth it.

Sirius slid his fingers into Remus' hair and rubbed his temples. Leaning forward he whispered in his ear, "You seem stressed. Would you like me to help you relieve some of your _tension_?"

Remus let out a soft, needy sort of noise that he hoped Sirius would take to be _yes_ before turning his head to catch Sirius' mouth in a kiss.

Sirius laughed against Remus' lips and walked around the chair, straddling Remus, kissing his neck.

"I love you," Remus whispered into Sirius' hair. He wrapped his arms around Sirius and pulled the warm, comforting body a little closer. "So much."

***

"Anyhow. Thorns in my side at any rate," T.M. said with a sigh. "What else is there, Pettigrew?"

"Well, uh," Peter started, thinking fast.

Remus, unlike the others, Peter did feel a bit of loyalty to. Sure, they all liked Remus loads better than they liked Peter, but Remus couldn't help that. Remus had always been nice to him. Remus had always treated him considerately, even when Peter got freaked about the needles thing and about the, well, the _gay_ thing. Even then, Remus had always stood up for him and treated him like a friend. He didn't want to get Remus in trouble with Mr. Riddle. So he tried to think fast.

"Well, uh, James didn't tell Sirius there was a spy, even though the Prewetts told James. He s-said it w-wasn't because he didn't trust him, but I think things have changed a little now between James and S-Sirius. Now that James is m-married and has a f-family. They're not quite a-as close as they were," Peter rambled, coming as close to lying to Mr. Riddle as he ever had. He was stretching, grasping at straws, and he hoped it didn't show. "I-I-I, um, I mean, James maybe c-could be made to think Sirius was the spy. No one w-would ever believe it if s-something happened to Remus, b-b-because everyone knows Sirius would do an-anything to keep Remus safe and happy. But if R-Remus was left out of it, y-you might have a s-s-scapegoat."

T.M. quirked an interested eyebrow. "In other words, Pettigrew, you want Lupin left out of this and Black to take all the blame. I take it he's the bigger bastard?"

Peter blushed and slouched down a little in the chair, wiping his sweaty palms on his thighs. "Uh, well. Yes. But th-that doesn't mean it i-isn't a good idea!" he insisted vehemently, his backbone making a rare appearance.

Laughing slightly, T.M. said, "Well enough. I suppose I owe you that much Pettigrew. We won't touch Lupin."

"Thank y-you, Mr. Riddle. Uh, s-sir," Peter said gratefully. "I, uh. Is there anyone else?"

"You know better than I, Pettigrew," T.M. answered.

"R-right," Peter mumbled. So he'd covered the Prewetts, the Potters, Sirius and Remus, Dorcas and Edgar, Marlene, Elphias, and Caradoc. Who else... oh! "Frank and Alice Longbottom! Well, a-and Neville of course. Their son."

"Yes, yes. The other teen pregnancy. What about them?" T.M. asked.

"They've been d-dating since before East Portlemouth. Frank and Alice, I m-mean. They're s-sort of perfect," Peter said, frowning. "There's n-nothing really extraordinary a-about them, I don't think, except m-maybe that they're v-very Christian. They g-go to Church every single Sunday, all t-together as a family."

"They're very Christian, and yet the little wifey was knocked up before marriage? That's interesting," T.M. commented. "They're not as wholesome as they'd like to think they are, hmm?"

"I th-think they're just so settled with one another that th-they come up with some weird i-interpretations of Christianity," Peter said, shrugging. "I m-mean, they said marriage was just sort of an, um, a formality because th-they knew in their 'eternal souls' that God meant f-for them to be together or something. Whatever th-that means."

***

"... and for the food we're about to receive, amen," Frank said, and then looked up at Alice smiling. He squeezed her hand. "It looks fabulous honey bear," he said. "And what's Nevvie dining on tonight?"

"The same thing he always dines on, silly," Alice said, leaning over to kiss Frank affectionately. "But he'll be happy to just sit and watch us, won't you Nevvie-pie? Mummy fed him while the sauce was simmering and the pasta was boiling."

Neville gurgled and Frank smiled. "He's getting so big already," he said, taking a bite of his supper. "Hard to believe we ever made him sometimes."

"He's going to be a strong little thing, isn't he?" Alice mused, smiling down at Neville, who was nestled in his car seat at her feet so she could rock him with her foot while she ate. "Just think, it won't be long before he's crawling and walking and talking. I just can't wait to know what's going on in that little head of his. I'm sure he's the smartest little guy there ever was."

"Of course he is," Frank said. "He'll be just like his mummy, bright as a button." He winked.

"You're too sweet, Frankie," Alice said, smiling. She didn't think she could ever be happier than she was with her life the way it was going. Things weren't perfect, perhaps, but they were wonderful anyway.

The phone rang then and Alice got quickly to her feet. "Enjoy your dinner, sweetie. I'll get it. You worked hard all day," she chirped before heading to the kitchen to pick it up. "Hello?"

"Alice, _darling_ ," said Augusta Longbottom on the other line. "I do hope I'm not interrupting anything important?"

"Augusta, hello," Alice said warmly, though she turned to make a bit of a face at Frank. Alice, believe it or not, just could not handle Frank's mother. "Actually, Frankie and I just sat down for dinner."

"Oh! Well I hope you said grace then," said Augusta warningly. "We wouldn't want your dinner tainted in the eyes of God now, would we?"

"Of course we said grace, Augusta. We always do," Alice said politely. "Was there something you wanted? I'm not trying to be rude, do forgive me. I just don't want dinner to get cold."

"Oh, no, I was just ringing up to see if you were doing alright with my grandson. Hasn't choked on anything, has he? And you haven't dropped him? You haven't forgotten to feed him have you, because feeding Neville is far more important that feeding yourself, Alice," Augusta said.

"No, Augusta, I haven't _forgotten_ to _feed_ my _son_ ," Alice said, trying very hard to keep her voice light, but quickly losing her patience. She hated that Frank's mother obviously thought so little of her, especially because nothing Alice ever did seemed to change her mind. "Neville is fine. Not choking, never dropped, and totally fine. In fact, Frankie and I were just talking about how big he's getting and how smart he's going to be."

"Well, providing he pays attention to his father," Augusta commented. "And I still can't figure out why you named him _Neville_ of all things. Frank Jr. would've been a much smarter choice."

Alice felt her muscles stiffen and she turned so her back was facing Frank and he wouldn't see the expression on her face. She knew he felt terible whenever his mother upset her, no matter how many times Alice told him it wasn't his fault. While Alice didn't quite feel up to replying to the most hurtful part of Augusta's comment, she did (rather tersely) reply, "Neville is a distinguished, beautiful old-fashioned name, and Frank and I chose it _together_."

Augusta sighed. "Yes, yes," she said. "Filling my son's head with nonsense as usual, Alice. Next you'll be telling me that you and my sweet Frank sat down and decided to have a baby together."

"Augusta, I do not fill your son's head with anything, and I don't know why you can't show me at least a modicum of respect," Alice said, her voice wavering with emotion. "Frank and I love each other very much and I work very hard to be a good mother. I don't know what else to do to make you _like_ me."

"Alice, _honestly_. You _do_ go on so, and I wish you had just a touch of respect for your elders. I have far more experience in the world, and while I won't presume myself to be 'Super Mum' I _certainly_ know my son better than you do. Trapping him into a relationship with a _baby_ , as though no one could see through intentions..."

"I wouldn't!" Alice snapped, tears gathering in her eyes. "Augusta, I would _never_ , and it isn't _fair_ of you to think things like that of me!"

Frank, unable to ignore what was happening (no matter how hard Alice tried to hide it), got up from the table and walked over to her, taking the phone away before his mother had a chance to say anything else. No matter what he told her, Augusta Longbottom simply thought his wife was horrible and everything else, and how _anyone_ could think that of Alice was beyond him. "Go eat, sweetie. I'll talk to mum." Holding the receiver to his ear, Frank said, "Mum, I don't know what you said to Alice, but you've really got to stop."

"Frank, honey, you _know_ how she gets, flipping out at my for every little thing," Augusta replied. "I don't know where she gets her ideas."

"I don't know where _you_ get your ideas, Mum," Frank said, shooting a worried look at Alice. While he hadn't yet directly witnessed Augusta being terrible to Alice and he didn't know what exactly she said (Alice held back the worst of it, he was sure), he'd seen Alice upset enough times to know that his Mum had put Alice firmly on her list of people not worth treating like people, and Frank _knew_ how she treated the people on that list. "You're my mother and I love you, but she's my _wife_ , and you treat her horribly. We've _talked_ about this."

"I don't treat her any such way!" Augusta exclaimed. "And I _am_ your mother, and I brought you into this world _Frank_ , and surely you know better than anyone that I'd never intentionally hurt anyone's feelings," she continued. "Especially darling Alice's. She's such a sweet thing."

"Frank, don't," Alice said softly. "I don't want to cause problems."

Frank just shook his head. He was sick of it. No one got to hurt Alice. "She is. She's the sweetest woman I've ever met, Mum, and she's sitting at the dinner table--which was ready and waiting for me when I got home from work, by the way, even though she was taking care of Neville on her own all day--with tears in her eyes because of something _you_ said. You don't know her. You've never even _tried_ to get to know her. Don't you try and tell me she's making it up, because I know she's not."

"Believe what you want, Frank," Augusta said. "But mark my words, her true colours'll shine through eventually when you want more children and she refuses, or she starts making you wash your own dishes."

"If that ever happens, Mother, I'll make the effort to sit down and find out _why_ she doesn't want more kids, and then I'll offer to do the dishes myself so she won't have to make me," Frank said. "I love her, and she's here to stay. Get used to it, and start treating her properly. From now on, I'm going to give you about as much respect as you give her."

"Frank," Alice whispered, staring with wide eyes. Frank _never_ spoke to his mother like that. Neville started fussing a little, so Alice picked him up and started rocking him on her lap instead, the distraction stopping her from saying anything more. Despite what Augusta thought, Neville always came first.

"Frank! Show your mother some respect!" Augustus exclaimed. "I brought you into this world and I could just as soon take you out of it!"

Frank blinked, and then snorted. "Could you now. Look, you're interrupting the dinner my wife went to all the trouble to make, and you're upsetting my son. Good night, Mother."

At that, Frank hung up without even giving his mother a chance to respond. He'd had _enough_. He walked over and kissed Alice on the cheek before sitting back down. "Sorry about that, love."

"Frankie, you didn't have to do that," Alice whispered.

"I know, sweets,' Frank answered, "But there is a line, and she crossed it. I just can't stand to see you so upset. What on _earth_ did she say to you?"

"Oh, it doesn't matter," Alice said dismissively. "What matters is that I have my husband at my side. Thank you."

"Always and forever, honey buns," Frank said with a smile, picking up his fork. "Now lets eat before we've got to bother with the microwave."

***

"Uh, anyway. I guess that's all there is t-to say about th-them," Peter mumbled. He didn't really know Frank or Alice that well. "Uh, who, who... Oh! Right. Emmeline. E-Emmeline Vance."

"I haven't heard much about her yet at all," T.M. said. "So do tell."

"She's p-pretty quiet," Peter said, shrugging. "Artsy. She d-does a lot of photography. She's b-been published a few times, and h-had a couple pictures put up at th-the community centre. Sh-she's dating Leroy Toggles. He's i-in the Hobbled Gordons with Stubby Boardman, Marlene's b-boyfriend. S-Sirius always makes f-fun of her because she and Leroy h-haven't, well, you know. Done it yet." Peter's voice cracked and he cleared his throat before continuing. He was an adult. He shouldn't get nervous when talking about, well. About, you know. Sex. "B-but Leroy doesn't s-seem to mind. They're q-quite serious now."

T.M. tried not to laugh. "I see. But she's been involved in a lot of their protests, hasn't she? Little blonde girl with the weird nose?"

"Er, b-blonde-ish, I guess. Dark blonde," Peter said, and then blinked. "I mean, yes. That's h-her. You're r-right. She's q-quite active. She's the r-reason Bellatrix g-got arrested for p-possession that one time."

"Oh _really_? Well then. I guess she's all brains, no mouth, hmm?"

***

Emmeline loved being in the dark room. Especially at times like this, when it was empty save for Leroy, who accompanied her sometimes. That way, they could make out in peace under the red light, strings of drying pictures hanging from the ceiling around them.

It was around dinnertime on a Friday, and even though the dark room was available for anyone who was part of the Salcombe Community Centre Photography Club to use, Emmeline knew all the times most likely to be empty. (Friday afternoons, Sunday mornings, Tuesday at lunch when there were free sandwiches in one of the conference rooms up the hall).

As soon as her photos were dry, her and Leroy would be going to pick up some take out and watch movies at his house. It was sort of a tradition, unless the Hobbled Gordons had a Friday night show.

Pulling out of the kiss, Emmeline asked softly, "Up for curry tonight?"

"Mmm, sounds good to me babe," Leroy answered, running his fingers through her hair. "We haven't had that since that time we went out with Stubby and Marlene."

"We have been rather in a Chinese or pizza sort of rut, haven't we?" she asked, smiling. "Do you have anything in mind as far as movies?"

"Nah, whatever you want is fine," Leroy said, and kissed her nose. "I love you, you know. I never feel like I tell you enough."

"I love you too. And I don't mind. I mean, we both know it," Emmeline said, smiling tracing her fingers gently along one of the tattoos on Leroy's arm. "I don't feel like I need you to remind all the time. I don't forget."

Leroy grinned. "I'm gonna marry you. Have I told you that lately?"

"No, actually," Emmeline said, a little surprised, but in a pleased sort of way. They'd been together for over a year now. It was sort of natural progression, she thought, though they never really talked about it. They never really talked about much, after all.

Leroy licked his lips. "And what if I asked?"

"I might say yes, but we've got to wait until I'm at least twenty to get married," she answered with a smile. Was he really asking?

"I can wait," Leroy said. "I'm a patient man. If you're saying yes, of course."

"I'm saying yes," she whispered, leaning in to kiss Leroy again. She though maybe, now that they were actually engaged, she could make a teensy bit of an exception on her 'no sex before marriage' rule. If they were engaged to be married, that was pretty close, and anyway, Emmeline was dead curious about it all. Everyone made such a big deal about sex. "And you already have been patient."

"You haven't really let me finish," Leroy said, swallowing hard. "I mean, I would really like to see where that thought is going, but can I give you something first?"

"Of course," Emmeline answered, and for as calm as she always seemed to be, her heart sort of felt like it was in her throat. Sure, maybe she had a pretty good idea of what he was going to give her, but it wasn't every day a girl got engaged.

Leroy reached into his pocket and pulled out a box. "For the record, when I met you, I decided I wanted to marry you. I've kind of been... saving up for this since then." He opened it. "So will you?"

"Yes, I will," Emmeline breathed and held out her hand for him to put the ring on. It wasn't anything exceptional. It didn't have an enormous, glittery diamond or anything like that. But it was nice. From what Emmeline could see (red light wasn't the best for scrutinizing details as small as rings), it was a band with a vine winding around it, and a small stone of some sort nestled artfully between two leaves. She'd never seen an engagement ring quite like it, but it was perfect. "It's beautiful."

"You're beautiful," Leroy said quietly, and put the empty box back in his pocket. He kissed her softly, and then rested his forehead against hers. "Now," he said, and bit his lip. "What were you saying?"

Emmeline had always been economic with her words, and when she spoke, she spoke with purpose. Smiling, she asked him bluntly, "Do you want to go into the light proof room and have sex?"

"Are you sure?" Leroy asked. "Like... really? I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you into anything."

"Leroy," she said softly and put her hand on his face. "I suggested it. I'm sure."

"Okay," Leroy said, trying not to sound too excited.

Emmeline, understandably, knew how to read Leroy by now, and she could tell he was eager. She giggled and pulled him by his belt loops towards the revolving door that would take them into the light proof room.

She rather thought it was fitting that she was going to lose her virginity in a dark room on a Friday afternoon. Neither her nor Leroy had ever really been the type to hold out on the account of pomp or circumstance anyway.

***

"That's it then?" T.M. asked. "That's the core group?"

"Yeah," Peter sighed softly, hanging his head. Well, it was done. "That's it."

"And we have all of their personal information?" T.M. crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back in his chair.

"Er, a-as much as I c-could think of. If I th-think of any more, I'll, uh, email it to you," Peter assured him. Right now, he just wanted out of that office.

"Fine, fine," T.M. said. "Get out then. We'll be in touch when the plan goes in action. We're not done with you yet, Pettigrew."

"I know," Peter mumbled as he stumbled out of the chair and towards the doo, but his brain was whirring. Plan? What plan? Did he already have a plan? Was it terrible? Not that mattered. What was done was done.

"Send Bellatrix in if she's still out there," T.M. added. "We need to schedule a press conference for the Death Eaters."

"The, the, the, the what? Who?" Peter asked, and then realized it was none of his business. If he needed to know, he'd have been told. "Never mind. Yes. Of course. Bye, sir."

With that, Peter scurried out to do Mr. Riddle's bidding.

As Peter shut the door behind him, T.M. smirked to himself and reached for the paperweight on his desk. It was a cleverly hidden tape recorder, and T.M. turned it off. Bellatrix stepped into the office then, malicious smile mirroring her boss'.

"He was practically ready to jump through the ceiling, Tommy," she said. "I trust he gave you what we needed?"

T.M. held up the recorder. "That and more. Time to call in the troops, my darling Bella," he said. "We've got them in a corner. They won't know what hit them."


End file.
